Max M. wrote:

% Whoa. Some track.

I think I had a lot of trouble describing this, (a friend is going to

sketch

some pictures for me which ill put on the site to make things clearer.)

Two

big rock concentric cylendars spiining around a huge metropolis. The
practice track this takes place on is much smaller and different though.

That was pretty much the image I was getting in my mind.

% Question time, was this inspired by something, or did it all come from
your mind? It's quite the track, and I like the way it sounds. Very nice
imagery and conveying of the risk involved.

Strangely enough, when I first got the inspiration to begin writing AT

ALL,

this is the first image that came to mind: cars racing around the turbine
endlessly. I had an idea of the details before ever started typing, and

this

image was the driving force behind everything else. I kept asking myself,
what kind of people would live in a place like this, and what would the

real

conflict be?

I know the feeling. Stories grow from the strangest errent thoughts.
Yardwork's was from an image of Heero doing something completely mundane,
like mowing a lawn, and how someone as die hard a character like him would
go about doing it.

% Hmm. Something wierd going on, all right.

So stay tuned!!

Yeah. I'm interested in seeing exactly what it is that's causing it.

Inner peace. And all the rest of that crap.

% Heh

I love doing 'ego vs. intellect' dialogue.

It works well here.

"There is in any charter, asshole."

I didn't stress a reply.

% stress a reply? Never heard that one before.

By stress a reply, i just meant he didnt feel like retorting to something

so

off-point and stupid.

Sounds awkward to me though. I think changing it to some other word might
make the meaning clearer.

D.B. Sommer

Thanks a lot, im trying to keep this from wandering anywhere close to
'stock.' Thanks for the comments, very much appreciated.

No prob. You've done a lot of work on it. I just have to catch up. Still got
them in backlog.

Heero Yui, Subburban Commando--

Heh. Hadn't thought of that, but that would have been a good title as well.

"I would assume it's because right before we went to sleep, you had me eat
out your-"

%% Ha! (I can see him saying it like that too)

Yeah. Like I've said, Heero's the ultimate straight man in any comedy
routine.

the trails of the day ahead. Once properly cleaned and refreshed,
she donned one of the elaborate Napoleonic uniforms she wore to work as an
ambassador at the United World Government's headquarters. The jacket was
hand-woven from the purest silk. It was a shade of azure that matched the
color of the deep blue sea.

%% Hmm, hard to visualize on her.

It's pretty much like a lot of the uniforms they wore during the series.
More like Treizes usual wear in this case.

morning ritual for them, and he felt it qualified as the sort of
father-daughter bonding Relena seemed insistent he do with the child. He
grabbed a metal bucket, filled it with water, and headed towards her
bedroom.

%% I dont like where this is going...

It's mostly harmless, and she's used to it by now.

stared at his daughter. In an even voice he said, "Excellent reflexes,
except for shouting out 'Die!'. You're distracting yourself and

potentially

aiding a possible second attacker into keying into your position. Remain
silent next time."

%% Now i see why 'clean the whole house' is always on the list

Heh.

%% I kind of think mixing Relena's upfrontness with Heero's blank stares
would probably yield a lot of tounge in cheek humor in Selena.

Oh yes. She's a sarcastic and droll young lady.

Heero looked at her curiously. "What was wrong with the yellow snow? It

was

the only kind that was flavored. I counted myself lucky when I could find
some."

%% Heh

Oddly, I don't think I've seen a version of that anywhere. Still, could just
mean I lead a sheltered life.

"When I see some complete stranger furtively looking around my house, I
disable first and interrogate later."

%% I bet hes got that embroidered on a pillow somewhere.

Hehehehe. Yes. That would be in his style.

Keeping his voice low, Flanders said, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes. I would sooner die than yield any secrets.

%% Heh, staccato is perfect here, like hes explaining the fact that he has
legs

Yep. That's Heero's usual form of delivery for just about anything. Makes
using him in comedy great as long as you can hear him doing it in that tone
in your mind.

"Bowling's a pastime, not a sport. It's just like race car driving and
miniature golf," Heero stated.

%%Odd how he picks this to have an opinion on.

I thought it would be a cute touch to add to him.

You've drawn me in, cant wait to see where this goes dude.

Second part is out. Hope it was a good conclusion to the story. Thanks for
the C+C. Will hopefully get to another part of your stuff before going on to
my next work, which is looking like it might be the next chapter of
Avenging, but no guarentees.

D.B. Sommer


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