Finally up to C&C'ing this fic.
Hope it'll get the fic some well-deserved attention.
You might also want to start posting the other chapters of the fic
starting from chapter 2. Maybe post one chapter a week with each part
on a different day?
Afterall, there are people who like this series as much as, if not more
than, your others ^_^
The Unbroken Circle: Chapter one
Fukanshou / Kanshou
Which means: Nonintervention / Intervention
Probably describing Chame's actions when arriving at Nerima.
Part A
Disclaimer: Takahashi provided the paints, I'm just working on my own
easel.
This is a fic based on Ranma and the gang that takes place about the
middle of the series. It's more of an altaverse fic than anything else,
but... Here's the run-down: Ryugenzawa happened, but Herb has not.
Was it Herb arc first in the manga? Not really sure...
Nodoka does not know that Ranma and 'Ranko' are the same person, but
she has visited the Tendos and met 'Ranko'. Otherwise... it's sticking
pretty closely to manga events. Except... I'm keeping the anime hair
I'm sure Nodoka didn't know that during the middle of the series. So
that's no different from the manga.
colors. I love the hair colors.
Don't we all? ^_^
Other chapters for The Unbroken Circle can be found here:
http://ranma.stassen.com/uc/
(Thanks to Chris Stassen for hosting!)
Brief key, trying to stay simple.
<> frame thoughts.
"" frame speech
"{}" frame speech in Mandarin
"Therefore-
The plans of the wise necessarily include advantage and harm.
They include advantage. Thus one's service can be trusted.
They include harm. Thus adversity can be undone."
Sun Tzu - from Chapter 8 of 'The Art of War'
The dream again. Always the same, never revealing the secrets it held
'That dream' - I think
before waking. He was in the dragon's mouth. No, _she_ was in the
dragon's mouth again. There was surprise, but no fear, and a certain
sense of calmness. The inevitable was coming, as the teeth drew
together, shutting out the light. The end would come soon.
Ranma's having a flashback of the fight with the Orochi? So something
important happened during that fight...
***
Waking with a gasp, Ranma sat up, clutching his head, and peered around
the clearing warily.
A girl sat up in a bedroll near him, eyeing him blearily. After a
moment of hesitation, she asked, "Ranma? What's wrong?"
He shook his head, lying back down again. "Nothing, Chame... just a bad
dream, I guess."
Chame (patting Ranma on the hand): If there's any consolation, I didn't
think it was as bad as it could have been.
Ranma: ...
She nodded, and mumbled, "Okay... try and get some rest. Ryugenzawa is
really close. You'll need your strength."
Probably had the flashback since he's near the place where it resides.
Ranma said nothing, merely staring at the stars and remembering the
events that had led to this.
It's gonna be one of those _LONG_ flashbacks ^_^
***
The rain pattered against the roof of the dojo, tapping out a rhythm
that Ranma could almost feel resonating through some inner part of him.
His eyes were unfocused as he woke from his light nap, and stared out
into the yard. Barely recognizable droplets of water streamed past the
open door of the dojo, facing the koi pond. Light spilled from the
'dojo, facing' - Is the comma necessary there?
opening, dimly illuminating a small section of the yard.
Very nice description.
He meditated on the rain, the dream already forgotten. Ever since
Jusenkyou, water always seemed to have some strange, nearly mystical
attraction to him. No normal person had gotten wet that much. Sighing,
Other than the other Jusenkyou-cursed guys ^_^
he let a small frown crease his face while he thought about it. Perhaps
the storm was trying to punish him for avoiding his curse for nearly
two weeks.
In all likelihood, yeah ^_^
A figure emerged from the darkness, rain droplets bouncing off a cloak
and giving it a faint, ominous halo.
Ranma: (Removes cloak) Oh... it's just you, Gosunkugi.
Ranma scowled, idly wondering who it was, but decided to say nothing
until he knew more. The figure halted briefly under the dry awning
leading to the door, and began removing its shoes. After that, the
figure set aside a long staff. Ranma stared, gauging. The figure was
bowed low, so he couldn't make out a face, yet. Red hair. A pair of
braids.
Three uses of 'the figure' - suggest changing one.
