Guess what?  

No, guess.

Give up?

I�M INSANE!!!!!  BWE HE HE HE HE HE!!!

(Psst.  We already knew that.)

QUIET, YOU!!!!

//////////////////////

I�m ripping off Rumiko Takahashi�s characters, again.  I�m going to hell.

*************

Ranma trudged through the streets of Nerima, Japan, close behind her father,
Genma, who was in his panda form.  Jusenkyo curses were weird; Ranma was a
girl at the moment, even though she had been born a boy.  The cold rain that
was falling saw to that. 

�Yo!  Old man!  Where the heck are we goin�?� called Ranma harshly.  She
didn�t like being out in the rain any more than she had to, but that was not
the reason she was inquiring as to their destination; she had been following
her father for three weeks without any idea of where they were going, and
she didn�t like that.  �Well?�

Genma snorted and held up a sign.  �We�re going to a friend�s house.�

�Friend?� asked Ranma.  �You don�t have any friends, Pop.�  She ducked under
the paw that sped toward her head and snorted derisively.  �Let�s just go,
okay?�

The panda growled to itself and turned to point at a house just two houses
away from where they stood.  �That�s where we�re going, Boy.  Stop being so
impatient.�

The girl scowled.  �Fine, let�s get inside, then.  I�m cold.�

Genma held up a sign that said �Weak� as he started walking toward the
house.  

++++

�What�s this about, Dad?� asked Nabiki Tendo lazily as she looked at her
father, Soun.  Kasumi, her older sister, and Akane, her younger sister,
flanked her to the right and left, respectively.

Akane scowled and added, �Yeah, I could be out in the dojo practicing right
now.�

Soun sighed.  He didn�t like deceiving his girls.  �A friend of mine is
coming to visit.  He has a son, about Akane�s age.�  Akane tensed up.  He
really didn�t think Akane would react favorably to the pact with Genma that
had been made so long ago, which was why he was withholding information from
the girls.  That didn�t mean he had to like it, though.  �They�re going to
be staying with us for a little while.  I just thought you would like to
know.  You live in this house, too, after all.�

Kasumi smiled at her dad as she said, �Thank you, Father.  It was very nice
of you to forewarn us.�

Nabiki�s eyes held a predatory gleam in them as she said, �Is he cute?  Your
friend�s son, I mean.�  The girl licked her lips.  

Soun cleared his throat.  That look made him nervous.  �I don�t know; I�ve
never met him.  I have known his father for a long time, though; I met him
when I was training in martial arts so many years ago.  I understand that
Genma has been teaching his son martial arts, as well, so I can imagine that
he would be fit, if not necessarily handsome.  Does that help?�

Nabiki smirked.  The gleam in her eyes intensified, if that were even
possible.  

Akane glowered.  �As long as this�boy,� the word was laced with contempt,
�knows to keep his hands and eyes to himself, I shouldn�t have a problem.�

Soun grimaced, but turned it into a smile before anyone could notice.  He
hoped, at least.  �Don�t worry, Akane.  I don�t think you�ll have any of
that kind of trouble.�

Akane was about to reply harshly when a knock came at the front door.  �Ooh!
That must be�what�s the boy�s name, anyway?� Nabiki said as she looked at
her father questioningly.

�Ranma,� said Soun as he stood to receive his old friend.  It had been far
too long since they had last seen each other.

Kasumi reached the door before he did, though, and she opened the door to
reveal a large, wet panda and a young girl with red hair, just as wet.
�Hello,� murmured the girl as she bowed politely.  �I�m Ranma Saotome.�

Soun stared.  This was certainly unexpected.  �Um�where�s Genma?� asked Soun
cautiously before Kasumi could say anything.

Strangely enough, the girl blushed and muttered, �Could I please get some
hot water?  I�ll tell ya, but it�d be easier for you to believe if you saw
it.�

Kasumi smiled sweetly; she was very good at that.  �Certainly, Ranma dear!
You�re a friend of the family!  Come in, come in!�  She waved the two in and
scampered off to get some hot water as Soun and his other two daughters
stared awkwardly at the pair of dripping figures.

