E.L. Toh wrote:
The Story So Far...
Ch 01: Shinji 'Wussboy' Ikari arrives onboard the NEGEV, a
newly constructed war/research/factory ship. It is the final
stages of preparation for its mission against the Angels,
held responsible for the Second (asteriod) Impact and
continued planetary bombardment. Most of the crew is
introduced.
And with this, you surely but swiftly snare my attention.
Ota-kun said that this was one of the best EVA fanfics he had ever
read; I'll see what I think of it after this. :p
Ch 03: NEGEV engages Ramiel Angel of Thunder. Twice.
Something tells me that I'm going to be reading prior chapters anyway...
Ch 04: Sandalphon Angel of Embryos infests the NEGEV,
putting Misato's microbrewery in mortal danger.
... And that just clinched it.
Ch 05: Gahgiel Angel of Fish is destroyed in a jiffy so
that the crew can get on with their beach party, flashbacks
and other hijinks.
Fan of Nadesico, at all?
NEGEV a vaguely NGE Sci-Fi Elseworlds Fanfic
Chapter 06: Storm Rider, Cloud Dancer
by E.L. Toh
contact: dyfltinquisitor@hotmail.com
archive: http://www.geocities.com/zhuoyilong/
(USVR-C Eye in the Sky signal sequence file #n000978/113)
.
[tight beam, Throne.4, received @ n4.j12.857.2124]
xUSVR-C Eye in the Sky
oUNSDF NEGEV (MAGI Subsystem - MELCHIOR - ChibiM034)
Pulsar system, designated 'Levi'.
Pattern analysis orange or blue negative.
Radiation levels High.
Recommend increase shield field factor 3.14
Pulsar - neutron star, class Z. Approx age 10-12 bn.
Radiation spike. Extremely High. Dangerously High.
Radiation spike. Safety Limits Exceeded.
L6 security protocols enacted.
Pattern analysis blue positive.
Modfd A.T. Field active.
Scan range falling.
Attempt recall.
- EM interference. Signal termination.
UNSDF NEGEV (MAGI Subsystem - MELCHIOR - ChibiM034)
nb. Oh-oh.
'uh-oh'?
Interesting...
'That was the last transmission of the probe that we had
sent out to reconnoitre the Levi system for signs of the
next Angel,' sniffled Maya. 'Poor thing.' She blew her
nose on a hanky.
Ack. Okay, not used to single quotes in quotation.'
reconnoitre -- reconnoiter (unless it's a British spelling, or the like...)
'Music?!' blurted Shinji incredulously. 'We're going to
invite to a concert then?'
Looks like Shinji dropped a word from that sentence.
'Hey, I didn't come up with the Angel roster,' shrugged
Ritsuko. 'And no, before you ask, I don't know who did
either. Probably to add a mystical dimension to what would
otherwise be a rather not unusual robot and cute girl
adventure. Your thoughts, Admiral?'
How exactly does Ritsuko 'shrug' her speech? You might want to add a speech indicator there. ;p
Gendo remained in his Position, silent and glasses glinting,
in full uber-character mood.
Position is intentionall capitalized?
'Oh, he doesn't know either,' snorted Shinji. His tone
became more polite. 'Sorry for the interruption, Ritsuko-
san.' Ayumi wondered how she was going to put that down
in the minutes of the meeting, and then realised why
subjectively written minutes were still kept when
technology made a full recording and automatic transcription
possible.
Might want to have a new paragraph for Ayumi's thoughts; not sure, though.
Remember, my C&C can be completely and fully disregarded, should you so desire. :p
realised -- realized
One other thing, though (and this could be dependant on reading prior chapters, which I haven't), I don't quite follow what Ayumi suddenly realized.
'Quite alright. The Levi system is a twin pulsar system.
The pulsars have been designated as Levi 1 and 2. That
decision, I can tell you all, was mine,' declared Ritsuko
to the sarcastic clapping of the audience, with the
exception of Maya who was enthusiastic about all things
Ritsuko.
Heh.
