Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] Burst of Confidence chapter one -- re-write
From: Brian Randall
Date: 11/19/2001, 4:33 PM
To: DB Sommer
CC: FFML <ffml@anifics.com>

DB Sommer wrote:

Weee. Now that I'm done with my rough draft, I can do a little C+C on
something from a while back:


    I'm very greatful -- would have responded sooner, but was in... I think Utah about the time this arrived. Somewhere westish and heading far east. Bleah. :p

   Notes: Altaverse. Initial divergence is after Hinako's arrival, but
before Ryugenzawa. Circa volume 25, I believe... And that's where our
story begins. The rest will become clear as relevant. Don't ask how it's
alt _and_ divergent...

I believe most alts are divergent.


    That could be true. I confess that I believed I understood at one time, but no longer do so now.

   It was hardly the reason that she and Shampoo had some

come


    Gaaah...

Ranma's desirability as a husband... now _there_, was a quandary.

Since Cologne found herself really turned on by the boy.


    Ew. Ew. Ew ew ew.

gem... but so very, very brittle. His stresses would need to be played
just _so_... or it would all come to naught.

Ukyou, Shampoo, and Kodachi: (Together) Stresses? Who, us?


    Heh!

   Shampoo blinked, then nodded eagerly, clapping her hands together
and bouncing up and down. The male population of the restaurant
swallowed noisily at the sight, while their respective dates growled.

Since they wanted a piece of hot Amazon tail too.

Note to self: Do not listen to Donny Cheng before doing C+C.


    Ah... the Yuri is strong within this one...

   Shampoo startled,

Awkward. I'd change that.


    Right. Like most things I write, a lot of this was experimental.

   Akane's frowned deepened, though some of the anger faded from it.
"Her name is Ukyou, Shampoo."

Shampoo: How odd. She have same last name as Shampoo's first name.


    Heh!

   The Amazon scowled, then shook her head. "Is both. Make people
around become like you feel."

So they  give off whatever vibes they feel. Interesting..


    In theory the recipients of said vibes would generally be completely unaware, too.

   Akane shrugged. "So people around Ranma will become more confident?
Is that really so bad?" She winced, then added, "Aside from the obvious?"

Yeah. Should qualify that,


    Right.

   Cologne growled, "Go, Mr. Part-Time!"

Doesn't sound like much of an insult to me.

    Um... no. I'll see what I can do.

   Akane volunteered an answer first, "It's... kind of... the life
force in everything. Right?"

Obi Wan Cologne: No. That would be the Force, you're thinking of. Ki is
bright blue stuff you use to attack people.

    HAH!

    I think my own sensei would fall down dead from laughing if he were to hear that. :p

   Ukyou smirked. "The mouko takabisha?"

Why is she smirking? Hardly seems the occasion to do it.

    One-upsmanship. She knows something (or thinks that she does) that the others don't.

   The matriarch scowled. "That's only what he calls it, child. It's
not what it really is. The real mouko takabisha is an internalized
technique, not an outward one."

Cologne: It's used to prevent constipation.

    ...

    Riiiiiight.

   The matriarch nodded again, commenting, "Much as I expected.
Confidence would feel like a force radiating from him, and pushing
everything else away. It shouldn't just sit there and be agitated. What
kind of emotion reflects that? What emotion rules Ranma more than
anything else?"

Shampoo: Egotism

Ukyou: Avoidance of responsibilities.

Akane; Inferiority, since he has such a tiny dick.

Everyone else looks at Akane.

Akane: Well, back when he first came by, I caught a peek when he peeped on
me in the furo and, well, he's not exactly a man among men, but he's still a
great guy.

    ...

    I think Gin already wrote that fic.

   Akane rolled her eyes, complaining, "Arrogance. He's got enough
confidence for most nuclear powers, and a few third-world-nations
besides."

Not true. He can't make his teeth shiny. Only cocky people like Coach Mitaka
can do that.^_^

    Ah, yes, Maison Ikoku, origin of the term, 'Mitakification'.

    I can only get one sparkle when I smile, and it's rusty. :/

   Shampoo hesitantly said, "Shampoo not so sure... Ranma not very
confident when Shampoo try to sleep with him..."

Akane: Going back to what I said earlier.

    Ouch.

   Ukyou blanched, and put a restraining hand on Akane's shoulder, as
the youngest Tendo girl glowered at Shampoo. "Calm down now, Akane --"
she began, cutting off suddenly, and frowning at Shampoo. "Wait... you
tried to sleep with my Ranchan!? You... you... you..."

Heh

    Woohoo! I got a chuckle from Mr. Sommer!

   Cologne closed her eyes and calmly counted to ten, using a technique
to disable her senses, so she wouldn't be able to hear or see anything
until she was ready. She spent a few blissful seconds submerged in her
subconscious, but the yelling overcame even her three thousand five
hundred years of Amazon tradition.

It grows with every reference to it (I assume that's intentional)

    Yes.

   Shampoo scowled. "Great-grandmother say is bad emotion. Bad emotion
directed outward, good inward."

Ah, but love can be bad, at  times.

    Obsession; greed... but yeah, why not?

