And moving onward:

 Second part should be out either tomorrow or Saturday. And
apologies in advance to Kichigai, who seems to know me better than I
know
myself.

$Ah.  Knew you couldn't resist a few more fourth wall jokes.

 Yep. It turns out you were right on the money concerning that one.

Selena plopped herself down at the table and in front of her plate. Her
eyes
widened and she gave an almost inhumanly wide smile. She picked up a
fork

$gave him an inhumanly wide smile. ?

No. She's just giving one in general, mostly directed at her meal.

and knife and held them high in triumph. "Oh joy! Scrambled eggs,
straight
from their MRE packaging. Powdered milk. And my favorite of all: gruel.
Yum,
yum, yummy!"

$It figures.

Yes. It does, here.

"Sarcasm, Daddy! Sarcasm!" Selena slammed the fork and knife on the
table
top, shaking it from the force of the blow. "Is it too much to ask for a
normal breakfast, like all the other kids get?

$Yes.  She should already know better, but I admit that you needed to
have the scene for the reader's benifit.

Right.

No wonder Relena skips out early.

Heh. She occasionally cooks, just not that often.

"All perishables. The food we have now is more practical. Not only does
it
fill all of your nutritional requirements, but it's easy to transport
and
will last months if we come under siege."

$There is always the bodies of your freshly slain enemies.  If you
close your eyes and squint a little, they kind of look like long, skinny
pigs.  Tastes like it, too, or so I've heard.

I see you've taken Dr. Lector's course on survival as well.  ^_^

"We live in the suburbs! No one lays siege to anyone out here,
Goddammit!"

$Obviously, she's never seen two mothers fight it out over who's
daughter gets to be on the cheerleading squad.

Ohhh. Good point.

I'm having real trouble with her dialog.  She sounds too much older
than seven.  Perhaps you should up her age to ten or so?  She'd sound
about right, then.  Although, the cursing is perfectly fine for her age.
I knew that one when I was four, and could cuss like a sailor when I was
in kindergarden.

I'll see you part way. I upped her to eight. I still want her to be pretty
young.

Selena looked aghast at the very idea. "Where else would I hide my lock
picks and collapsible stiletto?"

$Well, there are a _few_ other options...  Just ask Uncle Trowa where
he hides his.

In the spikey hair. Mostly in the tip. How do you think it always stays the
same, never a hair out of place?

Heero gave her his offended, flat stare. "You're spoiled. I'll have you
know
I grew up on food like this and counted myself lucky."

$Oh, lordy.  Here it comes.

Yep. Even Heero can't resist tirades about 'The Good Old Days.'

heard
his daughter's plea. "Why, back when I was your age, when we still had
things called wars, there were times when I had to lay low in the middle
of
nowhere and ran out of delicious MREs. I'd be forced to run twenty miles
through minus ten degree weather dressed only in a T-shirt and shorts

$The concept of being properly equipped never crossed his mind.

He was properly equipped. It was all he needed. ^_^

 just
to find some tree bark to eat." He sighed. Those were the days. "I
didn't

$For a minute I thought that 'Those were the days.' was dialog.

Nope. His thinking.

sense
of humor. That was to say, she understood he didn't have one. "Ewww!
That's
disgusting! You're giving me serious mental scarring here, Daddy."

$I'll second that opinion.

Ditto, and I wrote it.

"Mental scarring's good for you. It builds character. Just look at me."

$Actually, that's true.  The world is so twisted and kinked that if
your parents don't warp you a bit, you'll never find a place to fit in.

Good point. I like the way you think.

There was no way she could argue that one. Resigning herself to the fact
that her father would remain unyielding on their breakfast fare, Selena
forced herself to consume it. Each mouthful was about as pleasant as
eating
wallpaper paste. Heero did the same.

$Ahh, wallpaper paste.  I remember back when I was still in
kindergarden, and I had to fight my very best friend for just a little
bit of wallpaper paste.  It wasn't like today, when all kids have to do
is beg and they're given all the paste they want, we only had a little
and you had to fight _hard_ for it.

Heh.

They were almost finished when Selena said, "Oh, by the way, Jimmy Lopez
is

$Name seems familiar somehow.

Made it up. If it's someone, I don't know who.

"When I see some complete stranger furtively looking around my house, I
disable first and interrogate later."

