This installment of Comes the Cold Dragon is brought to you by
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Extra special thanks to my pre-readers for helping me
improve this one!
Most of the characters in this piece and the setting
for it were conceived of by Rumiko Takahashi for her Ranma1/2
series of Manga. All such characters and the setting are the
property of Takahashi-san and her licensees. All other
characters, except those noted below, are purely fictional
and any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, are
purely coincidental.
Jack Burton is the creation and property of W.D.
Richter, Gary Goldman, and David Z. Weinstein, screenwriters
for the movie _Big Trouble in Little China_. The role of Jack
Burton played by Kurt Russel. The movie directed by John
Carpenter.
Brief mention is made of Sensei Nobuhara Yagyu. Yagyu-
Sensei is the current and twenty-first headmaster of the
Shinkage-ryu hyoho. He is a direct descendent of Yagyu
Sekihusai Munetoshi, the founder of the Shinkage-ryu. The
Shinkage-ryu hyoho was the school of swordsmanship adopted by
the Tokugawa Shogunate. The Yagyu and their allied clans were
instrumental in assuring a Tokugawa victory at Sekigahara.
No insult of Yagyu-sensei or his renowned school is
intended by mentioning him and the Shinkage-ryu in this
story. Quite the opposite obtains. In this writer's opinion,
it would be a gross violation of verisimilitude to write of a
great, Japanese Martial Artist and not mention the Sensei and
his school, at least in passing.
------------------
Comes the Cold Dragon: Part VIIb Rewrite 1
------------------
(I cannot believe we see through people's clothes,
Red!)
(I don't think we were seeing through their clothes so
much as they were shining through them.)
(It ain't decent!)
(Man, you are such a prude!)
{{Pornography is a matter of geography, O Scarlet
One.}}
(More like a matter of topography if you ask me,
Scales.)
(It ain't fair and it ain't decent for us to do that,
Red!)
(I don't think we can help it, Saotome. I think we see
down into the infrared in this form.)
(Infrared? Oh, yeah! I remember us readin' about that.
Infrared passes through people's clothing.)
(We read?)
(Okay, okay! You read. That better?)
(Yes.)
(I wonder if there is some way we can turn it off? I
don't wanna look at my mom that way.)
{{We can see differently, if necessary.}}
Tatsu-Ranma's view of his surroundings became dark and
blurry.
(Yech! Now we can't see at all, Scales!)
(Oh, great! Just great. We either see through people's
clothes or we're as blind as a Mousse.)
{{If you would allow me to finish?}}
(Wow! Look at this, Red.)
(I know, Saotome. It's almost as though we are using
binoculars. Let's look at something up close.)
Tatsu-Ranma focused his vision upon a part of the
nearby wall surrounding the clinic. It was brightly lit by
the light shining through one of the clinic's windows.
(Well, we can't quite see as much as we would with a
good microscope, Saotome.)
(No, but we'll never need a magnifying glass in this
form, Red.)
(I wish we could have done this when we were trying to
read some of those old scrolls.)
(No joke. Hey! We still can! We'll just borrow 'em
from Pop and see if we can't read 'em while we're in this
form.)
(It's most likely a cookbook or something, Saotome.)
{{_To Serve Man_, perhaps?}}
(So, what if it is a cookbook, Red?)
(I see your point. If we can crack those, there are a
dozen other sets we'll be able to read.)
(You know I never noticed how noisy this town is at
night.)
(It's our hearing I think, Saotome.)
(Yeah, I think you're right.)
(What's that noise way up the street to our left?)
(There's only one person in Nerima who carries that
much chain around on 'em, Red.)
(Only if you don't count the worst of the hentai
around here, Saotome. He's headed this way.)
(Our sense of smell is a lot better, too.)
(Something of a mixed blessing, if you ask me.)
(What'll we do about Mu Suu?)
(Go easy on him, Saotome. Hear his heart? It sounds
like he's been runnin' for two days straight.)
(You know why he's here, dontcha?)
(Yeah. The old ghoul sent him to check us out.)
(Anybody else around we need to worry about?)
(No one we know to be a problem, Saotome.)
(Let's go out and meet him.)
(Umisen-ken?)
(Yeah.)
Some sixty meters away, Mu Suu stopped and listened.
He could not see anything to be alarmed about, but then he
could seldom see well enough to count on his vision. His ears
were warning him of a presence. Then his nose picked up the
faint odor of ozone. He closed his eyes and concentrated upon
what his skin could tell him. Something large was nearby. He
could feel faint traces of heat coming from a large body and
could hear muffled grinding noises, almost as though someone
were jiggling a sack full of fist-sized stones.
"Is that you, Saotome?"
