Brad Angell wrote:

Heya all!

In my continuing movement to post my stuff here and hopefully get honest and objective C&C, I post yet another fic. As I do this, I feel the fear of knowing I am probably going to draw many flames for this from a certain segment of the Ranma crowd. But as someone once said, "It's a fic, get over it."

    Actually, I paraphrased that when I entered it into the DPR site, but why not?

FAIR WARNING: The following fic could be termed angsty, as well as being an alternate universe fic(meaning, the future is different that different than would normally be envisioned). Oh, and it's also a parody of type of fic, and one specific fic in particular.

    Parodies are good. I could probably use a laugh.

Ranma 1/2
The Better End?

    Oooh... one of _those_ parodies.

    Let's see if everyone's as IC as they were in BE.

     My name is Ranma Saotome and I'm a martial artist.

     It's all I've really known, and it's all I wanted to do with my life. I've spent my whole life trainin' and fightin' with almost everyone I've met.

From my pops and Akane, to Ryoga and Mousse. I've never felt more alive than

when I learned a new technique, or beat someone who seemed unbeatable. Like I said, it's what I know best, and it's what I can deal with.

    Looks like a formatting error, here.

     In fact, since I don't deal real well with emotional stuff, I show how much I respect or care about someone by fightin' and teasin' with `em. What can I say? It's fun. When I was engaged to Akane, we used to fight a lot of the time. When my good buddy Ryoga came around, I fought with him. Pops was a lazy bum, but I kinda cared about the old goat. `Course I couldn'ta said that aloud, it wouldn't have been real manly, so I settled for a good round of heavy sparrin'. It's what pops would've preferred after all.

    When used as a proper name, Pops should be capitalized.

     Oh yeah, I'm 30 and married now, so I suppose I should tell ya how I got to this point in my life. It all started when I was 16, and pops and I dropped by his old friend's house, who goes by the name of Soun Tendo.

    I thought his language might be a bit cleaner by that point.

     Wait, you already know that part, about how I was engaged to Akane, and all the crazy stuff that happen to us. How I got four women after me, three of them fiancee's.

    fiancee's -- fiancees (No possessive is needed)

     Next came Shampoo, who was violent and deadly. Fightin' is one thing, but she took it too far by showin' she was willing to kill. Shortly after I beat her as girl, she relentlessly pursued me and pops, tryin' to kill us! She came close a coupla times, as well as tryin' to kill Akane and almost anybody else she thought was an obstacle in her path. Always wonder why I didn't do nothin' `bout the fiancee problem? Well there's your answer. Between her and the old ghoul, they could've done almost anything to people I cared about, and usually did.

    Uh... Shampoo, willing to kill?

    She's proven herself incapable nearly every opportunity she's had. I suppose time might have dulled Ranma's perceptions of what Nerima was like, but that interpetation strikes me as being more than a little odd.

     Then there was Ucchan, good old Ucchan. Some of my fondest memories of my childhood were when we were kids together and fought over okonomiyaki. I had a good friend, a sparrin' partner, and some good food. I only found out later that the boy I knew, was a girl, and then I felt real bad when I heard how pops left her behind. No one deserves to have that happen to them. So when she showed back in Nerima, I tried ta be real nice to her and be her friend, but she had changed. I couldn't spend five minutes with her, without some mention of how she was the `cute fiancee', or how perfect a wife she would be for me, etc. She even tried to get in my bed! And I thought it was just Shampoo who did that stuff. I felt real bad, `cause it seemed I lost the friend I knew.

    Fondest memories? The boy had to struggled for minutes before he remembered her name.

     Sigh. "Comin' Ukyo."

    *snip*

     Thought I was married to Akane, right? *Sigh* I wish I was. Not that I don't care for Ucchan, I do, but, well... *sigh.*

    Which 'sigh' do you want to use here? Consistency.

     Anyway, I was a little angry at what all the loonies did at the attempted wedding, and I decided to do somethin' about it. I was gonna start with Ucchan, but she disappeared for a week after the wedding, so I started with Shampoo instead.

