ffml-bounce@anifics.com wrote:
Revised a little. Tell me what you think, please.
This assumes definite knowledge of the action and events of
Evangelion. There are some elements of the manga within.
So this is...
Shinji with balls? Is that correct? Or am I missing something here that I should know, given that I haven't really read the first chapter of this fic.
************************************************
An Oddzilla Productions Fanfic, by Andrew Huang
Evangelion: Bitter Testament
Based on Neon Genesis Evangelion, c. Gainax Studios and ADVision.
************************************************
Chapter 2: Fury's Wellspring
Interesting title as well. Though, as usual... the glaring 'Chapter 2' reminds me yet again of my penchant for c&cing in the middle of a series. Please do keep that in mind as I start my mostly opinionated little queries and statements.
Step.
"Stop, dammit!"
"Shinji, what's--"
"Fine. If you're going to be that way, then CHARGE!"
Ooh. Frisky little delinquent, isn't he? Who gave him Asuka's bitch pills?
"Ever seen something that inspires a sense of wonder that overwhelms
you, sweeps you along helplessly?" asked Ritsuko, who suddenly appeared at
Misato's elbow.
Ritsuko: Ouch, my nose! Major Katsuragi!
IMO, she _shouldn't_ suddenly appear Misato's elbow.
Crunch. Thud. Wham.
I've seen this recurring 'use the sound effect like a sentence or word' style you have. I dunno much about it detracting or adding to the story, but it is your style and you should do what you want.
Something caught his eye, to the right. He turned, seeing the reflection
of his EVA in a mirror-surfaced skyscraper that had mostly escaped damage
during the battle. The helmet of the EVA had fallen off, exposing its real
head--a brownish, smooth structure. Where the right eye had been was now a
burnt slash. But the slash began to quiver, and without warning, a green
blob popped out. No, not a blob, an eye, regenerating from the remains of
one that had been lost. The pupil formed and dialated, looking back.
Looking back at him.
Looking back into him.
Into him....
Into--
Blackness, and a scream in his own voice.
Those mind-screwing scenes that define EVA. Single word sentences and very visual descriptions that create atmosphere to say the least... a technique I'm fond of using in my own fics. Very... shall we say, EVA-nesque?
She continued to look at him, and he started to feel slightly
uncomfortable. But before he could say anything else, she spoke instead.
"I see. This gives us a chance to meet and interact in a noncombat
situation, and hence, come to understand each other's character." A slight
pause. "It is good to meet you, then."
He stared at her, then chuckled, and said, "Yes...that's right."
Well, this is... different. More the silent treatment and less talk... probably the more glaring aspect is less introversion in the sense of this Shinji's reaction to Rei Ayanami. Utter silence... it provides atmosphere, I give you that.
Shinji looked on in silence for a few moments longer, then shrugged.
"Beautiful? I don't know," he said, still watching with a seemingly
complete sense of detachedness. "It's not something I particularly care
about. The city is safe, and that's what matters." He turned around and
walked back to the car. Misato frowned. So much for trying to strike up
some light conversation.
"What is with that boy?"
I was wonderng the exact same thing. ^^
Shinji watched dispassionately as Misato slammed down her beer. "WAA-HA!
Now this is the way to live!" She grinned at him, but was met only with
silence. "Hey, Shinji. Why are you so quiet? It's disturbing."
He shrugged with one shoulder. "Nothing to say."
Misato was getting irritated. He hadn't even noticed the second
refrigerator in the corner of the kitchen--or rather, she'd seen his eyes
flicker over it without even a comment or the slightest hint of curiosity.
"You've had nothing to say all day, but you're obviously thinking about
something. What's going on in that head of yours?"
"...the past."
"All right, then, tell me about your past."
"Haven't you read my file already?"
"Humor me."
Isn't he the li'l badass?
Shinji tilted his head slightly, looking thoughtful. "All right.... My
parents. I'll start with what I've read about my parents.... My father,
Izaki Ginta, was killed in a flash flood that was the direct result of the
Second Impact, the day after it happened. My mother, Izaki Arimi, never
quite got over that. She attempted suicide a few times, before she found
out she was pregnant with me.
