And here's the second half.

	$As you say.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ten minutes later, the garage door opened, allowing Heero Yui to emerge
into
the light of day, seated upon his colossal lawn mower. Every other man
in
the neighborhood that heard the engine's warcry echo through the
streets,
grunted in envy at how lucky Heero was in commanding such a magnificent

	$streets grunted

mower.

Heero circled around the house to the backyard. The skies were still
clear,
and the air was slightly on the cool side. Ideal weather for mowing. The

	$clear and

moment the titanic blade of his big toy (which was powerful enough to
slice
through a four inch piece of wood without slowing) touched the lawn, the
air
became filled with the fresh scent of cut grass. It wasn't as pleasing
to

	$scent of freshly cut grass.

Heero's senses as the smell of gunpowder and blood, but despite what
some
contended, he did possess some male instincts, and the knowledge of
having
such power between his legs comforted him in ways women would never
understand.

	$Heh.  Cute.

The cutting progressed quickly, but only a fifth of the lawn was
finished
when a furtive movement close to the ground grabbed Heero's attention.
It
was a subtle thing, a motion that well over ninety percent of the
population
would have missed, but an alert Heero caught the movement just out of
the
corner of his eye. It had come from the direction of the garden.
Pretending
not to notice, Heero circled the mower so its long and armored side was
parallel to where the activity had come from, then jumped off, the dead
man's switch causing the mower to shut down the instant his foot left
the
pedal. Staying low, he crouched down behind the mower, keeping it
between
him and the garden. He pulled his gun out and darted his head around the
edge for only a split second to see if the potential enemy would react.
Seeing nothing the first time, not even a stray shot in his direction,
he
then looked out from the opposite side, again spotting nothing and
gaining
the same results.

After waiting a handful of moments, continuing to steal glances from
various
spots so no one could get a proper bead on him, Heero fell on his
stomach,
then began crawling, staying flat and presenting as small a target
profile
as possible. Seeing nothing react to his behavior, Heero became
emboldened,
and leaped up, tucking into a roll which ended with him coming into a
shooter's crouch right next to the garden.

Now that he was up close to the sizable bed of plants, Heero understood
what
had happened. A series of small holes were spread throughout the garden,
dug
out from below. They were too small to have been created by midget
commandos

	$I dunno, them midget commandos can be pretty sneaky.

tunneling underneath his lawn, and with the collateral damage from
around
the plants, it was easy to see what had really happened.

Tiny teethmarks dotted many of the plants and their leaves, ruining them
beyond any hope of repair. By Heero's estimation, nearly thirty-five
percent
of the garden had been destroyed by at least one small animal. It must
have
been working intensively at inflicting the damage since the end of
yesterday, when Relena had last tended her hobby.

A busy little pest had inflicted casualties upon Heero's home -even if
they
were only plants, they were part of the family- and those that would
harm
anything under his protection would soon meet a dismal end of their own.

Heero smiled.

	$I have to admit, I didn't really see this coming.

He stood motionless, pistol at the ready, prepared for action the moment
a
head stuck its inquisitive nose out of a hole. More statue than human,
Heero
remained standing still for nearly half an hour before he saw something
black start to rise to the surface of a hole located next to some
rutabagas.
It was a tiny part, barely noticeable, at least to one who wasn't as
constantly aware of his surroundings as Heero was. That it was almost
directly behind him was no problem; his peripheral vision would make a
fly
envious. He tightened the grip on his gun and waited.

Eventually the black object was joined by another, and both started to
rise
evenly and in conjunction with one another. Soon it became evident to
Heero
what the objects were: rabbit ears. Now he had a name to his foe. It
would
make dealing with it easier. Heero waited patiently for the head itself
to
poke above the top of the hole. Once it did, it would all be over an
instant
later with a quick double tap to the head. While many would think it a
waste
of bullets to use two instead of one, Heero would take no chances. It
never
paid to take chances.

	$The trouble with complete annihilation is that you're never quite sure
where all the bodies are buried.

 What if the rabbit fell back into the hole and
survived the wound? Ten years later it could 'return from the dead',
seeking
vengeance, just like Trieze had.

Well, actually Trieze hadn't come back from the dead, and there was no
indication he ever would, but Heero always held out the hope that he
would
return and try to gain vengeance by building some mobile suits and
making
life interesting again.

	$Hope for the hopeless.

 Trieze could still do it, even fifteen years later.
Just look at Lady Une. Being shot at point blank range, then having the
asteroid she was on blown into gravel, and then being propelled into
space
without a space suit for at least a little while hadn't killed her. It
hadn't even given her a scar,

	$Unlike the unfortunate incident with the china.

 and she was just Trieze's flunky. Surely he
could have survived. All that happened to him was his Gargoyle being
destroyed in a spectacular explosion with him in it. He was the true
mastermind behind the war, and was entitled to survive just about
anything,
especially a demise where they never recovered his body. Of course he
might
have just been lazy and decided death would be preferable to coming
back. He
did drop out of sight in the middle of the series, only reappearing at
the
end, as though he had grown bored about mid-way through and only chose
to
reappear long enough to allow himself to be finished off and tie up some
loose ends. He might have thought resurrecting himself clich�. And, the

	$I knew you couldn't resist.

truth of the matter was, Trieze was pretty much a self-centered dick. It
would be just like him to stay dead solely to piss Heero off.

	$Who's the self-centered dick?

Heero was still entertaining fantasies of flamboyant evil masterminds
triggering global wars involving the entirety of humanity when he
realized
that the ears weren't rising any higher. Patiently, he stayed right
where he
was, but all waiting nearly fifteen minutes did was give him a case of
having to go to the toilet. But no matter how much time passed, the ears
remained motionless. That made things a bit problematic. While it was
true
Heero had enough patience to watch paint dry and then flake off, he did
have
a mission to complete. Already the rabbit had wasted too much time and
was
going to force Heero to revise his plans.

Deciding it was in his best interest to end things quickly, Heero
decided to
take a chance. He spun and leaped up in the air, hoping to get a better
angle at shooting downward into the hole and nailing the rabbit in the
head.
Amazingly, the ears went back down in the hole even faster, and all
Heero
did was cause several clods of dirt to be hurled into the air as the
shots
hit where the ears were just a split-second earlier.

	$It was about here that I realized that this was going to be one of
_those_ rabbits.

He hovered above the hole, a cat waiting for the mouse to come out of
its
home and play. He held little hope for its reappearance, which made it
all
the more surprising when he saw the ears pop out of a different hole
several
feet away. Seeing them halt their upward movement once again, Heero
tried
repeating his tactics, only to net the same result as the ears went
subterranean again, evading the bullets fired their way.

