"Dave Menard" <menard5078@rogers.com> wrote:

Seriously, the humor in this falls rather flat for me, just because a
handshake is such a completely un-Amazonish gesture. Maybe you could
come up with someting with a flavor that's more along the lines of what
we've seen for the Amazons (in either series)?

   It was a gag suggested by another respondent. _I_ thought it was cute...
I'll see what I can do to make it either more serious or sillier; either
direction should work to make it Takahashi-esque, wouldn't you say?

Without knowing what you've got in mind, I couldn't say. My guess is
that if Takahashi introduced something like this, it'd have more serious
consequences beyond just putting a stop to a fight. But that's probably
neither here nor there as far as this discussion goes. :)

He drew his collapsible Bo staff and made a few tentative thrusts

forward,

only to have each turned aside. Closing for a hand to hand assault gained
him nothing but a series of clouts to the head that he _knew_ must be

Suggest: that he _knew_ had to be

   Okay... Is that passive vs. active again, there? I have a hard time
telling, sometimes...

No, it's present vs. past tense. Since the action in that clause --
"swelling up into fairly impressive knots" -- isn't really being done
*to* anything, there isn't really any way to make it into a passive.

Your way isn't really unacceptable, since you could interpret the
present tense of "must" as being associated with the timeframe of
Robin's thoughts. But if there is a way to put it explicitly in the
past, and it doesn't sound too clumsy, you might as well do it.

Nabiki Tendo was _not_ a happy camper. Visions of piles of yen suddenly
sprouted wings and flapped away as what was originally a series of
straightforward challenge matches, rapidly degenerated into a

free-for-all

brawl, pitting random Neriman against random Superhero, and both sides
against the Big Kahuna's... Thing.

thing. (not a proper name)

   Thought it had to be capitalized since the ellipsis indicates the end of
the first sentence. No?

If ellipses are four dots instead of three, they can end a sentence, but
it doesn't make any sense to end the sentence there. "Thing" is
obviously what "Big Kahuna's" refers to.

Examples:

This sentence uses three... dots.

This sentence uses four.... Hey! Wait a minute. This is more than one
sentence!

Their individual fights put aside in the face of the monstrous
Mecha-Pineapple, twelve abnormally-powerful teenagers lay siege to the

laid siege to (past tense)

   So "lay" is only past tense if you're laying down, not laying siege?
i.e.: She lay down on the couch?

Right. If you're doing it *to* something (bricks, eggs, etc.) then it's
lay for present and laid for past; otherwise it's lie/lay. This was a
running gag in a Megane 6.7 MSTing; the author kept writing incorrect
stuff like "Shampoo laid down" which would elicit comments like "Mousse
is finally getting some? Cool!"

its (both times; it's means "it is")

   Man, that _always_ gets me. the apostrophe indicates the possessive,
right? So why isn't it used above? Is this one of those cases of the
language just being weird, or what?

It's a language weirdity, yeah. Possessives of nouns get the apostrophe,
but those of *pronouns* don't; it's "hers" rather than "her's."

SUPERBOY: Wow! It's one of those hair colors only clones can see!

RANMA: Where?

   Grrr! You _are_ quite the manga-naziH^H^H^H^Hpurist, ain't'cha? Let's
agree to disagree on this point, 'kay? ^_^

You're entitled to your own view... and I'm entitled to make fun of it
for a cheap laugh. :)

   Never seen the TMNT movie? It's stolen from there. April says that Casey
Jones is claustrophobic, since he refuses to go down into the sewers with
her and the turtles, and he replies "Hey! I never even _looked_ at another
guy!" i.e., misunderstanding "claustrophobic" to mean "homosexual". Same
gag, different multi-syllable word. Although I like your gag, too.

Nope. Didn't see it, which explains why I didn't get the reference.

"Auieee..." Da Kahuna moaned as he passed out, revealing Robin behind

him,

Revealing to whom? Confused by the POV here.

   Revealing him to the world at large. Doesn't work?

No, I don't think so. The world at large isn't watching this. And if
they were, some of them would have been behind them. :)

   Glad you managed to get past the flaws, then. Part three will be ready
when it's ready, likely sometime in January (I hope.) As it is December 22nd
as I write this, I'll wish you a merry Christmas, if you celebrate it, and a
happy new year.

Thanks, and happy solstice to you! (What can I say, I'm a weirdo. ^_^)


Gary Kleppe
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html
	     .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'