Since this is a short one, thought I'd do it quick:
Hopefully this will establish that you can be a better writer if you
don't just set out to assasinate a character (with apologies to Mr.
Sommer and his excellent 'Painegloss'):
[After reading] Not sure why you'd apologize to me. Aside from being in the
first person and perhaps similar general ideas, I don't think it bares that
much resembalance to Painegloss. *Shrug*]
All that I Was
Seems to be a run on sentence there. ^_^
I can't remember where it began,
Somewhere around 'And then there was light' is a good place to start. Can't
go wrong there.
The important part was after Akane and I almost got married.
Ah, one of those rare Kunoucentric fics. Interesting. ^_^
But none of them wanted me mad, I guess. Kodachi just stayed away,
which suited me fine, at the time. She admitted that she knew I
didn't like her, once, and I guess that stuck.
Kodachi: No. I got tired of your crap and found a boyfriend who, frankly,
was a whole lot better than you ever were at the best of times. Even if we
had been going out, I would have dumped you in favor of him.
Shampoo... well, I never saw her again,
Ranma: Which was for the best since she got pissy with me for not going out
with her and ended up seducing Akane, which is why we never got married.
Take it from me, Amazons ain't nothing but trouble.
just the old ghoul, and she
said that she was sorry,
she ever met me and kicked me in the balls. Like everything was all my fault
or something. I tell ya' I don't get no respect.
and thought that her great-granddaughter
should have been more responsible, and known better and a bunch of
other stuff like that. I was glad at the time, but I felt a little
sorry for her later
Then I found out she won some huge lottery and bought herself a computer
company which ended up making her so much money that even God wouldn't have
known what to do with it. Nabiki cried for days when she found out,
complaining that Shampoo should have seduced her instead of Akane.
I get no respect, I'm telling ya'.
I guess the big problem was when Ukyou showed up.
Ukyou: That was volumes ago. I can't believe you're saying it all went
downhill after I first appeared.
She was polite, and
sorry, but real tough, and insisted that she needed to talk to my
mom, not me.
Ukyou: I want you to make me Ranma's official fiancee.
Nodoka: I'm sorry, dear. You're very nice, but Akane is Ranma's fiancee.
Family honor and whatnot.
Ukyou: Interesing you should say that bit about honor. I just happened to go
into a videostore in a seedy part of town and stumbled on this on one of the
shelves. (Shows Nodoka a videotape box. Begins reading it aloud) Hmm. It
seems to be titled, "Lonely Sex Starved Lesbian Housewives." With a certain
'Nobaka Saotome' in the leading role. Sound familiar?
Nodoka: No. And it doesn't to you either, does it, future-daughter in law?
Ukyou: Nope. My memory seems to be failing me as well. Though I do need to
ask you something. How did you manage to do the trick with the cucumbers AND
the carrots in the third scene?
Nodoka: It was easy. And if you think that was something, you should have
seen me in 'Naughty Devil Spanker Kyoko.' I managed ten tenticals in the
climax of the picture. I outdid myself that day. Certainly my best work to
date.
And she did.
I don't really know what they talked about, but in the end, Mom
decided that Ukyou's agreement was more valid, 'cause we'd already
taken her dowry.
And apparently Mom has this addiction to okonomiyaki
We didn't have a place to say,
stay
(Ohhh, Look. Actual useful comment.)
I didn't see Akane much after moving in with Ukyou, and I didn't see
her at all after we moved into the new place, but I wonder how she's
doing, a lot.
Akane: I have ungodly wealth, am in good health, in a loving relationship,
and thanks to Instant Nannichuan, the proud mother of a boy and girl, as
well as being the father of another girl. Of course I'm miserable.
Ranma: (Sincerly) I knew it! You're really pining away for me. Poor girl.
Akane: One of these days you really are going to have to master Martial Arts
Sarcasm just so you'll realize when it's being used against you.
Ryouga and me run into each other from time to time when I'm on
training trips, and he says he's seen her once or twice, and she's
doing okay. College, or something
maybe it was prostitution.
-- he wasn't too sure.
He's a pretty lousy martial artist -- those days of taking care of
pigs must have taken a lot out of him.
Ryouga: It's called a J...O...B, Ranma. Go get one and we'll see how much
time you have to jump around and act like an egomaniac.