Soun broke the proverbial ice.  �How has your trip been?�  Soun was sure
that Genma had said he had a son.  And where was Genma, anyway?  This was
far beyond strange.

The girl shrugged her shoulders.  She must have been shy.

�Where do you live?� asked Nabiki innocently.

Ranma fidgeted.  �Well, I don�t really�live�anywhere.�  At the confused
looks she got, she expounded.  �Me and pop have been on a training trip for
a while now.  We camp out most of the time.  That�s what I mean.�

Akane seemed interested at that.  �How long has this trip been going on?�

�Most of my life.�  Ranma shrugged.  �Well, if you were wonderin� how my
trip was,� he said to Soun, �then I guess you mean the trip from China,
right?�  

�Wow!  China!� exclaimed Nabiki.  She seemed genuinely impressed.

At Soun�s nod, Ranma responded, �It�s been good.  Not a whole lot of
trouble, I guess.�  At that moment, Kasumi came back in with the hot water.

�Here you go, Ranma,� said Kasumi with her ever-present smile.  

Ranma took the kettle and grinned nervously.  �Don�t get freaked out, now.�
She turned to pour some of the hot water on the panda, and then poured some
more on herself.

Soun definitely DID get freaked out, and then passed out.

++++

�Let�s go over this again,� said Nabiki, confused slightly.   The entire
group of people was sitting at the dining room table, each family taking up
sides facing each other.  

Genma sighed and adjusted the bandanna on his head; the bandanna was white,
to match the gi he had put on.  He patiently began anew.  �I�m Genma
Saotome, and this is my son, Ranma.�  The boy bowed slightly at the waist as
his name was mentioned.  �We�ve been on a training trip for a number of
years, now, and we�ve most recently been in China.  While there, we came
across an accursed training ground called Jusenkyo.�

Akane frowned at the boy, but turned her gaze to his father in order to ask,
�If it was cursed, why�d you train there?�

�We didn�t know it was cursed at the time, Akane.�  Genma frowned right back
at Akane.  Soun was pale, and Kasumi was basically holding him up as he
swayed left and right, but Genma turned back to him and spoke again despite
the indications that he was not feeling too well.  �Anyway, we were training
there when I fell into one of the pools.  The curse of the place is that
once someone falls into one of the springs, he or she takes on the form of
whatever drowned in that pool.  I fell into the pool of drowned panda, and
Ranma into the pool of drowned girl.  The curse works in such a way that
when cold water is poured onto the victim, the curse is activated; hot water
reverses the transformation.�

Nabiki frowned.  �Okay.  Well, that settles that.�  She stood up and
stretched.  �If you don�t mind, it�s pretty late.  I�m gonna take a bath
then go to bed.  G�night.�  She lazily waved at everyone before leaving the
room.

Akane stood up immediately and said something similar before leaving the
room, as well.  

The elder Tendo was considering his situation.  He and Genma had promised to
marry their children almost twenty years ago, before they were even born,
but now that Genma and Ranma were cursed, did he want to go on with the
promise?  Soun shook his head.  Of course he did.  His honor demanded it,
actually.  He would not back out on a matter of honor.  Besides: Ranma�s
curse wasn�t that bad.  At least he was a human all the time, which was more
than could be said about his father.  Color finally returning to his face,
Soun turned to his eldest daughter and asked, �Kasumi?  Could you show Ranma
to the guest room?  He�ll probably want to get some sleep, too.�  Kasumi
smiled in acquiescence and led the younger Saotome up the stairs.  As soon
as they were gone, Soun leaned closer to Genma and whispered
conspiratorially, �Does Ranma know?�

�No,� said Genma, whispering just as quietly.  �Do any of your girls?�

�No, and let�s hope it stays that way until we can figure out what to do.�
Soun frowned and scratched his moustache.  �First things first: who should
Ranma marry?�

Genma sat back and shrugged his shoulders casually.  �That�s your call,
Soun.  I don�t know your daughters.�

The man sighed.  �You�re right, of course.  Although I don�t know your son,
either, Saotome.�  

Genma frowned.  �Tendo, it�s your dojo.�

�Fine, fine,� grumbled Soun.  He frowned in concentration for a moment.
�Akane is a definite no.  She doesn't like boys very much."