"He was a scrawny seven-year old looking for the bathroom!"

$I bet he didn't need it after that.

Since he had already done it in his shorts, yep. ^_^

"Just don't !#$% Jimmy's visit up!"

Heero noted that when the girl spoke like that, Relena would tell her to
watch her mouth. That always seemed silly to him; it was obvious from
her
choice of words that Selena knew exactly what she was saying.

$Heheheheh.  I liked that one.

Thanks. It is a sort of inaccurate sort of reprimand.

"Agreed. I'll even be extra careful and look for telltale scars, just in
case he really is a midget commando in disguise."

$Ah, I bet she doesn't.

No. But he's not.

"That's the idea. Now you're being a good girl."

"No, just a sarcastic one."

$I still think she needs to be a few years older.

Add one. That ought to help at least a little.

to throw people off. Its resilience would serve to delay a mass of
attackers
momentarily, breaking up a decent rush and allowing Heero to hold them
off,
if not repel them outright.

$I just spent the past two weeks helping build a large, underground
bunker (nominally a storm shelter, except for the size and it comes
equipped with a few, ah, necessities), and I'll probably be working on
it for sometime yet.  I've been a part of one survivalist group (which
disbanded a few years after the cold war was over), and I know people
living in fortified caves.  My veiwpoint may be a little skewed, but to
tell you the truth, I think Heero has a point.

My, my, my. You do lead an interesting life. ^_^

The garden was Relena's idea, and she usually maintained it. She claimed
gardening helped relax her, easing the intense pressures that her job
forced
upon her. She also claimed sex relaxed her as well. Heero couldn't
figure
out the connection between the two.

$Because none of the cucumbers never made it to the kitchen?  Oh, and
hey, there's fresh vegetables and stuff right there, assuming.  I'm sure
Selena has had at least _some_ home cooking.  Heero could think of it as
living off the land.

Relena uses them in the meals she cooks.

found any yet, but knowing how fate worked, the only time he didn't
check
would be the one time someone managed to plant one while the family was
out
of the house.

$Heh, I think a family dog would be just what Heero needs.  It could
keep him endlessly busy.

He'd end up killing it.

Reluctantly, Heero admitted that he had a small measure of
consternation.
The peace had somehow lasted long enough that even he was in danger of
going
a little soft.

$Not as soft as Doughboy Wu Fei.

Hehehehe.

 No one ever seemed interested in attacking him or his family.

$It's because he's not involved enough in the neighborhood!  I'm sure
if he tried, he could make any number of deadly enemies.

This is a good point. Dolph would qualify if he wasn't scared to death of
Heero now.

and counterattack with one of her own, though she did have a bad
tendency to
distract herself with cursing him out during the middle of their bonding
sessions. It was a bad habit he was trying to break her of, but having
little success. Kids, he thought with a touch of exasperation.

$Heh.

It's the closest you'll get to parental like behavior when it comes to Heero
here.

heartbeats. He would use the rake to disable as many as he could in
close
quarters, then pick up one of the fallen weapons and use it against the
remaining personnel that were outside hand-to-hand range. It was the
perfect
plan.

$Too bad he'd never get to use it.

Yep.

A hand made its way to the top and a loud huff of air came from behind
the
fence. Whoever it was needed far better training. Even at the age of
seven,
Selena could climb four times as fast in far worse conditions and make
less
noise in the process.

$Trying to get away from another one of Daddy's training sessions, of
course.

Hehehe. But it's all part of his plans concerning raising her 'right'

"Hidey ho, neighbor." A bespectacled face said in an inhumanly cheery
voice
as it peered over the top of the fence.

$Yeah, a little predictable.

True.

Heero scowled and released his breath. It was just his next door
neighbor,
Ed Flanders.

$The name wasn't.  Cute.

Thanks. Glad I caught you offguard with something.

for a visit and done so once, taking nothing more than a tiny chip out
of
one of the cups when it slipped from her grasp. To anyone else, it would
have been unnoticeable, but not Relena. Even donning her glasses could
not
save Une from his spouse's rage.

$Heheh.

It's always the pacafistic ones you have to watch out for. All that
unnaturally surpressed rage just waiting to boil over.

 It was the only time Heero could ever
remember drawing back from violence being inflicted on another.