Removing her cloak revealed a soaked, red, karate gi. She dropped a
large backpack next to her shoes, and raised an eyebrow expectantly.
Ranma observed that she was smaller than his girl form, as well.
<Probably barely four foot nine inches tall.>
'foot' or 'feet'?
I think that's smaller than Ranma's cursed form.
The girl shook her head, "Broke off in the wind. Mind if I come in?"
'head.'
She glanced back at him, calculating, then smiled disarmingly. "I'm
just passing through. I found the sign and wondered if I could
challenge someone for a place to stay the night, maybe some warm food."
Ranma: And just _why_ does it have to be me?
Chame: (shrugs) Because you're lucky?
She shook her head, her voice carrying irritation, "No, I will
challenge someone for it. Do you accept?"
Maybe: 'She shook her head and replied,' (?)
At the moment it sounds as if she was talking while shaking her head.
Ranma grinned, his own tone mocking, "I don't fight girls."
The redhead's eyes narrowed, as she stared at him. "I'm a woman. Not a
girl."
Ranma: (placing hands on Chame's chest) It doesn't look that way to me.
(Ranma gets blasted by an irritated Chame)
Ranma rolled his eyes. "Whatever, I won't fight you."
She smiled slowly. "I understand then. I accept your offering, and your
forfeit."
Heh, she knows how to get to Ranma ^_^
The pigtailed martial artist frowned, getting annoyed. "I didn't
forfeit!"
"Then you'll fight me?"
Ranma scowled, sulking. "Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you."
Chame: Actually, you should be glad that I'm not going all-out.
Ranma: That's it! Bring it on!
warily, slipping into a stance that Ranma didn't recognize. He
grimaced, as a stray thought occurred to him, and he asked, "I don't
have to marry you if you win, do I?"
Heh, seems Ranma doesn't want to have more fiancee problems...
She cocked a head at him. "Stop holding back."
He raised an eyebrow. "I don't want to hurt you."
Haven't yet learned his lesson to never tell that to a female
fighter...
he would have suspected. Much more skilled. <If I can get that staff
away from her, then maybe I can win.>
Big if...
He glared again, and leapt towards her, expecting to pass over her
range before she could ready her staff. She dropped the staff before
Ranma reached her, and pivoted on one foot, extending the other to
catch Ranma full in the chest. He staggered again, and fell to the
Might not want to use 'again' for the second time in the paragraph
I should use a chi attack... She's fighting defensively. No, I don't
need to go all out against her, the tenshin amaguri-ken should get
through.>
'her. The' - Have it start a new sentence.
takabisha...?> He nodded to himself. <A weak one. Just enough to get
her attention.>
He took a deep breath, gathering himself and his ki, and smiled at the
girl. "I think I've got a few tricks of my own..." Lashing out
suddenly, he lobbed a bolt at her, shouting, "Mouko takabisha!"
The bolt of force flew out towards the woman, who raised her arms,
Replace one of the two bolt's since they appear close together?
crying out something Ranma didn't recognize, and then everything turned
black.
Well... he got her attention...
***
Ranma opened his eyes, groaning and blinking groggily. "What... What
happened?" His head felt muddled, as though he had been woken with too
Chame: You got your ass kicked.
Ranma: (laughs) No, really, what happened?
Chame: (points at Ranma) _You_ got your ass _kicked_.
(Seeing how serious Chame is, Ranma shrieks out loud before fainting.)
The woman was peering down at him, in one corner of the dojo. She
Do you mean Ranma's in one corner of the dojo or that Chame is? If the
latter, use 'from one'.
She shrugged, and explained offhandedly, "A kind of deflector. I sent
the attack back at you, redoubled."
Shows that she knows how to fight and has a lot of experience...
Her braids had slipped over her shoulders, and bobbed as she nodded. "I
am afraid so."
'I'm' - Sounds stilted otherwise.
Ranma sighed, and headed towards the house. "Yeah, yeah... Follow me."
He led her into the house, motioning her to pick up her pack and shoes
Replace one of the 'her's?
She grinned. "I mostly live on the road, sounds great."
