Small Pink Mouse wrote:

     One Mongolian Beef later, Shampoo came over and sat down opposite
her. They traded loud barbs and tough talk for a few moments when
Shampoo suddenly grinned and announced, "Ok, we can talk for real now.
The last customer pay his check and leave."

     "Good!", said Ukyo as she breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm starting
to become a little uncomfortable with the charade."

     "Yeah, but it like you said, this do draw the thrillseekers and
keep the customers coming.

Interesting angle.

So what been new with you?" and, for the

moment, the verbal exchange became one of light chitchat as they
gossiped about the day's events. Girls being girls, they were still
going at it quite strongly 2 hours later,

Ha! Obviously it didn't last long. I've seen women that would talk for two
days nonstop. :)

     "No, no, not that!" Ukyo said impatiently, "Well that too, but
that wasn't what I was concerned about. You said something about
"Spring of Drowned Twins?"

Heh. And now we see how things are going to go.

As she spoke, a fire came into her eyes

that caused Shampoo to back away, "Hey whatever it is it not *that*
serious!" eek!

Separate Shampoo's dialogue from Ukyou's.

     "Oh yes it is-s-s-s!", sang Ukyo as she danced around with
happiness, "I've got it, I've got it, I've got it! I am such a
genius! Shampoo-honey, *I* am going to marry Ranma and when I do,
*you-u-u* and Akane are going to be glad to throw rice at the wedding.
I am so cool-l-l!" ^_^

Drop the smiley face. It's distracting.

     "Another grand scheme to make everybody happy, eh?",

Ukyou: Well, just me, really. You'll have to come up with a plan of your
own.

     "Spatula-girl, Do you remember just what the second thing Shampoo
said to you at our first meeting was?", Shampoo asked with an ominous
gentleness.

Ukyou: Your tongue hits all the right spots?

Shampoo: Oops. Shampoo meant second thing during second meeting.

     "'Shampoo kill any girl near Ranma!'" Ukyo repeated quietly.

     "Yeah! Now Shampoo's Japanese not as good as her Russian or
English, but Shampoo would still like to know what part of that sound
like, 'Shampoo think 'Trois a mens' is wonderful idea' to you?"

Heh. Cute play on words.

     Ukyo grinned and tapped Shampoo on the nose. "It's not that!"
Then she spun 3

spell out single digit numbers like this. Higher ones you can get away with.


somersaults in the air, "But we *all* get to marry

Ranma and *you* gave me the idea! This is so-o-o cool!"

     "Waitaminute, waitaminute! Let us back up. *What* idea?"

     "We are *each* going to get a Ranma all for our ver-r-ry own!

Ukyou is in a musical mood, I see. ^_^

Seriously, though. Her r-r-r and such is getting annoying. I'd only do it
once at the most.

though they were naked in Hokaido in the middle of January with the
high winds beginning to rise. As she did so, Ukyo ceased her mad
little dance and stood before her like a little whipped puppy who'd
been disciplined without cause. "Shampoo no like it when you speak so
casual about playing around with someone else's curse like that. You
really not give a thought about what this do to Ranma?"

Ukyou: Not really.

Shampoo: Just so long as we have that straight. Now what plan?

     "*Maybe*. Then again, Taro's alternate form show that Curses can
mix. And Shampoo pretty sure that's not the only problem. When
something like that happens what happens to the soul?"

Ukyou: Like Neitzche, I don't believe in a soul anymore than I do God.

     "About what happens with cloning or with twins!", Ukyo said with
an airy wave of her hand, "Twins are just Nature's way of making
clones, right?

Heh. Never thought of it that way.

And *they* have souls! And since the twins who made up

the Spring had souls don't you think that whoever fell into it would
have souls whenever *they* were in 'Twin' form? For that matter
psychic qualities like souls must be passed on or else Taro wouldn't
have been trying to use "Virtuous Man" water on Happosai, would he?
If something in the way of mind altering components weren't part of
the water wouldn't it just have been another dose of "Drowned Man"
water?"

Not bad logic. Not necessarily true, but not bad at all.

     "Oh, you're just being an old fuddy-duddy!"

     Shampoo gasped. She'd been called a number of hard names in her
short albeit colorful past but not even her worst enemies had ever
called her *that* one and she didn't particularly care for it now.

Heh.

     "Fine! Dandy!", shouted Shampoo as she abruptly pointed her
finger at Ukyo, "But if you want Shampoo's support for this you are
going to have to present this one with direct, undeniable, pragmatic
and empirical proof that Twin Water no hurt the person who do it
before Shampoo give you her support."

Ukyou splashed Shampoo with Twins water. "So?" she asked.

The Shampoos looked at one another. "Now we need one more Ranma." they said
as one.

