Subject: [FFML] Re: OOPS! Re: [Ranma] [XOVER] [VARIOUS] Two Steps Back, Three Steps Forward
From: "Nuki Mouse" <Nukmouse@bellatlantic.net>
Date: 10/25/2001, 5:15 PM
To: <ffml@anifics.com>, "RndBau" <rndbau@info.com.ph>


RndBau,
   I most likely use more elispses than grinds of sand on the beach or bad
cliches, so I know what it is like when they disapear, or some on "edits"
them out, thinking that they were a 'mistake'.  I like your story, it has
potential. Here is some quick C&C.


This is my first time to post on the FFML and this is my first released
fic. I was watching several anime series over the weekend, ranging from
Video Girl Ai to Gatchaman. (No, I won't include Gatchaman as a crossover.
Ai and Youta? Maybe.) All that watching inspired me to write something. It
also gave me a headache but that's a different story. I wrote this up in MS
Word 2000 and directly cut and paste it into MS Outlook. I have no idea what
the formatting will look like. If it's messed up, please say so and maybe
you can suggest a way to fix it. Anyway, as I said, first fic alert so I
expect a lot of errors, grammatical as well as story-wise. C&C please. If
you must flame, flame constructively, preferably using sacred fire from the
Cherry Hill Shrine.

 <sounds and actions>, (my inane comments), [thoughts], {panda signs,
streetsigns and other reading material}

None of these characters are mine, I never said they were mine and anyone
who says they are mine would be wrong.


Two Steps Back, Three Steps Forward; Part One

By: rndbau



 It was a sunny morning in Nerima. Birds woke up twittering to the morning
dew while basking in the light of a brand new day. The skies were an azure
majesty that stretched across the horizon to kiss the faraway mountains.
Crickets were chattering in the background and everything else was as serene
as they could possibly be.


 "Ranma, you pervert!"

Serenity, just as in the Silver Millenium, died a grisly death.

***************************
This line is a little confusing, Serenity with a S not s is of course a name
and it took a couple of readings to spot the pun. (of course being the 1st
word it is capitalized anyway) If too many readers do the same it could turn
them off. It broke the mood you were setting. I am not saying drop the pun,
just clarify it better. Example:
[Peace and 'Serenity', just as in the Silver Millenium, died a grisly
death. ]
Note peace gets readings noticing the pun earlier, and the single quote
marks draws emphasis to the word 'Serenity'.
**********************

 "How is it my fault this time you uncute tomboy?!" Ranma shouted back.
"You walked in on me. Again! I put the 'occupied' sign out this time."

 "That's not the point," rebutted an irate Akane. "You saw me naked again.
You always do this Ranma."

 "'I' always do this? Excuse me Akane, but it seems to me that every time
this happens in the bathroom, you walk in on me. Makes me think you're the
perverted one here. I mean, don't you even check the damn door for the sign
anymore? Didn't you even see my clothes on the floor of the changing room?
Jeez..."

 "Don't you dare lecture me in my own house you idiot! You're just
freeloading here with your useless father!"

 "What does that have to do with anything?" yelled back Ranma. He was
getting really tired of this routine and of the tomboy.


*************************
You are missing a chance to show some pent up anger here. Calling Ranma a
'Freebooter' sould piss him off more, and make the reader realize how
fustrated Ranma is Example:
[Freebooter, FREEBOOTER! if Iwas not around to save your sorry ass every 5
minutes this Dojo would be trashed! All your income come from Nabiki making
'bets' on my fights, "renting" my services, or selling soft porn photos of
ME!  Plus, Pops might not be a gem, but he isn't a emotionaly crippled cry
baby!]
 ************************

 He had thought that things would be better after Jusendo and the failed
wedding attempt. Actually they did get better. for a while at least. He had
a few relatively sane weeks following the fiasco and thought things would go
on like that for quite some time. Boy, was he wrong. After three weeks of
relative calm, Uchan had come over bearing okonomiyaki as a peace offering.
Ranma had been hungry since he'd been training all morning and Kasumi hadn't
even had lunch ready yet so seeing as he was a bottomless pit anyway,
accepted the offer. This was of course, when Akane came home from a friend's
house. Things had gotten progressively worse from then on. Ranma was
malleted for flirting with Ukyou and was yelled at by the two idiot parents.
Shampoo then showed up and glomped onto him just because she wanted to and
this caused another hail of projectiles headed his way. Ryouga, for once,
got to where he wanted to go and saw the carnage and decided to join in to
pound Ranma. Happosai saw the girls fighting and wan

 The arguments and fights were thankfully defused by a smiling Kasumi, who
announced that lunch was ready and everyone 'playing' with Ranma was
invited. So everyone ate in relative peace though a heavy silence settled
over the table as Ranma noticed a certain miasma of hostility in the air. He
saw from the corner of his eye each of the girls glaring at each other, a
lump of pork glaring his way and a Peking duck glaring at Kasumi thinking
that she was Ranma, to which the oblivious teen merely smiled back in
return.