    Ranma doesn't hold a grudge for pretty much anything anyone else ever tried -- exception being Saffron, and maybe Genma, but that only ever got so serious. Why does he suddenly change here? I've seen the characterization in a lot of fanfics before, so if that's where your drawing that aspect from, I suppose it makes sense.

     I was gettin' sick and tired of all the deceptions, mind tricks, and `3000 years of Amazon history' attitudes that I've had ta deal with. I didn't mind a straight up fight, but magic and mind games were just plain cheatin', and those explosives could've hurt Akane. She'd almost died twice shortly before, so I was feelin' a mite bit more protective of her. I didn't want to see her get hurt.

    The '3000 years' is anime, though I've seen it used often enough as manga that it can probably be left in and no worse for wear.

     She chose, `or else', and challenged me to a final fight. If I lost, I would marry Shampoo. If I won, they'd leave.

     To make a long story short, I won. It wasn't easy, but after Saffron, Cologne seemed old and weak. They left shortly afterward.

    Well, I guess Ranma could beat her...

    But why would she suddenly get involved, which she's never done since the first time? I see this in fanfics a lot, too, and it's not canon, either. Of course, it's hard to show us why her characterization suddenly changed through Ranma's eyes, 10+ years later...

    Just keep in mind that Cologne's only acted to try and get Ranma twice. The cat-tongue pressure point, and the reversal jewel. Those were nearly 18 volumes of the manga ago, so...

     I was planning on takin' care of the Kuno's next, but something else happened, Akane disappeared.

    Kuno's -- Kunos

     After a month or so, Pops and Tendo-san tried to pair me up with either Nabiki or Kasumi, but I wouldn't hear of it. My engagement to Nabiki was not somethin' I wanted ta repeat, and Kasumi was too nice and too much like a big sister for me ta want ta marry. Besides, we all knew she liked Tofu, and Tofu liked her, and I didn't want ta come between `em.

    There's no evidence in canon to support that. :p

    And remember, Tofu disappears in volume... what, 15?

     Of course, pops then tried to give me the old `duty and honor' lecture, but I was just so tired of everything, I told him to stuff it. We fought, naturally. It was a grueling match, and even though he wasn't technically as good as I was, he did know how I fought. After all, he taught me most everything I know. He pulled out every dirty trick he knew, just short of actually using his Yamesenken and Umisenken techniques.

    pops -- Pops (when used as a proper name)

     You see, bein' at the Tendos reminded me too much who was no longer there, so I moved in with Ucchan instead, who had moved back a day or so ago. She never did say where she went.

    Tenses. This paragraph is a tad confused. (Maybe: ago -- before)

    Why isn't Ranma just a little more suspicious?

     In fact, I didn't stop to think until later about what happened to Konatsu. Ukyo didn't talk about him, and by the time I realized he wasn't there, I didn't much feel like asking.

    Hm.

     I even snuck by the Tendo dojo late one night, but I didn't see any sign of her, except for the addition to the family shrine in the dojo. It was for Akane. Apparently, the Tendos had held a funeral service and given her up for dead.

    I thought the shrine was in the house proper? The only time I can recall it being shown is in one of the Hinako stories, when Soun is thinking of his wife, but I don't feel like digging through this volume at this second. :p

     You see, after awhile, Ucchan suggested we get married. We were already engaged, and she said she loved me, and we was basically livin' together anyway... I shrugged and thought, `Why not?' There was the matter of of honor there, not that I cared much at the time, and it would've made my old friend happy.

    Hmm. I suppose.

     Ucchan had other plans, however, and said we should save the money for a nice house, and maybe a chain of yatai's and restaurants. But I needed my martial arts, they were a huge part of my life. So, whenever I found a nice dojo and sensei to train under, Ucchan would tell me that we didn't need it. We had a yatai and each other, and a dojo just didn't fit into the plan right now.

    yarai's -- yatais (though I think the plural is yatai, still...)

     If there's one thing I can't deal with, it's seein' girls cry. So, I relented, and we moved on. I didn't really press the issue after that, altough I tried several times

    Eh... that'd only go so far...