      "Yes you did!", Shampoo said as she handed Ukyo's check back to
her. Then, seeing through the red haze of her own anger just how
embarrassed Ukyo was, she reached out and patted her on the shoulder.
"Forget it," she said, "It's all right! Maybe Shampoo really is
fuddy-duddy. You come up with proof that this idea is safe for Ranma
and Shampoo really will support you all the way. Shampoo know that you
no more want Ranma hurt anymore than she would. Just make sure that
it's proof Shampoo really can believe, Ok?"

okay?"

     "Ok!",

Okay!" (drop the comma too)

     The message okonomiyaki that was in his hands read, "Meet me at
UcChan's at 8. I've got it!"

     "Oooooo!",

drop this comma too. Exclamation point serves as punctuation

squealed Shampoo. "Arigotou, Daddy!",

And again.

she added as

she glomped him a mighty glomp.

Bit redundent. 'gave him a mighty glomp.' will work.

     "Feh!", more time wasted with *That* *Boy*", grumbled a father
who did not have that high an opinion of the younger Mr. Saotome.

Would be ironic if he liked Mousse more.

     "I've better than proof!", said Ukyo, "I've got a plane flight
to China for you, me, Akane, Konsatu and Ran-chan. And," she added
with a gesture that forestalled a suddenly scowling Shampoo, "I've
devised a means for proving whether it's safe, one way or another,
that should work conclusively in the sight of everyone. If it isn't
we've got two way tickets and if it is I've provision for a few extra
passengers on our return. But it really will be definite proof!"

     "Honor bright?", asked Shampoo.

'bright?' Not sure what that's supposed to mean.

     "You've the word of a Kuonji!", proclaimed Ukyo.

     "Shampoo not interested in the word of a Kuonji. If the word of
an Ukyo not good enough the word of a Kuonji not good enough either.
Shampoo trust individuals more than groups.

Interesting way of looking at it.

 >      Shampoo's eyes went wide and she exchanged glances with Konatsu.

"Uh, in that case can Shampoo take Ninja-boy along with her?"

     Ukyo repressed a stab of jealousy and thought the matter over.
Shampoo did suffer from a certain amount of gungho overexuberance at
times, and she *was* occasionally prone towards taking a rhetorical
statement too literally. So sending someone with Konatsu's common
sense along to balance her *would* be a good way to keep things from

getting

out of hand...

Why do I think that's going to backfire?

     Two hours later...

     "What th-"

     "Shampoo no want to talk about it. Help me load bodies onto
plane and Shampoo explain things then."

Heh. When someone says 'load bodies' it's generally a bad sign.

     Ukyo scowled, but glanced at the clock on the wall and led
Shampoo and the three zombies onto the plane. Later, when everyone
was in their seats, she glanced at the way the other three were
breathing shallowly and glared at the Amazon, "Ok,

Okay

     Ukyo bellowed a reply that drew a scandalized look from Shampoo
who said, "Uh, Shampoo pretty sure that Ranma no want to marry girl
who do *that* with entire baseball team!"

Female Ranma: That's right, since I'd want a crack at the team myself.

     Ukyo banged her head against the wall. It felt good when she
stopped so she did it again.

Heh. I've used a variation of that statement before.

Then, turning the full force of her "I

am the only sane woman in all of Nerima!" glare upon Shampoo, she
said, "No Sugar.

No, Sugar

 That's not what I mean. What happened to Ran-chan,

Kon-chan, and Akane? Why do the four of you look like you've been in
a brawl, and why are the three of them acting like they were drugged?"

     Shampoo smiled in relief. "Oh that one easy! The four of us was
in a brawl, and then Shampoo drugged all three of them."

That was easy.

     The Amazon gave a little disatisfied frown. "Shampoo still not
sure what part of 'Shampoo need to talk to Ranma and Akane in private'
sound like 'Shampoo would really like Akane's pesky sisters to try to
eavesdrop from hiding', but apparently that what Kasumi and Nabiki
hear because when Shampoo take Airen and Mallet-girl into living room
there they is! So Shampoo say out loud that this is something Shampoo
only want Ranma and Akane to hear. Then she take Ranma and Akane out
into garden and, when Shampoo look over their shoulders, it turn out
Brookstick-girl

Broomstick

and Yakuza-girl still with us, leaning out of door

with hands to ear! At this point Shampoo still patient. She just
observe out loud that *nice* people no eavesdrop on other people's
conversations and take Airen and Idiot-girl out by koi pond. Kasumi
just give look that promise that Shampoo's next couple of nights
working at Dr. Tofu's clinic is going to be an exercise in misery,

Took up a second job as well? Shampoo hasn't been shown to work there for a
while.

     "Then Akane object when Shampoo pick up rock to throw at Nabiki
- nothing serious, just something that would knock her out for a
couple of minutes so Shampoo could explain everything and then get
everybody to airport real quick - and then Akane say that anything
Shampoo could say to Akane could be said in front of Nabiki as well.

