And answering the mail before I start writing again:

$Hey, cool!  It's about time you posted something.

Yeah. A month without posting a fic is my version of moving with 'Zenlike'
speed.

 Didn't you say you

had finished some other works?  Anything the rest of us can see?

Already sent to you. Hopefully you'll find it... interesting, for lack of a
better term.

Mindless Tripe Productions Presents:
Yardwork
(featuring Heero Yui)

$From your comments about poking dead bodies with sticks instead of
feet, I think I've kinda got an idea of what this is going to be like.

Nah. I doubt that very much. ^_^

as
ideas at creating a better tomorrow are put forth for deep reflection
for
the reading public, making them question the very values their entire
lives
have been based on.

$Cute.  But I think your nose is getting longer.

Oui.

God, you're gullible if you actually believed that.

$Very.

And yet, there are some people out there that still believe in me...

ordinarily not the sort of thing you would associate with Wing Gundam or
Heero, seemed the perfect topic for Mindless Tripe Productions to deal
with.
God willing, after reading this, you'll never look at doing chores the
same
way again.

$Yardwork for me usually consisted of pouring used motor oil over any
plant stubborn enough to break through both the concrete and the grease.
But I see your point.

I hated it, myself. But this isn't some form of therapy for me to lash out
at an abused childhood that consisted of actually doing chores instead of
just being allowed to loaf around like kids nowadays do. ^_^

Standard Disclaimer: MTP is proud to declare this a YFZ (Yaoi Free
Zone).
Sorry fangirls, but Heero's straight here. Of course the others, Duo, Wu
Fei, Quatro (or was that Cinco?)

$Cute.

Thanks.

 and Trowel... Trowy... Chewy... whatshisname with the pointy hair, are
as light on their feet as
participants in a Dorothy Parade held in San Francisco.

$Heh heh.

Only absolutely Non-PC term I could come up with off the top of my head. As
evident in that off list work, I have nothing against yaoi, just that it was
amusing to poke fun at the number of Gwing yaoi fics out there. And it's not
the last thing I'll be poking fun at.

the
very basis of the soul and threatened to extinguish hope in the clarion
call
of primal anguish. Or at least that's the way it was perceived to the
subject the sudden burst of noise had assaulted.

$Mmm hmm.

The build up.

The raucous din straight from the pits of Hell ended abruptly as the
hand of
Relena Peacecraft slammed into the top of her alarm.

$I admit, I didn't see that coming.  I honestly thought it was the
family dog, wanting to go for its morning walk.

Heh. That never occurred to me. I can't see them having one. The first time
it came barreling into the room to jump on Heero he would instinctively
shoot it for rushing at him in a violent manner. :)

ploy
that talentless hacks, who pompously considered themselves genuine
authors,
would use.

$Nothing wrong with that.  This isn't War and Peace, anyway.

Never read it, actually. The few Russian authors' works I've read seem
dreary. Even their comedies. :(

Though correct, the fact remained it was still a fourth wall
breakthrough.

$Quite.  What a way to start off the fic.  I'd complain, but I remember
Those who hunt Ninjas all too well.

Burned in a place of infamy in your mind eh? I should be flattered. I think
it's nearing its two year anniversery.

Since the story was not to be in that vein, however, Relena decided to
abandon that sort of critiquing for the rest of the fic. It would be for
the
best.

$Bah, I still be a few more show up.  I know your style.

You were right. There was one more a came up with after this line., but I do
believe that's it.

one's
mouth shut and consuming nothing while the slept led to an awful taste
mysteriously forming within it. Where did it come from? She would have
to
ask her spouse his opinion on it.

$Heero whistles innocently and pulls his shorts back on.

You have no idea how close you are going the other way.

Relena turned her gaze at the person in bed next to her. Her husband of
ten
years, Heero Yui, was already sitting up, wide awake and awaiting his
wife
to fully return to the land of cognizance.

$Don't like cognizance.  Suggest of the living, or something.

Done.

 He held a flat stare as he looked
upon her. It was a look she had seen many times before, that stare of
expectation. Or maybe it was one of lust. Or boredom. Sometimes it was
hard
to tell when it came to Heero. He still hadn't learned the art of
'emoting.'

$Gotta side with Larry on that one.  He similed once or twice.  Sorta.
One wonders how a poker game between him and Rei would come out if they
were both ordered to win.

