Vincent Seifert wrote:

The Tale of the Jinniyah and the King

     "It is told (but only the Eye of God is All-seeing!) that
long ago and far away there was once a young king.  Now this king
was a bad king, for he coveted the lands of neighboring kingdoms
and wasted his soldiers in foolish invasions; he was greedy for
money, and so he taxed his people until they groaned for mercy,
and then he taxed them yet more; and he lusted for the pleasures
of the flesh... but I will not describe his cruel ways with
women, for there are children present.

Ah, Arabian Nights storytelling style. Difficult to write and
impressiveto see it done well here. That said, the first bracket above
feels
rather clumsy. Suggest removing it (detracts from the smoothness of
the storytelling elements).

     "It came to this king's ears that there slept, on the
Forbidden Island where no one goes (because it is forbidden,
among other reasons), a jinni of great power who would grant
three wishes to whosoever awoke it from its sleep.  The king
immediately bethought himself of the power and riches and harem
he might gain by mastering this jinni, and his avaricious dreams
overcame his feeble wisdom.  So the king commanded that a ship be
prepared, provisioned with the finest viands and crewed by the
most skilled sailors and navigators of his kingdom, and he set
sail on that ship for the Forbidden Island.

Again the bracketed aside feels rather clumsy. Suggest removing it also.

     "The adventures that he encountered before he found what he
sought are tales for another time.  Let it suffice to say that
his ship reached the Forbidden Island, and he landed on the
Strand of Woe; he searched out the ancient fortress amid the
wasteland, and wandered a maze of twisty passages, some alike,
until at length he discovered the ruined chamber where the jinni
slept in a crypt of sorcerous light.

'some alike' was confusing. Perhaps 'all alike' might work better.

     "As the king approached, he saw that the jinni was in fact a
jinniyah.  Her face was as fair as a pearl without flaw, her hair
was the color of the great ice cliffs at the top of the world,
and her body was a vision out of the lustful dreams of men,
richly clad in clothing of a bygone age.  Floating above her was
a great staff in the shape of a key.

     "Now, despite the jinniyah's lack of fashion sense, the king
was smitten with her beauty, and in his befuddled state he
remembered another tale he'd heard of how to awaken a sleeping
princess with a kiss.  He seized the key staff, for it obstructed
the pathway of his desire, moved it aside, and bent to kiss those
lips like rubies.  Alas, he did not see that the jinniyah was
rising from her bed even as he bent, and so it came about that
her forehead smote his nose sorely.

This is wonderful: an elegantly sardonic twisting of the Arabianstyle.
Exactly how Ifurita would tell it, IMHO.

     "And when the king had recovered, dashing the tears of pain
from his eyes, lo! he saw that the jinniyah now stood upright
upon the air at the foot of her bed, and yet it seemed that she
still slept.  At this, the king remembered the proper legend, and
recalled that the jinniyah must be awakened by the winding of a
key, and realized that he held the key in his hand.  He sought
eagerly beneath her clothing, and there at the small of her back
he found a socket, and thrust the tip of the staff in.

     "Ten times he turned the key, as magical lightnings flashed
and crackled about them, and then he could turn it no more... and
the jinniyah's eyes opened.  She took a step away, disengaging
herself from the key in the king's hands, then turned to face
him, held out her hand, and spoke, saying: 'Give me that.'

No maniacal laughter as he winds? :)

     "'No way,' quoth the king, clutching the key staff to him.

And the dialogue is superb. An excellent dichotomous blend of worldly
words with the esoteric storytelling.

     "At this, the jinniyah stepped forward and wrested the staff
from the king as easily as though she were wresting a lollipop
from a baby, muttering unto herself, 'Another idiot, after all
these years.'  She examined the king with her cerulean eyes,
nodded to herself, and addressed him thusly: 'Hast thou sold thy
soul to Shaitan, lord of all evil beings?'

At least he doesn't laugh like Jinnai.

     "'Then hear me, O Son of Adam!' the jinniyah thundered in a
voice which shook the room, while lights danced within and around
her staff.  'When I went to sleep I vowed that for the first
thousand years I slept, whomsoever would awaken me, to him I
would grant three wishes.'

'Son of Adam'? Did they use this in AN or is it a 'Chronicles of
Narnia'cameo?

     "'That's the story I heard, all right,' said the king, 'and
for my first wish--'

     "The jinniyah spoke again, her voice easily overcoming his.
'I vowed that for the second thousand years I slept, whosomever
would awaken me, him I would serve for all of his days!'

     "The king's eyes widened at this, and he said, 'That's even
better than three wishes, isn't it?  But shouldn't it be
"whomsoever"?'

Likely no one on the FFML had any clue that 'whosomever' is alsovalid,
which I'm guessing is correct and, I think is, why the joke falls
flat. I know I had no idea.

     "The jinniyah took no notice of him, continuing in a voice
replete with doom: 'But I also vowed that if the third thousand
years began and I still slept, it would be a sign that all men
had become cowards (not at all like the daring adventurers we had
in the old days), and I vowed that whomsoever would awaken me,
him I would slay with great care and attention to detail.'

Heh, I remember this, but it's usually the genies that are sealed
againsttheir will that develop the 'one thousand, two thousand, three
thousand,
and you're dead' complex.

     "After many years the sage grew old, and there came to them
at last the Destroyer of all delights.  But!  The jinniyah (who
had, of course, the eternal life and youth of her kind) had
toiled for many years to prepare a great sorcery, the likes of
which the world had never seen... and, as her beloved's soul
slipped from his body with his last breath, she caught it
tenderly in magical nets of fancy and wonder.  She drew it into
her own heart, and there it took up residence, so that she and
her lover truly became one.  Only the Almighty knows why He
allowed this -- perhaps because it was done for love -- but so it
was.

Death as the 'Destroyer of all delights': very nice allegory. The
'But!'feels rather abrupt; maybe a 'But lo!' might be appropriate.

     "The jinniyah, hovering overhead, replied 'None but I shall
do thee die!'

Hmm, this dialogue sounds clumsy ('do thee die'?). Perhaps arewording?
And in the other instances below as well.

and as she leveled her dreadful staff at him, again
the king fled in fear for his life.  She harried him down to the
Strand of Woe, where his ship lay offshore awaiting his return,
but when the crew of that ship saw the jinniyah swooping to and
fro amid the fires, explosions, and smoke-clouds of her wrath,
their courage failed them.  As the king plunged into the water
and swam for the ship, they swiftly weighed anchor and made off
at the ship's best speed, piling on sail until the yardarm-
projectors grew hot as coals.  The king swam after them in vain,
for the jinniyah continued to pursue him, and so the sailors
dared not turn back.

'yardarm projectors'? What are they?

     "As for the jinniyah, she left that kingdom soon after...
and it may be that she wanders this world even yet, for she is
never alone."

     The audience gathered in the village marketplace was silent
for a while, hoping that that was not the end of the tale, but it
was.  And then a brave child asked, "Did all that really happen?"

     The tale-teller laughed, not loud or long, but with such joy
and love of life that the hearts of all who heard were lightened
by it.  "Oh, yes, it all really happened," she said.

And this is perfect. I didn't see this coming at all (though I
shouldhave :). Wonderful twist to have Ifurita telling her own story!

Thanks to Sir Richard Burton for translating the "Alif Laylah wa
Laylah", whence I filched certain plot and style elements.

Overall, very nicely told/written. Good to see you back in top form,
Vince. Keep it up!

Phil.

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