'Pulsar. A rapidly rotating neutron star, emitting pulses of
radio waves and other electromagnetic radiation with great
regularity. The pulses are due to the interaction of the
magnetic field of the neutron star with the surrounding
material, accelerating electrons which radiate energy in a
beam. As this beam sweeps past the observer, sometimes at
over a thousand times a second, the characteristic pulsations
in signal strength are noted. WAI!' they said in tandem with
a single breath.
Heh!
'I want one of those too,' thought Gendo, but fortunately
Shinji failed to pick it up psychically due to Rei's much
closer and louder thought in a similar vein.
Errr? Rei's a Newtype?
'Yes, that wasn't a spelling error on my part,' said Ritsuko.
'Israfel appears to be a twin entity, mirroring the twin
pulsars perhaps. The A.T. Field pattern analysis confirms
that we are dealing with two parts of one object radiating a
single A.T. Field, rather than two separate objects combining
their A.T. Fields into one. Anyway everyone also knows that
it's an unwritten rule of dramatic convenience that the bad
guys always come one at a time so that we can have a fighting
chance, rather than attack together and wipe us out with
their combined strength.'
Uh...
'There would no story otherwise. Well, at least not series
length,' said Hyuuga.
Heh! Okay, that works.
'Well, I still have to plan an attack against two targets,
assuming that knocking out one of them won't cause the other
to follow suit automatically,' said Misato. 'Probably have to
hit both at the exact same time.' Everyone agreed since they
watched Slayers Next: Death of the Devil Dragon - that bit
with the red and grey Mazoku balls - on the last night of
beach r&r.
Heh!
(Part of the) Lunch Queue: Kensuke Rei Shinji Misato Hyuuga
Should that be in parenthesis like that?
'Oh no, just command of a 1 mile long deep-space warship
with thousands of crew in hostile territory. And I'm not
sure it'll just be the excuse that Dad needs to throw you
into the brig.'
'Smart arse.'
'I really prefer "Wussboy".'
Interesting.
'Huh? But she took a bottle of distilled water,' said Shinji
as he glanced to his left. As he turned back, Rei used her
psi-acceleration ability to make the switch again.
Again. Interesting.
'Hey hey Comm! No greens for you right? I've made your curry
extra spicy and extra thick, just dah way you like it,' said
Hikari as she poured what looked like glowing red magma with
suspended pieces of rock onto Misato's rice.
'Oooh, mutton vindaloo. Thanks, Hik!' Misato licked her own
luscious lips in appreciation.
I'm sensing a decided Red Dwarf influence here...
'Some people might say it's wussy curry, but "curry" really
just means sauce. And I'm really a fusion person rather than
an original flavour nazi.'
Hehe...
'Rei has never done anything to harm you. Why?'
'Why not?'
'Why?'
'It seemed like a good idea at the time.'
'And now?'
'I don't know.'
I like that part.
'It was a trace amount, so there won't be any physical
efforts. But given Rei's life-long condition, it was like
a sledgehammer blow to the fragile edifice of her hard-
earned sanity. Her psi equilibrium was shattered in a
matter of seconds and if Shinji hadn't been a few metres
away...' Kodama left the rest unsaid.
efforts -- effects (?)
'Issh to whish Rei to get well shoon! Sshelebrate Rei's
getting... better? And for kicking Angel'sh butt! Haha.
Take that Angel!' Misato swung a fist and ended up tripping
and giving Kensuke a face full of cleavage. There was a
crackle and puff as the blood from Kensuke's nose short-
circuited the tech apparatus mounted on his head.
Hehehe...
'It's not ethical to reveal what I saw, felt, experienced
in and with someone else's mind. And besides, each person
is different. There is no better or worse. You're just
you. Unless you're not really.'
'Awww heck. I'm getting confused already.'
Hehehe...
'Oh? And what if that son of mine had decided to seek
revenge? You know how... fond he is to that girl.'
to -- of (?)
End of Chapter 6.
First draft completed 12 Dec 2001.
Modified 14 Dec 2001.
Interesting... Well, you got my attention. :p