Part TWO of two:
(Door #7: the dog-bone raises and the doors separate)
(Door #6: a Dutch double-door. You open the top and fall over the
bottom)
(Door #5: Just to spite you, it's a window.)
(Door #4: it's a garage door. You have to open it manually)
(Door #3: "The Complete Works of David Eddings"... flame works well)
(Door #2: It's a wardrobe. You open the door... but no Narnia)
(Door #1: a vault door; after it shuts again, it effectively keeps you
inside)
(Mike entered the theater, carrying Tom. Tom was placed in the fourth
seat from the right, as Mike sat next to him. After that was Joel, and
Crow sat in the far right seat.)
It just didn't look like it was gonna last for long. Duo finally gave
out a sigh of defeat, and put his hands up.
Crow <Duo, singing> I'm putting my hands in the air... I'm waving them...
*yawn*... like I just don't care....
Joel <Duo>: But ONLY if I get a million dollars for this, Heero! Chris
Elliot promised it!
"Oh well, if I gotta do it, then I gotta do it...LITERALLY!" said Duo,
and with that was dashed upstairs by an over-ecstatic Heero to Quatre's
room.
Mike: So, Quatre's quarters?
Tom: Why not? I once stayed in Sweet's suite.
Mike: [shudders] Uggh, I'm not even gonna ask.
Why Quatre's room, you ask?
Joel: The fic assumes too much methinks.
Mike: Because it's closer to the refrigerator?
Tom: The flashing neon sign above the bed saying, "Home of the Whopper"?
Well, with all the fun Quatre and Trowa have, they've gotta have a
well-stocked room!!!!
Tom: Quatre's been featured in many Trowa pictures, hasn't he? Like Toxic
Crusader and Cannibal the Musical, along with Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD?
Crow: Snakes and Ladders as far as the eye can see!
Mike <Duo>: I wanna be the thimble! I call the thimble!
Joel <Heero>: No way, dude! You can be the shoe!
TBC<
Tom: Y! TCBY!
NYQUIL DOOM
Chapter 2
Mike: The Return of the Evil Snifflies.
disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NYQUIL!!! well, I own a bottle of it, but that's
as far as it goes... also ,I DO NOT own GundamW, even though I want to
VERY MUCH!!!
Joel: And if she hired herself as a scriptwriter...
they both belong to their owners... who over they are.... ^.^
-----------------------------------------------------
Tom: The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah...
"Heero," said Duo as he was carried up the stairs, "Are you sure
you're in control of yourself, and it's not just the Nyquil talking??"
Joel <Heero>: Gee, maybe you're right....
Mike <Nyquil>: Quiet, you!
Crow: Back to "The Young and the Drug-Crazed" after a word from our
sponsors.
Duo didn't think Heero heard him all that well, since he was busy
working on Duo's chest,
Mike: Heart bypass *without* anaesthesia? Wow, give that man a prize!
Crow <Heero>: Let's see here... remove the breadbox... *ZAPPP!* Oops,
sorry about that Rudolph, er I mean, Duo!
Tom <Heero, singing> I'm just a man, workin' on the chain...
capturing one nipple in his teeth, and nibbling very lightly.
Tom: *squeak squeak*
Joel <Duo>: Oww... OOOWWWWCCCCHHHH! What the hell, you think I have a
creamy filling?
"Oh, Heero..." gasped Duo, his hands flying to Heero's hair.
Crow <Duo>: You have the most awful split ends! What do you wash with,
cooking grease?
Mike: Uh-oh guys, buckle down... here comes five paragraphs about hair.
Joel <Heero as the Fonz>: Hey! DON'T... touch the hair!
Duo stroked it and admired with his last coherent thoughts how even
though Heero's hair always looked like pillow hair, (and almost always
WAS!) it was silky smooth and tangle-free.
Tom <Duo>: Anything to keep me from looking at that homely face I'll
take!
Joel: Five minutes later, Heero left the room in disgust as a drooling
Duo begged him to tell him about the rabbits.
Heero loved it when Duo played with his hair, Duo knew that for a
fact,
Tom: ...but when Duo started shaving it off to glue it onto his own
head he wondered if the obsession was a bit too deep.
Joel <Duo, singing>: Gimme a head with hair! Long beautiful
hai-ii-iir! Shin-ing, gleam-ing, screamin' waxin' flaxen!
Crow: This fanfic sponsored by Bishonen Pillows. Sleep with your own
personal Heero today!
but alas the time came when he had to stop so he could pull
Heero into an earth-shattering kiss.
<All hum the theme to "St. Elmo's Fire".>
Crow: Moments later, the ghosts of billions surrounded them and
screamed, 'Oh, good one, Duo!'
Mike <The Tick> NOW where will I put all of my stuff?!