"You have good ears, Mu Suu," Tatsu-Ranma said softly
in his Onna-Ranma voice. "Or maybe I need a little more
practice at bein' a dragon."
Mu Suu whirled around to face the voice. It had come
from behind. He was greeted with the sight of a grinning
Tatsu-Ranma. The dragon's beard was beaded with captured
drops of drizzle and his iridescent blue-green scales
sparkled in the streetlights.
"You look almost like a machine of some kind,
Saotome."
"Tarou thought I was a statue or something when he
first saw me," Tatsu-Ranma said, then grinned a bit more. "He
was upset when he discovered that this was me."
"So that's who you were fighting."
"Yeah, but he's gone back to China where he belongs."
"I wondered who it was."
"The old ghoul didn't tell you?"
"All she told me was that you had become a dragon
during the fight. I don't think she knows who you were
fighting, yet. Why are you talking like your girl half?"
"My regular voice would wake up the whole town."
"Ah, that makes sense," Mu Suu said, then began to
shiver uncontrollably.
"Calm down," Tatsu-Ranma said, showing real concern in
his feminine voice. "I'm not going to hurt you unless you
give me reason to."
"How did you get behind me?"
"I can't tell you that," Tatsu-Ranma said. "What did
Ko Lon send you to find out? There's no reason to stay out in
this weather any longer than you must."
"You know, I think I like you better as a dragon,
Saotome," Mu Suu said, managing a grin through his fright.
"You're actually nicer."
"Really? Maybe its because I've been around my mom
some lately."
Mu Suu bit back on what ran through his mind at that
moment. He had not yet tired of living.
"Ko Lon worries about you, you know."
"Yeah, I know," Tatsu-Ranma said sounding glum. "I
just wish she'd take the same attitude towards Akane."
The incongruity of the situation was almost too much
for Mu Suu, not to mention the truly bitter irony of it all.
"You like the old bat, don't you?"
"I didn't say that."
"No, you didn't," Mu Suu said evenly, "but it shows."
"So what does Ko Lon want to know, Mu Suu?"
"For one thing, she's curious about how big you are."
Tatsu-Ranma seemed to be briefly amused by that
question.
"Fifteen-shaku, six-sun from nose to tail."
"That's what? Right at five meters, isn't it?"
"Yeah," Tatsu-Ranma said, "but she wouldn't have sent
you out on a night like this just to find that out."
"I think she's worried about how hostile you might be
towards us and the rest of the Joketsuzoku, Saotome."
"I ain't hostile towards ya," Tatsu-Ranma said glumly.
"Just leave Akane and the rest of my family alone and
everything will be fine."
"So you are going to marry Akane?"
"I don't know that she will still have me, Mu Suu,"
Tatsu-Ranma said, again sounding glum. "I don't know that
even my own mother will have anything to do with me after
today, but it makes no difference. They are all under my
protection. You got that?"
Mu Suu nodded his head in understanding, and suddenly
found that he felt sorry for his long-time rival. The irony
was truly bitter. Among the Joketsu, a man like Ranma Saotome
would be universally revered almost without question. Here
among his own people, though, too many would be unable to
understand. Most of them would despise him as a freak at
best, or, even more likely, fear him as a great monster.
"You must have been a rip-snorter in your last life,
Saotome."
"Most likely I did somethin' so bad I'm in the history
books," Tatsu-Ranma said in agreement. "Tell Ko Lon I don't
want any trouble. I especially don't want any trouble from
Xian Pu."
"I will help keep an eye on Xian Pu, Saotome," Mu Suu
said, realizing that a countervailing threat would do far
more harm than good. "Will you promise me not to hurt her
unless you must?"
"I never hurt anyone I don't have to, Mu Suu. I
actually kinda like Xian Pu," Tatsu-Ranma said, then in much
colder voice added, "But I will kill her outright if she so
much as touches a hair on Akane's head."
"Surely you don't mean that, Saotome."
Tatsu-Ranma's girlish voice was again sad when he
spoke.
"Yes I do, Mu Suu. It's the only way I can say no and
make Xian Pu understand that I mean it."
Mu Suu worked hard at not letting his face change,
even as tears ran down his cheeks from behind his glasses.
"You cannot blame her for what she is, Saotome."
"I don't blame her, Mu Suu. I blame all of the
Joketsuzoku and their stupid laws. If she does something
stupid, I'll teach 'em how stupid it all is. Do you
understand?"
"I think I get your drift, Saotome. Perhaps I should
be going."
"One more thing, Mu Suu."
"Yes?"
"I had whole lot rather be your friend than your
enemy. The choice is yours."
"And what of Xian Pu's honor?"
