Memories came back in a sickening surge, reminding her of how much
was lost, how little chance she had. "Oh no... the Silver Crystal is
shattered... even if I find them, it's a doomed cause..."
I agree with Ken Arromdee; the Ginzuishou _was_ shattered at the
beginning of the series. By extension, that implies that even if it
were
shattered again, it could be restored. Another idea that might be
better
for your purpose would be to say that it was burned out somehow.
Acursed e-mail... I have no idea where Mr. Arromdee said this, but I
can make that more clear. Broken as in 'kaput', not 'gebrocht'.
Eh? You replied to it. The one where he mentions that it's seven
pieces, to match the seven dragonballs.
If only the Dragonballs hadn't been destroyed, then... then they
could wish everyone back, but...
"The first time they found them"? Remember; Goku _had_ one of the
Dragonballs when Bulma first met him. And Bulma had already collected
one
or two of them before she tracked down Goku's. If the balls were
shattered
"the first time they found them", then Bulma would have discovered her
first
Dragonball, realized it was useless, and gone back home without ever
having
met Goku and convincing him to leave his home in a remote region of
China.
And Gohan would never have been born, since Goku would never have met
the Ox
King and Chichi.
Nnng... I explained that poorly, but then, Gohan's recolection of things
(based soley on what he's been told) isn't that clear, either.
Yep. It wasn't until later in the story that you mention Dr. Gero
breaking them. It would be helpful if you could give a clue to the point of
divergence earlier in the story.
One of the possible solutions would be to say that Dende was killed
in
the fighting; that would cause the Dragonballs to immediately vanish,
since
they are tied to his lifeforce. If you say that Koruman called for
Earth's
greatest fighters, you could just as easily say he demanded the
appearance
of Earth's Guardian as well; he could have lied by saying that he wanted
to
negotiate, when all he wanted was to get all of his potential obstacles
where he could deal with them at once.
Dende? I thought that was the new keeper for the Namekian Dragonballs, not
the old keeper for Earth's... but he was dead.
Killed when the dragonballs were broke, which, as I remember it, means
they turn(ed) to stone. In this story, anyway.
The Namek who creates a set of dragonballs is not killed if they are
destroyed; the model he used to make the dragon breaks, and he can fix it,
recreating the dragonballs in the process. If the Namek is killed, though,
the dragonballs become inert rocks, although the dragon model remains
intact.
Dende is the replacement Guardian of the Earth after Kami and Piccolo
merge. That was during the Cell saga. Kami was the original creator of
Earth's dragonballs. Rooli was the successor to Guru, the master of the
Namekian dragonballs and creator of Porunga.
He cursed his own idiocy, switching smoothly to the cultured Japanese
his mother instilled into him at a young age, "Sorry, Ami-san. I
didn't know you spoke Japanese. I need you to contact my aunt, she
owns a stake in the Capsule Corporation." At the girl's surprise, he
added, "Her name is Burifu Buruma."
Any reason in particular why you are using the literal sounds of the
Japanese characters used in her name? Even the creator of the series,
when
he wrote her name in romaji, spelled it "Bulma". Heck, it's even
written
that way on her T-shirt when she first appears in Dragonball.
Because I'm a pretentious sot?
Nahh, that can't be the reason. Although it might explain other things
I've noticed... ^_-
At Ami's blank look, he managed a shrug, explaining, "The Dragonballs
are an old... magical collection of crystal balls. They were
supposed to grant wishes, but they were broken a long time ago by a
scientist named Gero. Gero-sensei died in the blast, and the broken
Dragonballs were scattered around the world, but they were useless,
since they couldn't grant wishes anymore.
??? Okay, so you are putting the fate of the Dragonballs this far
back,
before DBZ? IIRC, Goku's first encounter with Gero took place in the
first
DB. And that means that when Goku first died, fighting his brother
Raditz,
that would have been it. Game over. No one would have been there to
stop
Vegeta and Nappa from destroying Earth, and Vegeta would never have
become a
"good guy".
Should have been obvious from the implications, but that never happened.
Vegeta was never mentioned in this fic, because he never showed up. Nor
did Radditz.
Oh? Didn't catch that at all...
What I'm really trying to say is that everyone who has watched DB
and
DBZ, and those in other countries who have seen the GT, etcetera, know
things about the history of DB Earth that you're tossing out the window.
If
you do that, then you're forcing yourself to rewrite the history of that
entire world, because you have to bring us up to speed on how things
came to
be the way they are. Call me lazy if you like, but I think it's smarter
to
just use the existing history and say "Dende dies", because when _he's_
gone, no one else can play the game because he takes his marbles with
him.
That would make Gohan much more powerful than he is.
The main point of the backstory was to result in Gohan being more
knowledgable and less powerful than in DBZ canon, so that he'd mesh with the
story better.
Tuxedo the Smoking Bomber vs. SSJx Kame-ha-me-ha is kinda cheezy.
I could probably get you a very long petition in very short order from
people who'd _love_ to see Weenie Mask on the wrong end of a Kamehameha.
You'd be very popular if you put that in a fic! ^_^
It's really hard to tone down Gohan, though. He was rated stronger than
any of the other Saiyans when he was still a child, before Piccolo started
training him to use it. Using Dragonball stats, Vegeta, who could and did
destroy planets just for kicks and giggles, was rated around 800 or so
before he got to Earth. Gohan, at that same time, was around 1300. That
was as weak as he EVER was. However, it's up to you; if you want to tone
him down, feel free. It's getting the personality right that's really the
important part.
Nnng. Well, long and short, this was an experimental piece -- almost
everything I write is -- and it obviously failed on pretty massive scale.
I'll just file it under 'mystery fusions', and go back to working on
Process of Elimination.
Thanks for taking the time to respond!
No prob. But don't give up on this just yet; the premise is an
interesting one.
From where I'm sitting, though, the real conflict and story tension
wouldn't be in "can Gohan cope in a world where everyone is weaker than he
is?" We know he can; his mother steered him towards attempted normality all
his life. To me, at least, it would be more interesting if we look at "can
the Sailor Senshi cope in a world where _all_ of the bad guys they meet are
stronger than Galaxia?" And what does this do to Pluto, who suddenly has to
cope with _all_ of her timelines, past, present and future, being different
from what she remembers? Instead of Gohan being out of his element as a
fighter, he would be thrown into a situation he is _much_ less well-equipped
to deal with: the care and feeding of a gaggle of junior high school age
girls who try to save the world in between boy-watching and trips to the
mall. The story can be told from his viewpoint that way, too.
However way you decide to go with it, though, don't get discouraged just
because the first draft has holes in it.
Ja mata,
Larry F
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