Subject: [FFML] Ranma Saotome: IMOM[R.5/Parody][New]
From: "Carrotglace" <carrotglace@mindspring.com>
Date: 11/8/2001, 3:54 AM
To: ffml@anifics.com
Reply-to:
carrotglace@mindspring.com


 

 

 

    It was a cold afternoon day, snow fell gently from the 
sky, landing
on the ground, but melting before it could cover it. Winter had 
come to
Japan after a long summer.

 

    The home was stotic, almost serene in its presence. It 
loomed over
the neighborhood as a proud testament to its age and tradition. 
It was
two stories tall, with a smaller building at its side, a dojo.

 

    A shadowy figure moved along the side of the wall, 
hugging it
tightly. His objective was still out of sight. He frowned and 
narrowed
his eyes as he glanced around at his surroundings. It was quiet, 
too
quiet.

 

    His breath became visible as he exhaled and moved 
silently through
the yard. His footsteps leaving no indication that he had 
ever passed
by. Lightly he hopped into another set of shadows along the outer 
wall
of the home, around the corner; an empty porch stood in his way. 
A
creaky board could give him away if he was not cautious. He would 
have
to tread lightly in order to complete his objective.

 

    He steeled his will frowning deeply as he concentrated 
and jumped
onto the wooden floor without so much as a whisper of a sound. 
He
relaxed as the wood held firmly, not giving his presence away. Slowly 
he
edged along the wall, smoke billowing from the open door to the 
porch.

 

    "There," he muttered to himself. He quickly berated 
himself for
uttering the noise and crouched low as he peered around the 
corner into
the home. It was now in sight, a door on the second floor.

 

    Glancing around he started forward; this was the most 
dangerous
phase of his operation. "I'm gonna make it," he thought to 
himself
confidently. "Just across this room, and I should..."

 

    "RANMA! There you are!"

 

    Ranma Saotome stood in the middle of the Tendo home with 
his jaw
hanging down. "Um...I've got to go..."

 

    "Where? I worked hard on this!" cried Akane as she 
shoved a plate of
something unidentifiable into his chest.

 

    "It's pretty far. It'll take me all day to get there..." 
replied the
boy as he glanced around for any help he could find. Everyone 
else had
already vacated the area. "Crap."

 

    "What? You haven't even tried it yet!" snarled Akane as 
she started
to burn with anger.

 

    "No! I wasn't talkin about that junk!" cried the 
pigtailed boy
defensively.

 

    It was far too late though; his comment had sent the 
girl over the
edge. Her fist flew unhindered by the concoction in her grip 
and stars
suddenly flooded his vision. Then all went black.

 

    Flames jumped up from the darkness, dancing hypnotically 
for a
moment before moving back into the distance.

 

            Carrot 
Productions Presents...

 

    A strange music filled the air; strings and electric 
guitars as it
slowly built into something stronger. The flames jumped up with 
the
sound, exploding into a violent dance as it peaked.

 

            A Fanfic 
By Carrot Glace...

 

    A silhouette of a woman in the nude seemed to crawl out 
of nothing,
her black form dancing against the shadows. She writhed 
seductively as
another appeared beside her.

 

        In cooperation with Non-existent 
pictures...

 

    A husky sounding female vocalist began singing lyrics in 
a language
that he couldn't understand as the two women's dance melted into 
each
other, creating a single larger silhouette. She turned to the 
side,
revealing a small firearm.

 

        In Association with...well, no 
one really...

 

    Her dance changed and she split into two again, both of 
them facing
off in a martial arts dance against the fiery backdrop. They 
began to
imitate martial arts in their dance, slowly kicking and punching at 
one
another.

 

            Starring 
Ryoga Hibiki.

 

    A judo flip pushed one of the women off screen, and the 
other
started to dance again, this time pulling a staff from nowhere. 
She
began a kata.

 

                
Akane Tendo.

 

    Finally, she spun around into a kick, and a ball of 
flames rushed
into the air behind her as the lyrics to the song peaked.