Heero pulled back from his angel of death, and took a look at him in a
rare moment where it could be considered as the 'real' Duo.
Crow: What is this? A Hulk Hogan promo?
Mike <Heero>: Duo! My God! You have a... a...
Joel <Duo>: I have a what?
Mike <Heero>: A COWLICK!! Waaaaahhhhh!!
This was the only time hen he didn't have a fake smile plastered onto
his face.
Tom: So Duo *doesn't* want Heero to have a nice day?
Crow: Duo decided to try quick drying cement only to have huge teeth
carved into it by a passing hooligan.
Mike <Heero>: Baba Booey!
Duo's hair had come undone from his braid, and now hung around his
body like a fluffy chestnut cloud,
Tom: It looks like a dinosaur...
Crow: No, I see a piggy bank!
Mike: Of course, Heero had to dodge the white rain that came from
infrequent washings.
his violet eyes hazy and full of an emotion Heero wasn't quite sure
of, but didn't matter to him right now.
Tom: Otherwise known as Duo's "I want a drumstick... YOURS!" face.
Joel <Heero>: I seek instant self-gratification! All other feelings
are meaningless!
(There was also a noticeable bulge in Duo's boxers, but we won't go
into that...YET)
Crow <Duo>: Trick or treat!
Mike: Ick, how about neither?
Joel <author>: Just three more anatomy classes and I can tell all
about the bulge!
Tom: I imagine there's quite the battle going on in there.
Heero moved down to pull off those concealing boxers, but was pulled
up by Duo, and the two began an all-out tongue war.
Joel <tongue>: TAKE NO TASTEBUUUUUUUUUDS!!!
Crow <tongue>: DEATH TO THE GUMS!!
Mike <tongue>: CRY HAVOC AND LET LOOSE THE SALIVA OF WAR!
As they wee doing that, neither of them really noticed themselves
removing each other's clothing,
Joel <Duo>: Oh... are these your Dockers?
Tom <Heero>: Why yes... yes they are.
and soon the two were caressing each other on the bed.
Tom <Heero>: Geez, you've got a LOT of leg hair...
"Hee-chan," mumbled Duo between kisses, "Did you lock the door?"
Crow <Heero>: But how can we have a three-way without an unsuspecting
prowler dropping by?
Mike <Heero>: No worries, I left Battle-Cat outside to stand guard.
Heero muttered a curse, shook his head, and continued chewing on Duo's
earlobe.
Tom <Heero>: May your stomach swell and your head be plucked of all but
three hairs!
Joel <Heero>: Needs soy sauce.
"Iie, but I don't think anyone'd be dumb enough to barge in on us."
Crow: RRRRUUUMMMMMBBBLLLLEEE....
Tom: CRACK! CRACK!
Joel <Heero>: The world's falling apart!!!
Mike <Duo>: Calm down, it's just Fat Albert.
Joel <Heero>: THAT'S WORSE!!
Duo thought about this for a moment while he fondled heero's erection.
Crow <Duo>: Yeah, you're right. Well, I'm off then! After all, it's
no fun without the danger! Seeya!
"Hmmm, I guess you're right, Hee-chan, everyone knows your condition
right now. Well, everyone being Wufei..."
Tom: Must be hell to get a personal licence plate then.
Joel: The average man does NOT talk this much during sex,
thankyewverymuch...
Mike: The sensitive "let's discuss our whole backstory over lust in
bed" scene.
Heero gasped as Duo moved down to capture his aching hardness inside
his mouth, and started trailing his tongue along the underside.
Tom <Duo>: *GACCK?!* *CHOKE* Geez, don't you ever WASH this thing?!?
Joel <Duo, spitting>: Aww, thit... I got a shplinter! PTOO!
Mike: That's gotta be the strangest back massage I've ever seen.
"Ahh, Duo!" Shouted Heero as he buried himself inside of Duo's mouth.
Crow: And soon to follow... the cremation.
Heero didn't know why, but the Nyquil was making all his sensations 20
times clearer! What medicine!!
Tom: Imagine what happens when he moves on to Sudafed...
Mike <Heero>: Terrific... looks like I'll be napping at the office
again....
Duo wasn't really in the mood for a romp, but then again...
its Heero.
Joel <Duo>: So?
Mike <author>: So, it's MY story and I say you can't ignore Heero!
Joel <Duo>: Whatever.
Tom: Oh, that Heero... thank you for making us laugh at love. Again!
Who cares? So Duo pulled away from Heero ignoring the...whimpers?
coming from Heero, as if begging silently for Duo to finish.
Mike <Heero>: I didn't want this. I just wanted a Milk-Bone.
Crow <Duo>: So sorry, but it'll be another hundred if you want me to
finish... I took the liberty of checking your pockets... heh heh
heh...
Duo just looked down at his lover, and marveled how beautiful Heero
was.