"I'll do anything I can short of marryin' her or
pillowin' with her, Mu Suu."
"You mean you wouldn't at least honor her with a
child? Even if it meant you would have no obligations?"
"I could never abandon my own kid, Mu Suu. Even if I
knew the child would be well cared for."
Mu Suu stared blankly at Tatsu-Ranma for a moment in
silence. He had never heard anyone express such a sentiment
before. He was not sure of what to make of it.
"You are more of a man than I thought, Saotome," Mu
Suu said at last. "A strange man, but a real man
nonetheless."
"Good night, Mu Suu."
"Good night, Saotome-dono."
Tatsu-Ranma watched Mu Suu's departing back until he
rounded a corner, then hopped back over the clinic fence and
settled once again into its tiny green-space. Sleeping in
dragon form proved very different from sleeping in human
form. Parts of him did not go to sleep. His sense of smell
and hearing remained on a kind of "alert mode." He found it
eerie to remain semi-aware of what was going on around him
while the rest of his being slept. His dreams were different
as well--very different.
After several minutes of inner quiet, Ranma found
himself standing upon a high cliff, overlooking a long green
valley. A river ran the length of the grassy valley below,
with tall trees on either bank. The trees were of a kind he
had never seen before. Even from this distance he could tell
that they bore some kind of large blossom. The truly odd
thing was that the blossoms varied in color, even on a single
tree. He looked up at the sky. It was as bright and blue as
any he had ever seen, with cottony clouds dancing along the
wind high overhead. The sun felt warm on his shoulders. With
a start, he suddenly realized that he did not seem to be
dreaming at all. It was too realistic for a dream, almost as
though he were actually standing in such a spot.
"Am I dreaming? Or have I traveled to this place
somehow? I don't remember ever seeing anything like it,"
Ranma said aloud to himself as he realized he was back in his
human form.
"Weird, huh?" a familiar female voice said from behind
him.
Ranma whipped around, automatically falling into his
most deceptive of ready stances. Much to his shock, he found
himself being confronted by his girl type. Worse, he found
himself ogling his girl type. The bright golden light of the
sun shone through her comfortable looking sundress, nicely
silhouetting the supple body beneath it. For the first time
since he had acquired his curse, Ranma fully realized the
impact his female form had on other men. It was unnerving. It
was very unnerving.
"Cute, ain't we, Saotome?" Ranko asked, then giggled.
"See now why most girls wear a bra?"
"I ... who ... "
"It's just me, Saotome! Don't you recognize yourself?"
"How?"
Ranko shrugged.
"Does it matter?" she asked. "This is a beautiful
place, wherever it is."
"I thought you could only dream up stuff based on
things you had seen before."
"So what do you see here that you haven't seen before,
Saotome?"
"I ain't never seen grass like this, for starters,"
Ranma said scuffing his bare foot through the luxuriant
growth they were standing upon.
"How do you know you've never seen it before,
Saotome?"
"'Cause I don't remember seein' it, that's why!"
"Your subconscious files away a lot of stuff you never
notice, you know."
"Yeah? Like that dress you're wearin'?"
"What's wrong with it?" Ranko asked as she twirled
around, letting the dress fly out into a broad disk of color
around her deliciously attractive legs.
"I don't remember seein' IT either, much less ever
wearin' it!"
"Well I remember it! It was at the department store
when Mom took me shopping for a brassiere." Ranko said,
sounding a wee bit miffed. "You don't remember it because you
try so hard to forget this sort of thing."
The best Ranma could do was respond with a confused
stare.
Onna-Ranma stepped in close to her male self and
stared him in the eye, nose to nose.
"I know! It's a guy thing! And, yes, I DO TOO
understand."
Ranma again found himself struggling to find words.
His female half gave him a grin and spoke while he continued
to flounder.
"Do you have any idea how cute you are when you're
flustered?"
"How come you never help me out when they do this to
me?"
His girl self understood what he meant. He was angry
because she never helped him out when Akane or some other
girl got him over a barrel.
"Because they love to look at me when you're like
this."
"Huh?"
"Confusin', ain't it?"
Ranma closed his eyes and groaned.
"Come on, Saotome! It's too pretty a day to have a
headache."
"It ain't daytime and this ain't real!" Ranma cried
out as he opened his eyes and gave his female self a hard
stare.
"Oh, yeah?" Ranko said as she stepped back and placed
her hands on her hips. The pose reminded Ranma of the way
Akane did when she wanted to give him a hard time about
something. He found himself grinning despite his discomfort.
"Do I really know how to do that?" Ranma asked, waving
his hands to indicate Ranko's stance and demeanor. She
understood what he was asking about, of course.
