I decided to post a fanfic I written months ago, before I graduated from
high school.
This fic reminds me of the beginning of the thrill of writing fanfiction.
Right now, I want to see how everybody thinks of it now.

Aaaah.... such is the life of a fanfic writer beginner....

===========================



To Have Pepperoni or Mushroom?

A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by DJGEEK

 

Cast:

Kuno - babbling idiot, university student, and amateur samurai
extraordinaire

Ranma - a jock, and martial artist

Kodachi - twisted sister of Kuno, and university�s top gymnast

Narrator - The one who telleth the story

 

Narrator: The scene takes place in a university dorm room in Japan. 
Here, we encounter a young man of 18, who is spouting senseless 
words that he calls poetry. Soon, hunger will strike.

Kuno: Blah, blah, blah� blah, blah, blah�

(stomach groans)

Kuno: Heaven�s forth, what is this I say? This beast of hunger in me is
in need of sustenance!

(Kuno opens a small refrigerator, labeled as �Thy Royal Pantry�, and
finds out there�s no food)

Kuno: Zounds! Thy pantry hath been cleared out by filthy demons of
Hunger!

Narrator: Then Kuno ruffles in his pocket. He finds a coupon for Aimo�s
Pizza. Hey, it�s a deal! Get a mushroom or pepperoni pizza for 560 yen!
What a steal for a meal! Ahem�

Kuno: Zounds! It�s a pizza deal! It�s a mushroom or pepperoni pizza deal!

Narrator: Duh.

Kuno: (In thought) What shall I have, the mushroom pizza, or the
pepperoni pizza? While the mushroom is as complex in my palate and the
pepperoni a feast for the meat-lovers eyes, I must choose either one.
This valuable pizza deal, brought by the blessings of the gods, tells me
I must choose either one. Should I choose the exotic, cheesy mushroom
pizza? Or should I choose the rich, meaty pepperoni pizza to satisfy my
lusty hungers? Hmmm� what shall I choose�

(knock� knock� knock�)

Kuno: Gods damn you! Who is thy man that dares to interrupt mine
thoughts!?

Ranma: A� yo� it�s me� Ranma�

Narrator: Ranma enters Kuno�s �lair�.

Ranma: What�s up man?

Kuno: Ye gods! For what purpose hast thou intrude in my abode and hath
interrupted my thinking?

Ranma: �uh�

Kuno: Speak, knave!

Ranma: Uh� yeah� I left my bag yesterday from playing poker�

Kuno: Ah� that pathetic game you call poker� no doubt you hath cheated�

Ranma: Hey� I did not�

Kuno: (interrupts) Silence knave, your bag and provisions are sitting on
my couch. Retrieve them.

Ranma: Uh� okay, whatever� geez�

Narrator: Ranma grabs his stuff and heads toward the door.

Kuno: Wait! Stand thy ground peasant!

Ranma: Geez! What is it this time!? I told you, I don�t know�

Kuno: (interrupts) Silence cur! Wait �til I ask the question!

Ranma: Whatever� shoot.

Kuno: Tell me Ranma, would thou choose the exotic mushroom pizza, or the
lusty, meaty pepperoni pizza?

Ranma: Hmm� gee� I dunno� I guess the mushroom pizza. I mean, I love the
cheese on the pizza, and the meat somehow don�t taste that good with
cheese. If I wanted meat, I�d get a beef pot� but also, I like mushrooms,
they taste pretty good, and probably taste well with other�

Kuno: (interrupts, again) Thank you sir! Away! Away from my manor, away!

Ranma: Geez� fine� goodbye�

(Door slams shut)

Kuno: This peasant advises me to purchase the delicate mushroom pizza.
Should I trust him? Perhaps he may be right, perhaps he may be wrong. But
I must decide on one final conclusion� The mushroom, or the pepperoni? I
have such cravings for that wondrous, foreign pastry, but yet I have to
choose betwixt either of the toppings! Oh� inhuman beast of Hunger and
Temptation! If thou were a real demon, I shall smite thee with my blade
of Justice! I will�

(window smash)

Kuno: fix the window that twisted sister of mine hath broke�

Kodachi: Oh ho ho ho ho! My dear brother, I�m here to cease your
incessant rantings. Nearly half the university can hear you, you know.

Kuno: Watch thy tongue sister, I�ll not put up with your insults.

Kodachi: Whatever brother dear, seeing there�s no problem, off I go!

(Kodachi tries to exit, but hears her brother whine)

Kuno: (whining) Alas! I cannot choose!

Kodachi: What�s the matter brother?

Kuno: Leave me with my thoughts alone sister, it is something that needs
to be done.

Kodachi: What is it brother?

Kuno: Kodachi, I request thy opinion, would thou purchase the mushroom
pizza or the pepperoni?

Kodachi: Hmmm� let me see�

Kuno: Quickly answer! Time is of the essence!

Kodachi: Well, bleh, I hate mushrooms, they�re so bland. I would choose
the pepperoni. Why, it is a delicious meat. I like to sink my teeth on
that juicy, tender, crispy, salty, meat like I like to sink my teeth on
my beloved Ranma�s flesh, hot, steaming� oh, I forgot! I must win the
heart of my beloved Ranma! Farewell, brother dear! Oh Ranma, I�m coming
for you!�

(Door slams shut. For a while, a scream of horror can be heard.)

Narrator: Ouch.

Kuno: No doubt that�s my sister trying to seduce that cur�

 

 

Kuno: On with subject. My twisted sister advises the pepperoni against
the mushroom. But I want something different. I wouldst eat the mushroom
to satisfy my foreign desires, but there�s something else, I crave the
pepperoni! I must also satisfy my meaty desires! But which? Oh how
temptation is wrought upon me� I CANNOT DECIDE! I MUST HAVE THEM BOTH!

Narrator: Hey idiot�

Kuno: moi?

Narrator: Yeah you�

Kuno: You send for me?

Narrator: Yep� let me say this, you are to choose one, and only one! Can
you not get that?

Kuno: But I can�t! I cannot choose! The pepperoni or the mushroom, I
cannot decide! I can�t stand this! Arrrgh!

(Kuno tears the �uh� coupon)

Narrator: Well, that was a waste of good pizza deals�

Kuno: (keeps on tearing) Arrrgh! Evil coupon! Thou art the Demon of
Temptation and Hunger in disguise! Take that, and that, and that, and
that! HA! I have smitten thee!

Narrator: Kuno looks around exhausted and confused. His stomach growls
again.

Kuno: Now what�s for lunch�

 

 

 

Er�

 

T H E      E N D?

 
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