 Ranma was thinking again. He was unused to the activity since in battle,
if you had the time to think, you were already dead. He was used to just
doing things based on instinct and familiarity. While this situation was
indeed familiar, he wasn't enjoying any second of it. He thought of all the
times the actions of this morning were repeated and calculated that they
happened at least three or four times a week. This was troubling to the
martial artist since he didn't want this to be the pattern to his whole
life. He had come to a decision. He would take control of his life
immediately. Well, maybe as soon as he finished dinner. (Kasumi's sukiyaki
was to die for after all.)

 After dessert had been served and consumed, Ranma stood up and cleared
his throat dramatically. "I have an announcement to make," he nervously
managed to squeak out. "As you all know, my life is as messed up as it could
possibly be. I have been attacked almost every day of my life by either
blind fools (while glaring at Mousse), idiot parents (staring at Soun and
Genma), dishonorable, stupid pigs lacking a sense-of-direction (guess
who/what he looked at) and uncute tomboys." The last was said, not with a
glare, but with a rather sad and wistful look at Akane.

 "I have come to a decision," Ranma managed to blurt out with a little
more conviction. What happened next was not in the plan.

 "Oh happy days! The families will now be joined!" shouted a dancing Soun
with the customary rising sun war-fans and confetti. Genma soon joined the
dance and chant adding a beach ball and unicycle from his bag of panda
tricks.

 "Oh Ranma honey! Thank you! I accept. We can get married this afternoon,"
squealed an enthusiastic okonomiyaki chef.

 "Wo ai ni! Wo da ailen! <blah blah>," giggled a bouncing Shampoo who, in
her excitement had reverted to her native Chinese.  (I don't know how to
speak Chinese, I know some people who do but I'm quite sure they don't speak
the Joketsu dialect.)

 The scenario was mostly universal, affecting everyone in the room with
almost the same results. Kodachi had clung onto his arm proclaiming that her
Ranma-sama had made her so happy by choosing her. Ryouga had screamed out a
standard "Ranma, prepare to die", this time for agreeing to marry all of the
girls. Mouse had attacked with his fist of the white swan screaming that
he'll never have his Shampoo and unfortunately hit a water pitcher on the
table. Needless to say, with all of 'em being the water magnets that they
were, the Jusenkyo gang got wet. Instant zoo, just add water.

 Ranma was stressed. He was angry. He was also a wee bit frustrated since
he was a now technically a she, a buxom redhead and he didn't even get to
make his announcement! P-chan was biting down hard on his leg. Akane,
apparently not noticing the pig transform, was swinging the table Ranma's
way. Ukyou and Shampoo were trying to kill each other. The fathers had
brought out the sake and were celebrating the wedding. Kasumi was pouring
tea. Thank the Kami that Nabiki was out of town or else he'd have to pay for
all this. Cologne was ROTFL. Shampoo was clinging to his pant leg with her
claws. "Wait a minute. shampoo + cold water, factor in claws and clinging to
his leg. Hmm. What does this mean anyway?" Ranma mused. Shortly, a startled
but quiet "oh" was heard.


"CAAAAAAAAAAT! Get it off me! Get it off me! AAAGH!!!"

 As we said before, Ranma was stressed, angry and frustrated. It only took
stress and the presence of a c.c. feline to induce the catfist state,
coupled with the other factors, he got there in record time.

 "Rrrroowww.," hissed an angry Ranma-neko. This was apparently enough to
make everyone back off for a while. Akane, thinking that Ranma would, as per
the old days, come to her and sit on her lap went forward and knelt down
near Ranma and tried to coax him closer. Unfortunately, she called him with
a much louder voice than you're supposed to use when trying to cajole an
angry feline to calmness. Ranma attacked.

 What came next was the most graphic, gratuitous, and gruesome display of
Anime violence the world (or the FFML) had ever witnessed. It was also
rather therapeutic.