 

            And 
Ranma Saotome as...

 

    The flames rushed up again, consuming everything.

 

        Ranma Saotome, International Man 
of Mystery.

 

++++++++++++

 

    Somewhere in China...

 

    "So, Saffron has been defeated?" said the shadowy figure 
that sat at
the head of the table. In his lap was a small dog, a Chihuahua 
that
growled angrily as it stared forward fearlessly at the man kneeling 
to
the figure shrouded in shadows.

 

    "Yes, a boy has destroyed the godling," said the man as 
he looked up
at his master. He was wearing a fez cap and had a long scar 
running down
his right eye. He was Arabic, but his build was huge. He had a 
mouth
full of metal and one of his arms ended in a nasty looking hook.

 

    "A...boy?"

 

    "Yes, his name is Ranma Saotome, he is very skilled," 
replied the
man.

 

    "This Ranma Saotome, find out about him," snarled the 
darkness
shrouded man hatefully as he gripped the dog's neck. The animal 
yipped
in terror and whimpered. "Mr. Tacobeal is not happy with this. 
Saffron
was to lead us into a new age, an age where we ruled all. Our 
agreement
with his people us useless without the godling."

 

    "Of course, I shall investigate," said the man as he 
bowed his head
low again.

 

    "Of course you will," replied the man coldly. He turned 
his chair
away and frowned thoughtfully as he stroked his chin. "Could it be? 
A
mere human defeated Saffron. Project Sakuragami could have been 
more
successful than they had thought! I must be sure!"

 

    "Project Sakuragami?" asked the Arabic man in 
confusion.

 

    "Why are you still here?" snapped the shadowy figure as 
his fist
slammed into the arm of his chair.

 

    "Forgive me!" cried the man as he shuffled off 
fearfully.

 

    "Yes! That must be it!" said the shadowy figure. "Well, 
it seems I
may have a worthy opponent at last!"

 

++++++++++++++++++

 

    Ranma sat up and looked around. He was lying face down 
in the yard
of the Tendo dojo and had just woken up from the weirdest dream. 
"I
don't think those dancing chicks had any clothes on..." he muttered 
to
himself as he put his hand against his head and shook it for a 
moment.
With a swift fluid motion, he kicked his feet out and jumped 
upright.
"Man, that was a weird dream."

 

    "Aiya! Airen!" cried a familiar voice as he was promptly 
sent back
to the ground on his face. This time, a bicycle wheel was embedded 
into
the back of his head. "Shampoo bring too too delicious ramen for 
you!"

 

    "Hey, great!" said the boy cheerfully despite his 
injuries. "Akane
cooked again, I'm starved!"

 

    "What? Akane cooked?!" snarled a familiar voice. "How 
dare you say
that about Akane! Ranma! Prepare to die!"

 

    The pigtailed youth looked up and blinked. "Hey, if you 
want some
I'm sure she's still got it Ryoga."

 

    That stopped the lost boy in his tracks. "Sorry, I've 
got somewhere
to be. I'll punish you for that later Saotome." He turned away 
and
shuffled off rather quickly. Before he vanished he turned to look 
at
Ranma. "Where is the Unryuu farm?"

 

    "Ranma! What do you think you're doing?" snapped Akane 
as she
appeared out of the home and saw him standing with Shampoo.

 

    The boy shoved the empty bowl into the Amazon's hands 
and looked at
her, trying to think quickly. For once, his brain actually 
seemed to
work. "I was tryin to tell ya! I promised to take Ryoga to Akari's 
place
today!"

 

    "You did?" said Ryoga in surprise.

 

    "Yeah, I did, Porky," growled Ranma.

 

    If Ryoga was smarter, he would have turned against the 
boy and
explained that it was a lie to Akane. He wasn't though, and he took 
it
at face value. "Oh. That was nice of you."

 

    "Come on, we should go," said Ranma as he grabbed the 
boy by his arm
and pulled him away.