'road. Sounds'
He nodded, and headed into the kitchen. "It'll only take a minute or
two, then." Ranma retrieved some leftover miso soup from the fridge,
and put a large bowl of it in the microwave. <Normally it's a breakfast
put -> placed
getting through. Hmm... I have to ask her about that.> The microwave
made a piercing wail until he opened its door. He paused after opening
it, hearing a soft thump from the living room.
Ranma: (seeing the body lying prone on the floor) Well... at least no
one will know that I lost.
Shaking his head, he brought the bowl to the table. The girl was
holding her head in her hands, wincing and rubbing her temples. Ranma
set the bowl and a spoon in front of her. "You okay?"
She nodded, wiping the wince from her face. "Yeah... I don't like
certain tones, that's all."
Show's that she's not a perfect fighter (later on will show that she's
far from perfect) and has certain weaknesses.
Ranma blinked, confused. "Uh... huh. Anyway, dig in."
He probably didn't (or couldn't) believe that after the fight.
The woman ate in silence, looking at nothing in particular. After an
uncomfortable minute, Ranma turned on the TV. Almost nothing was on at
this hour. He glanced at the clock, seeing that it was already 11:12.
Hmm... not sure if numbers should be used here.
Ranma turned back to her. "Erm. Sorry, I didn't ask you yet, what's
your name?"
She regarded him levelly for a moment. "You can call me Chame."
Which the readers already knew ^_^
Ranma blinked. "No last name?" She said nothing. Ranma cleared his
throat, "Right. I'm Ranma. Saotome Ranma."
'throat. "Right.'
She nodded. "You're pretty good for someone that new to the art."
Ranma stared, wide-eyed. "What do you mean, 'that new'?"
Don't think a comma is necessary after 'mean'
Chame frowned, thinking. "I'll tell you. But you must respect my
privacy in this and not tell anyone else."
Ranma blinked again. <Who would know you? You don't even have a last
name!> "Alright, I give you my word of honor as a martial artist."
Surprised he didn't think that she might have faced Happosai or Cologne
before.
Chame frowned thoughtfully. "Happosai, eh? I wonder what he's been up
to. Cologne, too? I've been away too long. I've fought both of them
before."
They'll probably be surprised to see her.
"I... see. How old are you, anyway?"
Chame glanced up at Ranma sharply. "It's rude to ask a lady her age."
Heh, she's a bit protective of some things...
Ranma shook his head. "Right. Sorry."
Chame frowned. "Well, can you do me a favor, then?"
He eyed her warily, then mumbled, "Depends."
Probaby making sure it won't be a marriage proposal ^_^
Ranma blinked, taken aback. "Ah, right. Lemme think about this, then...
I been practicing martial arts for the last 13 years, and except for
the year in this house, I spent most of my time on the road. Dad
traveled a lot. Learned a lot of techniques. Uh, let's see... I spent a
couple months training in China, recently. For the most part, my life
was actually pretty dull. Not too much excitement."
...
I guess for him, the daily happenings of Nerima would be boring.
He frowned, the admitted, "Well, you're right. Things got a lot more
interesting after those two showed up."
'frowned, then'
Chame shrugged, "I fought Cologne once. Only once, and that was
after... well. It was over fifty years ago. That's another story.
Sounds like something important happened between the two of them
(possibly a rivalry of sorts).
Shiatsu paralysis points. Happosai was much more dangerous. I fought
him a few times. Most fights were draws, but the times I beat him
were... actually, worry about that later."
Wonder what happened...
Ranma nodded slowly, digesting the information. "Yeah, that works..."
<How old _is_ she?>
Obviously older than you ^_^
His face colored angrily. "Well... I have three, really. First, I have
Akane. Pop said that it was arranged to have me married to her family
first, before I was born. But he engaged me to another girl before I
met Akane. He accepted her dowry, too. Then he... he lost it." Ranma
Chame: What do you mean 'lost'?
Ranma: He used it as firewood.
sighed, troubled, "But he accepted the dowry, so she expects me to
marry her, too."
'sighed, troubled.' - Unless he's sighing while talking.
She interrupted him, "What's her name?"
'him.'
"Kuonji Ukyou. The other fiancee is Shampoo."
"Joketsuzoku?" she asked. He nodded glumly in response. "Beat her in a
fight, did you?"
Twice... I think the Reversal Jewel arc took place before this...
