My two lei worth - 

"D.F. Roeder" wrote:

Akane Wanna Cracker?

A Ranma 1/2 Shortfic
By
D.F. Roeder

The redhead snickered, then burst into laughter. "'SQUAWK!'" she
aped. "HEY! NO BITIN'! HAHAHA!!!" She started running, forcing the
bird to take wing.

"Ranma-no-baka! SQUAWK!! Get back here so I can chew off another
piece of your ear!!"

  Wouldn't she say "Ranma-no-bakaw!"

     ~~~~~

"Tadaimaaaaa!!" Ranma called, as she and Akane entered the Tendou
home. Ranma doffed her shoes.

Kasumi glided down the hall from the kitchen. "Welcome home,
Ranma. Where's Akane? ... ... And why do you have a parrot on your
shoulder?"

"Parrot? There's no parrot on my shoulder."

  Shouldn't his response be "What parrot?"

  (Or Ranma could ask what the penguin is doing in top of the telly)\

"I..." Kasumi looked uncertainly between Ranma and the bird. "Are
you certain you do not see a parrot roosting on your shoulder?"

"A parrot?!" Ranma asked, incredulous. Akane-macaw rolled her
eyes.

"Indeed, so. A very large parrot... or so it seems..." Kasumi
appeared distraught over the discrepancy in what everyone saw.

Ranma looked at Akane. "Akane, do you see a parrot anywhere?"

"SQUAWK! ... Baka..." Akane flapped her wings once. "Uh... Hi,
Oneechan-- SQUAWK!"

*THUMP!*

Ranma -- and Akane, who had to turn her head sideways -- peered
down at the unconscious Kasumi.

     ~~~~~

"Oh, myyy," Nabiki drawled. "Akane's a bird." The family watched
Akane stalk around the table, stopping occasionally to preen.

"Oh, dear." Kasumi laid a hand against her cheek. "Should I put
down newspaper?"

"Ranma! SQUAWK! Where's that hot water?!" Akane yelled. "I'm in
here doing BIRD stuff!!"

  Kasumi had better get those newspapers down quickly.

"Coming!" Ranma sang from the kitchen.

Soun had been and still was in full wail. Genma and Nodoka just
stared, and Kasumi fanned herself.

Nabiki grinned from ear to ear. "Come on, Akane, say 'Pieces of
Eight!'"

Akane put a wing over one eye, opened her beak, and stuck out her
knobby tongue. "Biiiii-da!"

The shoji to the backyard exploded inward, and Shampoo announced
herself. "Nihao!! Shampoo hear Airen back in town."

"Oh, great-- SQUAWK! It's the Bimbo from Beijing."

Shampoo leaned over and peered at the large bird. "Who you? And
Shampoo never been Beijing. Mousse go once."

  And we know that Akane loves Peking Duck.  It's a match made in heaven.


  Of course, we still don't know the airspeed of a laden parrot...

  Ranma is learning restraint. He never once referred to Akane as a "birdbrain".

 - whimsy
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