"She stopped trying to kill herself then, but according to statements
>from her who survived the Impact, she also stopped trying to live. She
ate barely enough to keep the both of us alive. And once I was born, she
stopped altogether. I guess she just gave up and died, then."
I was wondering about this the whole time about the fic... those are his parents? What about Gendo? Is this altaverse, 'coz he's acting more and more like his (supposed) old man than I've ever seen him in other Eva fics.
Also, the traumatic event he experienced seemed no more as traumatic as with the ol' Shinji... though probably the fact that he didn't have his old man freak him out time and time again, and also the fact that this origin tale seemed quite close to a certain eva pilot with a red mane and bitchy attitude (no more details... this is public posting and _that_ would be a spoiler) would probably warrant his behaviour now.
Misato stared at him, a vague sense of horror building in her gut. His
voice was calm, unwavering. Perhaps there was sorrow somewhere in it.
Maybe. But she couldn't detect it.
"I had no living relatives, and due to the trouble from the Impact, no
one was really looking to adopt any children. My earliest memories was of
the orphanage, the one that I was in for most my life...I think I was
five, or so. There were hundreds of kids, like me, parents killed by the
Impact--directly or indirectly.
"It was...it was an existence. They cared for us adequately, as well as
they could given the circumstances. We got enough to eat, we had warm
beds. But none of us had families." He paused, and looked at Misato
thoughtfully. "Some of the caretakers had families. I'd see them meet up
with their spouses and children, and they would smile and hug each other."
The calmness was a cold, deathly one, rimed with ice...and hollow.
Hollow like the fang of a venomous snake. That was what it was. "I...I
see," said Misato, slowly. Her eyes flickered downward, unable to hold his
gaze now.
Nice imagery.
"--painstakingly mixed! Yes. You're just like everyone else." She
finished with an indignant sniff, then slyly glanced at him to see his
reaction.
Heh.
He was staring, at a complete loss for words. "Mi...Mi...Misato-san?"
She laughed. She laughed, and laughed, and laughed. "Finally! Cracked
that cool exterior of yours! You know, you're kind of cute when you're not
so damn serious."
Too quickly, far too quickly, he had clamped down on his bewildered
expression and set his face back into the usual lines of professional
regard. "I'm a little tired, Misato-san. I'd best get some rest, after all
that I've done today. Thank you for dinner. Good evening." He rose, bowed
to her, and cleared his setting from the table, before disappearing out
the door.
But Misato could swear she saw him smile genuinely, if only for an
instant. She was certain of it.
Nice scene. I liked the way Misato handled the situation, and how Shinji reacted to it... a very different Shinji, but apparently the wimp we know and love is still there deep down. :P Though, apparently, it's very, very deep down.
He chuckled then, and that was one of the most chilling things she'd
ever heard in her life.
I dunno... chuckling hardly seems to be something that invokes chilling foreboding. I couldn't suggest much else for the life of me... cackled? My take on wwhat your doing is that Shinji here has become more and more like his father Gendo... if he is his father in this story.
"But...I want to linger on it. I did well. I did really well, didn't I,
Misato-san? Yes. But, of course, I could have done better. Hmm. You have
video footage of the fight, right? I need to observe myself, see what I
did right, what I did wrong...."
Her heart sank. You wanted someone enthusiastic, willing to train,
willing to do a good job. But this wasn't right. There was an edge. This
wasn't enthusiasm, this was battlelust. The look on his face...the kind of
smile she didn't like. Not like the one she saw after dinner--if she'd
really seen it at all.
"...crush the next Angel. Absolutely."
No. It frightened her.
End chapter two.
Interesting so far. Soooo... is this altaverse where Shinji has different parents or was this something else I could only guess... or rather, is this something that's supposed to be revealed at the next chapter?
This is interesting to me because this is a Shinji I haven't seen outside of the manga... and the takes given about him seems to be more in the terms of hi having nearly Gendo-esque dementia... if it could be called that. You piqued my interest... can't wait for the next.
Ja!
Abdiel
Andrew Huang...Shizumaru@KawaiiMUCK
http://www.hcs.harvard.edu/~alhuang/
NAC MAC FEEGLE!
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