 Akane was still. She was sprawled out in the middle of the Tendo dining
room with her clothes all tattered and torn. Her stomach, arms, legs and
face were crisscrossed with triple parallel lines, which were lightly
bleeding. Her hair was a tangled mess, some of it several meters from where
her body lay chopped off by a molecule thick ki-claw. In the room full of
people (and animals), not a creature was stirring, not even a Mousse.

 Ranma was wondering why everyone went still all of a sudden and staring
at him so he decided to just look for a good place to rest and maybe take a
catnap. Bounding over on all fours, he snuggled into a comfortable lap and
began licking his 'paws', cleaning them of the blood and gore that now
smeared them.  [Hmm, this not taste good. Mental cat-note; do not lick paws
after attacking violent short-haired girl. Almost as bad as her cooking.]

 Kasumi looked at the body in the middle of the room. She saw that her
little sister was still breathing so figured that she'd be okay. With Doctor
Tofu out of town, she had to care for Ranma and the others when they were
injured so she had considerable experience with tending and diagnosing
injuries. This one wasn't so bad. She was jolted from her thoughts when a
sudden weight pressed down on her legs from her kneeling position at one end
of where the table used to be.


**************************
Just a few general coments, you tend to switch tenses too much, if its is a
side story about a previous event, it sould be all past tense,  If it is a
flshback, you must remind readers of this several times thought out the
passage so they do not think they are back in the 'present' time of the
story. little comments like "Ranma remembered with dread" or a "he recalled"
every paragarph or 2 will help this.
*************************

 "Oh my," Kasumi breathed out. "Ranma, are you alright? You've never come
to me before and this is the twenty-sixth time you've been in the cat-state
already."

 "You counted?" asked a bewildered Ukyou.

 "Well, yes. At least I think it's twenty-six. Let's see. There was the
one at school, the one at the beach with Elder Cologne, one time at the
market, once when Midori-chan form next door chased her cat here, once when.
," counted Kasumi while ticking off the numbers on her fingers.

 "We get the idea Kasumi," mumbled Ukyou while folding Kasumi's hand
closed to stop her counting.

 "It seems that son-in-law no longer trusts Akane," stated Cologne. "He
wouldn't come to Kasumi if that were the case. He must like this Tendo girl
the most now among all of you."

 "My Ranchan trusts me!" shouted an emphatic Ukyou. "I'll show you."

 <swipe><swish><slice>

 "Um. maybe not right now." mumbles a slightly pale Ukyou while holding
what was left of the handle of her battle spatula.

 "I would suggest you not make any quick and sudden movements right now
Kuonji-san," advised Cologne.

 "I agree," whispered Ukyou.

 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

************************************
This >>>>> is obviously the 'end'  the flash back, but it just futher
confuses the "time" line of the story. It sounds like a return to the
present BUT the present was Ranma and Akane (nude, but covered up, I assume)
arguing in the furo, but now he is in the Dojo thinking only of the lunch.
This makes it seem like a continuation of the flash back, not a return to
the main story line. this is very confusing! I don't know if it is 'Now' or
'then' or before or after the bathroom scene. to clarify it all you would
have to do is mention the bathroom scene in a way that establishes the time
frame. Examples:
flashback continuation: [Ranma managed to 'extradite' himself from the Furo
with out a trip from 'Air Mallet' as he recalled the rest of the day.
Several hours after lunch, a male and non-neko Ranma is (was) in the....]
Present time:[Several hours later, a male and non-neko Ranma is in the dojo
contemplating. "Man, first I go Neko on Akane, then she WALKS in on Me
again!  If that happened before I even told them my decision...]

  Also, the flashbacks are not consistant. if Ranma when Neko on Akane
BEFORE the bath scene, why wasn't any referance made to it? He not only
showed that he 'liked' some one else more than Akane, he didn't trust her
anymore and left deep wounds and shredded her clothes. But it was like it
never happened.
  My opinion would be just to kill all the flash back notions/uses. Make it
all present tense. Start off in the morning and work right though the day
with no flash backs.  Re-reading the beginning' I think this is what you may
have been trying to do, but with the flash back about life after 'failed
wedding' and then moving forward 3 weeks, it makes all that follows a flash
back. YOU never tell us it is the present time again, re-enforced by your
switched tense all the time.
 ********************************

 Several hours later, a male and non-neko Ranma is in the dojo
contemplating. "If that happened before I even told them my decision, what
would they have done if they actually heard

*************
Clarify what you mean by "if that happened before..." If you mean the fight,
then it makes sense, if you mean turning Neko (which is what i first
thought, especially due to the 'non-neko' comment) it is very confusing.
Just replace "that" with "the fight" _or_ "that happened" with "I turned
Neko
***************

 it? Maybe I should just leave. The Saotome Secret Technique! I could use
that and leave until I can get a better idea of what I want to do! This is
perfect!"