Ranma nodded again, then continued, "Yep. It's an accident, really. Pop
and I kind of... ate the prize at a tournament, and she won, so I
fought her. I figured if I beat her, then the prize would be ours, and
then it would be no harm done." He sighed again. "And then there's
Life ain't that easy...
Ranma frowned, considering. He wasn't certain how to answer a question
from a stranger that he couldn't even answer for himself. "Well... I
like Akane, but we don't always get along so well. I like Ukyou, too,
but really, I'm not sure I like her as more than a friend. Shampoo,
well... she's cute, and a good fighter, but I'm not sure that I care
for her that way. Kodachi's just not worth considering." Ranma shook
his head, wondering at the situation that his life had turned into.
Ranma: Why, oh why didn't I just marry Kaori and get the hell away from
Nerima when I had the chance?!
"Ahhh... I see. You have to live with a fiancee you aren't sure you
want to marry."
At the moment it would be the same if he lived with the other girls...
Ranma nodded. "Yeah... Pop and Mr. Tendo are trying to push us together
a lot."
Maybe change it to:
'are trying hard to push us together.'
"You live with Happosai?" Ranma nodded, and Chame looked troubled, "I
see. Do you have a history textbook?"
Strange for her to ask that question. Not sure what she was expecting
(and how it deals with living with the Tendous). Probably will be
explained much later I guess...
"Yeah, me, Akane, and Nabiki. She's graduating soon."
So you have Nabiki as a senior when Ranma first arrived, when Ranma and
the others being in their second (of three) HS year...
Chame murmured something, and stopped to read a particular page. After
'something and stopped' or 'something, stopping to'
a few moments, she closed the book, and set it on the table. She shook
her head, and sat back down. Ranma joined her, asking, "So... What did
you need the history book for?"
"Just wanted to see something. You'd be surprised how much things
change, no matter how much you try to keep them from it."
Hmm...
Ranma frowned, bewildered. "What are you talking about?"
"You know the saying 'history repeats itself?'"
Sounds like something which happened in the past will happen to Ranma
and company...
Ranma furrowed his brows in thought. "Uh, yeah, something like that.
Sure, why?"
Chame shrugged. "Well, it does. I've tried everything to change it, but
it's very hard. Some things changed easily, but almost never the way I
wanted."
So she somehow knows a bit of the future...
He shook his head slowly. "I don't think I understand what you're
talking about."
She sighed. "Well, that doesn't matter right now. What does matter is
Though it might later ^_^
The redhead smirked. "No, Ranma, you'd be traveling with me. I doubt
your father has much left to teach you."
Other than the forbidden techniques... though neither here knew about
it...
He balked at the prospect. "Well, I don't think my other fiancees would
approve of that. I mean, I don't want 'em angrier at me than they need
to be..."
So Ranma knows it's gonna be more than a month long 'training trip'.
the morning of the next day." A gentle pressure towards his mind met
with a stern resistance, but the redhead continued plying Ranma's mind
carefully, pushing with her own until his began to give.
Ah... so she's sort of forcing his hand...
He shook his head. "I don't know..."
Heh, harder than she thought ^_^
"Wouldn't you like to learn to move as fast as I do?" A little more
pressure, at least enough to make Ranma think that he was making this
choice willingly...
Well, she went to his weakness. Probably didn't need to force his
decision much...
He considered, then nodded. "Yeah, actually, I would like that. But I'm
still not so sure about this... I mean, at least one of my fiancees is
going to insist on coming with me."
If not all.
"Then don't let them know." Again the pressure was increased, as his
mental barriers weakened.
"Yeah, but... uh... I guess that would work, actually. I don't know,
though..."
She frowned. "What could I do to convince you?"
Ranma: Well, you could first stop trying to force me into agreeing with
you.
He eyed her speculatively. "Well... you gotta promise me that you
aren't going to try and marry me."
Heh
She rolled her eyes at that, holding the pressure steady. "That was
painless. Okay, I promise. Now, I'll go ahead and sleep in the dojo.
Tomorrow, I'll tell your family I was another fiancee abandoned by the
side of the road when you were younger. I'll tell them my family has
Heh, even when he didn't arrange any other marriage, Genma will get
accused of it...
