Disclaimer:  These comments are mine, they belong to nobody else, and if
necessary I will hunt you down and shoot you.  These comments are my own
opinion, yadda yadda yadda, if you don't like what I say then ignore it.
There are other readers out there who will no doubt have other opinions that
you will like more. :)

         They had just dropped Nabiki off at the train station so she
could return to school, and their conversation was about her.  The
middle Tendo seemed to be in a good mood as she left, and Ranma was
convinced it was because his mood wasn't as good. In fact, he could
almost swear it was because she had accomplished something, like the
proverbial cat that swallowed the canary.

<SNIP>

         Enjoying both the sun and the start of summer break, Akane
stood on a street corner in shorts and a T-shirt. Subtly, she glanced
around at her surroundings, but detected nothing out of the ordinary.
She began walking again, taking a route which lead to Dr. Tofu's clinic.

I would suggest doing more than just this to show that Nabiki has returned
to the Tendous.  As it is, all of these little scenes with people finding
Ranma and Akane didn't seem to have anything to do with Nabiki.  This could
all be occuring without Nabiki being present and before summer break even
starts, with her having gotten everybody's suspicions up while she WAS there
so that they acted the way they are being shown to even after she leaves.
Plus, it's harder to believe that Akane and Ranma would be so edgy around
each other if they were able to successfully sneak off and have some play
time together for weeks and weeks.  This one little incident after so long
just doesn't seem like a big enough deal that the problems they have
afterwards are really very believable.

Ranma's doing exactly what Nabiki wants him to in deciding to leave really
grates on my nerves as well, since it seems so incredibly stupid.  He should
at least be shown to have some doubt about the idea, simply from the fact
that it came from Nabiki who he thinks hates him.  Obviously she would want
him to leave and would say anything to get him to do so, he knows this, but
it isn't at all a factor in his decision?  If nothing else, he should
*decide* that it isn't a factor, which it isn't, since Nabiki's bringing it
to his attention has no bearing on whether it's true or not.  But it should
at least be a consideration, especially since it seems like he suspects that
Nabiki is responsible for the problems between he and Akane, which means he
should be having to really, really fight against the impulse to beat the
bitch to a pulp.

As it is... well, Nabiki isn't being shown to be all that smart or subtle,
so it comes off as being really fake to have her manipulate everybody so
easily.  You aren't showing her to be incredibly intelligent and her
manipulations in the manga are all rather obvious and don't seem to be
hidden from those they affect, so to have her pulling everybody's strings
without thier knowledge is just a bit of a stretch.

Another problem is that if Nabiki is really good enough at reading everybody
that she could manipulate them so easily, then why is it that she's messing
Akane up so badly?  Akane has gone after Ranma before, yet Nabiki doesn't
think, 'hey, wait a minute, maybe Akane will follow Ranma with all the
others if he leaves?'  This just doesn't follow.  We need to be shown that
Nabiki thinks it isn't an issue, that she has reason to believe that if
Ranma leaves, Akane won't go after him this time.  Otherwise the way Nabiki
has been having everybody run around in order to break the two of them up
was just a waste of time, since her complete lack of foresight in predicting
Akane's actions undermines the believability of her manipulating abilities
completely.

Now, this may all be completely irrelevant, and you may have Akane not
follow Ranma or Ranma not leave even though both seem very, very likely at
this point... but everything in the story this far seems to point to both of
those things happening.

         Nabiki watched through her binoculars as the two dust clouds
crashed into each, creating one major dust cloud. She reached beside her
lounge chair on the second floor balcony of the Tendo home and grabbed
some popcorn, smirking.

        <It's so incredibly easy to manipulate those idiots, that my
talents are practically wasted here,> she thought. <A few words here and
there about Ranma and Akane's activities to the suitors, and those
morons act in their own predictable manner.>

         Her expression turned into a frown. <Tomoe was right about one
thing, though. Ranma was heading for a secret rendezvous with Akane,
just like he was in the last few months. Well, hopefully today's little
event will helpt to cool his heels.>

Why not show scenes during the period where Nabiki is away, with Tomoe
constantly causing things to go wrong between Ranma and Akane?  This keeps
the pressure up, makes it so that they can't really develop a stable
relationship in the times when they get away from everybody, and it also
makes it so that it would be really hard to see Nabiki as the culprit, since
neither Akane nor Ranma would suspect Nabiki's underlings of managing things
while she was gone.  This would, I think, really make this work better,
since Akane could be shown to be getting more and more fed up with Ranma.
Nabiki could, based on her own observations when she returns, decide that it
is time to put the final plan in action and have Ranma leave, since his
relationship with Akane is now bad enough that she wouldn't follow him.
This would work a lot better than what you currently have, IMO, and it would
allow you to get around all of the problems I've mentioned.  It would still
be a miscalculation on Nabiki's part, since Akane would still follow Ranma,
but it would be a believable one if done well enough.

Um... well, that's all I have to say, I guess.

Oh, wait, I forgot something!

Here it is:

Be well.  ^_^

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