   Shampoo scowled and shook her head again. "No! Mousse see Herb use
anger attack. Ranma beat attack with hiryuu shouten ha."

   This caused another round of speculation. Ukyou mumbled, then
sighed, "Well what is it? What negative emotions are there aside from
depression, fear, and anger? And which ones would Ranma have?"

Envy. Lust. Greed. etc.

    Yeah.

   Shampoo sighed, rubbing her temple in a manner that mirrored
Cologne's. "Maybe greed? Airen not seem like greedy type, though..." She
trailed off, uncertain.

He's greedy about gaining new martial arts techniques.

    She's giving him the benefit of the doubt.

   Akane added, "Oh, what about, uh, lust? The way he's always grabbing
onto the two of you?"

   It was Ukyou and Shampoo's turn to exchange the knowing glance,

Why? Ranms doesn't grab onto them, much to their irritation.

    Ah, yes. The segments written when I was even more stupid than I am today.

    Cliche abounds!

   "Well," she commented to no one in particular, "that went well."

Heh

    Two points! If I get more than five, I get ice cream!

   Ukyou's frown deepened as she observed the unusual behavior. "Okay,
Ranma. What's really bothering you?"

Ranma: I see dead people. All the time.

    Ranma: I see people in dead-end jobs.

    Ukyou: Really?

    Ranma: Yeah. And sometimes, they don't even know they're stuck there...

    Ukyou: Interesting. Want another okonomiyaki?

   Smiling, the okonomiyaki chef leaned forward. "Can you demonstrate a
mouko takabisha for me?"

Subtle, all right.

    Beginning attempts.

   The pigtailed martial artist stared at Ukyou for a long moment,
searching her eyes for something. After a lengthy pause, he relented,
"Why the hell not.

not?

    Right.

   Smiling in satisfaction, Ranma folded the cover of the small mirror
shut, and buried it under a small rock. Her secret was still safe, for
the time, but eventually the battle for control would be lost, and her
emotions would be readable, as plain as day. Not that her fiancees gave
her any shortage of the emotion that slowly consumed her to the point of
destroying all others.

Hmm. interesting.

    I'd hoped so.

   Ukyou raised an eyebrow. "What's that, Shampoo?"

Shampoo: Shampoo sleep with Ranma.

Ukyou: No, that is definitely not a good plan.

    Shampoo: Okay, Shampoo and Ukyou sleep with Ranma.

    Ukyou: Absolutely no-- wait, I get some hot Amazon tail?

    ...

    Arg! His influence is spreading!

   Akane frowned. "Well, I know the idiot deserves some of what he
gets, but that's going too far. Aside from which, where are we going to
find someone better than him on such short notice?"

Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star suddenly appeared. "Excuse me, I'm
looking for the Tendou Dojo..."

Akane considered it. "Contrived, but it's not like we haven't had
contrivances before."

    Thankfully...

    ... no.

    And a vaugley Ranma-shaped puddle doesn't help at this point in the story.

    Though it might later.

    Hmm.

   The okonomiyaki chef sighed. "I think that means that we can pretty
much scratch that idea, then. I don't want to have Ranchan break under
the emotional stress."

Heh. So many comments the other girls could make about that.

    Indeed!

    Three points...

   Akane snorted, "Of course I remember. He made it up from watching
Ryouga use the shishi houkodan. He adapted it from that. Right?

that, right? (I think)

    Was using the period to indicate a longer pause -- she's not entirely certain, after all.

   Akane blinked at the thought, then nodded. "That makes sense.
Happosai... but I didn't see him around the entire time that Ranma was
trying to learn the shishi houkodan. Still, he might know _something_.
How do we get an answer from him?"

Flash him some clevage.

    Cleavage? Where?

    Hey... ;)

   Shampoo smirked, giving a seductive wiggle. "Getting old pervert
easy. But what we do with him after?"

Ukyou: Sex toy?

Shampoo: That work for Shampoo.

    Ew.

   "What if old pervert not know?" Shampoo frowned slightly, though she
was flattered at being told she was the most suitable for a distraction.

   Akane heaved an exaggerated sigh. "He's an old pervert. We'll beat
him up anyway."

   Ukyou nodded in quick agreement.

Good plan.

    They thought so. :)

   Shampoo stretched languorously, wearing a thin white shift that
managed to hint at decency while providing nothing of the sort.

Heh. Cute

    Four points!

   Shampoo-neko calmly licked herself clean while Happosai's weak
struggles were halted with a few exacting hammer and spatula strikes.

Cute.

    Not from Happi's PoV. ;)

   Ukyou giggled, "It's just a good thing that Ranchan has enough spare
changes of clothes for us to pull this off.

Ukyou: Although I wonder why the crotch on these pants are so sticky.

    ...

   The old man smirked. "Well, he relies on instinct with his tongue
when he talks, so it's reasonable to guess he'd be able to make you
happy. Is that all?"


Heh

    Five! Woohoo!

   Akane growled, face turning crimson, "Ahem. Enough of that."

   Ukyou blinked, as Happosai smirked silently. Shaking her head, she
turned to Akane. "You've seen Ranchan... naked?"