 

    Shampoo and Akane blinked, looked at each other, and 
turned back to
whatever it was they were doing before Ranma showed up.

 

    "I'll get  it this time for sure!" said Akane as 
she walked into the
kitchen. She walked by Kasumi, and the girl shook her 
head with barely
hidden tears of remorse in her eyes. It was too bad, she had 
liked that
set of pots and pans.

 

    Shampoo jumped upright suddenly and hopped onto her 
bicycle. "Aiya!
Shampoo is being late with delivery!"

 

++++++++++++

 

    Ranma and Ryoga walked through the streets of Nerima a 
short time
later. It had barely even been a month since the whole wedding 
mess had
ended, and things were going back to the dreary normality that 
was
Nerima.

 

    "Are you sure this is the way?" asked Ryoga 
irritably.

 

    "Yes, now keep quiet and follow me! I don't get lost 
like you!"
snapped Ranma as he glanced back at the boy.

 

    "I'm not that bad!" cried Ryoga irritably.

 

    "Yeah you are, now pipe down and don't wander off," 
grumbled Ranma.

 

++++++++++++++

 

    Fate had its hand in things that day. A black car rolled 
up behind
the pair. The window rolled down to reveal a slight shining from 
the
back seat. A lens.

 

    "I've found them," said the Arabian man with a slight 
chuckle.

 

    Little did he know, that he was being followed as 
well.

 

+++++++++++

 

    It was a tiny two-seater car, a blue Toyota. Cramped 
inside were a
pair of leather clad individuals with shades. They turned to 
face each
other. One of them was a Japanese woman with long black hair. 
Her
companion was a rather skinny looking Japanese man with slicked 
back
hair.

 

    "It's him," said the woman coldly.

 

    "Yes, that's Otto all right," agreed the man with a 
small frown.
"What's he doing in Japan?"

 

    "I don't know, it's nice to be home again though," 
replied the woman
calmly. "He seems to be watching that boy. I wonder if he 
has something
to do with the Phoenix Project?"

 

    "We don't even know what that is," said the man with a 
rough
sounding snort.

 

    "They're moving again, they're definitely following 
them."

 

+++++++++++++

 

    "There they are! Keep going!" snarled Otto as he shoved 
the driver
in the back of his head.

 

    "Yessir," grumbled the man irritably. He was a 
well-built Japanese
man, who was obviously not used to this sort of 
treatment.

 

    "What are they doing?"

 

    "I don't know sir," replied the man.

 

+++++++++++++

 

    "Take that back!" cried Ryoga angrily. He charged 
forward with his
hand extended in a punch that shattered a nearby wall.

 

    "Oh cut it out ya jerk! I'm bein nice today!" snapped 
Ranma as he
jumped over the strike.

 

    "How dare you say that! You just lied to Akane to get 
out of eating
her cooking!"

 

    "I'm sorry I told ya now! Jeez, I'm takin you aren't I?" 
grumbled
Ranma as he landed opposite the enraged boy in a defensive 
stance.

 

    "I am not a tool for your own needs Saotome!" cried 
Ryoga angrily as
he struck the ground with his finger. A huge dust cloud 
exploded with
shards of the pavement mixed into it.

 

    The pair jumped over a wall and continued their battle. 
Both of them
oblivious to the world around them.

 

++++++++++++

 

    Otto cursed as he stepped out of his car and stared at 
the hood. A
huge chunk of concrete was now embedded into the front end, 
rendering it
inoperable. "Damn! They knew we were following them! You 
fool!"

 

    The man driving was merely sitting there with a scowl on 
his face.
"Yes sir."

 

    "Those bastards! Call another car! I've got to report 
this," he
growled as he opened the door and climbed back into the rear 
again.

 

    The man hummed cheerfully to himself as he did so, glad 
to be rid of
him.

 

++++++++++++

 

    "They eluded him," said the woman as she pushed her 
shades up her
nose and frowned.

 

    "Who were they?" asked the man.

 

    "I don't know, but we should find out," said the 
woman.