I mean, Mom seemed to get along just great with Ukyou, though I guess
she didn't know about Ukyou dressing as a boy
Ukyou: What? I don't dress like a boy. I just don't like dresses since
they're all girly and stuff. Suits and ties are classier is all.
The kids are great, and Mom was thrilled when she got them
Heh. Sounds like Nodoka was the one that was pregnent. Might want to
rephrase it.
-- both of
them. Makoto's the oldest, and she wants to grow up to be just like
her mom.
Yohko Mano, since that was who we kidnapped her from.
Then there's Kintaro, and I'm more than a little proud of
him,
He's a real golden boy in my book.
but I try and keep Pops away from the kid -- I'll train him
myself; don't need his help.
Ranma: This time I'll get the neko-ken right.
But I just can't be around her and the
kids for too long without needing to be on another training trip...
We got along okay, at first, and then better once we got used to the
whole thing --
And I started sleeping around. You wouldn't believe some of the skanks I
shag when I get real liquored up. And then there was the time I got tanked
as a girl and ended up in a frat house. Man, I was sore for a week from that
little experience. But it made dealing with things a lot easier.
Ukyou threw herself into the marriage as much as she
could. Problem was, far as I can tell, she cares more about the
marriage than me. Or herself.
Interesting take on things.
I guess I was okay with that at first, but it seems kinda funny, and
the more I thought about it, the more I had to wonder if she wanted
me because she wanted me, of if she just wanted me because she
wanted the relationship.
I like the phrasing. Bit clumsy, but it's easy to understand what he's
asking.
I dunno, really... I mean, at first, it was okay... but she wasn't as
into that,
Not sure what 'that' he is refering to.
as much as just worrying about how other people saw
things. Mom seems to think that's normal, though.
Pops just started talking about training trips whenever I mentioned
it to him, and after a while I got the hint.
I don't know what it was a hint to, but I did get it. I think it was Pop
going 'Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge,' which tipped me off that it was a hint of
some kind.
Things were great when we got back, Ukyou missed me,
since I had just undergone speed training and she hadn't practiced with her
throwing spatulas for a while and was pretty rusty.
we got together
and things were happy... but it didn't last long. I couldn't sit
around training idiots to use the Art when I kept wondering, if it
Don't know if you need that comma.
were me
was me (I think)
Pops just says throw myself into the Art, or go on another training
trip, so that's what I do. I found out a real easy way to make money
when I wasn't teaching, since there's always tournaments around
somewhere, and they make decent money if you win, and okay money if
you just come close. 'Course, I mostly always win, the first time
around.
And I always win the rematches.
Heh.
Sometimes when I'm fighting, though, I get to thinking about the
other guys, and the way they always sulk with their friends, or
their girlfriends, or whatever, and gripe about things -- after I
beat them -- and I wonder what it'd be like to have my own family
with me.
And then I can see them in my mind's eye, paying 50000 yen for some lousy
popcorn and drinks, since they jack up the food prices at these things. And
then Ukyou will want me to watch the hyperactive little anklebiters while
she gossips with the other fighters' girlfriends and wives. And then Makoto
gets all starry eyed at some young pretty boy fighter, and he starts talking
to her and I have to beat the hell out of him for having contact with my
little girl, since I know what's going through his mind, and worse, what's
going through her mind. And then I realize it's a blessing to not have them
around and boy was I stupid for thinking otherwise.
I only ever got Pops to go with me to one tournament, and he wasn't
so proud as I would have thought he'd be. He was unhappy, but he
didn't yell at me, and we both know it's a damn sight better than
thievery,
'stealing stuff' might be better.
Anyway. The trips. Yeah, I'm kind of rambling here... so I'd start
taking longer trips, and more often, and so on. I ain't running
away, just rethinking things... and I gotta refine the Art, of
course. That's what it's all about.
Martial arts.
That's all that I am, and all that I was...
Nice way to tie it into the title.
--------------------------------------------------
Author's Notes:
Note the distinctive lack of character bashing in this one,
Well, lack of it by you. Me on the other hand...
^_^
Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Don't know why I was in such a rambling
mood myself. Nice work, especially since you did it in half an hour. Very
nice.
D.B. Sommer
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