$Heheheh.  Cute.  Selena still had nightmares, and Heero could almost
admit to a few himself.

I didn't dwell on it, but you have the right of it.

 It was lucky
for Une Relena was a pacifist, otherwise the outcome could have been
worse
for her. Heero wasn't exactly sure how it could have been worse, but he
had
faith in his wife and her ingenuity.

$Actually, it was probably worse that she was a pacifist.  Une would
have been given a quick death otherwise.

Heh. True

Oh, and is she in a wheelchair now?  Does she still scream and faint at
the sound of breaking glass, or at Relena's approach?

Hehehehehe. I'm very tempted to add the breaking glass bit.

Barely able to cling to the top, Flanders gasped out, "Wow! Your fence
sure
is mighty high."

"Not high enough."

$Heh.  True.

Yep. I kind of used my own acidic humor here for some of Heero's comebacks
in this part.

"Whoa ho! Sounds to me like someone's kept on a short leash."

"Relena only tried that once. She didn't care for it. She said I was
already
too obedient for it to turn her on."

$Hah!  That figures.

They've been married ten years, and it's up to Relena to come up with the
kinky stuff.

"I love that way you fire off jokes by the minute." Flanders gave off
his
laugh, a high pitched giggly snort which caused animals to howl in agony
and
run away. It tended to have the same effect on people too.

$Actually, I'd kinda expected part of his personality to be that of
Wilson, the neighbor from Home Improvement.

Considered it, but couldn't get it right in my head.

what he
was. He was also disappointed when Relena informed him that it was
illegal
to kill one's antithesis, no matter how annoying they were.

$He could always make it look like an accident.  Everyone but Relena
would believe him.

But she's the one he's careful not to anger.

Flanders, completely unaware of Heero's mental state, said, "Anyway, I
just
wanted to ask you if you wanted to come over for a little while and
spend
some time with me and the missus."

$Heero: No.  Relena already said that I could only have a threesome
with her and someone of her choice.

Almost considered a scene where Heero's supermodel neigbor tries to seduce
him, and he explains what Relena would do to him if he even laid a finger on
her. 'It makes monogamy as automatic as breathing' he assured her. But it
felt too forced, and I went with Heero's one liner about it later.

"Oh." Heero relaxed and went back to raking the leaves. He hated being
led
on like that.

$Selena should watch this.  She'd enjoy it.

Nah. She doesn't like the Flanders either.

never tell any tales."

$Unless they leave behind sealed documents in a secure place that they
have to send appropriate codes for once a week or it gets broadcast on
the public networks.

Heero: Then you kill everyone that heard it too. I never said it was easy,
just that I am thorough.

"Actually, I'd say you were gambling with your life right at the moment,
and
not doing a very good job of it."

$Why?  Heero's not going to kill him, even if he does want to.

But Ed doesnt' know that.

"Ha ho! You sure are a kidder, Mr. Peacecraft."

"My wife tells me I don't have a sense of humor. Everyone agrees."

$That's true.  Heero could dress up in a clown suit, go to a children's
birthday party, and no one would laugh.

Hehe. Good point. Sort of like Trowa, who was Heero lite.

"Well, I sure think you're funny, Mr. Peacecraft. Those jokes of yours
kill
me."

"Hardly. Believe me, you'd know if I killed you."

$Would he?  I thought Heero was good enough that no one would know?

Including the one he killed? That would be neat.

Heero scowled at where his target had been. His reflexes must have been
deteriorating. He hadn't anticipated Flanders releasing his grip when he
did, and the rake missed his head by a hairsbreadth. Duo referred to it
as
'Annoying Luck,' meaning the annoying always had luck.

$Cute saying.

Thanks. Came up with it myself, mostly because it's a true observation. :(

 Heero found himself
inclined to agree. Although this did settle one thing in his mind; he
was
putting barbed wire along the top of the fence, no matter how much
Relena
protested.

$Good idea.  Electrified razor wire would be even better, and an
invisible laser beam that fries anything between the two points would be
even better than that.  It wouldn't even look obvious.

Heh.

never knew when one would need to dispose of messy things that could get
one
in trouble with the authorities, or worse, one's spouse, if said things
were
intact instead of unrecognizable piles of ashes.

$So _that's_ what happened to the tupperware lady.  And the paper boy.
And the milk man. And the vacuum cleaner salesman.  And the...