"Yes!" Ranko said with a snort. "Not that the oh-so-
manly Ranma Saotome ever does anything like this!"
Ranma winced.
"I have an idea, Saotome!"
"What?"
"Let's take a walk down by the river."
"D'ya think we can get down there? This place ain't
real, ya know."
"It's more real than you're letting us believe,
Saotome. I can come here whenever I like."
"Yeah, okay," Ranma said with a grin. "It might be
fun."
Tiny points of light twinkled before Ranma's eyes,
forcing him to blink. He suddenly found himself standing in
deep shade and could hear water gurgling over rocks just off
to his right. Large flowers of differing colors were floating
gently along upon the surface of the river's crystalline
waters. The white blossoms amazed Ranma. They looked as
though they had been carved from large opals.
"Nice, huh?" His girl half asked.
"Yeah, it is," Ranma answered as he craned his neck to
look at the trees overhead. The leaves were large and palmate
with a deep, almost coniferous green color. Unlike most of
the leaves he had seen of this shape, these leaves were
glossy, almost as though they had a waxy coating. The bark of
the trees was a deep reddish brown and quite rough. The woods
were permeated with the smell of an ordinary forest with a
faint undertone of eucalyptus. Clearly these really were
trees, but not of a kind he had ever seen. The experience was
a very odd mixture of the real and unreal.
"I don't remember ever seeing trees like this, Red."
"So? They're probably just composites of trees I've
seen before."
"Did you dream this place up, or did I?"
"You did, silly! We're the same person, remember?"
"Not all the time we're not!"
"Yes, we are, Saotome," Ranma's girl half said,
sounding a little sad as she took his hands in her own,
"that's one of the things we need to talk over."
Ranma let her lead him over to a large rock jutting up
out of the soft soil. It had a smooth flat surface like a
tabletop and was several meters across. It had been split
right down the middle, as though a giant had cleaved it into
with a sword. He recognized the stone. It was Tengu Rock. He
and his father had sparred upon its slanted surface every day
for the ten months they had lived in Yagyu village. Genma had
arranged for him to study kenjutsu under Nobuhara Yagyu, the
twenty-first headmaster of Yagyu Shinkage-ryu hyoho. Yagyu-
sensei had demanded much of Ranma. In the end, Yagyu had
seemed pleased with his efforts and even invited him to
return after he was grown.
The sun broke through the dense canopy of limbs and
leaves here, making it a perfect spot to picnic. Bright
little points of lights danced in front of Ranma's eyes,
forcing him to blink. He found himself sitting on a blanket
opposite Ranko; some of Kasumi's best cooking was scattered
out in various dishes between them. He sampled some of the
food. No doubt about it, this was Kasumi's cooking. Ranko
handed him a piece of okonomiyaki, surprisingly, it was not
Ukyo's. It was her father's.
"Damn!" Ranma exclaimed. "I had forgotten how good
that old man could cook."
His female half grinned at him.
"No you didn't."
"Maybe not," Ranma said, grinning back, then suddenly
became serious. "What are we doing here, anyway?"
"What anyone does in a dream, Saotome. Relax and try
to deal with stuff we can't deal with while we're awake."
"So what are we tryin' to deal with?"
"Sex."
Ranma's mouth hung open. His girl half giggled at him.
"You're flustered again, Saotome."
Ranma's discomfiture worsened precipitously.
"Now you are positively blushing."
Ranma's face darkened.
"Come on, Saotome! There's no need to be embarrassed
here. There's just me," she said pointing at herself, then at
Ranma, "and me here. I can be honest with myself, can't I?"
"I ... I don't know," Ranma said in a low voice. "I
don't know if I can handle it."
"So why don't you ask me a question?" Ranko said,
sounding sly. "I know you're dying to."
"Why are my girl type urges so much stronger than my
guy type urges?"
"Because girls mature earlier than guys, you big
dope!"
"Huh?"
"You didn't pay attention during health class, did
you?"
"I paid attention!"
"But you didn't really think it applied to you,
didja?"
"I ... I guess not," Ranma said sounding as though he
had just opened a door that he had not known existed in a
previously familiar room.
"I think we're just now starting to find out what
Akane has been going through since before we got here."
"What do you mean by that, Red?" Ranma shouted at his
girl half. "You got no right to talk about Akane like that!"
"Oh, come on, Ranma! You've seen the fire in her eyes
when she looks at us, and I ain't talkin' about when she's
been mad at us!"