Crow: Until he saw... THE HICKEY.
Tom <Duo>: Excuuuuuse me, Heero, but where did that come from, hmmm??
Been playin' around behind my back again? You ho!
Of course, he wouldn't tell Heero that, he'd just try to kill him...So
instead duo said in with actions, like giving a full out screwing.
Joel: So Duo would kill Heero if Duo told Heero that he was sexy?
Crow <Heero>: Not the power tools again! We used those last night!
Mike <Heero>: No, please, no! DON'T TIGHTEN MY NUTS!!! AAAUUUGHH!!!
"Duo," Heero said, "Please, finish..." Duo couldn't resist an
invitation like that,
Tom: <starts humming the Chariots of Fire theme>
Crow <Duo>: There! The perfect souffle!
Mike <Heero>: Good, that means I don't have to waste time making you
offers.
so he bent down and engulfed Heero's shaft into his mouth, moving up
and down.
Tom: Allowing another string of Lemmings to move from Duo's back to
Heero's chest, continuing the path.
Mike: Man, I need a Certs just thinking about that.
Heero couldn't take much more. Duo was a golden treasure.
Crow: Or at least a Happy Meal.
Tom: <Heero> P-Pockets weighing me down... c-can't feel my legs... but
I... I MUST HAVE IT ALL!!!
Heero finally screamed Duo's name, and emptied himself into Duo's mouth;
who gladly accepted it and gulped it all down.
Joel <Duo>: Gotta gulp 'em all!
Tom: Buy two jumbo Slushies and get a free 9 oz Heero at 7-11!
Heero laid still for a second, recovering from the emotions, and then
was on top of Duo, kissing him like never before.
Mike: Meanwhile, Duo was doing his best Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally"
impression.
"Hee-chan, I love you..."trailed off Duo as Heero kissed him again.
Tom (singing) Duo, don't be a heeeeeero!
Crow <Heero>: Would you just SHUT UP already! I'm TRYING to kiss you!
Geez!
"Time for me to repay your favor, Duo." said Heero as he licked and
sucked Duo's nipples, making them harden. "Ahh, Hee-chan!" said Duo,
who was visibly starting to harden.
Joel: One minute later, Duo was stone and 'Medusa' Heero was off to seek
his next victim.
Tom: He's becoming positively statue-esque!
Heero kept on sucking on Duo's nipples as he reached down to toy with
duos aching need,
Tom <Duo>: I need... my poor hair washed! This romping around is giving
me split ends!
Joel <Heero>: Well, I have some Pert Plus around here...
Tom <Duo>: NOOO!! I can only have Herbal Essences!
Joel <Heero>: Yes! YES! YES!!
Mike <Heero, taunting>: Want some Ben Gay? Nope, can't have it! Want
some Ben Gay? Nope, can't have it!
making it swell and grow much like his own. "Heero..." Duo moaned,
thrashing his head side to side, hands flinging to Heero's length
uncontrollably.
Mike <Duo>: TENSHIN AMAGURIKAN!!!
Crow <Heero>: Ouch, dammit! That's a highly sensitive precision tool
you've got there!
Tom: Oh those wacky Japanense and their epilepsy.
Heero just chuckled and moved lower down, kissing Duo's naval and inner
thigh.
Joel <Duo>: Oooh, christen my battleship!
Mike: Here's hoping Duo is original recipe.
Tom <Heero>: No, no, first I have to salute the flag and the deck officer!
Protocol, man! Protocol!
Duo trembled with anticipation but cried out when Heero kissed the tip of
his arousal, and went back to Duo's mouth. "Heero, I can't take this
pressure!" shouted Duo.
Crow: I call no James Doohan impressions.
Tom: Suddenly, Duo imploded and became a black hole. Oddly enough, he
was hated throughout the Gundam cast after that.
Mike <Duo>: The lemon scene's closing in on me, man! I'm starting to
think WEIRD STUFF!! AHHHHHHHHHRGRGRGH!!!
"Shh..." said Heero. "You always did talk too much..." Heero murmured as
he reached under the pillow Duo was lying on, and pulled out a bottle of
lubricant.
Joel: We've replaced Heero's K-Y Jelly with top-grade airplane model glue.
Let's see if anyone notices...
Tom: How do the giant robots figure into this, again?
Mike: Gendon stole them for the next Dot Every T MSTing.
"Oh Heero, Now!" practically shouted Duo, squirming uncontrollably, and
reached out for the bottle. Heero looked down at Duo.
Crow <Heero>: What do you think this is, Duo, "Strange Brew"?
Joel <Duo>: Screw you, ain't no way I'm being sober for THIS lemon!
"And here I thought I was the Nyquil induced one!" chuckled Heero as he
held Duo to him. Heero decided to silence Duo by kissing him passionately,
Joel: Tongue-assisted gagging.