Odd. Akane knows Nabby takes advantage of any situation she can.

     "You jackass!", growled Ukyo, "It doesn't matter how much you
paid her. She'll still sell us out the moment a higher bidder comes
along, and she's always been the sort to go out of her way to find
the higher bidder.

True. She's smart, that way. Though she would circumvent he silence promise
by writing the info down or something.

*I* might have enough to keep her honest, provided

I accompanied it with a believable death threat, but you - "

     "Yeah, that's what Shampoo thought too! So when Yakuza-girl come
close Shampoo give Ninja-boy the high sign, and while he take down
Ranma from concealment, Shampoo suckerpunch Akane and Nabiki in about
that order."

Hmm. Didn't see that coming.

     Shampoo rubbed her bruised jaw thoughtfully. "Either Akane
getting tougher, or Shampoo spending too much time with medical
studies and is getting out of practice. She need a second punch and
she actually get a good blow in before she go down! Anyway, after that
Shampoo and Ninja-boy get in arguement over what to do with Nabiki
and - "

Heh.

     "No time like present!", said Shampoo, happier now that the plane
was taxiing out of the runway. Leaning over to Konatsu's seat she said,
"Ninja-boy wakeup!" and snapped her fingers. Konatsu's eyes flew open.

     "Mistress, it was awful! Just awful!!!", exclaimed the gentle
ninja.

     Ukyo braced herself for the worst. "What happened?"

     "S-s-she..."

     Ukyo flagged a stewardess down and gave him a drink, "Spit it out
so I can figure out what kind of damage control we need to do. What
happened?"

     "There was nothing I could do and sh-she, SHE INSISTED ON LEAVING
A LIVING WITNESS BEHIND!"

Hehehehehe. Great. Absolutely perfect.

     "You told me not to let Miss Shampoo do anything stupid Mistress,
and the first thing my stepmother and stepsisters drilled into me
is that 'Dead men tell no tales. If for any reason you must act in
front of a witness don't leave them in a position to speak.'.

Sound logic.

     "No she not!", denied Shampoo. She glanced down at her watch.
"It now 11 days, 21 hours, and 33 minutes before she lose the
compulsion to sing about being a little teapot short and stout whenever
she try to communicate about this to anyone."

Heh. Cute. Amazon mind control points are amusing.

     "But Miss Shampoo, what if she uses pencil and paper?"

     "Shampoo set it up so that she always do the hand motions and
dance while doing it." ^_^

Drop smile. Cute, otherwise.

     "Oh!", said Konatsu as he relaxed visibly, "And, of course, by
the time the compulsion wears off our

off, our (I think)

 >      Shampoo interposed by saying loudly, "Of course she no want

anything of the sort. So Shampoo snap them out of it *and then marry
Ranma for herself!*" ^_^

Drop smile

     "WHAT?????", screamed Ukyo, as she snapped into a battle stance.

     Shampoo snickered. "Just kidding, *this* time!

Heh. Nice reminder.

     Ranma's eyes opened.

And he started singing, "I'm a little teapot short and stout."

"Darn, Shampoo give commands to wrong person," she lamented.

     Suddenly animation came into Ranma's face. "Juseynko? You sure?"

     "Do these eyes lie?"

Ranma; Do you want me to answer that?

Shampoo: Only if Ranma smart enough to give right answer.

Ranma: I won't answer it, then.

     "I'm hungry-y-y!", said Ranma.

     "Mistress, Miss Akane hit me!", said Konatsu.

     "No make Shampoo go back there or all three of you be sorry!"

     "Are we ther-r-re yet?"

Heh. Cute.

     "We'll show you flat-chested!", said Ukyo as she and Akane
whipped off shirt and bra alike. Akane however, hung onto hers and
gave it a dramatic little whirl. "Yoohoo, boy-y-ys!" she called as she
and Ukyo advanced towards the sentries that Ranma and Konatsu had not
been able to distract.

Didn't know they were at the fortress. Might want to denote the scene change
better.

     "There is one thing I'd like to add though!..."

     Shampoo's eyes went wide in enquiry.

     "I'm a ben dan, and no good with words, but before this happens,
I want you to know that the knowledge that there is a me who's become
your husband will be a source of profound happiness to me no matter
which me I am!"

Ranma; Since I intend to be the Ranma that marries Akane and any clones get
marry you girls since I don't want you bothering me about marrying you
anymore.

     Shampoo kissed him.

     Miuntes later...

Minutes

     "...And so, Akane, I'm a baka and bad with words, but while I'd
not admit it to our Dads, I guess I'd like to let you know that I'm
glad there's a me who's gonna marry you, so I guess our Dads knew what
they were doing after all. You're nobody I'd've planned on but you're
better then I'd've planned."

I see a pattern forming.