Genma raised an eyebrow.

"No, no," hastily added Soun, "she's not gay.  The boys at her school just
don't do a very good job of portraying our sex, that's all."

Genma gave Soun a blank stare.  "Well, okay, it won't be Akane, for whatever
reason; I won't ask.  But who WILL it be, Tendo?"

Soun thought again before speaking.  "Kasumi would probably be the best
choice."

Kasumi, who had come downstairs just in time to hear that, pleasantly asked,
"I would be the best choice for what, father?"

The two friends gave each other worried stares.  Finally, they both shrugged
simultaneously, and Soun motioned for his daughter to sit next to him.  When
she did so, he began speaking.  "Kasumi, many years ago, Genma and I made a
pact.  The pact was that our families would be joined; I would like it if
you would help us fulfill that pact by marrying Ranma."

Kasumi's eyebrows shot up, and she said, with wide eyes, "What?"

Soun smiled and put a hand on his daughter's shoulder.  "He's really a good
boy, Kasumi.  I'm sure you'll grow to love him."

Genma broke in before the woman could reply.  "Besides, he's in very good
shape, and he will certainly be able to protect you."  The man beamed
proudly as Kasumi's brows creased with worry.

"Well," started the woman after a moment, "could Akane do it?  I don't think
I would be a very good choice."  She wrung her hands nervously and looked to
her father.  "I mean, I don't really like younger men, and besides, I think
Akane would be a much better choice.  She hasn't had very many good
relationships with boys, as you well know, father, so a good, normal, solid
relationship with Ranma would be just the thing for her."  She again frowned
worriedly, and looked to Genma.  "You're sure that Ranma is a gentleman?"

"My son is a man among men," he stated definitively as he unconsciously
rubbed his stomach.

Kasumi nodded and looked to her father once more.  "I think Akane would be a
much better choice, father.  They're the same age; they both practice
martial arts; they both�well�it'd be a much better pairing than myself and
Ranma."  She smiled nervously as she regarded her father, sweat forming upon
her brow.

The patriarch of the Tendo family frowned and scratched his chin in thought.
"I don't know, Kasumi�Akane wouldn't react too kindly to something like
that, given her disposition towards boys.  Nabiki really wouldn't be good,
either, seeing as she's so�predatory would be a good word.  I don't think
Ranma would react kindly to that."  Genma nodded fiercely, and Soun
continued.  "I really think you'd be the best choice, Kasumi, dear."  He
smiled reassuringly and patted her on the shoulder for a second time.
"It'll be all right, daughter.  I'm sure he's a good boy."

Kasumi's eyes bulged again, and she stuttered, "W-well�um�father, I-I-I
don't think�"  The woman paused to swallow and compose herself.  "I don't
think that I'd be that good of a match, at all!"  She laughed nervously
before beginning again.  "Besides, um, I'm already in a relationship!  Yeah,
that's it!"  Kasumi smiled nervously yet again, and she went on in a shaky
voice, "You see, um�Dr. Tofu!  Yes!  Dr. Tofu and I have been in a
relationship for�er�a�long time!  See?  I can't marry Ranma!"  Yet another
round of nervous laughter passed the woman's lips.

"Really?" asked Soun, genuinely intrigued.  "How long has this been going
on?"

"Um�" she stalled as she thought.  "About a year!  Yeah!  Long, long time,
now that I think of it.  Getting pretty serious.  Can't marry Ranma."
Kasumi's babbling was cut off by her father's question.

"HOW serious, daughter?"  Soun inwardly tensed himself for a full-out
scream.  If Kasumi was sleeping with the doctor, then she actually WOULDN'T
be able to marry Ranma, confound it!  He prayed silently as he waited for
the woman's answer, outwardly calm and collected.

Kasumi blushed and looked down.  She'd have to say it if she was going to
get out of the marriage.  Oh, she hoped Tofu would understand, and would at
least play along for a while.  "We've been�" she swallowed, "sleeping
together for about three months now, father."  Lord, her face was on fire!
She hoped Tofu would understand.  She truly did like the man, and wanted to
have a relationship with him, but that chance may have flown out the window
with those words.  Please, God, let Tofu understand!