Suddenly, bright little points of light again twinkled
before his eyes forcing him to blink. They were still in the
same place, but things had changed. The leaves were no longer
green. Now the trees were wearing riotous coats of copper,
red and gold. Their limbs were so heavy with large nut-like
fruits that many of them were drooping from the strain. Onna-
Ranma was sitting on the same blanket, but the dishes were
different this time. His eyes widened as he watched his girl
half, now in male form, chop up pieces of one of the large
nuts, tossing them into a wok for stir frying along with some
fish and other vegetables. His girl type had set the wok over
an open fire. The smoke from the fire smelt sweet, but the
aroma from the sizzling pan was even better.
"Hey!" Ranma called out in his girlish voice. "You
want some help?"
His girl half looked up at him and gave him his most
manly grin in return. "I can handle it. You just sit there
and relax."
Ranma tried to get up, but began having trouble. It
took him a moment to realize that the reason he was having
trouble was his very large stomach. He felt of it with both
hands. Something inside kicked. Life! There was life in
there!
"Red, you jerk!"
"What's the matter?"
"I'm pregnant!"
"Yeah, so? It's what I wanted deep down, right?"
"I wanna have kids awright! But I wanna have Akane's
kids!"
"So? Whose kid do you think that is?"
"It can't be Akane's, you dipstick!"
"Oh? What makes you think that?"
"Akane's a woman! She can't get me pregnant!"
"Yeah, well it did take some pretty special help.
Modern science can work wonders nowadays. If I really want to
have Akane's baby, I can, Saotome."
"Gahh!"
"What's wrong?"
"This was supposed to be a pleasant dream and friendly
discussion!" Ranma screamed in Onna-Ranma's voice, then
swallowed painfully at a catch in his throat. "Not a
goddamned nightmare!"
"What's so nightmarish about having a baby?" his girl
half asked in a gentle, but masculine voice. "It's what I
really want deep down."
Ranma became suddenly aware of how precious the life
growing inside his female body was to him, then began to cry.
"Are you all right?" his girl half asked Ranma's own,
masculine voice.
"I'm pregnant!"
"Yeah, so?" she said, sounding puzzled. "It's what I
really want, isn't it?"
"I'm a guy, dammit! I can't have a baby!"
"Sure you can have a baby! You know you can have a
baby and it's one of things you want to do!" his girl half
bellowed in his male voice. "Why do you think I'm havin' this
dream!"
"I do NOT want to have a baby! You pervert!"
His girl half-grinned at him.
"Think so, huh?" She asked, then her grin on her
masculine face got even bigger. "Watch this!"
Bright sparkles again filled the air before Ranma's
face, forcing him to blink. This time the rock was gone. They
were on a vast beach. Nearby was a fire-pit dug into the sand
and freshly caught abalone and clams were steaming inside a
mound of seaweed just laid upon the coals. The surf crashed
upon a reef the better part of a kilometer from shore. Clear
water shading from a vibrant, sun-dappled green to deep blue
near the reef, lapped at the golden sands with peaceful,
crystalline wavelets. Ranma felt the wind play with his bangs
while the warm, languorous sun kissed the bare skin of his
shoulders. Wave after wave of peaceful bliss was washing over
him. He could not remember when he had felt so relaxed. It
was then that he noticed a slight weight on his arm and
something pulling at his left nipple. He looked down to find
that he was in his girl type body and an infant was nursing
at his breast. The child stared up at him with trusting blue
eyes as the wind ruffled her fine red hair. Ranma had never
felt so complete in all his life. Nor had he ever felt quite
so strong for, or quite so defensive of, anything or anyone.
Not even Akane had been able to make him feel this way.
He lay back against the canvas of the beach chair and
struggled to stay awake. The sun would swing around soon and
he did not want the newborn in it.
"You look sleepy, Ranma."
Ranma smiled back at his girl half. She handled his
male type body quite well and was very handsome.
"At peace is more like it."
"See? I told you I wanted to have a baby."
"I know, Red. It's just ... well ... "
"You're worried about Mom."
"And Akane. Do you really think she'd willingly give
this up?"
"She wouldn't have to, dummy."
"Do you think she'd willingly share it?"
"Hey! We're talkin' Ranma and Akane, here."
"Well, you can bet she ain't gonna take to it all that
kindly at first. She pro'lly figures that she's supposed to
be the lady of the house. I mean, it's bad enough that we're
gonna have to ban her from the kitchen for the first few
months."
"Aw come on, Ranma. You know she'll be able to cook by
the time we marry."
"Yeah, I suppose so, assuming she wants to stick with
us after that trip."
"She will, Saotome. She's got twice as much steel in
her soul as I do. She might even have more than Mom."
"Yeah, but it still ain't gonna be no picnic, Red.
There's gonna be times when she truly hates me, and it might
take her a long time to get over it."
"We'll just have to be careful and handle Akane like
she's Akane and not like Shit-daddy handled me when I was
little, Saotome."