 

    "Yes, we should," agreed the man calmly as he put the 
car into gear
and drove off. It puttered loudly and backfired a few times as 
it
crawled away into the city.

 

+++++++++++++

 

    Meanwhile, just outside Nerima...

 

    "Are you through yet? We're almost there," snapped Ranma 
irritably
as Ryoga tossed another boulder at him.

 

    "Huh? We are?" said the lost boy as he stopped his 
attack and
paused.

 

    Ranma pointed to a sign that showed the direction to the 
farm.
"See."

 

    "Oh, I can find it from here," said Ryoga as he turned 
to walk in
the wrong direction.

 

    "Oh no you don't. Last time I let you do that you came 
back all mad
at me for tricking you into going the wrong way. I'm takin you 
all the
way this time."

 

    "Fine," grumbled Ryoga as Ranma grabbed the back of his 
collar.

 

    "Come on, let's go see the Pig Queen," said the 
pigtailed boy.

 

    "What? How dare you!" cried Ryoga.

 

    "She asked me to call her that remember?" snorted Ranma 
irritably.

 

    "Oh...yeah..." grumbled Ryoga as his anger faded. "You'd 
better
watch it though! I won't allow you to insult Akari that way!"

 

    "Yeah, yeah," muttered Ranma as he continued to 
walk.

 

+++++++++++

 

    A short time later, inside a Laundromat...

 

    The two figures in leather stepped inside the stock room 
and closed
the door behind them. A stairway opened in front of them and they 
walked
forward in perfect unison, neither looking at the other as they 
removed
their shades.

 

    At the bottom of the stairs was a huge computer. Its 
screen was
about eight feet wide, and a large panel of buttons was below it. 
Two
chairs slid up from the floor, and the pair sat down.

 

    "Ah, welcome. Sakura, Okami, it is good to hear from you 
again," an
old man appeared before them on the screen with a pleasant smile 
on his
face. He was Japanese as well, and a large office could be seen 
behind
him with various technicians walking around behind him.

 

    "As it is you," said the woman with a small smirk.

 

    "We have a report Ma," said the man.

 

    "We already have it on file," said Ma. "We took it from 
the video
records of your vehicle."

 

    "Good," said Sakura as she nodded.

 

    "Any ID on that boy?" asked Okami.

 

    "Ranma Saotome, son of a poor martial artist, and a 
woman who has
ties with a lower class noble family. Nothing of any real 
importance."

 

    "It's important enough to send Otto after him," said 
Sakura with a
frown forming on her face.

 

    "Yes, Pei we suspect," said Ma.

 

    Okami looked down at the console for a moment and pushed 
a few
buttons. "Any relation to Project Phoenix you think?" A small 
screen
with a readout of the information they knew appeared beside the 
man's
head on the screen.

 

    "Possibly, we have no information on that. The Chinese 
Government
has been less than cooperative with us."

 

    "What else is new," said Sakura with a rough 
snort.

 

    "In any case, we must find out what Pei sees in this 
boy. Find out
what he wants him for, and don't let him get it."

 

    "Right," said Okami coolly. "Pei won't get his hands on 
him. We'll
make sure of that."

 

    "Good, do what you can," said Ma as the screen went 
black.

 

    "It could be a distraction," said Sakura as she turned 
to stare at
her partner.

 

    "It could also be important, we need to be sure," said 
Okami. "I
doubt if it's a distraction. You saw what that boy did. He had some 
kind
of explosives on him. They may be rouge operatives. We may be able 
to
get some useful information from them."

 

    Sakura nodded and stared at the blank screen for a 
moment. "True,
they could be. Or they could be something else."

 

    "We'll just have to find out, won't we?" said Okami as 
he grinned at
her.

 

+++++++++++++

 

    "They escaped you?" said the shadowy figure on the small 
screen
inside Otto's car.

 

    "Yes, they disabled my vehicle and used some sort of 
smoke screen,"
said the man as he scowled angrily.