 While Ranma was lost in thought, Akane walked in carrying P-chan and sat
beside him. She had changed into a gi and had one of Genma's spare toupees
taped on her head. "What were you going to tell us in there Ranma? You said
you already had a decision." Akane was fidgeting heavily and clasping her
hands together. Something seemed to be really interesting with her hands
since she was just staring down at them.

 "Well Akane. It's like this. I've been thinking and."

 "Oh here you are Ranma. I've been looking for you. Here, drink this,"
ordered Kasumi while handing him a cup of tea. "It should make you feel
better and a bit more calm after that incident before. "It's chamomile tea.
Supposedly, it helps ease nervousness and stress. You too Akane."

 "Thanks Kasumi," replied Ranma while taking the offered cup. "I think
I'll need this and maybe a lot more for today."

 "You're welcome Ranma."

 "Thanks oneesan. I'll bring the cup back to the kitchen later," said
Akane. "What were you saying before Ranma?"

 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 Many miles away, at the Nerima Mall...

 "Hey Yuka! Won't that just look great on Akane?"

 "Ugh! Yellow again? Doesn't she have enough yellow sundresses Sayuri?
Honestly, It seems like she just has five different outfits. Maybe we should
get her something in green or purple, maybe even black. Just as long as it's
different."

 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 This being an anime world, the inevitable happened.

 A-choo!

"Gesundheit, Akane," Ranma automatically replied.

"Ooh! Someone must be talking about me," Akane giggled after the forceful
sneeze. She looked at Ranma and noticed that his eyes had gone wide and were
staring at her front. [Why that pervert! He's staring at my breasts! Wait...
Ranma's staring at my breasts? Cool!!! I have to act angry now or he'll
think I'm enjoying it.]

 What Akane missed (well she is quite oblivious) was that when she
sneezed, her toupee slipped off showing an ugly bald patch and more
importantly, she spilled her tea. Chamomile tea is best served really hot.
Really hot tea means really hot water. Akane sneezed. Water spilled. Akane
was carrying P-chan. Guess what happened.

 "R. R. Ryouga?" stammered a wide-eyed, short haired, uncute, tomboy.

 "A. hehe. he," chuckled Ryouga while scratching the back of his head.
[Something wasn't right here. A minute ago he was taking a nice nap in
Akane's arms. Now he was sitting on her lap, looking up into her angelic
face. also, he was a bit wet. Hmm. Oh yeah, he was naked too. ]

 "You. you.. YOU PIG!" screamed the aforementioned tomboy.

 "Akane! Stop! No, don't! It's not what it looks like! I can explain!"

 <WHAM><WHAM><WHAM>

 "Ryouga you jerk! Not only are you P-chan, you also peeped at me, lied to
me and worst of all, YOU BROKE MY FAVORITE MALLET!!! AAAAARGHHH!"

 <WHAM><WHAM><WHAM><SPLASH>

 "Good thing I had a spare," finished Akane after bouncing Ryouga off the
compound wall and into the koi pond.

 Ranma was looking wide-eyed at all the destruction and mayhem in the
Tendo Dojo and out into the yard. He knew Ryouga was tough, he learned the
Bakusai Tenketsu after all. Hmm. maybe Ryouga needed to take the advanced
course.

 "RAAAAAAANNMAAAA!!! You jerk! Why didn't you tell me?"

 "Uh-oh," said a certain pig-tailed full-time martial artist and part-time
projectile.

 <WHAM>

 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 "Hmm, I wonder where I'm gonna land this time?" He calculated his
velocity, angle of launch, licked the tip of his index finger and held it up
and guessed his approximate landing point. He saw that he was heading for
the NFPF, or the Nerima Fluffy Pillows Factory. He breathed a sigh of relief
then since there was a chance he would land in something soft.
Unfortunately, Ranma had a guardian angel and his name was Murphy.  There
was a sudden gust of wind and he was thrown a few meters to the right. He
checked his trajectory again and saw his new landing spot. "Oh no." He had
been saying this a lot as of late, but he had a very good reason now. The
factory to the right of NFPF was the NFMC. Yup, the Nerima Fireworks
Manufacturing Co. "This is gonna hurt."