Hehehe

with just the umbrella. That he had been shot three times before he had
a
chance to get to them just meant it would have taken longer. Being shot
was
a hindrance; not an excuse to die, despite what most people claimed.

$Dinky little 7.62mm rounds were like mosquito bites, anyway.

Heero: Indeed.

fifty pound Heero, and stared down contemptuously at the smaller man.
Slowly, almost as though he was reading lines from a script (quite
badly),
he said in a threatening tone, "Little man, are you the father of that
hellion, Selena Peacecraft?"

$This is great.  I like this scene.

Thanks. You don't get to see Dolph and Jean-Claude appear in much. And with
good reason. I don't think there's a big 'Red Scorpion' or 'Universal
Soldier' fanfic community out there. ^_^

Heero scowled even more intently. "If what I suspect is true, my
daughter
needs to be shown the error of her ways. Would you assist me in this?"

$I guess I'll second the opinions of the others who have commented on
this.

So noted. I have changed it, as mentioned.

Finding some spine, Relena said defensively. "He's nothing but a bully
with
a bad accent that beats up all the younger kids. He told me my thighs
were
fat,

$Little young for that to really carry any bite, isn't it?  Another
reason I suggested the age increase.

Well, that and J-C is using an adult insult. And Selena is reacting the way
all women would.

to
tell you when you go to disable an attacker, especially one that is
taller
and stronger than you, you eye gouge first?"

$But she DID eye gouge first!  And she's probably a lot stronger than
him, too.  It's wrong for him to emphasise it like that.  Either

A: She caught his arm and dislocated it first, then eye gouged.  This
has the problem that it'd be difficult to tell which came first.

Have since redone it as you pointed out, and the emphasis is on the second
part.

 He poked Dolph in the eye,
causing the big man to roar in agony. "The pain catches your opponent
off-guard, limits their vision, and gives you an opening as they
reflexively
cover their eye. Once the opening is presented, you then go for the
knee."

$That was what she didn't do, apparently.

So, B: you change Heero's dialog so that he emphasises the knee and
mobility.

Right.

Heero turned to the big man who was moaning in pain on his front porch.
"Thank you for your assistance. I don't know what got into my daughter.
Next
time she will disable your son in a proper manner. It was nice meeting
you.
Let's get together for lunch sometime." Taking the man's moans for an
agreement, Heero closed the door. That had been a major waste of time.
He
had to increase his rate of work and get back on schedule.

$Should have added something about the little boy cutting and running,
or possibly wetting his pants.

Nah. I thought it would be best for him just to stand there and let the read
er figure out how they would respond inthat circumstance..

and
he was unable to use it for some reason. True, there were others who
could
operate it, like Duo, Quatre, or the spiky haired guy whose name was
escaping Heero at the moment (Blubberguts was out. He was too big to fit

$You just won't leave it alone, will you?  ^_^

Nope. Watching the series, Wu could have been completely left out, and you
wouldn't have known. He didn't do much of anything with the others in most
of it. And frankly, his whole not vaping Trieze early on in the boat
sequence and the reason
he didn't failed to wash in the slightest with me. So he gets to be the out
of shape pilot in this one.

He shook his mind, clearing it of its useless wanderings. He had a
current
mission to perform. He went over to the center of the garage, where his
rider mower lay.

$Another good Home Improvement reference here.  More power!  Ouh ouh
uggh!

Heh. Felt too forced to put in to me. I have the mower envy remark made by
the other neighborhood men later.

blown
up himself so many years ago. It was fifteen feet long and five feet
high,
composed of Gundanium alloy and weighing close to two tons.

$It didn't so much cut the grass as run over it.

Heh.

 There was even a
wraparound shield to protect the driver from small arms fire. It had a
fusion reactor, armor plating, a fuel injection system,

$For a fusion reactor?

No. It needs fuel injection instead for later..

 and its own
self-destruct device to prevent it from falling into enemy hands. He had
wanted to install a chain gun on the side, but Relena expressly forbade
it.

His wife wasn't terribly fun at times.

$She hadn't bought the argument that it was for pruning the hedges,
either.

Hehehehe. That would have been a nice attempt on his part too.

hit soundly off the garage wall.

Nodding in approval,

$Why?  She missed.

Good point. Have changed it so he has to move his head.