"How long before the abalone's done?"
"Oh, a couple of hours, I guess."
"Watch the sun and move the umbrella for us, would ya?
The baby and I both need a nap."
"For a man among men, you sure seem to be a natural at
motherhood, Saotome."
"Can't help it, Red. It comes with the curse."
"You sure you wanna do this, Saotome?"
Ranma gave forth with a frustrated sigh as once again,
sparkling motes of light forced him to blink. Now they were
back on top of the cliff. Ranma was back in his male form
while is girl half stood beside him in her female form,
holding his arm.
"You could end it forever, you know."
"End what forever?"
"The curse, silly."
"How?"
"Build up enough ki, then use it at the right time to
change and I would never be a girl again."
"Why would I wanna do that?"
"No more girl type urges for starters, Saotome."
"No more worryin' about Mom."
"Uh-huh. And no more of those icky times of the
month."
"And no more lookin' at a dress and wishin' I could
wear it."
"And no more wanting to have Akane's baby."
"Hey! I'll always want to have Akane's baby. It's too
late to turn back now."
"Yeah, but you wouldn't want to HAVE her baby,
Saotome. There's a difference here."
"I will always want to HAVE Akane's baby, Red. It's
too late to change that now."
"That's just your hormones talking, Saotome."
"Nope. It's what's in my heart, Red. You know it is. I
... "
"You wouldn't daydream about her being some big, tall
handsome guy anymore either."
Chills ran up the back of Ranma's male half.
"The last time I did that, Kuno glomped me while I was
in the middle of it. It was ... it was ... "
Onna-Ranma placed a finger on his lips to silence him.
"You think I don't know that, Saotome? I'm in love
with Akane. I could never run around on her, even with a man.
I'm stuck with this for as long as I decide to hang onto the
curse. The thing is, I'm willing to pay the price."
Ranma embraced his female half and gave her a peck on
the forehead. The sky began to darken as Onna-Ranma cuddled
up to her male half.
"You scare me sometimes, Saotome."
"Whaddaya mean by that, Red?"
"I know all too well how much you hate being a girl. I
figured once you knew how to be male all the time you'd ... "
"Nah, no way. There's too many things you can do that
I can't. Besides, I'd hate missin' out on all that ice-
cream."
"And Akane's baby?"
"Red ... I don't know about this pregnant business ...
I don't think I'll ever be able to handle it."
"Being pregnant isn't what bothers you, Saotome," his
girl half said. "I know it and you know it. It's doing what
it takes to become pregnant that bothers you."
Ranma's male half suddenly became very tense.
"I can't help that!"
"I know, Ranma," his girl half said as she buried her
face in his shoulder to hide her tears. "I'm sorry. I can't
help making you feel that kind of desire sometimes. It's ...
it's just nature at work."
Ranma's male half relaxed, then sighed with
resignation as his girl half began sobbing.
"But look at the bright side of things, Red. You will
have a baby to cuddle," Ranma said patting his female self on
the back, "and it WILL be Akane's baby."
"I was so afraid she'd never accept me," Onna-Ranma
said into the shoulder of her male form.
"We lucked out on that, Red," Ranma's male half said
in a soft voice. "We lucked out on it big time."
Ranma cuddled his female self and rocked her gently
until she could regain control.
"Saotome?"
"Mmm?"
"She may turn out to be better than me."
"What makes you think that?"
"Remember the dougi?"
"Yeah, so?"
"It couldn't really do anything more than use her full
potential, Saotome."
"Yeah, but it will take her a long time to get there."
"So you're not worried?"
"Hey! She's gonna marry ME, remember?"
"You are such a rock-head, sometimes, Saotome!"
Ranma's girl half said with a grin.
"Me? A rock-head?"
"I'm sleepy," his girl half said. "How about you?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty tired," Ranma said with a great yawn
as he held his female form a little closer. "It's been a long
day."
As the stars came out, Tatsu-Ranma gently curled
itself around the sleeping pair, as though guarding a nest.
Shortly thereafter the whole of Ranma fell into a deep
dreamless sleep.
-------------------
Shintarou Ishikawa was an odd man by any standard, but
especially odd by Japanese standards. He graduated in the top
of his class from Tokyo University, majoring in economics.
This would have guaranteed him a lifetime career in
government service had he wanted it, but he spurned all such
offers. He decided to become a novelist instead. His first
two books did not do all that well. The next three became
national best sellers. Thus, at age thirty-five, he had
become a quiet man of average height, suffering from the
swivel-chair spread in his middle, a pale complexion, and
that sloppy slump of the shoulders common to all career desk-
jockeys. His face was soft and ovoid with a weak chin and
eyebrows that pointed upwards above his nose, giving him the
look of a man perpetually and comically surprised. This last
aspect of his appearance was considerably enhanced by his
hairline, which had decided to recede early.