Akane blurted out, "Well, he saw me naked too." Then realized she had not
helped matters.

    Hehehe...

   Cologne clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. "I'm
curious as well. I still have doubts that any of you will consider him
worthy of marriage afterwards, but I'd still like to know."

Methinks she's employing push pull syndrome here. Saying the girls won't
want him will make them want him more.

    Cooooould be...

   Ranma groaned, grabbing his head in his hands and falling to his
kneed.

knees

    Yeep!

   Cologne picked up where Akane left off, "...you don't really trust
the Amazons,

sounds awkward. 'Myself and Shampoo' might be better than 'The Amazons'

    Or just 'us'.

   Shampoo shook her head. "Is... Shampoo not want to hurt Airen's
trust."

Shampoo: Not that Shampoo have any of that.

    I doubt anyone does, really.

   Akane frowned. "I thought your first impulse was always to try and
use magic or drugs on Ranma."

No. She just takes advantages of the situations that are presented to her,
like everyone else. Caves of Lost Loves, Super soba. Tattoos of the Gods.
Everyone takes advantage to try and get what they want with whatever happens
to be on hand that someone leaves lying around. Pretty much one of the
themes of the series: Opportunism.

    Of course.

    But this is a cliche representation of Akane's view on things.

    Ah... cliche.

    *sigh*

   Ukyou nodded at that. "We need to get the answers from him without
forcing him, or he might not be too happy with us afterwards. I'm not
too keen on drugging him anyway..."

Ukyou: Now if we had a magic cave...

    Right.

   Cologne nodded knowingly. "We could always use the old fashioned
trick of tying him to a chair and simply asking him when he doesn't have
a place to run."

Too simple. It would never work.

    Hehe...

   Akane crept down the hallway from her bedroom towards Ranma's. He
had gone to sleep earlier, and that was when she had taken advantage of
the opportunity to take his clothes from the laundry room under the
pretense of taking them to him. Kasumi had accepted the offer, not
knowing Akane's plan.

Actually Kasumi did, but she approved of Akane's desire to crossdress.
Kasumi had engaged in a little experimentation along those lines as well
when she was Akane's age.

    Hm. There's a thought...

   The room that Ranma shared with his father was eerily quiet, with
only Ranma's soft breathing disturb

disturbing

    Isn't it, though? ;)

   Ranma's only response was a soft snore.

He does sleep through just about anything.

    Yep.

   Akane shook her head, walking forward again. "Just wondering..."

Looks like he's getting close to breaking to me

    Maybe.

   Sticking     largely

extra spaces

    Eep!

   The boy was strong -- immensely so. And more than Cologne had
suspected. Happosai's task was easy. The boy could be broken, and then
the pieces reassembled. But there was a pressing need to find the boy's
weak point.

Assuming he means something besides the moxibustion point.

    Of course.

side yard, and took a deep, calming breath. "Damn," she muttered to
herself, walking unsteadily towards the house. "Why can't the old letch
leave me along..."

alone

    Whoops...

   Akane's eyes were wide with worry. "Ranma?" she asked. "What's going
on? Are you okay?"

I should say not.

    Long and short of it, yes...

   The girls stared at each other in confusion. "Fear of what?" Akane
asked.

Fear of commitment. All men fear it, and with good reason.

    Why, Yardwork? ;)

   Akane nodded, following with some hesitation, while Cologne stared
in surprise.

   Contact.

Cologne removed the contacts. They were really bothering her if she was
thinking about them everytime one of the girls touched Ranma.

    Was actually expecting a joke on the movie of the same name, from you. :p

   Nabiki, as much as any other woman, frightened Ranma. For one thing,
he couldn't understand her. For another, even if it was outside the
arena of physical combat, Ranma lost to Nabiki. Constantly. He never
managed to win against her. And that meant that she was better than him,
which meant that he wasn't man enough. Flawed logic, perhaps, but it was
the logic that Genma had drilled into him. After all, if girls were all
stupid (and Genma had pounded that point into Ranma _quite_ well),

Genma; Not stupid. Just gullible, unlike me.

    HAH!

   Which meant that Ranma was in a quandary, since he was honor-bound
to marry all three, but quite obviously, couldn't. Even if honor weren't
involved, Ranma _cared_ about the three of them, and that was _more_
important than just honor. But how could he make them all happy? He
couldn't. So he just waited, trying to maintain the status quo without
ever shifting the balance one way or another, hoping, somehow, things
would resolve themselves.

Heh. That's his way of thinking, all right.

    Amazing, considering I wrote this... uh... ages ago.

   The matriarch recoiled at the determination in Shampoo's eyes, then
growled, "Damnation girl, do you really think that..." she let her
statement trail off there. "Well... I suppose if all three of you truly
wanted to help him... at _any_ cost..." She hid a smile to herself as
the three traded a glance. Of course... this could be just as good.
Ranma had enough strength to control his fear, and if...

Hmm. Interesting.

Nice work. About time I got to it. Looking forward to more.

    Another of the slower ones, I'm afraid, but I'm really glad to hear it! :)

D.B. Sommer

-- 
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://members.tripod.com/lwf58/fan_fiction/durandall/index.html
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.

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