This time Heero did not remain next to the hole. Instead his eyes darted
back and forth, waiting for what he suspected was to come. He must have
been
getting rusty to have missed nailing the furry rodent with four shots,
but
the little bastard wouldn't dodge a fifth bullet. Heero swore that to
himself.

His vigilance was rewarded as he saw the slightest tip of black appear
from
out of one of the holes again. Rather than waiting for more to appear,
Heero
fired instantly. This time he was rewarded by the tip of the ear
suddenly
developing a half circle where the bullet had hit its target. The ears
dropped down and out of sight before a second shot could follow.

That made Heero nod in satisfaction. That should do it.

	$HAH!

 Rabbits were just
animals. No doubt the little beast would run as far away as it could in
fear
rather than risk losing even more of its ear.

	$Or, not.

 Pain was a far more effective
deterrent in animals than it was in people. With any luck, the annoying
pest
would find its way to Flanders yard, where it would...

	$Become a well-fed and cherished member of the wildlife, welcome to
dine on their fruits and vegetables at will?  Not likely, methinks this
rabbit would find that boring.

A pair of rabbit ears poked just above the rim of a hole right in
Heero's
line of sight. A semi-circle was taken out of the tip of one of them.
Not
wasting a moment, Heero fired repeatedly. He took a chunk out of the
second
ear, nearly a centimeter lower than the first hit, before the ears
ducked
back in the hole.

Gun held firmly in his hand, Heero's eyes scanned the various holes
strewn
throughout the garden. Odd, how the rabbit hadn't reacted by running
away
after Heero nicked it in the ear. True, perhaps the shot wasn't as
damaging
as it appeared, or maybe the rabbit was determined to hold his ground
since
it had been dining with such impunity on the garden until now, but with
the
second shot in a lower area, the animal was certain to flee.

At least until it reappeared. Heero snapped off two more shots at the
ears
that suddenly popped up out of the hole. Neither shot struck this time
as
they ducked down as quickly as they appeared.

Adrenaline coursed through Heero's veins as he looked quickly around,
trying
to spot the target. Again the ears popped up, and again Heero took a
couple
of shots, hitting the ears once more and them still showing no real
deterrence as they popped up five more feet away.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

At the window of the house, Selena and Jimmy watched on.

Jimmy stared in awe. "Wow! It's exactly like someone playing
'Whack-a-Mole',
except it's a rabbit and your father's using a gun."

	$It'd make an awesome game.

Selena sighed. "Looks like things are going to get crazy around here.
You'd
better go home and take cover."

"Awww, but it's getting fun."

"You're not trained to take a bullet the way I am, and I have a feeling
if
you even get grazed, your parents won't let you come over any more."

	$Parents can be finiky that way.  But you'd be surprised sometimes.

Jimmy hung his head low. "Yeah, you're probably right. They get paranoid
when people start firing guns around me. Can I come over again
tomorrow?"

"Sure. Remind me, and I'll show you my collection of throwing knives."

	$Ah, reminds me of my misspent youth.  I showed my throwing knives to
my friends, too.

"Cool." Jimmy allowed himself to be escorted out of the home. Once
convinced
he wouldn't be hit by a stray shot from her father, Selena went inside
to
dig up her bullet-proof vest, just in case she was hit by a stray
bullet. It
wouldn't kill her, of course, her father had taught her not to die when
she
got shot,

	$There's training I'd like to see.

 but the damn things hurt like hell when they penetrated the skin.
She preferred to avoid the experience altogether, thank you very much.

"You're such a !#$%, Daddy," Selena grumbled.

	$And yet you wuss out on the language.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

One last shot rang out.

Heero scowled at the sight before him. Now he was out of ammunition.
Unbelievably, he had gone through three magazines, all that he kept on
him
during low risk operations, like mowing. The results were two shot up
ears
which, given the condition they were in, wouldn't be able to hear a
nuclear
bomb going off right next to them. Ten times Heero had hit the ears,
shooting them down until they were little more than nubs, and still the
rabbit had seemed unfazed by the hits. Was it on PCP, or was it merely
far
tougher than the rest of its ilk?

	$If I was him, I'd bet PCP.

That was when Heero noticed something odd. The tattered remnants of the
ears
had stopped moving. Instead they just lay there, slumped against the rim
of
the hole.

"About time," Heero mumbled. He kept the gun raised up. Despite being
out of
ammunition, it might serve as a distraction. When most people found a
gun
leveled at them, they tended to duck first and wonder if it was loaded
later.

	$Rabbits, on the other hand...

He moved to the edge of the hole and looked down, counting on seeing a
bleeding corpse. For his hard efforts in trying to permanently remove
the
unwanted pest and expending all of his ammunition, Heero was rewarded
with a
pair of tattered pieces of black cloth attached to a 'T' of wood, left
lying
in the hole.

	$Now that's clever.

A crunching sound came from behind him.

Slowly, Heero turned, knowing exactly what would be awaiting him. As
expected, his eyes fell upon a completely black rabbit, save for a
distinctive patch of white around the left eye. It stared at Heero
contemptuously, eating one of the carrots it had dug up during his
shooting
spree.

Heero stared at it, their eyes locking onto one another. The challenge
unmistakable.

	$Rabbit: You're mine, bitch.

Had Heero's brother-in-law, Zechs, been present he would have recoiled
in
horror, recognizing the rabbit for what it was. It was the end result of
an
alternate plan Trieze had come up with while formulating the
all-encompassing one concerning the war. One of the things Trieze had
mentioned to Zechs and the others was that training animals to wire
explosives to mobile suits was a cheap alternative to actually building
suits himself. It had worked with the navy and dolphins planting mines
on
subs and ships, so why not some land based animal as well?

	$land-based

Zechs and the others went to work. After seeing Planet of the Apes,
primates
were out.

	$Monkeys with high explosives, yeah, that'd be bad.  That was
remarkably astute on their part.

 Dogs were too stupid to learn. Cats were too smart and refused to
learn. The rats worked out well, until they went renegade and formed
some
organization called N.I.M.H..

	$There's a reference I haven't seen in a long time.

 Slugs had that whole salt problem.

	$And being brainless.

 Eventually,
rabbits and ferrets were chosen, mostly because they were the only
animals
left to experiment with.

	$No birds?  Hell, I'd think pidgeons would work great.  They like
bombing stuff anyway.

 Everything went well, until someone had the bright
idea of trying to get them to work in mixed teams. The ferrets and
rabbits
got along about as well as starving tigers and animal rights activists
slathered in bacon grease would. When the dust settled, there was only
one
rabbit left standing, a pure black one with a white patch around his
right
eye.

When the results of the experiments were revealed to Trieze, he said, "I
was
only joking. We're going forward with the whole global war thing using
mobile suits instead of trained animals. I'm astounded that you were
stupid
enough to actually try to go forward with that plan. I can't believe
you're
that gullible. The next thing you'll tell me is that you really did
recruit
a psychotic multiple personality whacko as my aide when I was joking
about
it last week."