 <BOOM>

 Once again airborne, though not as high as the last time, Ranma saw that
he was heading for Juuban Park. "Perfect! I'm headed right for that
fountain. The water should break my fall even if it does turn me into a
girl. Hey, who's that walking down there. <splash> glub glub."


***************************
   Pet peeve.  I hate it when everyone puts Nodoka's home in Juuban. It is a
Fanfic cliche of the first order. It was an easy way to make a Ranma/SM
x-crossover, plus it is the only other ward of Tokyo readily known to
american anime fans. BUT Juuban is the Park Place or Boardwalk area of Tokyo
on a Monopoly board. It is the first true residential district outside of
downtown Tokyo. it is also Embassy Row and Museum district for Tokyo,  and
the Imperial Place is at it's eastern edge. Why do you think  all the Scouts
never worry about money? have all the last clothes, and can afford to do
almost anything they want? THEY ARE ALL RICH. They live in the Tokyo
equivelant of Park/ 5th ave, or Beverly hills. Nodoka is NOT rich, she lives
in a house. to afford a house in tokyo, you must live in an outer ward, like
Nerima. a house in Juuban would be worth in the ten's of million DOLLARS,
not yen.
************************


 "Don't move!" commanded the silhouette. The sun was behind her and he
couldn't see her face. All Ranma could see was the katana drawn, glinting in
the sun and laying against his exposed throat.

 "Ranma? Is that you?"

 "Mom?" Ranma couldn't believe his luck. His mom was just the person he
wanted to see right now.

 "Son, why are you playing in fountains at your age? That isn't manly you
know."

 <Gulp>

 "Uh mom. never mind. Can we go to your place? I need to talk to you."

 "That would be fine my son. I need a favor from you also."


*************************
Big BIG OOC or lack of info error, to the point that it could wreck the
"credibility" of your story.  When did Nodoka learn about Ranma-chan? He
just fell into a fountain, he is now a girl, yet Nodoka knows him (err...
Her)  What about the seppuku pact? why does Ranma live apart from her if it
does not exist or has been already resolved. Even if it was resolved, given
Nodoka's views on 'manliness' she should make SOME commit about Ranma being
a girl right now. The pact is the dominant event/idea in the Ranma/Nodoka
parts of the anime and managa but it seems not only not to have happen, but
to be a relatively minor manner by the attention you give it,
*******************

 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 Several dry towels and four cups of tea later, Ranma was wrapping up the
story of his day.

 "So that's what happened mom, and that was just today."

 "That. that... that's absolutely insane!" exclaimed a shocked Nodoka.
"Wait, we are talking about your friends. I guess it's normal enough. And it
is Nerima after all."

 "Yeah, too normal. It happens every other day! It's getting to me. I'm
afraid if it doesn't stop I'm really gonna hurt someone. I nearly maimed
Akane this morning while in the catfist. I've never done that before, to
Akane at least. She was always the one I went to when I was neko-fied. I'm
scar. afra. I'm. I'm worried mom."

 "Hmm. This might not be so bad Ranma. Remember what I said before about
needing a favor?"

 "Yeah, but what does this hafta do with."

 "Hush child. My sister over at Hinata Springs is the caretaker of an Inn
there. Our mother left it to us when she disappeared several years ago while
travelling the world's hot springs. She's busy taking care of her restaurant
so she needs someone to take care of the place as a kanrinin for the summer.
Your summer vacation has just started so I told her I'd ask you if you were
willing. I realize that this will take you away from all your fianc�es, your
father, Ryouga and all your friends, but please consider this request. You
don't have to answer right now, think about it fir."

 Nodoka's words were cut off abruptly as she found herself being swung
around the room by an enthusiastic Ranma.

 "YES! YES! I'll do it mother! When do I leave? Is tonight early enough? I
can pack real fast! What'll I wear? Should I take my long-sleeved Chinese
shirts? The silk might shrink in the hot water. I need to buy a new
toothbrush. Maybe that blue one with Pikachu on the handle.or should I get
the red one with Bulbasaur? Oh no! However shall I choose? I must have them
both!"

 <SLAP>

 "Ranma! Control yourself," scolded Nodoka putting her hand down.

 "Gomen mother," said Ranma. He then made a mental note to himself; break
Kuno's jaw at the earliest opportunity.