Genma looked at his oldest and dearest friend, and his eyes said only one
thing: What next?  Soun wanted to scream to the firmament above, letting out
all of his anger and frustration, but instead he just sighed and said, "Very
well, daughter.  You know I want only what makes you happy, and if Dr. Tofu
makes you happy, then far be it from me to take him away from you."  Rubbing
the bridge of his nose absently, he asked, "Would you please call Nabiki
down here for me?"

Kasumi nodded once and scurried out of the room.  When she was out of site
of the two men, she let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been
holding.  Thank the Lord she'd gotten out of that one!

Nabiki entered the room a couple of seconds later, and Soun smirked at the
skimpy ensemble Nabiki opted to sleep in.  If nothing else, Nabiki was more
readily equipped to catch Ranma's eye.  "Nabiki?" he asked in his most
father-like voice.  "Would you sit down, please?"

She shrugged and sat down.  "Sure.  What's this about?" she asked as she
looked at Genma askance, trying to ascertain just what the two men were up
to.

Soun took a deep breath and started, knowing that his middle daughter would
take any delay as a maneuver to buy time to think, which incidentally it
would have been.  "Nabiki, many years ago, Genma and I made a pact.  The
pact was that our families would be joined; I would like it if you would
help us fulfill that pact by marrying Ranma."

The seventeen-year-old Tendo daughter's outward expression did not change in
the slightest, but her mind was working in overdrive.  What the hell?!?  She
hadn't expected ANYTHING like that!  Nabiki quickly thought about the
complications that kind of an arrangement would bring, and about what kind
of guy Ranma was.  Sure, he was cute; she was the last person in the world
to turn away a pretty face.  And from his build, she assumed that he was
probably pretty good in bed, too.  She smirked a bit at that, but then shook
her head minutely.  No, there was no room for something like that in a
decision as important as that one was.  She quickly scanned her life and
tried to fit a fianc�e into it.  No dice.  She looked over her plans for
after high school.  No room there, either.  She reviewed what she had
planned on doing after college; alas, there was no room for Ranma there,
either.  Nabiki shook her head and said with a definitive tone in her voice,
"No."  She looked her father straight in the eye and spoke.  "No chance.
I'm not gonna do that.  If you want to force me to marry Ranma, and alienate
me forever, go ahead; but what means more: an old pact, or the love of your
daughter?"  She slapped on the best cute face she could muster and looked to
her father.  The man was so easy to manipulate!

After a few moments, the puppy-dog eyes that Nabiki was giving Soun cracked
his resolve, and he said, "Fine, fine, you won't have to marry Ranma."

Nabiki squealed and gave her father a hug.  "Oh, thank you, Daddy!  I knew
you loved me!"  She almost gagged at how she was acting, but it was
necessary, damnit, and she'd be damned if she was gonna marry Ranma!
"Daddy, I think that Akane would be a good choice," said the girl as she sat
back onto her own pillow.  She had quickly surmised that he had already
asked Kasumi, who had refused - why else would Kasumi have looked so
relieved as she asked Nabiki to go downstairs to see their father?  Well,
Akane was the only one left, and she was definitely strong enough to handle
any guy.  "She hasn't had very many good relationships with boys, as you
well know, father, so a good, normal, solid relationship with Ranma would be
just the thing for her."  The girl smirked as she saw her father begin to
think.  She was back in familiar territory; she was in charge of the
situation.

Hmmm.  Kasumi had said that exact same thing.  Maybe they were right?  But
how would they get Akane to agree?  Not asking her, certainly.  What could
they do?

Nabiki, after a couple of minutes, cleared her throat conspicuously and
asked, "Um, Dad?  Can I go to bed, now?"  Soun nodded absently and the girl
left, hoping that her sister wouldn't find out about what she had said.

Soun, after a few more minutes, looked to the patriarch of the Saotome
family - who had been remarkably silent throughout the entire evening - and
asked, "Genma, what will we do?  Akane would never agree to such a thing,
but she's the only one left!  How will we convince her to marry Ranma?"