Everyone laughed hard at that one.

	$Heh heh heh heh.  Yeah, that was a good one.

As to the rabbit suddenly finding itself unemployed, it chose to escape
and
headed for the hills, never to be heard from again. Until now.

	$Mmm, hmm.

Okay, actually Zechs would not have recoiled in horror, but rather would
have laughed his fool head off at Heero having to square off against a
commando rabbit.

	$Bugs would enjoy this, too.

 It was quite silly, really, the idea that Heero, the master
of the Zero Gundam who had racked up a higher body count than most
natural

	$Gundam, who

disasters could, would end up facing off against a small mammal and it
would
be a close contest, but in a peacetime setting, it was the best opponent
Heero could hope for, pathetic as it was.

	$He's toast.

To emphasize the point, the rabbit paused in its dinner to give Heero
the
middle finger, which was actually a toe since it had no fingers, just
paws.
But Heero still understood the meaning.

The gun whipped towards the rabbit's head, but the animal effortlessly
evaded the thrown projectile by ducking back under the earth. There was
what
sounded vaguely like a snicker emanating from the hole, a mocking noise
composed of a nasally whine and gnashing teeth that taunted and
ridiculed in
a manner no human would be capable of. It was only slightly less
irritating
than Flanders own laugh.

	$Flanders's   ?  I forget, how do you do that?

Lesser men would have been enraged at being mocked in such a manner. But
Heero Yui didn't care in the slightest. He found being fired upon far
more
irritating than someone trying to make fun of him. Besides, most of the
people that tried to mock him tended to be on the opposite side of
whatever
battle he was involved in at the time, which meant they tended to not
mock
him for very long, since corpses have a hard time doing anything outside
of
decomposing.

	$And laying there.  And stinking.   Of course, Heero would have a hell
of a hard time with Bernie.  You just can't keep that man down.

Deciding to plan his next assault, Heero entered the house. Inside, he
found
himself greeted by his daughter. "Need help?" she asked.

	$Heero: Shhh!  Be werry werry qwiet.  I'm hunting wabbits.

"I am trained in every form of combat on the face of the planet. I have
killed more people than even I can count. If you combined the other four
Gundam pilots, you might come within a hundred or so of the number of
enemies I took out during the course of the war. I am probably the
deadliest
human being on the planet, just as you are probably the deadliest
seven-year
old. Stop making that face. There is no one that can defeat me
one-on-one,
perhaps even two-on-one. Now you stand there, asking me if I need help
in
exterminating a bothersome pest whose existence solely consists of
eating,
crapping, and reproducing, then going to sleep and doing it over again.
What
does that tell you?"

	$That he is so far outclassed it's pathetic.

"I got that pair of Colt Pythons you got me for Christmas upstairs in my
room. Just say the word and I'll be good to go."

	$Nice present.

"Excellent, but I require no backup today. I want you to go ahead and
make a
homemade landmine using only an etch-a-sketch, ramen noodles, two bottle
caps, and a badminton birdie."

	$Bah, the birdie makes it too easy.

"Can I use duct tape?"

"Don't be ridiculous. Anyone can make a landmine using duct tape. I want
you

	$And we have here another disciple in the church of the holy roll.

to test your skills and build it without any. Now go. Daddy has business
to
take care of."

Selena shrugged and let her father leave. For some odd reason, she
thought
it was going to be a closer fight than the big dope would admit, even if
the
odds were ridiculous. It would serve him right for getting cocky and
being
upstaged by an overgrown rodent.

	$Lapine.  Not rodent.

Gathering the materials her father had instructed, Selena kept one eye
on
her equipment and the other on the backyard, where the upcoming battle
was
about to take place.

It took less than five minutes for Heero to gather the weapons he needed
for
the second round of attacks. Gun reloaded, he uncoiled the length of
garden
hose he had grabbed and held the open end of it. It was a disgustingly
simple plan and method of attack.

	$Which is why it'll fail miserably.  Of course, the same applies if it
is the most complex thing this side of instructions on how to set a VCR.

 He would flush the vermin out using the
water hose, flooding the holes and conduits which led between them.
Forced
to the surface, Heero would shoot the rabbit dead

	$dead.

	Kill the wabbit!

Looking at the state the garden was in, Heero realized the his enemy had
succeeded in destroying another five percent of it in his absence. The
creature was moving fast. Heero placed the end of the hose in one of the
holes, turned on the water full blast, and stood off to the side,
waiting
for the rabbit to be flushed out. Five minutes became ten. Ten minutes
became fifteen. Fifteen became twenty.

"I'm starting to see a pattern emerge," Heero commented.

Sure enough, five minutes later, twenty minutes became twenty-five.

"I knew it," Heero said in a flat voice full of satisfaction.

	$Heh.  Nothing gets by him.

What Heero didn't know was why the holes weren't filling. Surely there
was
more than enough water in them by now, but water hadn't come out of the
top
of a single one yet. How deep could the holes be?

	$I'd kinda figured he was filling up his basement, really.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Wow, dear! You spelled Quarxxzlus on a triple word score. That means I
owe
you three more dollars. With the way you're wiping me out, you might
make me
have to work overtime. Hehehehe." Flanders snorted in laughter, as did
his
wife.

	$*shudder*

He stood up. "I'm getting a drink. Want me to get you some?"

"I'll pass." She said.

	$pass," she said.

Flanders went back to the kitchen and grabbed some milk from the
refrigerator. He was just about to return to the dining room when he
cast a
glance out the back screen door. "Honey?"

"Yes, dearest?" came the reply.

"You know the pond out back?"

	$Heh.

"No, I can't say I do."

	$HAH!

"I thought so. We didn't have one earlier today, did we?"

	$Very nice dialog.

"Not that I can recall, although it did rain last night and I wasn't
paying
close attention to the yard today."

Flanders looked the scene over more carefully. "Oh, I see. Water is
gushing
into our yard from a hole in the ground. There must have been a very
localized earthquake which ripped open a path to an underground river
which
is now submerging our backyard. There's also a rabbit in the water."

"A rabbit? What's it doing in the water?

	$Here it comes.

 "The backstroke."

	$There we go.  Funny stuff.

"Hmm. A pond in the backyard? Well, I've always liked ducks," his wife
said
with the kind of carefree glee that most associated with being on a mind
altering drug.

	$Endorphin junkies are so annoying.

"And we can invite the Peacecrafts over to fish. Good thinking, honey."
Flanders looked at the rabbit. It was now doing the butterfly, and with
a
darn good form as well. He'd have to get some lily pads to help add to
the
effect.