He returned the nod, and went upstairs, to his room, trying to puzzle
over events, <No matter how this works out, they're going to know that
'over events.'
***
Kasumi woke early the next morning. She yawned, and stretched. Her
alarm had not gone off. She studied it for a moment. It was only two
minutes after it should have gone off anyway. She glanced around the
room. Everything was in place. She retrieved a spare robe and towel
Four sentences starting with 'She' - maybe change one or two.
Kasumi knocked at the door, not expecting a reply, and an unfamiliar
voice called back, "Just a minute!" Chame probed the mind at the door
'Chame' - Have that start a new paragraph.
briefly, <Oops, you weren't supposed to wake up yet... I can still
cover.>
So Chame set off the alarm?
hair down, still wet. She was wearing a brown skirt with a white
blouse, "Sorry about that, uh... Akane?"
So she didn't do that well with probing her mind...
Kasumi blinked, and shook her head slowly, "No... I'm Kasumi. Who are
you?"
'head slowly.'
Kasumi nodded. "Are you one of Ranma's fiancees?"
Heh, after the previous events, should have expected that ^_^
Kasumi paused, studying, <How old is this girl? She looks kind of
'studying.'
Kasumi nodded, and let herself be herded into the bathroom. She thought
about this as she washed her hair. <Another fiancee. Oh, Ranma, your
father is so bad about that. If only he had been more responsible.>
Sort of feel sorry for Genma at the moment ^_^
After toweling herself off, she returned to her room, dressed, and
prepared for another day in the kitchen, cleaning, and so forth.
'cleaning and'
She checked again. Nothing was out of place, and everything seemed
clean. She put a finger to her lips, thinking, but couldn't think of
anything to say. Actually she could think of a few things to say, but
'thinking, but unable to say anything.'
Chame looked surprised briefly. "Oh, right. Um, one each for Ranma,
Akane, Nabiki, me, you, and... Dr. Tofu."
Seems she probed it correctly this time...
"Ranma said you were going to be having lunch with him today, something
about talking about medicine. I thought I could make the two of you a
'something to do with talking about'
lunch, so you could spend more time worrying about, um, whatever you're
talking to him about."
'two of you lunch,'
Kasumi nodded slowly, as Chame began preparing breakfast. "Oh. I see."
Kasumi shook her head. "Wait, I don't have time to visit Dr. Tofu
today. I have to go to the grocer."
Forgot rather fast there ^_^
The taller girl paused, and protested, "But-"
Heh, Kasumi wants to do some type of work...
Chame put a finger to Kasumi's lips, and gave her a stern look. "No
'Chame placed'
idea, to get you a surprise date with Dr. Tofu. He's not a very open
person, but he does care about you." The truth of the matter was that
it had never occurred to Ranma, but Chame was satisfied that the small
lie would suit her purposes.
So Ranma did tell Chame about what to tell Kasumi?
Chame looked evasive. "Ah... no. He's not. He's actually much nicer. It
Sounds like she knows him ^_^
might take a minute or two of keeping him from eating the lunchbox, but
Heh
he'll listen. It you're interested, he can also tell you a lot about
medical schools. Ranma seems to think that you might be interested,
since you read so many of Dr. Tofu's medical journals"
'journals.'
Kasumi froze, thinking about it, while Chame led her to the table.
Hearing other family members begin shuffling down the stairs, Kasumi
sighed, and whispered, ""I never realized Ranma could be so
thoughtful..."
'"I never' - Had an extra quote in front of it.
Nabiki raised an eyebrow, but served herself anyway. She didn't
normally get up this early, but she was busy today. <If this works, I
might just be able to keep the dojo afloat for a whole year. Then I
won't have to sell pictures to Kuno.> She didn't _dislike_ selling
So Nabiki did something... though she's using the money for the dojo
here?
pictures of Akane or Ranma's girl form, but really wanted more from her
life than that. She had greater aspirations.
Nabiki: Yup, selling videos of Akane and onna-Ranma.
She paused in her eating, as a perky redhead in a skirt swept into the
room, and set a bento box in front of her. Nabiki glanced at the box,
then up at the girl. "Who are you?"
