ffml-bounce@anifics.com wrote:


Oooh, ooh... yay! ^_^

**Swap**

CH 2

"Hi-Hiei?  How.  How is this possible?"  Kuwabara asked.

I hung up the phone.  I wasn't going to answer the fool.  Let him figure it
out.  The first thing I needed to do was change out of this damn pink
pullover.  Kurama.

Suggest to take out the 'Kurama'... or go with 'Kurama....' to give out the impression of dismay in Hiei (gee, that rhymes!)

"Shuuichi!  You'll be late for school!"

Damn.  Damn Kurama.  I knew the color he wore to school. and the crowds of
people, expecting... expecting me to interact with them. I also knew how
important it was to him that he attend school to maintain a normal ningen
life.  But I just plain did not want to go through with it.

Get rid of 'plain.' It doesn't seem to belong there and it doesn't seem to be in the Jaganashi's vocabulary. ^^;

I didn't like hearing him use my voice, either.

I just love the way you portrayed Hiei here... so very Hiei-like. ^_^

"Is everything alright, Shuuichi?  You look ill."  She motioned for me to
come down to her, but I held my ground and stood still, gripping the wall
with one hand for support.  "Stay home, son.  You need rest."  I nodded and
turned away slowly, taking the cordless phone with me.

Hiei: Well, that was easy. Talking is overrated.

I awoke this time to a tapping noise.  I sat up in bed to find myself
knocking at Kurama's window.  It was weird to watch him-me-crouch there on
the tree branch by the ledge.  If I were not in his body I would have
thought he was me-he hadn't changed out of my clothes from last night and
was carrying my katana.  I pushed the bed covers aside and went to the
window to let him in.

When he grinned at me, I suppressed the urge to push him back out the
window.

"Hiei?  Where's my shirt?"

I shrugged and crossed my arms.  "Not on me."  Kurama chuckled and shook his
head before pulling out his swivel chair from his desk and taking a seat.

"Hiei-what were you doing last night?"

'Hiei--what were you...' or 'Hiei - what were you...' Just some suggestions, knowing it's hard to compensate ASCII text with those 'special characters.'

"I was alone, and,"

'I was alone, and... ' 

Make more use of the ellipses... the ellipsis is your friend. :p
 
 I stood up from the bed and looked him in the eye.  "I

don't know what happened."

"All right."

"We can't just stay here and talk."

Kurama: 9_9 Of course... knowing you....

I nodded and he left the room.  There wasn't much I really liked of his
clothing to choose from. but I found some jeans, a blue shirt and some belts
before he came back dressed in an oversized yellow shirt and blue sash.

O-kay... a Kurama version of Hiei and vice-versa... now that's a sight to see. o_o

And where the heck is Hiei gonna put all those belts? ^^;

"Yuusuke is here, isn't he?"

Kurama grinned again, wearing my face all wrong.

I liked this sentence. ^_^

'Kuso.'

I followed Kurama down the stairs towards the loud sounds of Yuusuke's
pounding at the front door.  I didn't want to see Yuusuke right then, but I
went to the door anyway, but stood away, at a distance.  When Kurama let him
in, he stood in the doorway just staring at us.

"Kurama?"

"Hai." He said, using my baritone voice, but in a softer tone, causing the
hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.

And this one... you got Hiei's characterization to a 't.' ^^

"Hiei?"  I shrugged, not wishing to let him indulge in the moment, knowing
full well it was a losing battle.  I braced myself, waiting for his
laughter.  And it came.

"Baka."

He laughed louder.

All the characters you got quite well... FYI, Yusuke is one of my most fave characters in YYH, and not just because he's the hero, but because he's quite a colorful character.

Kurama cleared his throat and beckoned Yuusuke back out the front door.  "We
need to find out what really happened-we can't stay like this much longer--I
have responsibilities to school, and 'Kaasan."  He swallowed again, eyes
momentarily downcast, after his last word.

Yuusuke nodded, suddenly serious.  Kurama ran ahead of us, to the forest
area where I had been the night before.  "Are you sure you're Hiei?"

"What makes you say that?'

"Well, why aren't you the one dashing off ahead?"

"Shut up."

You could practically hear him grinning.

Yusuke: ^____^

  I picked up the pace, mentally cursing Kurama's stupid ningen

body for keeping me slow--though in less than a moment, I was there,
standing next to Kurama, examining a tree I used to sleep in from time to
time.

"I don't feel anything unusual here, Hiei.  This really bothers me."

Kurama walked a way a few paces, leaving my line of vision and Yuusuke
approached me, looking sheepish.  I knew from his posture he was up to
nothing I would be interested in.  Still, I was ready to listen.  "Nan da
yo?"

"Hiei-I have to ask." Hands in his pockets, he grinned at me.  "So, is
Kurama a real guy?"  I held my ground, glaring at him.  "Is he?"  I wasn't
about to dignify that question with a reply.  It was not my business--nor
his, for the matter.  Humans.

Here in the Philippines, we have a local dub of YYH... and they showed Kurama as a girl in the first few eps. -.-; Inexplicably, they turned him into a boy, citing that he was only a girl in the human world. Whatever... he looked quite a boy to me in the later eps in Ningenkai.

Kurama appeared again at my side. "Nothing.  I found nothing out of the
ordinary-so we'll just have to think of something else."  He unhooked my
katana from his side and held it out to me.  "I can't seem to make much use
of your jagan-if you also can't use my powers, you'll need this back."

I took it from him, withdrawing the blade from the sheath, taking one long
last look at my sword before.  giving it back to him.  "Take it."

"Demo."

Somehow, I knew I didn't need it.  Before he could shove the hilt back into
my grasp I took one hand and reached for a seed behind my neck and withdrew.
A single red rose.

To be continued.

As always, I'm intrigued. You mentioned a villain somewhere before? It interests me more so. ^^ 

~*Jari*~

Jari Son 2001

Yu Yu Hakusho is copyright to Yoshihiro Togashi/Shueisha, Jump comics, Fuji
Television and Studio Pierrot and licensed by FUNImation Productions, Inc.

Ja!
Abdiel


-----------------

"If you really want something, fight for it; Fight with your whole heart, with
your whole soul! If you truly value something you must give your whole self
into it."  -Genkai, Yuyu Hakusho

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