DB Sommer wrote:

Since this is a short one, thought I'd do it quick:

    Much appreciated!

Hopefully this will establish that you can be a better writer if you
don't just set out to assasinate a character (with apologies to Mr.
Sommer and his excellent 'Painegloss'):

[After reading] Not sure why you'd apologize to me. Aside from being in the
first person and perhaps similar general ideas, I don't think it bares that
much resembalance to Painegloss. *Shrug*]

    Merely the theme, which is wholly borrowed.

    Pardon me, Mr. Sommer, might I borrow a cup of humor for my next fic? I seem to have only angst in the cupboards at the moment... ;)

All that I Was

Seems to be a run on sentence there. ^_^

    Optical illusion. I assure you.

I can't remember where it began,

Somewhere around 'And then there was light' is a good place to start. Can't
go wrong there.

    If you're a diety, then yes, but this is just Ranma... :p

The important part was after Akane and I almost got married.

Ah, one of those rare Kunoucentric fics. Interesting. ^_^

    Hm. No, but there's a thought...

But none of them wanted me mad, I guess. Kodachi just stayed away,
which suited me fine, at the time. She admitted that she knew I
didn't like her, once, and I guess that stuck.

Kodachi: No. I got tired of your crap and found a boyfriend who, frankly,
was a whole lot better than you ever were at the best of times. Even if we
had been going out, I would have dumped you in favor of him.

    Ouch.

Shampoo... well, I never saw her again,

Ranma: Which was for the best since she got pissy with me for not going out
with her and ended up seducing Akane, which is why we never got married.
Take it from me, Amazons ain't nothing but trouble.

    Wrong fic, Mr. Sommer... if memory serves, that was your fic. ;)

Then I found out she won some huge lottery and bought herself a computer
company which ended up making her so much money that even God wouldn't have
known what to do with it. Nabiki cried for days when she found out,
complaining that Shampoo should have seduced her instead of Akane.

I get no respect, I'm telling ya'.

    Ranma Dangerfield, apparently.

    He's not getting any respect from me, either.

I guess the big problem was when Ukyou showed up.

Ukyou: That was volumes ago. I can't believe you're saying it all went
downhill after I first appeared.

    Ranma: Hey! Let me shift the blame, already, this fic is written from *MY* POV!

Ukyou: I want you to make me Ranma's official fiancee.

Nodoka: I'm sorry, dear. You're very nice, but Akane is Ranma's fiancee.
Family honor and whatnot.

Ukyou: Interesing you should say that bit about honor. I just happened to go
into a videostore in a seedy part of town and stumbled on this on one of the
shelves. (Shows Nodoka a videotape box. Begins reading it aloud) Hmm. It
seems to be titled, "Lonely Sex Starved Lesbian Housewives." With a certain
'Nobaka Saotome' in the leading role. Sound familiar?

    ...

Nodoka: No. And it doesn't to you either, does it, future-daughter in law?

Ukyou: Nope. My memory seems to be failing me as well. Though I do need to
ask you something. How did you manage to do the trick with the cucumbers AND
the carrots in the third scene?

Nodoka: It was easy. And if you think that was something, you should have
seen me in 'Naughty Devil Spanker Kyoko.' I managed ten tenticals in the
climax of the picture. I outdid myself that day. Certainly my best work to
date.

    Riiiight...

We didn't have a place to say,

stay

(Ohhh, Look. Actual useful comment.)

    Whooops...

He's a pretty lousy martial artist -- those days of taking care of
pigs must have taken a lot out of him.

Ryouga: It's called a J...O...B, Ranma. Go get one and we'll see how much
time you have to jump around and act like an egomaniac.

    I laughed so hard at that one I hurt myself. You have an exceptionaly brutal sense of humor.

The kids are great, and Mom was thrilled when she got them

Heh. Sounds like Nodoka was the one that was pregnent. Might want to
rephrase it.

    Hm. That's _almost_ the implication -- more like Ranma feels the kids are mostly more his mother's and Ukyou's than his own.

them. Makoto's the oldest, and she wants to grow up to be just like
her mom.

Yohko Mano, since that was who we kidnapped her from.

    Actually, was an unsubtle reference to something far more obvious. ;)

Then there's Kintaro, and I'm more than a little proud of
him,

He's a real golden boy in my book.

    Bingo.

Ukyou threw herself into the marriage as much as she
could. Problem was, far as I can tell, she cares more about the
marriage than me. Or herself.

Interesting take on things.

    Well, I'm a fanboy, pure-and-simple, but you gotta see the flaws along with everything else. Of course, this is not a world of 'this is what will happen', since I'm not Takahashi, merely another, 'what might happen'.

I guess I was okay with that at first, but it seems kinda funny, and
the more I thought about it, the more I had to wonder if she wanted
me because she wanted me, of if she just wanted me because she
wanted the relationship.

I like the phrasing. Bit clumsy, but it's easy to understand what he's
asking.

    Mmm. It's easy to see for me, having been in such a situation once myself.

I dunno, really... I mean, at first, it was okay... but she wasn't as
into that,

Not sure what 'that' he is refering to.

    Mistake -- was 'the relationship' or 'us'.

and things were happy... but it didn't last long. I couldn't sit
around training idiots to use the Art when I kept wondering, if it

Don't know if you need that comma.

    Don't.

were me

was me (I think)

    Yeah, but this is Ranma's grammar.

Pops just says throw myself into the Art, or go on another training
trip, so that's what I do. I found out a real easy way to make money
when I wasn't teaching, since there's always tournaments around
somewhere, and they make decent money if you win, and okay money if
you just come close. 'Course, I mostly always win, the first time
around.

And I always win the rematches.

Heh.

    I have a tough time capturing his confidence, and hope it showed through here...

And then I can see them in my mind's eye, paying 50000 yen for some lousy
popcorn and drinks, since they jack up the food prices at these things. And
then Ukyou will want me to watch the hyperactive little anklebiters while
she gossips with the other fighters' girlfriends and wives. And then Makoto
gets all starry eyed at some young pretty boy fighter, and he starts talking
to her and I have to beat the hell out of him for having contact with my
little girl, since I know what's going through his mind, and worse, what's
going through her mind. And then I realize it's a blessing to not have them
around and boy was I stupid for thinking otherwise.

    Heh!

I only ever got Pops to go with me to one tournament, and he wasn't
so proud as I would have thought he'd be. He was unhappy, but he
didn't yell at me, and we both know it's a damn sight better than
thievery,

'stealing stuff' might be better.

    Probably.

That's all that I am, and all that I was...

Nice way to tie it into the title.

    I started with the title and the image (in my mind) of how the story would work out, and built from there. I don't know if it really worked, mind you, but...

Note the distinctive lack of character bashing in this one,

Well, lack of it by you. Me on the other hand...

    Ah, well, there's an obvious sense of humor involved in this one. 'Nobaka' indeed... ;P

^_^

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Don't know why I was in such a rambling
mood myself. Nice work, especially since you did it in half an hour. Very
nice.

    Heh. Just wish I was more inspired to write, of late.

    Thank you very much for taking the time to C&C this. :)

D.B. Sommer