	$Ah, a man with an eye for artistry.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was time to admit a temporary setback in the current attack. Heero
decided to enact the third stage of his plan. He went back into the
house
only to run into his daughter once again. The homemade landmine sat next
to
her as she was perched over her small laptop computer, hand deftly
playing
and focusing on the image displayed on the screen. Eyes still affixed to
her
work, Selena said, "Daddy, I've been reviewing your old battle footage,
specifically your fights with my deranged Uncle Zechs."

	$deranged uncle, Zechs.

"He's not deranged."

"Then why does he still wear that ridiculous metal helmet on his head,
the
one that covers the upper part of his face?"

	$Cause he's got _style_!

"He says it's part of his mystique. Apparently it helps him pick up
girls. A
mix of being bishonen and mysterious apparently really turns women on."

"Yeah, right. I think it's to hide his age, since he's so much older
than
the rest of the far more bishonen Gundam pilots, who have a much bigger
fangirl base than he could ever hope to have.

	$I'll second that one.

	Ah, fourth wall humor.  Seems to be working better in this fic, at
least to my eye.

 Aside from a few lemons with
Trieze, he almost never gets any. Even Quatre sees more action than
him."

	$Aww, that's harsh.

"Selena, you're breaking through the fourth wall. Even I disapprove of
that
sort of destruction."

	$Unh hunh, narrator privilege only?

 "Oops. Sorry. Forget I said anything."

"And you're right about the age thing. He's getting so old and dumpy
even
Noin has been showing more interest in Une than him. Or at least she was
before the whole china incident.

	$Now she recoils in horror, I take it?

 Don't say it to your uncle's face, though.
He's a bit sensitive, and tends to cry a lot when people mention it, and
then his helmet gets rusty and he looks even more stupid. Then even I
feel
compelled to tell people we're not related.

	$But does he?

 Like Duo always says, there's
nothing more pathetic than seeing a flabby, aging bishonen bawling like
a
little baby about losing his looks."

	$Wow, I didn't know Heero put so much stock in Duo.  This is the second
time he's quoted him.

"All right. I'll keep my lips sealed."

"Was there something else you wanted to mention?"

"Yes." Selena went back to the computer screen. "Like I was saying, I
was
watching your old battle footage."

"Ah yes, the good old days of inflicting mass destruction and running up
a
massive kill rate. And the best part of all was that the sides kept
changing. One day OZ is bad, the next it's good and being attacked by
the
new more powerful bad guys in town. It meant there was always a battle
to be

	$new, more powerful

fought somewhere, and I was always in the thick of it, jumping to which
ever
side was weakest since that meant I had more targets to destroy. So many
mobile suits and so little time." He gave a mournful sigh.

Selena returned it with a level stare. "Okay, but if you were such a
hotshot
pilot, how come in all the times you fought Uncle Zechs, you never
spotted

	$Zechs you   ?  Not sure here.

the hole in his defense?"

"He didn't have any holes. If there were, I would have spotted them
instantly and killed him like I did everyone else."

	$Heero should ask Treize about Zechs holes, where they're at, and what
to do with them.

"Sure he did." Selena punched up a computer screen and displayed a
side-by-side image of two of the numerous fights between Heero and
Zechs.
After a moment, the computer froze the images. Manipulating the mouse,
Selena pointed to an area that was identical in both scenes. "Right
there.
He leaves himself open around the waist after two high strikes,
anticipating
the third to be either just as high, or from the opposite direction. One
energy blade thrust coming in high at his center, and it's curtains for

	$Coming in high?  Wouldn't you mean low?

him."

After a moment's pause, Heero said, with just a hint of reluctance in
his
voice, "I deliberately never killed him. You see, I'm secretly a closet
romantic. I knew your mother and I were destined for one another, and I
knew
that if I killed her brother, she would never forgive me. So I toyed
with
Zechs, only pretending he was as good as me so that Relena would never
hold
his death against me. It's the greatest secret I've ever kept. If people
knew I had a compassionate side, my image as an ice cold perfect soldier
would have been irreparably shattered. I had to maintain the illusion,
to
sustain my aura of invincibility. That was the only way I could do it
without being seen as human."

	$Heh, I understand the reluctance.

Selena looked at her father through wide eyes, as though seeing her
father
in a new light. "Daddy?"

	$He is human, after all.  Human vanity.

"Yes."

"That's the biggest load of !#$% I've ever heard! You were still trying
to
whack Mom even after the first five or so fights with Uncle Zechs!"

Heero's voice became flat again as all emotion left it. "You're right. I
can't believe I missed such a glaring hole. I could have removed that
pest
easily, and gone on to double my kill score if I hadn't wasted so much
time
fighting him. I applaud your awareness in spotting his weakness." He
looked
at her computer screen again. "By the way, just out of curiosity, did
you
find any holes in my defense?"

	$Selena <crosses fingers behind her back>: Why, no daddy.  Your form is
perfect.  I know I wouldn't have any hope of beating you if we were to
fight with mobile suits against each other.

"Yes, one."

	$But she just couldn't resist gloating.

"I see. So, what is it?"

"You'll find out the first time we fight for real in mobile suits." She
gave
her father in evil smile.

"That's very amusing. But seriously, what is it?"

	$Heh.

"I'm not telling."

"I'm your father. I demand you tell me."

	$Heh, again.

Selena stuck out her tongue at him.

He unleashed a flat look of disapproval. "I'm disappointed in you. I
taught
you to respect your elders."

"No, Mom taught me to respect my elders. You taught me to never give up
an
advantage in combat no matter what, since it could mean the difference
between life and death."

Heero dropped his hand to his pocket, the one where the gun resided.
"But
aren't you forgetting something? I could kill you now and remove your
possible threat from my future."

A burst of laughter escaped Selena's lips. "Wrong on three counts. The
first
is, I exchanged all of your bullets for that gun with blanks. The second
is
even if you did find some live rounds, I have my finger on a dead man's
switch. Shoot me, and the explosives I rigged in this room for just this
particular conversation will take you out, as well as most of the
house."

Heero felt his heart swell with parental joy. Selena was learning.
"What's
the third?"

"Bad enough to make the second seem like a blessing. Mom would be...
upset."

	$Upset.

	Heh heh, and yes, that would be bad.

There was an involuntary movement of muscles down Heero's back. It took
him
a moment to remember what that was: a shudder. It had been so long since
he
had experienced one that he had forgotten what it felt like, the
creeping
sensation down the spine. The only other time in his life when one had
wracked him was when Relena had described, in excruciating detail, just
what
would happen to him if he ever touched another woman in an intimate way.
He
didn't know if a rocket launcher could fit there, let alone three, but
his
wife could be inventive when she wanted to be, and he had no desire to
find
out.

	$Fear the pacifists when they get riled up, because by then they know
you really deserve it.

"You're a devious little girl," Heero said.

"I learned from the best."

"I know. It's good to see you paid attention. I look forward to meeting
you
in mobile suit combat someday. It should prove interesting," Heero said.