Finding himself possessed of more money than he could
reasonably spend, and knowing that his chances of becoming a
hit with the ladies were practically nil, Ishikawa began
casting about for something to do other than writing.
Cranking out five novel-length works back to back had
required him to lead a quiet, almost monastic existence.
While his writing had brought him quite a bit of fame and
more than a little money, it seemed unlikely that his writing
alone would ever cause his ideals to be realized. He and the
rest of the world, it seemed, were in dire need of a change.
The problem Ishikawa found himself addressing was how to make
that change.
Politics seemed the most likely solution, but he had
been careful to check on the careers of the other writers and
artists that had taken than route. Most of them failed to
accomplish anything but grief for themselves, their parties
and their country. In his estimation, they went into politics
with insufficient experience and too little knowledge of how
their government really worked. Having reached the this
conclusion and realizing that inexperience and lack of
knowledge about the inner workings of government were two
glaring shortcomings of his own, he decided he had best
acquire some of each before dabbling in politics.
His old classmates did their very best to discourage
him when he called upon them for help. He had been out of the
loop too long, they told him. The only job he was likely to
get would be very menial. Ishikawa had not cared about that
then, and he did not care about it now. He pressed on until
he finally got what he wanted, a job with the government. He
had been a bit worried when he reported in for his first day
of work. He had never so much as owned a cat in his entire
life, now he was about to go to work as a field officer of
the Animal Control Division of the Tokyo Public Works
Department.
As it turned out, Ishikawa brought to his job a set of
skills which proved to be both a boon and a bane. In order to
become a professional writer, one must write. This sounds
like an entirely reasonable, straightforward premise, but
there are complications. In order to write enough to make a
living writing, it is necessary to narrow one's mental focus
until nothing but the task at hand is in view. This is
challenging. A friend calls with an invitation to a romantic
dinner for four and one says, "No thanks." Family calls
hoping the writer will join them for a picnic and the writer
pretends to be ill. The writer disconnects the television and
wishes there was no such thing as the Internet, but the
writer keeps the modem because it speeds research. Writing is
a very quiet, very private, soul searing hell. The only
surcease from it is in reaching a point where one may, in
good conscience, type two little words: "The End."
Ishikawa knew nothing about animals when he came to
work. He was by no means in the physical shape he needed to
be in to do the job. His uniform did not fit him at all and
actually made him look more comical than he ordinarily did,
but the one asset he brought to his job was focus so ruthless
that even the most cunning of feral tomcats seldom eluded him
for long. The largest, most ill tempered breeds of dogs
troubled him not at all. Nothing stopped him from doing his
job. Crying children begging for their pets back meant
nothing more to Ishikawa than the sighing of the wind in the
pines. Little old ladies begging him to drop their poodles
failed to even make him pause. Big brutish owners of pit
bulldogs, foolish enough to try intimidation would simply
find themselves wearing a net and riding along in the back of
his truck with their pets. Ishikawa's supervisors suddenly
found themselves wishing he had gone to work for the post
office instead of them. Ishikawa lacked perspective. He did
not care whose pet he captured. If the animal was not legal
or did not have the appropriate tags and paperwork, he
brought it in. Shintarou Ishikawa was no respecter of
persons, only the law.
This single-mindedness caused more than a little
discomfort for Tokyo Public Works in general and the Animal
Control Division in particular. All of his supervisors shook
their heads in dismay. Why could he not understand that being
a dogcatcher was one of the most political of all jobs?
Hoping that he would learn the ropes, and some much needed
flexibility, they transferred him from one district to the
next in quick succession. The rich learned to despise him
within two days of his arrival. The poor hated him with a
passion so black that hell had no hope of matching it. The
yakuza and the politicians they owned learned to fear him.
The nation's supply of exotic animals dried up in just a few
days. Finally, it was decided to transfer him to a middle-
class district. Only the kami know why Nerima was chosen, but
transfer him to Nerima they did.
-------------------
The sun did not come up on Saturday morning. It
settled for turning the sky into a dripping gray blanket of
cloud instead of a black dripping blanket of cloud. The alert
part of Tatsu-Ranma's mind woke the rest of his body and
mind.
(What's that smell, Red?)
{{A pig--no, a long pig.}}
(So what exactly is a long pig, Scales?)
(It's Ryoga, Saotome! Long pig is what the Polynesians
used to call a human they roasted at a luau.)
(You mean they eat people at those wing-dings? Kuno's
daddy is sicker than I thought!)