Mike: No, Heero! Bring that tongue back before it's too late.....
Crow <Duo>: Mmmmph! But I Mmmph hate censorshi...mmmmph!!
and inserted a finger into his opening, causing Duo to shift
delightfully. Duo gasped into Heero's mouth, and arched up onto Heero's
finger, with a look of ecstasy on his face.
Tom: [wincing] Oh, poopie.
Crow <Duo>: Thanks! I thought I'd have to pay an arm and a leg for my
hemorrhoid surgery too!
Joel: Later, as Heero was forced into the back of a police cruiser, he
was heard to be screaming 'HE TOLD ME HE WAS EIGHTEEN, I SWEAR!'
"My angel, my little piece of light..." murmured Heero on Duo's lips,
savoring the looks Duo gave him.
Joel: Meanwhile Quatre and Wufei were locked in a struggle for their
lives, their desperate cries of needing backup going unheeded.
"Heero, you got that a lil mixed up... I'm the god of death, remember?
Maybe I should flip my angel over and I'll be the one committing this
sinful act!"
Mike <Duo>: Now where's the nearest spatula?
said Duo, looking about ready to push Heero over, but was kept down by
Heero's body.
Crow <Duo>: First, it was the man and now Heero's body... damn it, let
my people go!
Tom <Duo>: Down to the bougeoisie bodies! Union-IZE! Union-IZE!
Mike <Duo>: Heero? Heh, Heero? OH MY GOD! His weak heart!
Heero continued putting his fingers inside duo though, making sure his
opening was good and stretched. It was the easiest way to keep Duo down.
Joel <Duo>: Ooooooohhhh.... now I remember why I love visiting my
proctologist...
Tom <Duo, singing>: But I'm not going to let him get me dowwwwwn...
cause this old world keeps spinning round...
Mike: Wow, I hope Heero is using protection... a latex glove or two.
Can't be too safe!
Crow: Heero prepares to insert the fist.
Mike: And the fist kills everybody!
"Duo, you're stalling... why? You were begging just a while ago...."
asked Heero, puzzled.
Joel <Duo>: Give me some gas and for the love of God, let up on the
choke!
Mike <Duo>: Sorry 'bout that, I found a little self-respect under the
sheets.
Duo just flicked Heero's head, and smiled, a genuine one. ""I wasn't, I
was trying to see if the great Heero Yuy could halt the effects of the
almighty Nyquil."
Tom <Heero>: Eww, did you just stick a booger on me?
Crow <Duo>: I gotta boogie on my finger, but I couldn't shake it off!
"Oh, I CAN," said Heero, "but then again, who would want to." and with
that thrust into Duo with force.
Crow: Exactly 37.26 joules per square inch.
Joel: Oooh, poor Duo will be scooting for a week afterwards...
Mike: Hours later, Heero was still lying on the floor, blooded and
unconsious while a sore and pissed Duo watched Conan O'Brian.
"Ohhhhh, Hee-chan...." gasped Duo, holding onto Heero tighter than
before. He looked up to the ceiling, and wondered why he'd been graced
with his angel.... yes, that truly was what Heero was... an angel....
Mike <Duo, singing>: Earth angel, earth angel... will you be mine...
Tom: [singing] Hee-chan drag, in a glittering ball room!
Joel <Duo>: Hey Heero, do you know a Michael by chance?
Mike: He used to be a teenage werewolf.
Heero pulled out, and listening to the moans elicited from Duo, started
his thrusts, more forceful than ever before.
Mike: Y'know, just once I'd like to see a lemon end with someone literally
exploding and leaving the survivin participant with a sheepish look on
his or her face.
Tom: Heero's using the Acme Rocket-Powered Pogo Stick.
"HEERO!!!" yelled Duo, going over the edge, and soaking emptying out
onto both their stomachs.
Tom <Duo>: Aww, man... I just couldn't take this scene anymore! Now,
anyone have any Pepto Bismol?
Joel <Heero>: If I told you once, I told you a thousand times, Duo.
Don't drink the water!
Tom: Luckily there happened to be a stomach pump handy and within minutes,
all traces of the week-old sardines were flushed out.
Crow: Yaoi sex - the ultimate ipecac.
Heero couldn't resist having Duo say his name like that, and soon emptied
himself too, collapsing onto Duo's sweaty form.
Joel: Who was already sleeping.
Mike <Heero>: You brute! What about the cuddling?!
Crow <Duo> *Yaawwwwnnn...* You want cuddling, go find a Fushigi Yuugi
character to "fling with".
*Ten minutes earlier, in another part of the mansion/safe house*
Joel: ...flesh eating zombies were busy chasing Chris Redfield as he
cursed out the player for being too cheap to invest in a Gameshark....