     Oh yeah, we do have a family now, two girls. They're at home, while we're roamin' around with the yatai. We take these trips every other month or so, an' Ucchan calls `em trainin' trips. Not martial arts trainin', but makin' okonomiyaki. I'm a pretty good chef now.

    So who's taking care of the kids?

     But where was I? Oh yeah, we had a few kids, though I was the one raisin' `em. Whenever we were at home, Ucchan insisted I should be the `mother' of the household, since she was earning the income ta support us. I reluctantly backed down. After all, I certainly wasn't earnin' any money to support our kids, and I wasn't about to steal like my old man.

    That doesn't fit the manga much, since Ukyou's daydreams demonstrate her ideas of what married life would be like, but whatever.

     So here I am, flauntin' my scantily-clad body while serving and entertaining the customers and takin' orders. It's what I've been doin' for the past several years, except when I'm takin' care of the kids, and always as a woman. I haven't been a man for a long time. The only times I can remember, are when Ucchan's in a mood to show off her husband.

    I can agree with some of this -- Ukyou _would_ be the type to be proud of her husband, all things considered. Forcing Ranma to spend as much time as possible as a girl, OTOH...

    I don't see a grounds for it.

    Ukyou's shown to be more than good enough to make okonomiyaki without some gimmick like that, and while she finds the curse 'interesting' at most; in the manga, her dreams always include a conspicously male Ranma.

     I realize I'm still female and dressed in the skimpy blouse and skirt. "It attracts the customers." I offer the rote answer. I almost believe it now.

    Uhh... What?

    This clashes, more than a little bit, with previously written aspects. I thought that Ranma was completely coonvinced that it was for a valid reason.

    "Yeah. It ain't so bad anymore, since Akari likes it."
     We walk in silence for a bit. I can tell he's a bit uncomfortable bein' around me with the getup I've got on. I don't blame him.

    Formatting error here.

     I chuckle to myself as I head back to the tent. I grab the kettle on the way, and douse myself once I've shed my female clothing. I reach into my duffel bag, and pull out a new set of clothes, or should I say, an old set of clothes.

    Repetition -- all those sentences start with 'I'.

     I slip on a black pair of pants and a sleeveless red Chinese shirt. I've carried this particular outfit with me everywhere, but it just now dawns on me how long it's been since I've worn it. The disturbing thing is, it fits perfectly. I mean, it should be tight or something, because I've supposed to have grown. I've noticed that several times in the past 10 years. On the rare opportunities I become male, I still appear as I did when I was seventeen.

    The underlying implication here is that Ranma's been spending the majority of his time since he was seventeen (before, according to the history of this fic he married Ukyou) and that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

     I shrug. "I fell in the spring of drowned _young_ girl, remember? I think that means I don't age while female." And I've been female a lot in the past ten years or so. But I don't say that.

    There you have it.

     Good ole Ucchan, I think to myself. You just don't understand my need to be the best, nor what it really means ta be a martial artist. I sacrificed so much to be good at what I do, always looking around for the next challenge or opportunity to advance my skills. It's obvious, though, that it would take years to even match Ryoga's strength. Hell, even Kuno could probably give me a good run for my money now. I'd have to do some serious training to regain my the skills I had when I was younger.

    regain my the skills -- regain the skills

     However, it's unlikely to happen now. After all, I've got the kids to take care of and the restaurant to help run. Where am I going to find the time to do some serious training?

    Don't need to. Just stay a girl and outlive them all. Then you win by default!

     And for that matter, can I even get those skills back? I wanted to be the best, so where did I go wrong? Are all the good fights with good friends behind me now? Do I really have to give all that up? Is there any way for me to happy with the way my life is now?

    Not as written, no...

     I am no longer what I was, so just who am I now? This question scares me the most, because I don't know anymore.

     My name is Ranma Saotome, and I... I used to be a martial artist...

    The ending is strong, but the fic itself is weak.

---------------------------------------------

Author's notes:

"Where did this come from? What in the world were you thinking?"

    I can guess, but at this point, I don't really care.

Well, everyone knows Akane's dark side, and quite a few people believe R&A aren't good for each other because of the way they see her treating him. So, I asked myself the question, `what about Ukyo?' Most fics I read where he ends up with her, they tend to have a normal, mostly happy life with not many problems whatsoever. Based on the manga, what kind of life would R&U really have if they got married? The result is the fic above, just to show people that a marriage between R&U might not be a good thing, either.