"So? People pointed guns at me all the time, and I never felt offended."

$Yeah, really.  I think Selena has this romantic idea of how the rest
of the world works.

^_^

"You're missing the point. Sticking guns in people's faces is rude and
wrong."

"Your mother seems to think it's a sign of affection and sexual
interest."

$He's got a point.

The scary thing is, he does.

"I am so not going there," Selena spat in disgust.

$Poor girl just can't win.

Nope.

Jimmy's initial look of fear was replaced by one of awe as he turned his
gaze upon Heero. "Wow! That was great! Most parents just say 'hi'. I've
never had anyone point a fake gun at me. I loved it!"

$Ah.  I had wondered if we'd see a kid like that.

Of course. He actually loves the abnormality of it.

a
single round. A deafening crack filled the garage as the bullet slammed
home, hitting the silhouette squarely in the head. She handed the gun
back
to her father and looked expectedly at Jimmy.

"Wow! That's even better!

$He's quick, I'll give him that.

Yep. Not real high on the self-preservation instincts, but he enjoys a good
show.

dad, he teaches me how to do things like shooting firearms, setting
explosives, engaging in extensive hand-to-hand combat, using field
surgery,
and repairing complicated computer equipment. Sometimes he makes me do
it
with one hand tied behind my back in case one of my arms ends up
immobilized."

$Sounds fairly normal to me.  A lot more rigorous than my own
childhood, but then again, my dad was only Navy.

Now it's my turn to not go there. ^_^

Jimmy whistled. "That sounds really neat. All my dad did was teach me
how to
play baseball and football, and I don't even like sports, except
bowling."

$Bowling is fun.  Kinda surprised he never taught her fencing, too.
The rest of the cast certainly seemed to like it.

True. Hadn't considered that.

"Bowling's a pastime, not a sport. It's just like race car driving and
miniature golf," Heero stated.

$Interesting opinion.  In that he has one, I mean.

I thought it would be a nice touch. That and he's right.

"Better than bleeding to death," Heero defended. "And what did you tell
me
happened when you dislocated your elbow playing kickball last month? You

$Why is it always the elbow with them?  Shoulders get dislocated more
often.  It's the whole ball and socket thing.

Good point. WIll change

reset it right there and kept playing, scoring the winning run for your
team."

Jimmy looked on Selena in awe. "You did that? Wow! That's really cool.
You're way neater than any of the other girls at school!"

$Good way of seeing it.

Yep.

Shame and doubt turned to open pride. "Why don't I show you our
basement,
then?

$What happened to 'family only'?

shows how much he likes Jimmy. And his instincts are right this time.

 Daddy dug an escape tunnel that leads to the next street in case
someone storms our home and he can't repel the attackers.

$I fully understand why she'd tell him, but why is Heero letting her?

By the time she blurts this out, it would be too late anyway to stop her.
And as I said, he rather likes the boy. He's getting soft in his old age.

basement. "Yes, Daddy?"

"I like him. He can come over any time from now on."

$He's a midget commando!  I just know it!

Nope.

Selena's eyes bulged so far they nearly fell out of her head. Her father
never invited anyone to the house. Even his friends invited themselves
over,
rather than being asked. She doubted he knew how to spell the word,
'hospitality.'

$I'm a little curious as to if you had to use the spellchecker for that
one, myself.

Nope. Don't ask me to try to spell restaraunt without one though. :)

Behind his mower, Heero smiled. Not eight years old and the boy already
wanted to blow things up. Such a nice child.

$Seems normal to me.

You and Heero have something in common then. ^_^

 He hoped someday when the
gir... his daughter got older she found someone as normal and stable as
Jimmy to settle down with.

$He'd be a good match, but just because Heero likes him I'm willing to
bet that he's a midget commando in disguise.  Not bet a whole lot, but
bet.

Nope. I will let you know Jimmy's just a kid. Not all that normal, as you
can see here, but just a kid.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

End part 1

$Nice, amusing, flowed well.  Well I'll be damned.  Part two showed up
in my mailbox just as I was writing 'When are you posting the next
part?'.

Ironic. Also amazing I was correct about the timing.

C&C for it will be on its way ASAP.  Of course, my ASAP may vary.

Already got it. Will get to it soon (I hope)

D.B. Sommer

-Ragun

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