Genma smiled slightly.  �How did we make the contract in the first place,
Tendo?�

Soun echoed Genma�s smile.  �Sake.�

The two friends jumped up and embraced each other, tears of joy flowing down
their faces.  �Our families will be joined!�

++++

Kasumi had gone out shopping, and Nabiki had been given money and told to go
out and have some fun, so the only people in the house were Akane, Ranma,
and their respective fathers.  Akane wasn�t too happy about that, but she
didn�t have much of a choice, seeing as all of her friends were busy.  So
she had to improvise.

Akane screamed in exertion as she shattered another concrete block.  �Ah.
That�s better,� she smiled as she dusted off her hands.  It was a nice day,
and she had always enjoyed breaking things by the koi pond on nice days.

Ranma smiled as he watched her from just outside the dojo.  There was
nothing better to do, really, and he was curious as to how good this girl
was, anyway.  Besides, she was kind of cute.  Not that he cared about stuff
like that.  All he cared about was the Art.  

Akane sensed something behind her and whirled around, assuming a defensive
stance.  �Who�s there?�  When she saw Ranma, her demeanor became even more
defensive despite the fact that she relaxed out of her stance.  �Oh.  It�s
you.  What are you doing there?� 

Ranma shrugged.  She didn�t have to be so hostile.  It�s not like he was
gonna kill her, or somethin�.  �Just watchin�.  Wanted ta see how good you
were.�

Akane smirked, but it was not a happy smirk.  �Well, if you want to see how
good I am, why don�t you spar with me?�  This would teach that�boy�his
place.  After she beat him into the ground, he�d know who was in charge
around the Tendo home.

Ranma shrugged.  �Sure.  Come on in to the dojo,� he said as he turned and
entered the building.  

Akane fumed.  Why couldn�t they spar outside?  What made him think that he
was entitled to choose the place for their sparring match?  Akane would show
him�  When she entered the dojo, she saw Ranma at the far end, standing in a
relaxed pose, calmly regarding her.  �What are you doing?  Aren�t you gonna
stretch?�  Ranma shook his head, causing Akane to become even angrier.  What
did this guy think he was, some kind of superhero?  Showing off by not
stretching?  Well, after she mopped the floor with him, he wouldn�t be
nearly so casual when it came to sparring with her.  Damn boys�  �Fine!
Here I come!�  The youngest Tendo immediately launched into a flurry of
punches, closing the distance between them in virtually no time at all,
hoping to catch him off guard.  She was surprised when she failed to
connect.  At all.  Not one of her punches landed.  So, he was quick.  She�d
have to predict, huh?  Akane leveled a punch at Ranma�s gut, and he leaped
into the air to avoid it.  Akane smirked as she immediately kicked into the
air, again expecting to catch Ranma completely unawares.  Ranma easily
twisted out of the path of the attack, though, and calmly waited for her to
attack again.  �Well?  Aren�t you going to attack?� she asked belligerently.
The fact that this guy wasn�t taking her seriously was annoying her.  She�d
have to REALLY let into him, then.  

Ranma calmly assessed the girl.  She wasn�t too bad, but she telegraphed her
moves quite a bit, and she definitely needed to work on her control.  Other
than that, though, she had a lot of potential.  She would�his thoughts were
cut off as Akane attacked again, driving her fist toward his chest at double
the speed she had previously been punching at.  She wasn�t too bad at all.
He was better, but that didn�t mean that she was bad.  He calmly jumped over
Akane, completely avoiding the attack and landing behind her.  He smirked to
himself as he tapped the back of her head to signify the end of the sparring
match.  They�d have to spar again sometime.  This Akane girl would benefit
from his instruction.

Akane was astonished when her hand broke through the wall.  Where had Ranma
gone?  She felt a tap on the back of her head and her stomach sank.  Ranma
was really good!  He was a lot better than she was, that was for sure!  This
did not bode well.  Before he could see her face flushed with anger and
embarrassment, she turned and walked toward the exit.  �Next time, fight
back.�  How had he beaten her so easily?