     "I-I'm not glum, Mistress. I'm very happy that your dream is
finally being fulfilled and I'm honored to have played a role in
helping you towards it but I...I hope he's good to you!"

Konatsu: Since I'll gut him like a stuck pig in his sleep if he doesn't.

     Ukyo patted his shoulder. "I'm sure he will. Ran-chan's a good
man even if'n

if

     Konatsu stared at her with woebegone eyes, "O Mistress Mine,
I'd walk through fire for you, but to live with you under the same
roof while you were another man's wife is something that would tear
the very heart from my breast and grind it to a thousand pieces.
Ask me for my life but do not ask me for this."

Ukyou: Fine. Kill yourself.

Konatsu: Excuse me, I was just being melodramatic.

     "But Sugar, this is something that I am going to have to ask you.
Thanks to your family I'd ended up knowing now you felt about me when
they thought that knowing would cause me to reject you and I sorta
made my choice even then. I'm marrying Ranma and that's set in stone,
but I've gotten kind of used to havin' you at my restaurant and I'll
allow as how I'd miss ya if you were gone. So will you trust me now?
I can't rightly speak all my hopes until I know for sure whether my
plan's gonna work, but I promise you this - If everything goes off
then I'ma gonna make sure that you get taken care of. I've already
got my eyes on a certain gal for you. Same interests as you and
everything! And I reckon as how you'll love her as every bit much as
ever you loved me. So please stay! Because I kinda want you around me
for as long as the both of us live. Trust me?"

She's talking a bit too much like a hick. I'd definitely tone it back a lot
since its distracting.

     "Shampoo see enough of you in action to respect what you say,
so Shampoo tell you this in her own turn - If ever you think to use
'professional procedure' on Ranma, or even one such as Yakuza-girl
whom Ranma care about, then best you kill Shampoo first. Otherwise
no place within the ends of the Earth or The Fields Beyond will be
far enough for you to hide."

Just so we have that clear.

     "That's cause there aren't any sleeves. Does that mean we should
check your cups?", said Akane, who had prudently ducked away from
arm's reach this time.

     "No hat either. So Shampoo want to know just where you conceal
rabbit!"

Heh. Cute.

     Ranma, seeing her spin about with a 'Tada!' gesture, guessed
finally just what she was about and ran forward to restrain her.
Doubtless he would have been able to stop her in time, but it was in
that moment Konatsu made his move. It *had* been Miss Shampoo rather
than Mr. Ranma that he'd expected trouble from, but a true ninja
assumes untrustworthiness in everyone,

Gee. Sounds like me.

     "Mistr-, uh, Miss Umyo,

Ukyou

     "His was a divided heart but, even when it was divided, it was a
faithful and steadfast one that cared for you as well. I know him to
be a good man who is worthy of you, or else he would have experienced
an unfortunate accident long before this day had come.

Heh. Love his subtle threats.

     "I know that I said that I would not wish to live under the
same roof as you when you were another man's wife, but I see now
how selfish that truly was. Worse, far worse, would be to live with
the knowledge that the woman I loved about Heaven and Earth had
sacrificed herself for the likes of me. You deserve better than
that. Let us hasten and catch the others while we may!"

Ukyou: Can the melodramatic crap. I'm doing this because I want to.Now give
me some sugar, baby.


like being the world's best ononomyaki chef, I like being the sole

proprietor of a restaurant that's making good enough money that I can
afford trips like this on 3 hours notice, and I like being queen
inside my own domain.

     "And I'm not sure that Ranma would!"

Could be a good point.

     "Now let's talk of divided hearts! One reason I could sympathize
with Ranma was that I knew his situation from the inside. I loved him
with a fire in which I would happily have been consumed but I found,
to my surprise, that there was another man I'd come to love with the
steadiness of the Earth that merges happily with compatible ground.
He was a quiet man, a gentle man, the kind of man you'd want as a
knight anytime you were a queen. He was a bit unworldly and a tad
quirky on the subject of clothing, but that was alright because the
first just meant his pride wouldn't be under threat if his woman
called the shots and that he wouldn't mind if she decided that *she*
was the one to wear the dress in this here family."

Too eloquant, but since this is a short piece, we'll have to live with it.
Still, I'd make it a bit more awkward when she's speaking.

     She looked up into his startled eyes and smiled, "Don't you get
it Darlin'? I'm not the Ukyo Kuonji who lost. *I'm the Ukyo Kuonji who
won!*"

Hmm. How very interesting. Didn't see that coming. Very nice.

Afterword

Never thought I'd do a "everyone's major problems get solved" story
but I guess once in a while these can fun to write too! ^_^

Happy ending syndrome. Pat, and all right, but I do prefer it taken in small
doses. Having it from Ukyou's POV, mostly kept humorous instead of angsty,
and involving Konatsu were enough to catch my interest and enable me to
enjoy the read. Very nice work.

D.B. Sommer

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