	$He's watched her develop her fighting technique.  He probably knows of
several holes she doesn't and he's never pointed them out because of
this.

It was the closest thing to a compliment Selena had ever heard pass
through
her father's lips. She would have felt proud, if he wasn't such a putz.
"Given the way you entered the house I take it the rabbit hunting isn't
going to well."

"The target is still alive at the moment."

"Want some help?"

"That will be unnecessary. Continue what you were doing."

Selena closed the computer. "Actually, I was done. I just wanted to rub
your
nose in your inadequacies. I'm getting a jump on becoming a teenager.

	$I liked that.  Good bit of explaination.

 I'll
be upstairs when you decide you'll need my help."

"I'll be serving lunch in an hour," Heero informed her as he went to the
refrigerator and then the cupboards, retrieving a thick carrot and then
some
rat poison.

	$They keep carrots, but don't serve them at meals?

 He grabbed a coring knife, cut open the top of the carrot, and
proceeded to carefully remove the center while leaving the enough for
the
exterior to remain intact. Once more than three quarters of the interior
was
removed, Heero placed a quantity of rat poison in the center. There was
a
sufficient amount to kill five rabbits over. Satisfied at his ingenuity,
he
proceeded to tape the top back on, masking the cut and affixing the top
securely in place.

	$Oh, yeah, that'll work.

Heero went back outside and dropped the carrot down one of the holes,
leaving only the very topmost part of green in sight, then backed away
and
proceeded to wait. Not more than a minute passed before the top of the
green
disappeared.

The trap had been set off without a hitch.

	$So far.

Heero waited motionless for a handful of minutes, just in case the
rabbit
sensed the trap and threw the carrot back out. When nothing happened, he
walked over and gazed down the hole, just in case the carrot had merely
slipped further down. A close inspection revealed the bait had indeed
been
dragged back in the hole, not that it had merely fallen a little further
in.

And so it was over. The ending had felt almost anti-climatic to Heero.
He
had halfway expected the rabbit to somehow circumvent the trap like he
had
the other two, but it appeared even his newfound opponent had limits. It
was
a shame. At least the little vermin had made things interesting this
afternoon. He could thank the rabbit for that.

Heero was so wrapped up in the finality of the moment that he missed the
swift form that jumped out of a hole next to the porch and ran inside
before
it was spotted.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sweat began to trickle into Heero's eyes as he mowed the lawn. He was
finished with over seventy percent of it now, but was feeling hungry.
Naturally he could go weeks without food when he had to, but it would

	$Naturally, he

negatively affect his performance if he didn't get the ideal amount of
fluids and nutrients in him now. Besides, it was lunchtime for the child
and
he had to make the meal for her.

Entering the kitchen, which was attached to the back porch of the house,
Heero spotted a sandwich lying on a plate on the middle of the table.

	$That's one badass bunny.  It probably has Devilbunny blood in it.

 It was
made with his favorite: peanut butter and peanut butter. He didn't like
jelly. There were too many flavors, and they tended to have a fruity
taste
which excited his tastebuds. He didn't like excited tastebuds. It tended
to
lead to other things, like showing his emotions. And the next thing he
would
know, he'd burst into song and dance for no apparent reason and lose the
urge to shoot anything that he regarded as a potential threat. No, jelly
was
bad for him, and he would have nothing to do with it. Peanut butter was
good. Nothing exciting about that; just bland stickiness. Unless it had
nuts
in it. Nutty peanut butter was almost as bad as jelly. Only the plain,
sticky stuff for him. And only white bread as well. It was the most
bland,
and therefore the most satisfying to him, given his personality.

	$That's not funny, that's what I eat.

Remarking to himself that it was nice that Selena had made his favorite
lunch for a change, Heero poured himself a glass of water, the most
efficient form of liquid which would re-hydrate him, and sat down.

	$Water.  Bleagh.  Fish swim in that, you know.

 He began
to eat half the sandwich.

	$Doesn't eat much, does he?

Selena came into the room a moment later. She looked around the table,
then
at what her father was eating. "Mind if I have some?"

	$Considering that he _was_ supposed to make her lunch...?

He moved the plate with the remaining half towards her. She picked up
the
piece and began wolfing it down. "Tastes a bit salty," she said between
bites.

"Yes. It is." Luckily, salt didn't really tantalize his tastebuds
either,
despite it being a flavor enhancer.

	$It's also a vital nutrient, and the more, the better.  Sorta.

"You could have put a bit less on it," Selena complained.

"I didn't put any on it. You did."

"No, I didn't. You saw me just pick it up. I didn't put any on."

"I meant when you made it."

"I didn't make it. You did."

	$Insomuch that he caused it to be made, yes.

Heero stopped chewing.

	$And the other shoe drops in his sandwich.

Selena looked at the window. "Daddy, why is there a rabbit standing in
the
window, laughing and waving what looks like an empty carrot around?"

	$Hollow carrot.  I don't think she'd call it empty.

It took only a moment for Heero to put two and two together. It was
coming
up four, since he was good at math.

	$But it could also come up five, zero, or not applicable.  I'm NOT good
at math, but I seen some strange stuff the semester I flunked calculus.

 "Evidently the rabbit made the sandwich,
placing a large quantity of rat poison in it. That would explain why it
tastes salty." Heero grabbed the pepper shaker resting on the table,
threw
some on the sandwich, then proceeded to take another bite. "That's
better."

	$Why?  It's not like pepper neutralizes salt.  But yes, an appropriate
reaction.

A strangling noise escaped from Selena as she spat out her food and
began
shouting, "Ipecac! Ipecac!"

	$Heero: Bless you.  Now blow your nose and finish your lunch.

"I can't see that negating the salty taste," Heero said through a
mouthful
of peanut butter and poison.

	$All parental love and concern, isn't he?

"I'm not putting it on the sandwich! I'm going to take it to throw up!"

"Why?"

She threw a chair at him. He caught it and placed it back on the ground.
Selena shouted, "What are you, stupid?! I've been poisoned! I need to
purge
my stomach before it gets absorbed into my system and I die!"

Heero scoffed. Actually, he said in a flat voice that was intended to be
a
scoffing tone, "Don't be silly, girl. That pitiful amount of rat poison
won't kill you. It won't even upset your stomach."

	$Heh.  And the rabbit's plans backfire, and they get lunch made for
them.  *sigh*  The best laid plans of men and rabbits...

Sensing the seriousness in her father's tone, Selena stopped running
around
in a panic. "And just what is that supposed to mean? Why wouldn't rat
poison
affect me?"

"You have a tolerance to it. A very high one. Over the years, I've been
putting increasing amounts of poison in your food. I started it when you
were a baby, using only trace amounts in the beginning and slowly
building
up to the present day. Right now you could probably eat a whole box and
the
only negative side effect might be a case of the runs."