 "Um. I think tomorrow will be good enough son. You'll like it there. We
stayed there a few times when you were little. I'm not sure if your friends
are still there though."

 "I had friends there?" wondered Ranma. "How long ago was that?"

 "It was thirteen years ago I believe. We stayed there with my mother and
your Aunt Haruka for the summers when I wasn't teaching. You made a lot of
friends there. Maybe they still live over at Hinata Springs."

 "This sounds just like what I need mom. Imagine that. Two whole months
without being threatened, attacked, malletted, poisoned and etc. Two months
with nothing but HOT WATER around me. Two months without pops! This is gonna
be great!" exclaimed an obviously jubilant Ranma.

 "It's settled then. I'll just call your Aunt Haruka and confirm that
you'll do it. He said she wanted to see you since she missed you so much.
She was often your nanny you know."

 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

 <ring-ring>

 "Moshi-moshi, Hiantasou. Haruka speaking."

 "Haru-chan, this is Nodoka. I'm just calling about that job you had for
Ranma."

 "Doki-chan! Did he accept? I was just about to call Kaori to ask if her
son Keitaro would like to volunteer."

 "No need for that sis. Ranma's agreed. He'll be there tomorrow. How's the
little pest by the way?"

 "Do you mean Keitaro or his mother?" chuckled Haruka.

 "You're still the same Haruka chan," replied Nodoka while sighing
wistfully. "I meant Keitaro of course, but I guess it does apply to our
little sister."

 "She said that Keitaro was still pushing for Todai but he flunked the
past three entrance exams. She's losing hope that he'd ever get in but is
still pushing him to find a job first."

 "That's our sister. Impractical as ever. I just hope poor Keitaro doesn't
suffer too much because of it."

 "Let's get together sometime, just the three of us. No husbands OK! I
don't want to feel left out. Seta-san and I didn't actually part on happy
terms you know. Though I still see his sister's family once in a while, Seta
hasn't called me in over a year."


***********************
NODOKA: "yes it is so much nicer having a husband like Genma, Why he only
stole my son for over ten years, got him cursed, 4 fiancees, and zero social
skills, then lives with a friend and continues to hide my son , all so not
to inconvenience me."
  You would have to go far to find a worst husband than Genma
*******************************

 "Don't worry dear, we'll get together soon. I've got to go. We still need
to get Ranma packed and ready for tomorrow. I wish I could accompany him but
I have work tomorrow so you'll just have to greet him. Don't worry, he's
hard to miss."

 "Really? And why is that dear sister?"

 "The pigtail is a dead-giveaway. He'll probably be wearing a red Chinese,
silk shirt and black pants. Take care of him OK? I'll see you soon."

 "Alright. Bye Doki-chan! I'll call Kaori to tell her that the position's
already filled."

 "I told you not to call me that Haru-chan. I hated that nickname. Tell
Kaori I said "hi" and thanks sis! Goodbye, see you soon!"

 <click>



"Alright, Ranma. Everything's arranged. You're to go straight to Hinatasou
and your Aunt Haruka will meet you there."

 "Meet me there? Doesn't she live there too?"

 "Yes, but she mostly stays at her restaurant. You'll be the manager and
handyman of the inn so you'll be alone most of the time unless you have
guests. I think she has a couple of residents at present' but I'm sure
you'll get along with them as well."

 "OK. I can handle that. It gives me more time to train and practice. The
repairs are easy enough to handle since I've got a lot of experience at the
Tendo's place. This'll be great! Thanks mom."


"You're welcome my son. Now let's head to the Tendo Dojo and pack your
things. You need to catch the train early tomorrow morning."


"Alright. Let's go!"






End Part One



Part Two; coming soon (if my boss doesn't catch me at the office)

  If you solved your tense problems and meshed the story into a more clear
time line, it will be pretty good.
  I have never seen any 'Love Hina' anime or managa, but I have picked up a
little from fanfictions and an occasional article or review of the show. One
idea I have always had as a X-over idea is that Ramna takes the job runing
the place, to get away from the insanity of Nerima for awhile, just like you
seem to have him doing, BUT all the female characters( and some male too)
decide to vacation there! Now Ranma is not only their fiancee but their
host/servent as well.

"This is just my opinion, I maybe wrong"  D. Miller
"Defend free speech! Read a banned book today!" unknown.
"I may not like what you say, but I will defend your right to say it with
my Life"  Voltaire

Nuki_Mouse


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             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
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             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'