Making my return to the list with a little C&C...

       "Is something wrong?" Genma asked.  He sounded
on the verge of overjoyed with the prospect that it
was.

This sounds kinda funny.  Maybe : He almost sounded overjoyed at the prospect.

       "Stuff it, pop," Ranma said shaking his head.
"I got to go check with Ukyou and Ryouga.  I'm
supposed to be helpin' them with the weddin' you
know."

'you know' sounds a little off after using helpin' and weddin'
Suggest : ya know or y'know

kiss me anyway,  What about the first day we knew the
city building was open.~  It was nerve racking series
of questions, but at least he had experienced this
second guessing before.  And he was familiar with the
consequences for letting such indecision run.

'kiss me anyway?' and 'It was a nerve wracking'

       Kuno feared that it must be growing too late to
save the poor women from Akane's fate.  Locked in an
enchanted slumber, her family believing she was
actually dead.  Yet, when he defeated this foul
demon-summoner certainly all the spells he had cast
would be undone.

What?  Did Ryoko split in two somewhere? =)

       Really, that Pepe Le Pu was such a genius at

Pepe Le Peu.  I think Pepe Le Pu is related to Mokona

       Ran Ran, wearing a thick scarf around her nose
and mouth lay on her back and stared up sort of
dazedly, spotting a huge bump on her head.  Next to
her was what seemed to be a green mummy with "stomach"
problems.

mouth,  also, I think you mean sporting not spotting
Did the gas stain Kuno's bandages or did I just miss something from a previous chapter?

       Apparently Kuno's bandages didn't keep all the
stench out.
       "What is this?" Kuno demanded shakily, trying
to keep the contents of stomach down.  "The sorcerer

contents of his stomach

has fled and left behind this child to appease my
wrath?  Of course, he must have known I was coming.
It would account for his panicking and error.  And now
he has released one of what is probably many hostages.

You can probably leave out 'what is probably'

       Kuno limped off, leaving a Ran Ran behind

Leave out the 'a' before Ran Ran

little nauseous herself from the head blow, and
shuffled out after where she hoped they had left to.

Sounds weird.  Maybe 'shuffled after them, she hoped.'

********

       "What was that?" Ryoko asked distastefully.
       "That was Kuno and someone else," Ranma said.
       "That girl?" Ryoko asked suspiciously.
       "Probably," Ranma answered frowning.
       "What is it with her anyway?" Ryoko demanded
irritably.
       "Amazon law," Ranma said, before explaining the
Amazon Outsider policies.
       "That has got to be the most bizarre story I
have ever heard," Ryoko said simply.
       "Getting accidentally married to someone you
just met?" Ranma noted sagely.
       "That is the most bizarre story I have lived,"
Ryoko corrected him.  "Who is Kuno?"

Heheh.

       "An lunatic," Ranma said.  He paused for a

I believe it's 'A lunatic' but I could be wrong

       "Not that I know of," Ranma said, though the
random love potion was always a cause for concern in
Nerima.
       "That's a ringing endorsement," Ryoko said
smirking.

Did Ranma say that second part?  If so, it needs quotes.  If not then Ryoko's response doesn't make much sense.

       "Trust me on this one," Ranma said as they
neared Ucchan's door.  "Love potions leave you a lot
less confused than the real thing does."  That
statement stopped Ryoko's sarcasm cold.

Judging by this I'd say yes to the above.

********

       It had been a full day and no sign of Ryouga
yet.  Ukyou was hardly surprised, but she was hopeful.

Don't need the yet.

       "Ryoko," Kiyone said.  She locked at the

looked not locked

an order of Okonomiyaki's to the table.

no apostraphe here

       "So what's the news?" Ryoko asked.
       "There is some good news," Kiyone said.  "Ayeka
pulled out her coma.  For a little while at least."

out of her coma

       "Coma?" Ryoko said.  "I thought she was dead."
       "I thought so to," Kiyone said, not bothering
to mention that this news was about five days old.
"But maybe there's still a chance after all."
       "She's alive," Ryoko said, wonderingly staring

Ryoko said wonderingly, staring

talked to Yosho about this, but he was dead.  Besides,
there was really only one other person that she could
reasonably hope would understand the situation.  Aside
from Ranma, and she wasn't sure she could talk to him
about this yet.  Not until she was certain.

should read : situation, aside from Ranma.  She wasn't sure...

voice said stiffly, as if trying repeat something she

trying to repeat

suggested.  This actually going a lot easier than she

This actually was going

hair was just started to grow back, and she looked

just starting to grow





Once again, another fine chapter, if a little short.  =)

Looking forward to more


C-Ya ='P

Jon Osborne

"...Hallelujah!  Holy Shit!  Where's the Tylenol?"
                    -Clark W. Griswold


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