Heero. If he was ordered to win, and he found himself losing, he would shoot
Rei so he'd win in the end.

"I would assume it's because right before we went to sleep, you had me
eat
out your-"

$You're an evil man.

You sound surprised, or are you just reminding the reading public? Given me
usual turnout rate, I don't think its necessary. :)

  If you tweaked that right, it might add a little

ambiguity by also implying they had fast food for supper.  El Taco Hell
pretty much does the same thing.

True. But I don't want to leave any doubt in this case. Think it works
better as straight up raunch.

"Oh, right. I guess that's why you would have a funny taste in your
mouth."
Relena sighed. Just looking at her husband  sitting up in bed reminded
her

$Extra space between husband and sitting.

Got it

their school so many years long past. She remembered them like it was
yesterday, those words that won her heart.

"I will kill you"

$Oh, lord.  Here we go.

Hey! It's true. The next episode he pointed a gun to her head said something
about her 'knowing too much' and was going to shoot her if Duo hadn't shot
him first. I think GW had the most attempted killings by one romantic
interest to the other.

that had touched her heart and bound her to him forever. It had taken a
long
war, near death experiences in just about every episode,

$Knew you couldn't resist throwing in another fourth wall joke.

Almost certain it's the last one.

 and the years of

"Damn it, Heero, I'm tired of all this dancing around one another,
putting

$Dammit or Damnit, generally written as one word.

Nah. Selena's trademark is 'Goddamnit!' so I want to contrast the two.

don't
you?"

"I don't see any reason to kill you anymore. Does that count?"

$Close enough for government work.

And for Heero.

"Yes. That is close enough when it comes to you. So, now that that's

$Dialog seems a little choppy.  That's close enough when

will use that one

 > "Then it's settled. I order you to propose, then marry me."

"Okay."

$Sounds a bit like the technique I had the girls use in Needful Things.

And it worked there too. :)

well. Part of his upbringing, she supposed. But he was happy. She could
tell, even if others couldn't; she knew him that well. It also made
their
sex life fantastic, since he would perform on command.

$Kind of like a big, breathing sextoy that walks around and never needs
the batteries changed.  My respect of Relena has just gone up a notch.

Relena Peacecroft: Perhaps the most determined girl to ever land a man who
not only showed no interest in ANY woman whatsoever, but who also tried to
kill her several times because he considered her a threat to him. She's got
issues. ^_^

"I've trained myself so that my internal body clock is accurate to
within
two point one seconds of standard time. Every morning I awaken ten
seconds
before the alarm goes off.

$Lucky bastard.  I always stare at the damn thing for an hour before it
goes off.

He is.

She gave him a peck on the cheek and got out of bed. He continued to
stare
as she discarded her nightgown and went to the bathroom

$Heero:  Yep, yep, that's my bitch.
Relena: Did you say something?
Heero: No.

Actually, again you are very close. I think you're starting to think like
me. Be very afraid.

her legs. Black leather boots completed the uniform that was the current
style the government was using. The ensemble cost a small fortune, like
the
rest of the outfits in her entire wardrobe. She was one of the people
that
used the government's clothing allowance she received from her job to
the
fullest.

$Heh.  I can see a few things from the anime stuck out in your mind a
bit.

Hard to miss them, actually.

Heero stood next to her, dressed in a white sleeveless T-shirt, plain
brown
shorts, and gray tennis shoes. He was one of the people that didn't use
the
government's clothing allowance to the fullest.

$Heh heh.  Nice comparison.

Thanks.

Relena admired the way her husband still filled out his attire. Unlike
some
of his contemporaries, (such as Wu 'Blubberguts" Fei, who had discovered
the
joys of red meat and beer and ballooned to a whopping four hundred
pounds)

$Well, that and he sat on his ass all day, reading books.  He did want
the life of a scholar.

Odd. I didn't remember that bit.

 It made for some very interesting bedroom gymnastics, though the first
time she had used that term, Heero misinterpreted it and performed an
elaborate floor exercise for her benefit. He tended to take things a bit
literally. Not that that had stopped her from jumping his bones the
moment
he was finished. And she had ordered him to buy more white tights. Those
were a definite keeper, with that sweet ass of his.

$*shakes head*

Relena's words, not mine. :)

He looked at it, momentarily confused.