	$Or constipation, but I'll take your word for it.

Her jaw nearly hit the ground. "Goddamnit! I can't believe you've been
feeding your only daughter rat poison at every meal, you !#$%^!"

	$It's a pretty good call.  This way, she gets all her important
vitamins and nutrients, like that pesky brodifacoum that never seems to
make it into the % daily requirements list.

Heero waved a warning finger in Selena's direction. "I never said I fed
you
rat poison at every meal. Nothing could be farther from the truth."

Her father's sincere demeanor relaxed Selena ever so slightly. "You
didn't?"

"Of course not. That would be absurd."

	$Yeah, what if she ate the roach powder?

"Oh."

"Sometimes I used arsenic. Other times it was cyanide. Or curare, or a
host
of others. That way you developed a well-rounded immunity to a variety
of
lethal poisons someone might try to slip you."

	$And they could even accept dinner invitations from the Kunos.

"..."

"No need to thank me. You're my daughter, and I look out for you."

"Yeah, and I'll look out for you too... through the crosshairs of a
scope,"

	$Through

Selena growled.

	$Such a loving family.

"Remember to lead your target slightly if its in motion."

	$it's    And why would he remind her of something so basic?   But, of
course, you needed the witty dialog, which works quite well.

"Argh!" Selena pulled her braid again. "Why couldn't I have a father
that
wasn't a complete nutcase, like Uncle Duo? He would have made a great
father."

	$Well, except...

"Duo your father? Now that would be a neat trick."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm afraid your 'Cool Uncle Duo,' is gay."

"He is?"

"He wrote a book called, 'Why Heterosexuality is Overrated'."

"It isn't?"

	$She has to ask?

"No. I believe your mother will be more than happy to explain that one
to
you. As to Duo..." Heero's eyes took on a distant glint. "I remember the
first time I learned the truth about him. It was during the war, and one
of
the few times the other Gundam pilots and I were around each other at
the
same time. I overheard Duo tell Quatre that they should go to his
quarters
to 'Grease their guns and practice firing in the hole.'

	$You're a sick, twisted little man with a sick, twisted sense of humor.
I've always admired that in you.  This makes me really look forward to
finally bringing in Kagato in my main storyline.

 Well, it sounded
like a good thing to do to me, so after I was finished with adjusting
the
sensors on the Zero, I went to Duo's quarters. It was there I discovered
that the 'guns' they had greased were only standard issue to the male of
the
species, and the hole Duo was firing into was-"

"No details! No details!" Selena covered her ears and started race out
of

	$Heh heh.  started to race

	I guess she's not fangirl material.  Might have been funny if she was.

the kitchen.

"Don't forget the rest of your sandwich."

She returned, grabbed the remaining half her father offered, took a
bite,
made a face, threw some pepper on top of the peanut butter and poison
sandwich, then proceeded to devour the rest on the way back to her room.

	$Which just goes to show that she really isn't a normal person trying
to cope with an abnormal family.  I'd like to see a little
mother-daughter bonding where Relena teaches her the ways of pacifism
through violent diplomatic conduct, and how to take over the world when
she still in her teens.

Once Heero was finished with lunch, he assessed the situation. He was
far
behind schedule, and it would be nearly impossible to catch up now.
There
was no time to waste as he proceeded to initiate plan four. Upon
returning
outside, he saw that the damage total to the garden was over sixty-five
percent. Now in addition to falling behind schedule, he was failing a
mission objective. That was an unacceptable situation. The matter had to
be
resolved, and quickly.

It was time to eliminate some of the enemy's maneuverability. Heero
grabbed
a shovel from the garage, and headed toward the garden. He would begin

	$garage and

filling in all of the holes he could find, systematically herding the
rabbit
into a corner and effectively trapping him.

	$Ignoring the fact that the rabbit is digging through dirt.

As Heero stepped between two mostly destroyed rows of peas and carrots,
the
ground beneath his foot caved in. His foot only fell six inches, but it
was
enough to cause the single sharpened stake that lay beneath the trap to
impale Heero's foot, breaking through the top of it by in inch.

	$Ooh, a pungi stick trap.  Nice.

"Impressive," Heero said casually as he watched the blood flow through
the
piece of wood protruding from his appendage. He was getting soft. There
was
a time when he would never have fallen for so obvious a trap.

	$From a rabbit, obvious is relative.

Sighing, he fell onto his backside, removed the stake, and proceeded to
bind
the wound.

While Heero was busily engaged in first aid, the rabbit initiated the
second
part of its own plan and made its move. It burst up through a newly dug
hole
on the opposite side of the lawn mower, spared a glance to make sure
Heero
was distracted, then proceeded to go to work.

	$With a large wrench, reguardless of the actual complexity and size of
the bolts.

Heero had finished binding the wound when he heard a sound that was
becoming
all too familiar: a rabbit's laugh. He turned and saw the creature
staring
derisively at him, nibbling on a purloined head of cabbage. It placed th
e
cabbage on the ground, and contemptuously defecated on it.

	$ground and



Heero kept his cool. He didn't like cabbage anyway. Knowing with his
foot
now injured, he could never hope to outrace the rabbit on his own, he

	$injured he

calculated the distance to the nearest hole from where the rabbit
currently
was in contrast to how far the riding mower stood from it. No holes were
nearby, and the vermin was standing directly in line with the front of
the
mower, near the fence with next to no maneuvering room. Yes. That would
work.

	$No.  That's not gonna work.

Biting down his pain and hobbling noticeably, Heero sprinted as quickly
as
he could and jumped upon his rider mower. A quick turn of the key
started it
up in under a second, the engine rumbling with the hundreds of
horsepower it
held under the hood. The rabbit continued looking on, unimpressed. That
reaction wasn't a surprise to Heero; no normal riding mower, especially
one
as massive as his, could outrace a rabbit, and undoubtedly the enemy
knew
that. What it couldn't possibly realize was that Heero had installed a
macro-nitro-fuel injector of his own design underneath the hood. Opening
up
to its fullest, the mower could maintain a speed of seventy miles an
hour
for two minutes. The boost's primary purpose was for escape, although
with
the way the front of the mower was heavily reinforced, it could be used
as a
battering ram, capable of smashing in a hummer in a head on collision,
and
not be the worse for wear.

	$hummer and

Heero maintained a straight course in line with the rabbit, who remained
where he was, standing casually. No doubt it believed it had all the
time in
the world to move out of the way, when in truth the only move it had
left
would be to go from this world to the next.

Once the distance was closed to Heero's satisfaction, he hit the switch
to
start the turbo boost. The instant the load roar came from the rear of
the
vehicle, the rabbit bolted to the left. The move made Heero smirk. The
rabbit was out in the open. Running wouldn't be enough to evade death
for
even a second, not with the amount of time Heero had to react. He spun
the
steering wheel to the left.