"Injustice!!!!" yelled Wufei as he stomped to his room.
<Zoogz> <Wufei> There's no way the Lakers should've lost! A pox upon the
referees!!
<Megane67> <Wufei> Would somebody get these trash can lids off my feet?!?
He had always coveted after the braided one since he first met him...and
who gets Duo's love??? That 'perfect soldier', who always punches his
perfect nose into the ground.
Joel: Did Jean Claude van Damme star in that?
Crow: Glass Wufei was laughed out of the Mike Tyson circuit...
Mike <Wufei>: Quick, knock me out so I can retire!
Crow: Hardly, he'll just come back as Wufei "Don" Flamenco.
"Injustice" grumbled Wufei some more, as he slammed the door, and lay
down on his bed.
Tom <Wufei>: When I find the one responsible for stealing my Eggo
waffle... THERE'LL BE HELL TO PAY!!
Crow <Wufei>: Just give him the damn cereal... would it KILL you to give
the poor rabbit his !@$!$ cereal?!?
Wufei had had enough of this little five some...it was time to ship out.
Tom <Wufei>: And once I leave the army, I'll have the qualities nine out
of ten employers are looking for!
Crow: Him and Jamie Farr are bucking for section eights.
The only thing was Wufei didn't want to leave Duo.
::What if he changes his mind about Heero? I'll be far away...and he'll
end up going back to that heartless.... cute......evil psychopath.::
Mike: Akiko Natsume?
Wufei hot straight up into the air as he rethought that last statement.
Joel: So, would that be considered "hotting mad"?
Crow <Wufei>: Dang. Should've worn my winter cap today.
::CUTE?!?!? Have I been smoking crack in my sleep?:: Wufei got up, and
trudged into his bathroom.
Crow <Wufei>: A little deodorant on the teeth, some toothpaste on the
pits... YES, I'M COMPLETELY CALM!!
Joel: Sleepcrackin' was getting to be a problem among the younger
generations...
Mike <Wufei>: Hmm, my hair's on fire, guess that answers that question....
He opened up the compartment that was hidden under his sink pipes, and
grabbed out a HUGE bag.
Joel <Cheech>: Hey man, what's in that?
Tom <Chong>: It's Labrador.
Joel <Cheech>: What's Lab-a-dor?
Tom <Chong>: It's dogshit. My dog ate my stash... I had to follow him
around with a baggie for three days.
Mike: Wufei took hiding tips from Lamar Odom.
Crow <Wufei>: SnnnnnIIIFFFF... Yep, it's all still here. Now lets see,
yellow and blue make... Green, that's it.
"Nope, it's still all here..." and with that put it back.
Joel <Wufei>: Plum Passion, Ruby Delight, Auburn Medley... no, none of my
nail polish is gone...
"If that's not it... then I must be sick..... I'll just sneak out some
cold medicine from the bathroom..."
Mike: The bathroom that he IS ALREADY IN?
Joel <Wufei>: I know, I'll ask Dr. Mom!
Tom <Wufei>: Then, under the guise of flu, I shall investigate the
cabinet and snoop my cares away!
said Wufei to himself, going to the bathroom.
Crow: ...first leaving the bathroom he is currently occupying.
Joel <Wufei>: Man, someone beefed in here! I'm going elsewhere for my
elimination needs!
"Wow.... Heero's got this bathroom really locked up tight!" ::must be
where he keeps the Nyquil...:: Wufei thought with an evil smirk.
Mike: Wufei really has a problem controlling his inner dialogue.
Crow: Dimetapp's thanking its lucky stars that they DIDN'T sign the deal
for product tie-ins...
Joel: Methinks Wufei recently played a game or three of 'Water Closet'....
"Well, looks like my time to shine!!!! I'll get Duo back if I drink
some of that stuff!!!
Crow: So, bravery comes in a Nyquil bottle?
Joel: Either that or plot advancement.
He'll see he wants me more!! Or at least I'm better in the sack than
Yuy!!!! Said Wufei, and began trying to pick the lock.
Crow <Wufei>: Let's see... should it be five-tumbler, deadbolt, chain,
doorknob?
Mike: Has this become a Metal Gear: Solid crossover now?
When the door opened, he was greeted with literally a minefield leading
up to the bathroom sink.
Joel <Wufei>: Darn those Russians, why don't they practice scorched earth
policy in someone ELSE'S bathroom?!
Mike: Hey, could someone set down some Mokona bait at the far end of that?
Please?
Tom: Undaunted, Wufei pulled out a box of mechanical bunnies and quickly
cleared a path through....
::one step and I'm dead justice fodder...:: Wufei shuddered, and made a
lil prayer before making his way to the sink.
Tom <Wufei>: Must... wash hands... no matter what... the... cost....
Crow: Never thought sinks and toilets would be more animated and better
actors than the characters themselves.