Relena released a sigh. "I mean it's your mission profile for today."

"Oh." The look of confusion passed and the flat stare returned.

$Heh.

He has to have things explained to him in a certain way sometimes in order
for them to be processed correctly.

could go ahead and do it. I wouldn't mind in the least." She gave him a
hopeful smile.

Heero continued giving her his flat stare.

$Which one?

The same one from before. She can't actually tell.

"I suppose it is a bit much to ask," Relena sighed. "I'll add it to the
list
later if I'm in the mood.

$Perhaps with an 'At some random time in the near future' clause to
make it _seem_ like it was his sudden urge.  Which could prove
inconvienent, not to mention hilarious, if she was busy at a conference
at the time.

Heh. Cute, but I can't fit that in without it seemign forced. :)

 Oh, I also want you to spend some quality time
with Selena."

"I do spend quality time with the girl," Heero responded.

$I can imagine.

You'll get to see it, actually

childhood. I learned all of those things, and you can see how I turned
out;
normal."

"I am so not going there," Relena said dryly.

$Heh.  Nice.

She loves Heero for what he is. With that being said, she does not want
Selena to turn out as a Heero Jr.

"Try kneeing him in the groin. I've found that tends to get people to
see
things my way."

$Heero is nothing if not direct.

Why be subtle, unless it's because you can't win in a straight up fight and
have to infiltrate the enemy before stabbing them in the back?

His actions made Relena's heart flutter. Not that she believed for one
second anyone was going to try to assassinate her,

$Which has to mean it'll happen.

Actually, no. It's just to show his mindset.

intent on waking the gir... his daughter. It had become something of a
morning ritual for them, and he felt it qualified as the sort of
father-daughter bonding Relena seemed insistent he do with the child. He
grabbed a metal bucket, filled it with water, and headed towards her
bedroom.

$Incidently, he once, at Relena's insistence, read a 'how to' book on
fatherhood that indicated that this was a good tactic, written by one G.
Saotome.

Someone else said something along those lines as well. I guess it was an
obvious comparison.

Heero even contemplated throwing on that 'garish' style of paint. Heero
obeyed orders, as he was trained to, but it was one of the few times he
had
known the faintest pang of regret.

$He had once heard Duo and the others make similar complains about
style and color composition for the Gundams.

Heh.

managed to make it that far would probably have already done sufficient
research to know where the child's bedroom was anyhow. Any one of the
neighbors that had visited and seen the interior of their home could be
abducted and tortured into revealing the layout of the ground and upper
levels of the house. Only the basement remained off limits to any but
immediate family, a stipulation which Relena had accepted from him.

$The basement...  Hmm.  There are a number of possibilities there.
Guns and stuff most likely, but there is always the possibility that
they keep a Selena's mutant deformed half sister chained up in there and
forced to live on a bucket of fish heads once a week.  One is
exponentially more likely than the other, but then again you've pulled
some fast ones before and surprised me, so I know better than to
completely dismiss the possibility of guns.

It will be revealed before the end.

However, the girl

will add 'seven year old girl' here so that people know her age.

Faster than the eye could follow, Heero raised the bucket up in front of
his
head. Both projectiles slammed into the side of the pail, the metal
ringing
as each detonated on contact, their impact sending the projectiles'
payload
across the surface of the bucket instead of the flesh of Heero's face.

He lowered the bucket, now covered with pink dye from the paintballs,

$In my experience with paintballs and paintball guns, the balls very
rarely travel in perfectly straight lines.  Even the good ones.

It's the future, and these are futuristic accurate paintball guns. :)

potentially
aiding a possible second attacker into keying into your position. Remain
silent next time."

"Goddammit, Daddy! Why can't you wake me up like a normal father?!"

$How old is she?  If they've been married ten years.

Seven. I'll mention she's blonde in the next scene.

Selena's marksmanship was improving. That knowledge doubled the happy,
flat
stare on his features.


$Yeah.  That was pretty much what I expected.  So far.  Something tells
me that this 'plot', and I use the term loosely, is about to make a
pretzel turn and come out as something else entirely, though.

I doubt that, but you'll see. Working on it again shortly.

Thanks for all the comments. They've been very useful Still have that
remaining chapter of Aurora to do as well. Haven't forgotten it, just been
busy.

D.B. Sommer


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