The mower continued going straight, past the rabbit, and at full speed.

	$Don't think you need the 'and'.

Even with Heero's nearly inhuman reaction time, he couldn't jump off
quickly
enough. The mower plowed through the fence separating the Peacecrofts'
yard

	$Peacecrafts'

with the Flanders', smashing the barrier into toothpicks.

	$Jagged metal ones.

 Heero was barely
able to throw himself clear of the vehicle before it ended up in the
shallow
pond that dominated the Flanders' backyard, impacting it with a
tremendous
splash.

Ed Flanders placed the boxes of lily pads he had bought on the ground
and
looked at Heero's prone form. "Hidey-ho, neighbor. Change your mind
about
the scrabble game?"

	$He only does it to be annoying.

"No," Heero grunted as he rose to his feet. There was a pain coming from
his
arm.

"Looks like you've got a broken arm there, Mr. Peacecraft."

	$Looks like you're master of the obvious, Ed.

Heero stared at the limb. The ends of two bones were clearly defined
under
the skin, coming close to breaking the surface. "Yes. It's a compound
fracture, I'd say." The remark was casual, as though Heero was merely
commenting on the weather being a tad on the humid side.

Flanders pointed at the riding mower. Only the top half remained
partially
out of the pond. The rest was firmly entrenched in the mud at the bottom
due
to the mower's tremendous weight. "Ordinarily, I'd complain about
dumping
trash in my pond, but I think it looks kind of neat sunk halfway like
that.
It almost looks like a real Gundam head blown off a mobile suit. I bet
once
some algae grows on it, it'll be a great centerpiece to the pond and
cute
little animals will make their home on it.

	$Ed: Why, did you know there's a rabbit that enjoys swimming it it?
You should see his form.

	And then he's shot for colaborating with the enemy.

 Thanks for the contribution."

For almost the first time in his life, Heero gave a mournful look. One
of
his few prides and joys was now reduced to a tasteless pond
ornamentation,
and at the hands of a four legged beast. It was unacceptable. Not only
had

	$four-legged

the little vermin ruined Heero's mission for the day, but he had
continuously outmaneuvered him and destroyed one of the last remnants
Heero
had of the joyful days of his youth.

There was only one course of action to take.

	$Heero broke down and cried.

Selena was on the phone, talking to one of her friends, when she saw her
father return to their home. She placed her hand over the mouthpiece and
pointed to her father's arm. "Looks like it's broken. Want me to set
it?"

	$She'd probably twist it around a bit first, under the pretense of
making sure she had it in the right place.

"Why? It's only a compound fracture." Heero went about the task of
resetting
his bones. It took him the better part of five minutes before he was
satisfied with the results.

"Took your time with that," Selena commented, once again placing her
hand
over the phone.

"I'm having an off day," Heero offered in explanation.

	$Heh.  He can, at least, admit it.

 With the bones
properly set. He went downstairs to the basement, returning several
minutes
later, bearing several items in hand.

Selena saw the objects he carried. "Want me to help you with that?"

"That's unnecessary. I can do it myself. It's good practice, using only
one
arm."

"True." Selena went back to chatting with her friend. As she talked, she
watched with one eye as her father finished the last stages of his final
plan and returned to the backyard. She was only just starting to get
fully
back to the conversation when she heard the front door open. The sounds
of
footsteps headed directly to the kitchen.

Relena Peacecraft began speaking before she entered. "Heero, I just
wanted
to thank you for that good advice this morning. Kneeing the English
Ambassador in the groin worked. He saw things my way almost instantly."
Upon

	$Pacifist my ass.

actually arriving in the kitchen and only seeing her daughter, Relena
said,
"Where's your father?"

Irritated at the interruption, Selena jerked her thumb in the direction
of
the backyard. "He's out back getting ready to blow himself up."

	$Relena: Dammit, Heero, is that your solution to everything?

"Again?!" Relena growled, her eyebrow twitching excessively. Even Selena
cringed away from her incensed mother as she stormed out of the kitchen
angry enough to make even the hounds of Hell run for cover.

The sounds of Relena stomping echoed throughout the yard as she threw
open
the backdoor to the porch and looked around for her husband. Sure
enough,
she spotted him next to the garden, gratuitous explosives strapped to
his
body and detonator in hand. Her eyebrow was a blur, twitching as though
it
had a mind of its own and had taken some amphetamines.

	$Excellent imagery.

 "Damn it, Heero! How
many times do I have to tell you you're married now and not allowed to
blow
yourself up?!"

Heero pursed his lips in obvious disappointment. "It has to die. It's
interfered in my mission and managed to escape from every other trap.
This
is the only way to achieve my goal."

"What are you talking abo... MY GARDEN!"

Heero released his hold on the detonator and backed away towards the
jagged
hole in the fence. It wasn't in fear of his wife's anger, he told
himself,
it was because he liked standing near Flanders yard, since Ed could
appear
at any time and they could engage in witty banter.

"What... happened?!" Relena got out through gritted teeth.

Heero explained all that had occurred that afternoon, pertaining to the
garden. He did it quickly, but not fast enough for it to be called
blurting.
Blurting implied fear, and he was not afraid of his wife; he just had
good
marital instincts and knew when to acquiesce to a far superior force.

A wild gleam entered Relena's eyes. "Oh yes. That rabbit has to be taken
care of. Lucky for it, I have such a pacifistic nature, or its fate
would be
much, much worse. Isn't that right, Heero?"

"Yes, dear." It was odd how once he was married, his mouth would
automatically give that response at various times. The phrase came to
him as
an instinct, every bit as natural as breathing.

	$And twice as important to continued life.

"However it has destroyed my garden, and must pay for it. But clearly in
such a way that it doesn't go against my inherently pacifistic nature.
Right, Heero?"

"Yes, dear."

"Such a good husband, so supportive.

	$She needs to scratch his head and give him a treat now.

 Now, here's what I have in mind..."

Heero listened to the details of the plan. It was good. Very good. And,
very, very evil. For perhaps the first time in his life, Heero was very
glad
his wife had a very pacifistic nature. There was no telling what kind of
misery and depredations she would have inflicted on the world had she
been
more inclined towards violence. Even Heero had limits to how far he felt
wars should be fought.

	$You're a bad, bad man, DB.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The rabbit aroused itself from its sleep.

	$Ulp, it's screwed.  Bad guys are only invincible when the story
doesn't focus on them directly.  As soon as the focus shifts, you know
they're going to get beat.