Mike: Yeah, I really hope the author takes the time to properly thank them
in the end credits.
"O great Nataku..." Wufei said, patting thin air next to his shoulder,
"let me pass through this maze of insanity and drugs so I may find
happiness; in liquid form."
Joel <Nataku>: Wish granted.
Tom <Wufei>: Hey, wait... you gave me Juicy Juicy fruit punch!
Joel <Nataku>: What did you expect? Welsher's Grape Juice?
Tom <Wufei>: Well, duh!
He took a deep breath after saying this and stepped forward.
Tom: BBBOOOOOOMMMMMM!!
Crow <Nataku>: Not ON the mine, you dope...
Mike: Well, at least he died with a mouthful of oxygen.
Joel: Instead of a horizontal rhumba with Duo, he was treated to a waltz
with a Bouncing Betty and a dance with death.
Right onto a mine.
*BOOM* at least from the blast, Wufei was flung to the sink, with no
problems.
Mike <Wufei>: Wow... I had a vision. Of a... Flux Capacitor...
Crow: ...who quickly spiked Wufei to the toilet which jumped for the power
spike to the remaining mines.
Joel: So for such a minor explosion, each mine has about a teaspoon of
vinegar and a dash of baking soda, eh?
"Whaaaaaaauuuu......*shakes head* now, to find that magical syrup!" and
opened the sink, only to find.... a bomb??
Mike <Wufei>: Wow... a copy of "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within".
Didn't know it was on video this quickly.
Crow <Wufei>: Heyyyy, this is the leading brand! I wanted the Robitussin
44D!
"WHA?!?" said a shocked Wufei, and read the label.
Crow <label>: Warning... contents under pressure.
Tom <label>: Sayonara, Saddam!
Joel <label>: Not to be taken internally.
Mike <label>: Recommended for top breeders.
Crow <label>: It don't matter if they're clean or dirty, they're gonna
get wet.
Hi! If you're reading this, you only have a few seconds to live!!! THAT'S
WHAT YOU GET FOR TRYING TO STEAL MY NYQUIL, SMARTASS!!
Tom: This reads like an overly long episode of "Spy Vs. Spy".
Joel <Heero, singing>: Smile! You're on candid dea-ath!
-Heero Yuy "The Pimpmaster"
Crow: Is that anything like the Toastmaster? Or the Thighmaster?
Mike: When Mr. Popeil goes too far....
"AHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Wufei, and dove into the tub, as the bomb went
off, scattering bits of tile everywhere. "Man... that Yuy.... what if
it had been Duo who'd gone in there? He'd be nothing but a braid and
shoes...."
Crow: Of course, it would've helped if this "bomb" and these "mines" had
enough power to, oh say, get baked-on grease off of household pots and
pans...
Tom: Fortunately, Heero has foreseen that possibility and filled the tub
with hydrochloric acid.
Joel: Duo Maxwell IS 'The Head Detective'!
Mike: What does that make Heero, "Duckman"?
he scowled, and then noticed a lump under his knee.
"THE NYQUIL!!! YATTA!" he cheered, and dumped some into his mouth,
Crow: So what, it was in the *bathtub*?
Mike: Then, the whole bathroom began shaking. Wufei ran as the door
descended from the ceiling. And just when he thought he was safe... a
huge boulder, thirty tons, started rolling after him!
Joel <Speilburg>: Hey, what a great idea! Have my lawyers call your
lawyers!
walking off to Quatre's room (bottle in hand, of course!) ^.^
Tom: So the bottle was in the tub? The tub wasn't filled with Nyquil?
Where did it come from? How did it survive the explosion?
Joel: Why do we care?
Tom: 'Nuff said.
*Back to present!!!!!!*
Mike: Speaking of Spielburg...
Joel: Oh, it was a flashback! That explains... absolutely nothing.
"Hee-chan, that was...."
"I know.."
Crow <Duo>: But it *was* horribly pointless...
Tom <Wufei>: <sniff> W-why do I have to d-do stupid scenes like that....
<sniff>....
Joel <Heero>: It's okay, Wufei... let it all out....
"But that WAS"
"I said, I KNOW!"
Joel <Heero> Ix-nay the ene-say ashing-bay within earshot-hay of the
iter-wray!
Mike: Hey, it's the electrician from "Devil Fish"!
Crow: How fitting, considering all his buffalo shots...
"What was?" asked a voice from the door, causing both pilots to look
over and see..... Wufei?
"EEEEK!!!" shrieked Duo, covering himself with a sheet, "Wufei, you
hentai!!!! How dare you peek!!!"
Mike <Duo, squealing>: Masher! MASHER!!
Crow: He peeks, perchance to leer.
Tom <Duo>: Hey, wait... you're Ataru Moroboshi!