Ranma was about to call to Akane, to ask her to come back so he could show
her what she had done wrong, when Soun and Genma appeared at the door of the
dojo and smiled.  �There you two are!� they chorused.  �Come on!  It�s time
for our celebration to start!�  The two teenagers were dragged into the
dining room by their respective parents and set at the table, facing each
other.  In the center of the table, several bottles of sake and four cups
were arranged neatly.  

Soun practically beamed as he said, �Genma, Ranma, I am honored to have you
staying in my house.  I would like to welcome you to my humble home.
Because I am so honored and pleased to have my best friend and his son
living with me and my family, I am throwing this party for you.�  He reached
over, poured four cups of sake and distributed them.  He then held his cup
up, waiting for the rest of the people in the room before saying �Cheers!�
and draining his cup.

Akane was preoccupied.  How had Ranma beaten her so easily?  Had she been
telegraphing her moves?  She absently drained her cup.  She was going to
have to get Ranma back.  That�that�BOY�was going to pay for this.  She was
too busy glaring at Ranma to notice someone refilling her cup.  She absently
drained it again, planning out how she was going to train in order to beat
Ranma.

Ranma shifted uncomfortably.  He didn�t drink.  He didn�t really like sake,
truthfully.  When the rest of the people at the table drained their cups -
even Akane!  Ranma was surprised at that; she had seemed such a straight
shooter - he just swirled it around in his hands.  Genma, after swallowing,
looked askance at Ranma, noticing that he had not downed his drink, yet.  He
leaned over and whispered to his son, �Ranma, drink your sake.  You don�t
want to offend them by not accepting their hospitality, do you?�  Ranma
blushed and drank his sake.  He didn�t know anything about behaving around
other people; his father knew what was best in those situations, though he
was a moron about everything else.  The liquid burned as it went down his
throat, making his eyes water, but he drank again and again as his cup was
refilled, not wanting to offend Mr. Tendo or Akane.

++++

Akane and Ranma swayed in place as they stood in line to register their
marriage with the state.  They were totally smashed.  Akane had thrown up
twice already, and Ranma was busy singing some J-Pop song he had heard on
the radio earlier.  Genma shushed his son and Soun supported his daughter as
they were called up to the desk after a LONG half-an-hour wait.

Soun struggled to get his daughter to the desk, while Genma had to keep
Ranma from getting up on the counter and singing karaoke.  The man behind
the desk just sighed and asked, �May I help you?�

�Yes,� replied Genma while keeping Ranma from stealing his bandanna, �these
two would like to get married.�

The secretary slowly looked at Ranma, who was counting incorrectly in
English and apparently finding it very funny, then looked at Akane, who was
as white as a sheet and swaying from one side to the other, and asked, �Are
you sure?�

�Yes,� replied Soun hastily.  �They�ve been seeing each other for almost two
years now.�  He smiled uncertainly.

The man sighed again.  He hated this job.  �Okay.  I�m assuming you have the
fee?� he asked as he extricated the marriage form from its folder in his
desk.  When Soun had deposited the money on the counter and Genma had filled
out the form, the man double-checked all of the info. on the sheet of paper
and said, �Okay, now all I need is their signatures or stamps, and they will
be married.�  Both fathers assisted their children in signing their names,
but even so, Akane barely finished her name, and Ranma drew half of a horse
and two little stick figures around the kanji for his name.  The clerk
sighed a third time and took the certificate.  �Okay, that�s that.  They�re
married.  You�ll receive your copy of the certificate in the mail as soon as
we can get it to you, and your family registries will be updated.
Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Saotome.�

Ranma giggled and prodded his father�s face with his thumbs; Akane lurched
and threw up on the floor.  The marriage was off to a grand start.

*************

MWA HA HA HA!!!  I WIN!  I WIN!  I WIN!  I WIN!  I WIN!  I DON�T LOSE!  I
WIN!  I WIN!  I oh, hell�

This is the first revision of this story.  Please, tell me what ya think.
If you don't, well�I'll hate you forever?  No, I won't, but I will be
genuinely sad.  You don't want to make me sad, do you?  (Don't answer that
question.  It was rhetorical.)



A Depraved Sociopath with Psychotic Tendencies

Humanity: A Haiku
Tiny floating leaf
Calmly drifting on water
Under mushroom clouds


	     .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'