 The stupid humans had given up
trying to kill him for the night, though he had heard them moving around
above ground with what might have been heavy equipment, as though they
were
trying to set another trap for him. It wouldn't do any good. He had been
trained by the best, and then learned more than them. It would be
simplicity
itself to circumvent any trap the stupid humans had laid for him. He had
already laughed in their direction, humiliating them at every turn.
Hopefully he would get a chance to do it one more time before finishing
off
their garden. He would only eat enough to ruin each plant as a sign of
the
contempt he held for the two-legged simpletons.

He went to one of the secret holes he had next to the tree. It had one
of
his topsoil trapdoors above it, hiding it from view from the above
ground
world. Once he had his bearings, he would assess the situation, and turn
the
tables on the stupid humans once again. Tormenting such an inferior
species
was terrible fun.

	$Inferior species, hmph.  At least _we_ didn't spent the past few
million years getting eaten by ferrets, dogs, cats, wolves, birds,
snakes, and pretty much anything else that felt peckish.

The rabbit placed his paw above the disguised patch of ground and pushed
up.
It didn't give in the slightest. Annoyed, he redoubled his efforts.
Again
nothing happened. Thoroughly irritated, he went to a different hole
located
near the fence. The same results ensued. He tried digging a new hole,
somewhere between a couple of shrubs. But as he dug upward, rather than
bursting through to daylight, he came into contact with something that
was
altogether different.

Concrete.

	$That's about what I would have done, if it was an option.

That was cause for concern. Out of curiosity, the rabbit headed to the
open
holes where the garden was. As he came upon them, he saw that concrete
had
seeped down into the holes and solidified.

Devious humans. He hadn't thought them capable of taking such drastic
measures. A bit more ruthless than he had given them credit for, but he
had
planned for such an eventuality, and had an escape route planned. He had
already been forced to use it once in diverting the flow of water from
the
hose out of his underground warren and into the adjacent yard, but with
the
flow of water stopped, it would be safe to use once more. After he had a
chance to properly assess the situation, he would plot his revenge on
the
humans that had dared to thwart his schemes.

Traveling along the length of the tunnel, the rabbit saw the morning
light
peeking from the opening. Excellent, they hadn't stumbled on it after
all.
He went forward, poking his head through the opening...

...And had the twin barrels of a shotgun pointed into his face.

	$Heero: Huh huh huh huh!  I got the wabbit!  I got the wabbit!

Heero gave the rabbit an approving look, which seemed odd, given the

	$A flatly approving look, of course.

circumstances. "An escape tunnel. Very smart. Just the sort of thing I'd
have planned, which is how I knew it was here."

The rabbit cursed his luck and tried to figure out how he might escape.

Heero kept a close eye on him. "Be thankful I found you first. You don't
want to know what my wife had planned for you. Let's just say it
involved
Vaseline, hamsters, duct tape, and lots of explosives" Those muscles
along

	$explosives."

his back moved on their own again.

The rabbit's did the same. Sensing he was indeed caught, the he held up
his
front paws and gave as disarming a smile as he could muster.

Heero cocked his head quizzically. "Surrender? Sorry, I was never quite
able
to grasp that concept."

Before the rabbit could protest, Heero pulled the trigger.

	$Thus proving that he really is smart when it comes to tactical
warfare.  And as long as he only pulled one, and had it loaded with
something simple and heavy, like a slug or buckshot, it really would
leave most of the meat intact.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Selena continued staring at the backyard. The whole thing was now
completely
paved over. "So we're really going to put in a pool?"

"Yes," Heero said in confirmation

	$Can't be upstaged by the Flanders's new pond, after all.

 as he put the finishing touches on their
breakfast, making certain it was laced with the appropriate amount of
arsenic.

	$Aww, he really does love his family.  One wonders if Relena knows
about the special seasoning.

The smile nearly stretched across Selena's entire face. "I've always
wanted
a pool. Now I can swim when I want to, learn how to dive off a diving
board,
get a decent tan-"

"-Practice underwater demolitions, SCUBA exercises, experience fighting
in
foreign environments." Heero snatched the knife thrown at him out of
mid-air. "It'll be good training for you. And it means less yardwork for
me." The latter was a definite plus in his book.

	$But he arguably had more fun today that had had in the last week.

 He completed making the
breakfast and turned the oven off. He placed part of the main course on
the

	$Then he placed...   ?  Needs something to vary the flow.

plate and handed it to Selena.

The seven-year old looked at the food before her, completely bewildered.
"I'm not sure about this, since it's been so long since I've last seen
it,
but is this fresh meat being served at our kitchen table?"

	$The freshest.

"Just like you asked."

Still unable to believe her eyes, Selena said, "Not to sound ungrateful,
but
is rabbit something that's usually served  at breakfast?"

	$Extra space.  And yes, it sounds good to me.  We always made it a
point to serve rabbit on easter, too.

"It is now."

Seated next to her daughter, Relena said in a pleasant voice, "There is
no

	$Perhaps: Relena addressed her food in a pleasant voice, "

such thing as a free meal. You take food from me, you end up providing
some
of your own, one way or another."

Great, Selena thought, her mother was turning more weird on her too. It
figured. In a neighborhood full of a bunch of weirdoes, her parents were
the
biggest ones, right after the Flanders.

	$Is good to see she keeps a sense of perspective.

Tired of lamenting her fate. Selena shrugged and dug in. The rabbit
tasted

	$fate, Selena

wonderful, having been broiled to perfection and with just the right
touch
of arsenic.

	$He could use some cyanide and go for an almond glaze effect.

 Maybe her father wasn't the total putz she thought he was if he
was willing to listen to her and give her a little of what she wanted.
Perhaps she would become a less sarcastic child and try to understand
her
father better, tightening the bonds between the two of them until they
became inseparable.

Nahhh.

	$Of course.  ^_^

 Things were fine the way they were now, and deep down inside, Selena
didn't want it any other way.

	$Aww, she really does love her family.  And they'll be great to have
around when she finally decides to take over the world.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Not as satisfied as I thought I'd be with the ending, not that it's
meant to
be a huge telling climax, not against a rabbit that doesn't appear until
half-way through the fic, but it'll do. Hopefully you enjoyed.

	$Quite.  Was well worth the read.  Funny, nicely sarcastic, witty
banter, and picks at Gundam Wing.  What more could you ask for?  I kinda
liked GW, but always felt it took itself way too seriously Pacifism
sucks, kill the bastards now!  This was a nice look at a settled down
Heero.

Congrats if you actually know who Yahoo Serious is (poor bastards)

	$I don't, actually.  And after a little questioning, I've found that
none of my friends do either.  I think I'll keep them.

	Hey, aren't you impressed?  My response time on this, for me, was like
lightning.

	So, what's next on the hit parade?  Knowing your tendancies, I'd say
another small to medium epic would be up, or maybe another Avengeing
chapter.  Then again, you haven't done a huge epic in a while, so it's
hard for me to guess.  Lemme know if you need a bit o prereading.

	Enjoyed it, and looking forward to more.


-Ragun










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