In gratious reponce to your comments, and a few of my own on Yardwork:

It may be important to say a little about the layout of the track. The

Turbine is two hundred and forty miles around. We race anywhere between
three and five laps, clockwise, and it takes around that many hours.

% Whoa. Some track.

I think I had a lot of trouble describing this, (a friend is going to sketch
some pictures for me which ill put on the site to make things clearer.) Two
big rock concentric cylendars spiining around a huge metropolis. The
practice track this takes place on is much smaller and different though.

% Question time, was this inspired by something, or did it all come from
your mind? It's quite the track, and I like the way it sounds. Very nice
imagery and conveying of the risk involved.

Strangely enough, when I first got the inspiration to begin writing AT ALL,
this is the first image that came to mind: cars racing around the turbine
endlessly. I had an idea of the details before ever started typing, and this
image was the driving force behind everything else. I kept asking myself,
what kind of people would live in a place like this, and what would the real
conflict be?

Jarred was a few hundred yards ahead now, and I could barely see him

around the wall. This gave him a somewhat better chance of springing up on
me. I gunned the engine and soon had her back up to the red line. I was
catching up to Jarred faster than I expected, probably because he was
waiting for me. And a few more hits like the last one and he would not have
to worry about winning at all.

An obstacle shot up in front of me and I swerved.

I still hit it.

% Hmm. Something wierd going on, all right.

So stay tuned!!

I relaxed and listened to the tone of my damaged engine.

Inner peace. And all the rest of that crap.

% Heh

I love doing 'ego vs. intellect' dialogue.

"There is in any charter, asshole."

I didn't stress a reply.

% stress a reply? Never heard that one before.

By stress a reply, i just meant he didnt feel like retorting to something so
off-point and stupid.

Ohh. Nice way to end things. Result of the race surprised me since I had
assumed Screw would win fair and square. Very tension building and

exciting.

Prose flowed well. Will try to get to more when I'm able.

D.B. Sommer

Thanks a lot, im trying to keep this from wandering anywhere close to
'stock.' Thanks for the comments, very much appreciated.





Heero Yui, Subburban Commando--


"I would assume it's because right before we went to sleep, you had me eat
out your-"

%% Ha! (I can see him saying it like that too)


the trails of the day ahead. Once properly cleaned and refreshed,
she donned one of the elaborate Napoleonic uniforms she wore to work as an
ambassador at the United World Government's headquarters. The jacket was
hand-woven from the purest silk. It was a shade of azure that matched the
color of the deep blue sea.

%% Hmm, hard to visualize on her.


That would require a significant amount of time. He mentally calculated the
most efficient way to complete the tasks set before him. It would probably
be best to do the yardwork early, after breakfast. He reentered the house,
intent on waking the gir... his daughter. It had become something of a
morning ritual for them, and he felt it qualified as the sort of
father-daughter bonding Relena seemed insistent he do with the child. He
grabbed a metal bucket, filled it with water, and headed towards her
bedroom.

%% I dont like where this is going...

the surface of the bucket instead of the flesh of Heero's face.

He lowered the bucket, now covered with pink dye from the paintballs, and
stared at his daughter. In an even voice he said, "Excellent reflexes,
except for shouting out 'Die!'. You're distracting yourself and potentially
aiding a possible second attacker into keying into your position. Remain
silent next time."

%% Now i see why 'clean the whole house' is always on the list


%% I kind of think mixing Relena's upfrontness with Heero's blank stares
would probably yield a lot of tounge in cheek humor in Selena.

Heero looked at her curiously. "What was wrong with the yellow snow? It was
the only kind that was flavored. I counted myself lucky when I could find
some."

%% Heh

"You locked him in a full nelson and mashed his face into the ground,
shouting out, 'Who sent you?' over and over again!"

"When I see some complete stranger furtively looking around my house, I
disable first and interrogate later."

%% I bet hes got that embroidered on a pillow somewhere.


Keeping his voice low, Flanders said, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes. I would sooner die than yield any secrets.

%% Heh, staccato is perfect here, like hes explaining the fact that he has
legs

"Bowling's a pastime, not a sport. It's just like race car driving and
miniature golf," Heero stated.

%%Odd how he picks this to have an opinion on.


You've drawn me in, cant wait to see where this goes dude.


Aes

	     .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'