    Well, since your name isn't Takahashi, I'd put a lot more stress on the 'might'. Your story breaks canon, and its own continuity.

"Why didn't Ukyo show much interest in a dojo or martial arts? She's a martial artist too!"

    The fact that you have to defend yourself this strongly speaks poorly for your story.

Yes, but hers is a family art that revolves around cooking and making the best okonomiyaki. Her art stays in the family and is not something she would teach others. Her art at it's core is cooking; she's a chef first and a martial artist second. From her viewpoint, why run a dojo when a restaurant or yatai suits her needs much better?

    That works, I suppose, but I'd think she would be perfectly willing to teach Ranma the art were he to ask.

"But she does know what it means to be a martial artist!"

She knows it means to be a master okinomiyaki chef and to expand those skills for attack or defense, but like I said above, she's a chef first. There is an anime episode and a manga episode that illustrate this concept very well. The anime episode is called "The Iron Chef", and is where Crepe Joe tries to outcook her. Being as it's her cooking skills and restaurant being threatened, she leaps to the fight (And incidentily, you'll notice Akane trying to help by keeping Ukyo's restaurant open while she trains, while when the situation is reversed in the "The one to carry on", Ukyo's only thoughts were of getting rid of Akane while she trained. Now the manga episode is where the Octopus Balls dude, Hayato Mojin shows up. They had a fight when they were younger, and she won, so he trained to beat her. Pure, simple, fighting. At the end, he beat her, but she didn't much care, nor say anything about retraining to beat him. It shows her pride is in her cooking skills, and not her fighting skill.

    Nice paragraph...

    However, it's completely useless in your argument. You based this fic off of the manga, not the anime.

Oh, and I really do like Ukyo. She does have her good moments, moreso than Kodachi or Shampoo. She does tend to care about others when Ranma is not in the picture, but once Ranma enters, most other concerns go out the window.

    Just like it does for every other character in the anime.

But, as a matter of fact, I like all the characters, because that's what makes Ranma 1/2 so funny and entertaining. It wouldn't be very entertaining or interesting if the characters got along perfectly and had no faults.

Anyway, this fic actually turned into being about Ranma and where he's coming from. Midway through writing this, the subject shifted somewhat and I just went with the flow. It turned into a way to shed some light on his character, and why he does what he does. He's martial artist, first and foremost, and 90% of his actions revolve around that. Fighting is as natural to him as breathing. As a martial artist, he's always looking for the next challenge, the next fight, while enjoying the ones around him. Take that away from him, and you can see what happens.

What worse for him? Hitting him all the time? Or taking away his martial arts and with it, his sense of identity?

    I suppose. You're a lot more impressed with yourself than I am.

Now, notes about a possible sequel to this:

I've been thinking about it, and have some ideas plotted. And since I don't particularly like sad and angsty fics, I may engineer the sequel to brighten it up a bit. After all, what really happened to Akane? How about Konatsu? There seems to be a little something unpleasent between Ryoga and Ukyo, what is it? Let me know what you think. Would you like to see more? A happier ending? Is it fine the way it is?

    Not really. I have a problem with it, and it's this:

    First off, and this is the first time I've ever said this, and hope it's to be the last:

    It wasn't a very good story. It was only a thinly veiled excuse to bash. http://www.theaskguys.com/%7Epics/flamebait.jpg

    Secondly, you said that this was a parody. Where's the funny? http://www.theaskguys.com/%7Epics/comedypolice.jpg

    Finally, given your comments on the reduction of the Bitter End (and that thread was banned) you've already made your position on bashing Ukyou clear.

    So that's that. You're free to write what you want, and you're even freer to just ignore me and keep on as you are.

    And I'm free to ignore you, too. Isn't freedom a beautiful thing?

As always, send C&C here:

oddball22@hotmail.com

Another fic by Brad Angell, aka Kaiphantom (just because I have to have a funky handle)
www.geocities.com/kaiphantom2000