 

    "So, my suspicions seem correct. It seems Project 
Sakuragami was
more successful than I had thought. Our data tells us his name 
is Ranma
Saotome, find him."

 

    "What is this project?" asked Otto as he frowned at the 
screen.

 

    "Heh, super spies my dim witted friend. Irresistible to 
women,
stronger and faster than any man, and genius intellect. The 
perfect
human weapon."

 

    "What should I do when I find him?"

 

    "Bring them to me," said the man as the screen went 
black.

 

    "That could prove difficult," said Otto as he scowled 
and sat back
away from the screen. "Then again, it could be fun!" He grinned, 
and his
teeth shined against the minimal light in the vehicle.

 

    "Take me to Nerima. I've got work to do," he said to the 
driver.

 

    It was a different man, but he appeared to be in the 
same situation.
"Whatever."

 

+++++++++++++

 

    Nabiki Tendo wasn't having a very good day. She frowned 
as she
looked around the home. Akane had given up on cooking when the 
'food'
had eaten the wooden spoon she was using to stir it. Kasumi was 
crying
softly as she killed it and tried to regain some sort of control 
over
her favorite room in the home, and Ranma was gone for a while. 
The
Unryuu farm was a fair distance away, but he'd be back by this 
evening.

 

    All that meant one thing. Nabiki was bored.

 

    She sighed and stared at the television with a straw in 
her lips as
she sipped at her soda.

 

    The silence was broken as a knock came on the door. She 
sat upright
and blinked. Looking up at the clock she noticed it was too early 
for
Ranma to have returned. Kasumi hadn't heard it either and she stood 
up.

 

    "I guess I haven't got anything better to do," she 
thought to
herself as she stood up to get it.

 

    She pulled the door open and blinked at the huge figure 
standing
there. "Huh?"

 

    The man glared down at her, a tiny fez hat resting on 
his hair.
"Where is the toilet? Ranma Saotome!" he said firmly.

 

    "What?" said Nabiki dumbly as she noticed his metal 
teeth.

 

    The man blinked for a moment and opened a small book. He 
glanced
down at it for a moment and coughed. "Where is Ranma Saotome?"

 

    "Um...he's not here," said Nabiki.

 

    The man stared at her for a long moment and frowned. He 
sighed and
scratched his head before flipping through the pages looking for 
the
phrase she had just used.

 

    Nabiki rolled her eyes and leaned against the 
doorway.

 

    "Repeat please?" he said as he looked up at her 
again.

 

    She sighed and put out her hand. "Two thousand 
yen."

 

    The man stared at her dumbly and looked at her hand for 
a moment.
"What?"

 

    She cocked her eyebrow and continued to stare at 
him.

 

    "I'm Otto."

 

    "If you want English, Two Thousand Yen," she replied to 
his
introduction in English.

 

    The man stared at her. "Where is Ranma Saotome?" he 
repeated in
English.

 

    "Nani?"

 

    "Answer my question!"

 

    "Sumimasen?" said Nabiki with a cold looking smirk on 
her face. Her
hand was still extended.

 

    The man sighed and pulled out his wallet after a short 
battle of
wills. "Very well. I don't feel like torturing you, and I'm in a 
hurry."

 

    "He left a few hours ago, why do you want him?" asked 
the girl as
she frowned at him.

 

    "I think he'll come to me," said the man as he smirked 
at her.

 

    Nabiki stepped back with a surprised gasp as he grabbed 
her arm and
covered her mouth.

 

    "Heh," chuckled Otto as the chloroform rag in his hand 
knocked the
girl out.

 

+++++++++++++++

 

    Ranma Saotome had been home for several hours. "Hey, 
it's gettin
kinda late."

 

    Akane looked up from the TV with a frown on her face. 
"You're right.
Nabiki should be back by now."

 

    "Maybe I should go look for her?" asked Ranma as he 
looked over at
where Soun and Genma were playing shogi.

 

    "Nabiki is gone?" muttered Soun dumbly.

