} From: "D.F. Roeder" <droeder@houston.rr.com>
} Date: Tue, 11 Dec 2001 22:19:38 -0600
I don't have time to do C&C, really. But somehow, this
compels me. :)
} Akane Wanna Cracker?
I think *this* is the fic you should have entitled "Not Quite
What You Were Expecting." ;)
} A steady rain fell, obscuring pedestrians as they made their way
} up and down the sidewalk. A silhouette appeared, walking up the
} center of the road, and it eventually resolved into a redheaded
} young woman with a large black-and-blue macaw perched on her
} shoulder.
These two sentences feel a bit disjoint. Some transition,
such as "Through the haze, a silhouetee..." would help, I
think.
} The redhead snickered, then burst into laughter. "'SQUAWK!'" she
} aped.
Heh. Avoiding the obvious pun?
} "Ranma-no-baka! SQUAWK!! Get back here so I can chew off another
} piece of your ear!!"
}
} "With your gripin' or your bitin'? HAHAHA!! HEEEE!!!"
Heh.
} "Indeed, so. A very large parrot... or so it seems..." Kasumi
} appeared distraught over the discrepancy in what everyone saw.
That last bit seems awkward to me, as it's obvious why
Kasumi is getting flustered. Were it me writing this, I'd
probably put something like "Kasumi was getting visibly more
distraught," but then, I'm not writing this. ;)
} Ranma looked at Akane. "Akane, do you see a parrot anywhere?"
}
} "SQUAWK! ... Baka..." Akane flapped her wings once. "Uh... Hi,
} Oneechan-- SQUAWK!"
This is a great scene.
} "WAAAAHHH!!!" Soun broke in. "MY GRANDCHILDREN WILL *HATCH*!!!"
}
} "With the power to crack the world's shell?" Nabiki jibed,
} smirking. Everyone stared at her blankly, and she waved it off,
} rolling her eyes. "Never *mind*..."
Heh.
} "Just wonderful," Akane lamented. "He defeats her *again*, and now
} I've got to wait for another kettle..."
}
} The silence in the room stretched.
}
} "...SQUAAAWK!! Oh, hell..."
It took me a second to figure out why Akane said "oh, hell"
-- normally, I'd expect something like "dammit!" (Or,
perhaps, I'm just dense; always an option.) But it's bloody
funny. :)
Anyways, this is a great little spamfic. Weird, mind you,
and I'm positive that if I ever find out exactly *why* you
decided to write this my brain will smoulder into a greasy
lump of ashes, but definitely fun.
Bjorn