Boredcollective@aol.com wrote:
Ahh, lovely attachments. Alas, 'tis the only way to send bigger files
through AOL...
And lovely lovely C&C. Trying to really knock through my backlog of
to-C&C fics.
Having no life, the winter break is the perfect opportunity for me to
catch up while everyone else is gone.
And now for something completely different...
Many may remember this from a few years back, but a great many
others may not. Therefore, in preparation for the creation and
posting of new material on this story, it shall be once again
subjected to the public for approval or disapproval.
I remember it. And I'm thrilled beyond belief that it's back, though
I strongly suspect that most of my commentary will be useless. :p
As always, take or dismiss my C&C as you will, it's generally nothing
more than my opinion, and thusly, something you can completely dismiss.
"Great, just great," the blonde girl muttered, tossing back one
of her two long pigtails.
Now, those are LONG pigtails. :p
She looked into the reflective surface of a darkened shop's
window, attempting to readjust her ornate, white gown to compensate
for the dampness. She looked at the golden crescent moon on her
forehead, then glanced to the two buns on either side of her hair.
Her appearance was surprisingly elegant, especially considering
that she was soaked at the moment.
Interesting that it's not horrifically revealing; though Ranma could
just be completely unaware of that fact...
Next to her, a much younger girl half-giggled. She was wearing
a loose, white gi and had a white bandanna tied around her head, just
beneath her 'rabbit-ear' style pink hair. "I don't know what you're
complaining about, odango-atama. It's just a little rain."
Genma. Chibi-Usa. I think it'd be much more than just 'loose'. :p
On the floor inside the garage adjoining the Tendo household,
a tall, somewhat androgynous short-haired blonde individual chuckled
as she finished tightening the last bolt on the back wheel of a
_very_ hyped-up motorcycle.
Hyped, from what I remember, is more in reference to the spoken word,
so this sounds a bit like it's got a big reputation, not that it's
been tricked out. Perhaps, 'suped-up'?
"Nitro-powered motorcycles?" she asked herself, wiping the
sweat off her brow as she stood. She took an exhausted breath
and smiled. "Sure, why not? Could probably top one-fifty on this
baby now..."
I can tell you honestly -- that's nothing. Unless she thinks that
she's going to be doing that in Tokyo. In that case, she has my
grudging admiration, and if she lives through the attempt, she has
my complete respect.
Of course, she might have meant 150 MILES per hour, and I'm just
thinking it's Kilometers...
*Shing*Shing* The daggers severed both cloth "hands" of the
dummy, pinning them to the wall behind it.
I thought that double-quotes in prose were reserved for speech, and
single quotes were used to offset, that way you could have something
spoken and offset in the same paragraph without confusion.
I could be wrong, however.
"I'll never do it again," Soun promised emphatically,
unmoving against the wall.
HAH!
Rei laughed as she walked over and pulled the knives out
of the wall, freeing her father. She casually tossed them over her
shoulder toward the practice dummy, where they made a sort of
rough "happy face" on its chest. As she tossed the final dagger,
it hit the side of the weapons rack with a little too much force,
tipping it over. The numerous bladed objects sprang towards the
dummy... and imbedded themselves in such a way around the "happy
face" to look like a perfectly texture-mapped rendition of the
Mona Lisa. "I thought you knew not to interrupt me while I'm
practicing."
Again with the quotation, as per my last comment (prior to 'HAH!').
Going back into his previous euphoric state, he left the dojo.
'going back' sounds a little odd, trailed by the 'left' for the
dojo... not sure what I could suggest, though... :/
Soun, however, didn't seem to notice. He walked back down the
stairs, blissfully considering how to present the arrangement to
his daughters.
Hehehehe...
"Cut the dramatics, Father," Rei said. "Just tell us what's
going on."
dramatics -- drama (?)
Unsure, merely that I've never seen it that way before.
Their father stopped. "Alright, alright..." he said, taking a
seat in front of them. "My old friend is coming with another to
fulfil an agreement we made long ago..."
Threw me off -- never seen 'fulfil' spelled that way, but apparently, much like 'ax' and 'axe', it's legit. Don't mind me! ^_^
"I'm not the only 'princess' around here, PRINCESS," the
blonde princess muttered. "And I'm NOT going with you just so I can
be part of some crazy agreement you made who-knows-when!" She turned
around and started to walk away. "I'm going back to-"
Used 'princess' twice in quotation and once in prose. I assume that's intentional, but it seems to be belaboring the point.
*CLANG!* A large, white porcelain sink slammed into her head
from behind. She stopped, and was only able to watch dazedly as the
younger girl approached her with the Luna-P in her arms.
Beautiful.
The young princess nodded to herself, looking very determined
as she carried the larger girl off.
Off to the side, two old men sitting on a high balcony had
been watching the short battle.
Extra newline.
"Now THAT's what I call going at it like rabbits!" the first
said to his friend.
The second man nodded. "Yeah, I'd say the situation down
there was getting a little... HARE-y."
They looked at each other and laughed, pointing at the two
departing girls. "Oh ho ho ho!"
Ouch...
"Well, you never know," the raven-haired girl said, smiling,
"this one might be cute."
Haruka: Unlike the last few guys that Dad tried to engage us to?
"It's nice to practice with you, Haruka," Rei said, then
held her shoulders up in a long shrug, "but it's not really a
challenge anymore. I'm so much... better than you at martial arts."
HARUKA: And so modest, too.
"Think back to grade school. Early on," the young girl said.
"Remember, we both agreed that if you were to have any daughters,
they'd be engaged to my-"
Grade school?
"Soun-kun," the little, pink-haired individual whispered in
a high, blood-curtling, saccharine voice, "wake uuu-uuuup. We have
business to discuss!"
curtling -- curdling
"Whatever this scheme of yours is," the blonde half-growled,
"it won't work. I don't want any part of it."
WHy only a 'half' growl?
"Stop," Setsuna intoned, protectively putting her arm around
the little girl's shoulders.
The blonde stopped. "Why?"
"It is improper ettiquette to murder in another's home."
Haruka chuckled. "Yeah, leaves too much of a mess."
The pigtailed girl blinked, then gave a sheepish grin. "I
wasn't going to..." She trailed off, looking down at her ornately
slippered feet. "Um..."
I love that part.
The blonde smiled, cracking her knuckles. "Now you're talking!"
Surprised that he can actually crack his knuckles in that form.
She pulled out an oversized metal drill and toyed with it for a
second before tossing it over her shoulder.
Hehehe...
The girl narrowed her eyes. "That wasn't funny, Tendo." She
paused in thought, and smiled after a moment. "Ahem... Souuun-kun,
if you don't get up right now, I'm going to... GIVE YOU A GREAT,
BIG HUG AND A KISS!!!"
Eeeeeeeewww...
"Grade school," the girl reminded. "We lived in Juuban back
then. Then your family just picked up your entire house and moved
over here." She looked around. "How'd they move this place, anyway?
It's huge!"
Soun sighed and held his hands up in a gesture of cluelessness.
"I don't remember." He looked down at the 'rabbit-eared' girl. "What
happened to you, old friend? You-"
... now that's odd.
The sailor-suited blonde nodded, pushing her pigtails behind
her. "I'm Ranma. Saotome Ranma."
Lovely. Let's see if I can get more C&C done tonight...
... all this commentary is likely to get me killfiled on a few innocent bystander's accounts. ^_^;;;
To be continued. Next up: The Explanation!
...
Oh, come on! You've guessed it by now, haven't you?
-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."