Joel <Ataru>: No, right now I'm sick.
"How dare I peek? Looks like Yuy was doing all the peeking to me...."
said Wufei a lil exasperatedly, but advancing towards the bed still
the same.
Crow <Wufei>: Yes, I can see it now, a quick rush, a couple of well-
placed shoves, and I'll have the bed to myself!
Joel: Nobody can stop... the NAPPER.
"Wufei, omae o korosu."
Mike <Wufei>: Uhh... sore wa himitsu desu?
Crow: Keep it dubbed, pinky.
said Heero, pulling out a gun from...... actually, I dunno where he
pulled it out from.. but still, aimed it at Wufei.
Crow <Heero>: Now I will kill... aw crap.
Joel <Wufei>: Out of bullets?
Crow <Heero>: No, it's covered with crap! Pay attention!
"Relax Heero, I'm only here to see if you're willing to share."
Mike <Heero>: Sure thing! *HACHOO!* *HACHOO!* How's that?
"Share?" apparently, Heero had never heard of the word.
Joel: And that's why Merrill Lynch had such an easy time of lifting money
from him.
Crow <Heero>: Is that anything like gimmie gimmie gimmie!?
"You know, let me ALSO use what's yours."
Mike <Heero>: You want to wear my dirty stinky briefs?
Tom <Wufei>: Actually, I was thinking of starting with your PSX2.
"OMAE O KOROSU!" Heero yelled, and pulled the trigger.
Joel: [singing] Heero's got a gun, his whole world's come undone...
Tom: <Heero> Now that that's out of the way, Duo, how about some love in
an elevator?
But Wufei was too quick for him, and had some more Nyquil down Heero's
throat before you could say "SHINGAMI LIVES!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!"
Tom: Is that with or without the cheesy bad-guy laughter?
Crow: This plot doesn't even deserve that much.
Joel: Good call.
"Share? Of course we can share, my delectable Wu-bear..." said Heero,
positively purring;
Joel: Nyquil obviously activates some sort of Michelle-Pfieffer-as-Catwoman
gene in Heero's makeup...
Mike: Unfortunately, Heero was unaware of Wufei's training with cats and
sausages....
running his hands down Wufei's pants, while tearing the sheet from Duo's
body.
Crow <Heero>: For my next trick, I shall make a hard-on reappear!
Joel: Fox couldn't even get the Masked Magician this time around, and this
is what happens...
"ACK!!! Hee-chan? What are you..." Duo protested, but was silenced by
Wufei and Heero's mouths, slowly going lower......
Joel <Duo>: Oh my god, your faces are sliding off!?!
Mike <Kang>: I TOLD YOU THE WUFEI AND HEERO DISGUISES WOULDN'T WORK!
Crow <Kodos>: SHUT UP AND KEEP LICKING, WE'RE UNDER CONTRACT!
--------------------------------------------------------
Tom: Yes, *you'll* need a stick to beat back the images threatening to
claw at YOUR brain too!
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!
Joel: IN PART 2: CAPSLOCK CHAOS!
MWAHAHAHA!!! So, what do you think?
Crow: I think my brain is officially mush.
Tom: If you don't have anything nice to say....
Crow: Be sarcastic!
Should I write more? I might be thinking of stopping....
Mike: Don't worry... you've fully made your point. Any more would be
overkill... trust us!
I'm not sure if I'll have the time to do this... but maybe if I get
inspiration, and enough people care, then I'll write more!! Ja ne! ^.^
Tom: Fair enough, if the author writes more, we'll just blame the readers.
Crow: Yeah, thanks a lot you...you readers you!
Tom: Yeah, read THIS!
Mike: Uh, guys? Is this really a good idea?
Crow: You readers... you all make me SICK! You guys are the reason for this
stuff!
Joel: Crow, calm down...
Crow: NEVER! I won't rest until all the readers out there have been taken
care of for the rest of time! I am on a mission!
Mike: But without those readers, Crow, Dr. F wouldn't have anything for
us to do... and he'd most likely let us go, and we'd drift aimless in
space until we all come too close to a passing star...
Joel: Let's get out of here before Crow manages to offend anyone else.
---Satellite of Love
"Those readers, I tell you!" Crow ranted from the left. "If I could,
I'd kill the last one of you! I'd stampede your women and I'd rape your
cattle!" His eyes darted wildly throughout the Satellite, and he began
to shake like an unbalanced washing machine. "I'll take care of the
whole lot of you! Just call me Sid 6.7!!"
Just then, Mike reentered the bridge with an unmarked bottle full of
green liquid. "Crow, we've all decided that you're the test case."
"Huh?" Crow asked.
"Once and for all... does Nyquil really make one horny?" Mike opened
the bottle after a second of struggling and poured a shot down Crow's
beak.