 

    "Yes, she's been gone a while now," said Kasumi as she 
fretted about
it worriedly.

 

    "You know how she is, she'll be back soon," scoffed 
Genma.

 

    "She left a note, but I can't read it," said Kasumi as 
she held out
a small letter.

 

    Ranma took it and stared at it for a moment.

 

    "What does it say?" asked Akane.

 

    Ranma's face was hard, a cold scowl as he stared at her 
seriously.

 

    "Is something wrong?" gasped Akane as she rushed over to 
his side.

 

    "I don't know, I can't read it," replied the boy as he 
continued to
stare at her. "It's English."

 

    Akane belted him upside his head. "Jerk! Don't scare me 
that way!"
She took the note away and stared at it for a moment. "I can't 
read it
either."

 

    Soun and Genma were perplexed.

 

    "I don't have a clue," said Genma.

 

    "Quite so Saotome," agreed Soun.

 

    "Oh my. I hope she's all right," said Kasumi.

 

    "I thought you were passin English?" said Ranma as he 
stared at
Akane.

 

    "Dope! I've only taken Freshman English! This is..." she 
stared at
it again. "Something about a meeting I think. I think this says 
she's
not coming back. I'm not sure. This looks like an address down 
here."

 

    "Maybe she's stayin with a friend tonight?" said Ranma 
as he thought
about it.

 

    "You're probably right," agreed Akane.

 

    "Oh! I'm so relieved!" gasped Kasumi.

 

    "Well, it was nothing to worry about after all!" said 
Kasumi
cheerfully.

 

    "Why would she leave it in English?" asked Ranma.

 

    "I dunno, you know how she is," said Akane as she 
shrugged.

 

    The boy turned away and headed towards the stairs. "I'm 
goin to bed
then. She'll be at school tomorrow, I'm pretty sure."

 

    "I guess so," said Akane as she put the note on the 
table.

 

++++++++++++++

 

    "They're late!" growled Otto as he glared at the door of 
the hotel
room in frustration.

 

    "You did leave a note didn't you?" asked Nabiki. She was 
tied to a
chair and glaring at the wall irritably.

 

    "Of course I did!" snapped the man.

 

    "I am so going to make you pay for making me wait like 
this, Ranma,"
she muttered angrily.

 

    "Quiet down!" snarled Otto.

 

    "I'm hungry, if you're going to drag me all this way, 
you could at
least be nice enough to feed me!" said the girl as she turned 
her head
towards him and frowned.

 

    Otto stared at her and sighed. "I suppose you're right. 
I could use
something to eat right about now."

 

    "Good, I know a great place that delivers nearby!" said 
the girl as
she smiled at him.

 

    "I hate Asian food, I'm calling this place," he said as 
he snorted
at her. "All that fish gives me the runs."

 

    "Well, aren't you pleasant?" snorted Nabiki. She had 
been hoping to
get him to call the Cat Cafe, or the Ucchan and call in a 
favor or two.

 

    "You'll eat it or go hungry," he replied as he turned 
his back to
her and started to dial.

 

    Nabiki sighed and hung her head as she played with the 
knots on her
wrists. "Akane is never going to let me live this down," she 
muttered in
Japanese.

 

    "Speak English, or I'll break your jaw kid," snorted 
Otto as he
glanced back at her. He placed a pair of brass knuckles on the 
small
table beside the bed he was sitting on.

 

    Nabiki cursed under her breath. She didn't doubt 
it.

 

    Finally, he hung up the phone and stared at her. "Are 
you sure they
want you back? They were supposed to be here four hours 
ago."

 

    "I'll get them for this too," she seethed angrily.

 

    "I'm bored," said the man as he sighed.

 

    Nabiki blinked at this and stared at him. "Hey...you got 
a deck of
cards on you?"

 

    The man stared at her for a moment.

 

++++++++++++++

 

    TBC...

 

    Next Time: Are you sure she's missing?


--- Carrotglace

--- carrotglace@mindspring.com 

--- EarthLink: It's your Internet.


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