(They don't eat people anymore, Saotome. That was in
the old days, you baka!)
(Oh, ho! THIS is gonna be fun.)
{{Mmm! Good snack.}}
(It's Ryoga, you scaly oaf!)
(We can't eat him, Scales! Well, I could, but I'd
never live it down.)
{{Not for eating?}}
(No! He ain't for eatin', Scales. I can't believe you
said that, Red!)
{{Will he mate?}}
(NO!)
(He would if I let him. He's as big a pervert as Kuno
is.)
(He's comin' closer, Red! Let's get ready.)
(He's gonna shit when he sees us in this form,
Saotome.)
{{He has a great spirit and a big heart, but he is not
strong enough to be a true enemy.}}
(Yeah, but we're gonna scare the pig poop out of him
anyway, Scales.)
{{Duty?}}
(Yeah, something like that.)
(More like ritual combat you mean, Saotome.)
(Whatever!)
(Be vewie vewie quiet! He's about to come through the
gate.)
{{Something else approaches.}}
Tatsu-Ranma sniffed the air.
{{It is a hunter.}}
(A hunter? In Tokyo?)
{{He is a good hunter. He must be nearby, but I smell
no fear from our toy.}}
(Must be one of Tofu's buddies.)
{{Look over the wall?}}
(No, let's worry about Ryoga first, Scales.)
{{We have time. Our toy is at the gate.}}
Ryoga Hibiki, thinking that he was still in Miyazaki
City and hoping to get directions to a train station, walked
unsuspecting through the clinic gate.
"Yo, Ryoga! How's it hangin'?" Tatsu-Ranma asked
cheerfully in Onna-Ranma's voice.
"Ranma?" Ryoga asked in puzzled tones as he looked
about for his archrival, friend and favorite enemy. "What are
you doing in Miyazaki?"
"This is Nerima, Pork-butt!"
"Boy, what a realistic looking statue," Ryoga
exclaimed upon finally taking full notice of Tatsu-Ranma.
"I am NOT a statue, Ryoga!" Tatsu-Ranma said in Onna-
Ranma's voice.
"Ya-a-a-a-ah!" Ryoga screamed in terror as he jumped
up onto the wall. "It's alive!"
Tatsu-Ranma reared up onto his hind legs so that he
could look Ryoga in the eye.
"Of course I'm alive, Bacon-breath!" Tatsu-Ranma
rumbled in his natural voice. "Dontcha recognize me?"
Ryoga's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as his
jaw went slack.
(Oh, wow, Saotome! He's turnin' green!)
(Now he's turnin' a kind of coppery color, Red.)
(I wonder if we do that when we're scared, Saotome?)
(I dunno. OH, look! Now he's turnin' white!)
(Hah! He looks like he just saw a ghost!)
"Who you gonna call, P-Chan?" Tatsu-Ranma asked in
Onna-Ranma's voice.
This last was too much for Ryoga. He became faint and
fell off the wall. Unfortunately, this caused him to lose his
umbrella, thus exposing his water-sensitive body to the rain.
(Oh, man! That was worth at least a million yen,
Saotome!)
(Too bad we didn't have time to get Nabiki to tape
this one, ne, Red?)
{{He makes a good toy! Is he always so easily
frightened?}}
(Just the first time, Scales. Ryoga's one of the
bravest guys I know.)
(That he is, Saotome. He's gonna be mad enough to chew
nails once he figures this out.)
(Hey! That'd be great! We haven't had a good match
since Tarou left.)
(Geez, Saotome! That was just yesterday!)
(So? Ryoga's a great artist. It's always fun to fight
him.)
(And he's only slightly less stable than
nitroglycerine, Saotome.)
(And twice as dangerous, Red. That's why I love him.)
Tatsu-Ranma watched as P-Chan squirmed his way out of
Ryoga's clothes.
{{I think he would make an excellent snack.}}
P-Chan's eyes widened with horror as he looked and saw
Tatsu-Ranma towering above the clinic wall.
"Bwee!"
"Calm down, Ryoga! It's just me. I ain't gonna
hurtcha!"
P-Chan believed his eyes a good deal more than his
ears. He shot off down the street, then rounded a corner out
of sight.
(Aw, geez! Now we gotta go get him, Saotome.)
(Yeah, I know. Akane would never forgive me if
anything happened to him.)
Tatsu-Ranma flowed over the clinic wall, then galloped
down the street after the fleeing P-Chan.
(Man! We can really move along in this form, Red!)
(You got that right! We must be covering ten meters a
jump.)
{{Thirty-five shaku per jump. Could do better on
dirt.}}
(Right! Turn right! He went that way.)
-------------------
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