"Horny, Mike? I'm a robot, what did you expect?" Crow asked.
"Good point." At that time, Tom showed up on Mike's left, along with
Joel. "In that case, we'll have to try on everyone," Mike stated. He
passed the bottle to Joel, who took a belt and then poured some into
Tom's gumball mouth.
"Man, this stuff tastes even WORSE than it did ten years ago!" Joel
complained.
The four denizens of the Satellite looked at each other. A pregnant
silence dampened the room. Then Mike grabbed the half-full bottle and
took a swig. "Hmm, it's been aged at the very least..." he stated. At
that time, the red light began flashing. "Smith-Kline and Beecham are
calling..." he said as he hit the light.
---Deep Thirteen
"Send that stuff down here, Mike, I'm sure we can conduct experiments
on it... after all, I live in a mad scientist's lab," Dr. Forrester said
to the camera.
"Got the Umbilicus all set up, Dr. F?" Mike asked.
Joel looked at Mike with large eyes. "Wow, Mike, have I ever told you
how beautiful your hair looks?"
"Such a perfectly trimmed dream of light brown and yellow," Crow piped
in from the side.
"Eeeeyeech! You guys had better not..." Mike started.
"Just pulling your crank, man..." Joel chuckled.
Dr. Forrester looked around his lab. "Oh, Frank... I have something to
try out on you..." he called. After a second, TV's Frank walked into the
screen, looking much better as he carried in a turkey on rye with lettuce,
tomato, pickle, and rhubarb.
"Could it wait? I'm in Thorn Apple heaven!"
Dr. F uncapped the Nyquil and told Frank, "Open up, this'll take a
second."
Down went a good quarter of the bottle into Frank's gullet.
"Oh man, that stuff is great! Would you perchance have a Tylenol chaser?"
Frank asked. "I used to love that red liquid stuff they give to infants..."
Frank stepped away from the console, and Dr. Forrester looked at the bottle
contemplatively. He then took a swig, swallowed... and turned greener than
his lab coat.
"Oh man, that stuff is..." Four thuds sounded through the audio pickup.
He stopped, and looked at the viewscreen. No one was present on the SOL
bridge. "Joel? Mike? Erector-set refugees?" Dr. Forrester asked.
Offscreen, it sounded like someone dropped a fifty-pound bag of flour onto
the floor. At that second, Dr. F's eyes rolled up into the back of his
head, his eyelids fluttered, and he fell to the ground with a splat.
In the back of Deep Thirteen, there were a couple clicks. Dr. F
remained motionless on the floor. The computer in the foreground hummed
away.
Cambot switched back to his feed, which showed nothing. Not a single
person or robot could be seen on this bridge. He switched back to the
camera feed from Deep Thirteen. Dr. Forrester still lay, looking like
he'd come out the loser in a match between him and a bus.
...
...
"Oh my!" Gypsy yelled, entering the bridge area. "Tom, Crow... Mike!
Joel! Wake up! Dr. Forrester, I think something's...." She trailed off
as Cambot showed her the feed from Deep Thirteen, where Dr. Clayton
Forrester still lay, passed out and clutching a bottle of Nyquil.
"They tampered in God's domain, I guess," Gypsy said. "Well, let's
see if I can find that manual override for the button. Dr. F hid it
somewhere in this desk, I think...." Gypsy moved behind the desk, her
mouth gripping something. After a second, she straightened up. "A-ha!
Found it!" she exulted.
--POOF!--
o/~ "Na na na-a-ah, na na, na NA na..."
Thanks for reading this far, everyone. I wouldn't blame you had you
dropped out of the yaoi lemon bits, but hey... to each their own, I guess.
All comments about this MST are gratefully received at zoogz@yahoo.com
I would like to offer my thanks to Megane 6.7 and Jack Acid, for their
assistance with riffing. Again, it was mostly through the yaoi stuff that
it seemed to be sucking my life, my desire, my motivation, AND my soul to
riff that these fine people stepped up and showed me the error of my ways.
Especially to Megane, who also went over the rest of that GW fic and also
helped me out with the Ranma/Tenchi cross.
Next project? I said I'd work on the ACen MSTing, and someday or another
I must deliver on that promise. Just have to transcribe those darned
notes first, I suppose.
This piece, upcoming pieces, Megane 6.7 MSTs, Jack Acid MSTs and art, and
many other items can (or will) be found at:
A MSTing For All Seasons
http://www.nabiki.com/mst
"Well worth the visit!"
--Mr. Self-Promotion
Special Thanks to:
Teachers of America (and the world!)
The Authors of the 1st Amendment
The power of laughter. Ask for it by name.
" How much is it, now?" asked an annoyed Ranma at the answer he knew
was coming.
"3,000,000,000,000,000,000 yen" answered the greedy tourguide.
Keep Circulating the Fanfics...
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