First off I�d like to compliment you upon your excellent 
spelling, grammar, and
formatting.  It may be a sad state of affairs that such is not the 
norm, but I can say that it got me
reading your fic while others were deleted after a line or two.  Your 
well formed sentences even
got me over parts that might have otherwise lost my interest.

	I�ll start with the criticisms, then move into the comments.  
While talking with Kasumi and
Nabiki Soun and Genma seemed a bit off.  They acted too reasonable, I 
think.  When Kasumi
suggested Akane as Ranma�s fiancee, Soun at least pretended to consider 
it.  However, since he
had already decided that Akane might not be suitable, wouldn�t he rush 
to explain why or dismiss
Kasumi�s suggestion out of hand?  Also, her and Nabiki�s leaving for 
bed seemed rather abrupt. 
Finally, Ranma trusting his father, especially right after getting 
cursed, is really pushing it.  Ranma
might drink the sake because Genma bullies him about rudeness, but 
respecting the old man�s
judgement?  Not likely.

	The next item is one that I�ve fallen into.  Ranma and Akane�s 
fight was the exact
duplicate of that in the cannon.  While you don�t have to change it, 
that also makes it very boring
to read.  Also, wouldn�t Akane start out using her full skill against a 
male opponent?  In the
cannon she holds back since she expects to be vastly superior to Ranma, 
and I don�t think she�d
care about not hurting a male Ranma�s feelings.

	While the spaces between your paragraphs make them very 
readable, some of them tended
towards the long side.  I saw at least one 19 line and an 18 line 
paragraph, as well as a number
over ten lines.  The story would be easier to read if you could break a 
number of them up into
individual paragraphs.  I do compliment you on starting a new paragraph 
each time another
person speaks.  Failing to do so is often the cause of long paragraphs, 
and I�m glad to see it isn�t
here.

	My last criticism is the passive tense leapt out at me.  I 
can�t say if you use a lot of it, but I
can say that it weakened passages that did not require its use.  My 
best example of this is �. . .the
puppy-dog eyes that Nabiki was giving Soun cracked his resolve . . .�  
Could easily be changed to
�. . . the puppy-dog eyes that Nabiki give Soun cracked his 
resolve . . .�  That would improve the
force of the sentence and make it easier to read.  (As a style note, I 
have to admit that I�d write
the sentence: �Soun�s resolve cracked after a few moments of Nabiki�s 
puppy dog eyes . . .� but
that�s my personal preference for making simpler sentences.)

	However, let it not be said that your fic doesn�t have its good 
points.  I can�t say anything
about the plot, since all we�ve seen so far is how this time line is 
different from the cannon, but
there are interesting signals.  The you make Kasumi human, which can be 
tough to do, but don�t
fall entirely out of cannon (especially the first episode).  I look 
forward to a humorous subplot
about Kasumi trying to get Dr. Tofu to act as her fiancee.

	While alcohol can be something of a deus ex machina for getting 
characters to act OOC, it
works well here.  Liquoring the Ranma and Akane up is certainly a plan 
along the lines of Genma
and Soun�s thinking, it wasn�t grievous, and I always am willing to 
suspend disbelief for the initial
divergence.

	I hope to see the next installment soon.  Keep writing!

	

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