Chame shrugged, offering a good-natured smile. "I'm Chame. You must be
Akane!"
0 for 2
I wonder if she messed up on purpose...
"Uh, right. Well, I guess you're another fiancee, right?"
Strange how that seems to be everyone's first choice here ^_^
Chame simpered cutely, and Nabiki felt something in her heart, even
'felt something in her heart' - Doesn't sound right, unless you mean
that Nabiki notices something off...
Yup, Chame's screwing with her mind ^_^
name." She sniffled again, eyes watering. Internally, Chame rolled her
eyes. <This is too damn easy. I expected it to be a lot harder to charm
this one.> "But I heard from Ranma that he already has a fiancee. Well,
more than one, actually. I can't add to his burden, and I have nothing
to offer him that they don't." She sniffled again for good measure,
then sank to her knees, hiding her face in her hands to cover her
smile, and pretending to sob.
'and pretended'
Nabiki blinked again, completely bewildered. <This is not normal at
_all_.> She shook her head, wondering what this girl had that let her
through Nabiki's layers of emotional barriers. <I will find out what's
going on here if it's the last thing I do,> Nabiki vowed internally.
At least she knew something was off.
Nabiki blinked, "Well, I suppose-" < It _would_ give me a chance to
'<It'
Chame repeated her tragic story, hoping to inspire compassion in the
youngest Tendo daughter. She just looked angry, "Damn that Ranma!
Abandoning you like that!"
'looked angry.'
Not the reaction she expected... Did Chame try on Akane what she did to
Nabiki and Kasumi?
Ranma chose that moment to come down the stairs, not hearing anything
but what Akane had said. He replied with an intelligent, "Huh?"
Growling, Akane reached behind her to seize the table.
Guess she did... just that Akane decided to express her concern for
Chame through different means...
Chame reacted swiftly, interposing herself between Akane and the table,
so that Akane grabbed her arm tightly. Chame screamed in feigned pain,
then pretended to faint.
Most people don't need to pretend in this situation ^_^
She was aware of the people around her, even though she couldn't see
them. Kasumi spoke with somewhat less than her normal endearing calm,
"Akane, that wasn't very kind to our guest."
'calm.'
Ranma sighed, "Jeez, Akane, what did you go and do that for?"
'sighed.' - Unless he's doing that while talking to her.
Ranma sighed again, "Sorry, Chame, guess the violent tomboy was
thinking of me and attacked you instead."
'sighed again.'
Akane snorted, "Ranma's a pervert. A sick and twisted pervert. You can
marry him, for all I care."
Angrier than usual...
Chame sighed, externally this time. "No, I can't. My family will never
accept me back in, and I have no name of my own."
Akane paused at this, and softened a little. "Well... Uh..."
And able to change moods as fast as ever ^_^
Chame took advantage of the momentary lapse. "It doesn't matter. You
shouldn't worry about me. But we should be getting ready to go to
school, shouldn't we?"
Akane blinked, and glanced at the clock. "Uh, well, I guess." She
sighed, grabbed a bento box from the stack in the kitchen and walked
through the door. Ranma scratched his head and shrugged. Nabiki got up
and left for school as well. It didn't occur to any of them why someone
who was only staying one day was already going to school.
That did seem strange ^_^
She paused at the front gate, and ran back into the house. "Kasumi!"
she shouted, in a commanding tone. Kasumi flinched, and shied away from
the plates she was about to collect. "Don't do that! Call Dr. Tofu.
Heh
Chame slid to a halt, and peeked into the alley. It was empty. She
moved to the next one, and peeked again. Nabiki was conferring with
some smartly dressed gentlemen in low tones not far from her. Chame
scowled. <Too late again? Maybe not.> She listened closely.
So she knew what would happen.
Nabiki's voice stood out from the rumblings of the men, "Well, that's
'men.'
One of the men spoke then, "You're asking a lot of money. If he can't
do it, we can't promise... a pleasant ending."
Nabiki's voice again, "I know him. He's good for it."
'again.'
Nabiki turned around and blinked three times. Chame glared at her. On
anyone else, Nabiki's reaction was the equivalent of wetting oneself.
Hehehe
Before Nabiki could say anything, Chame swept her off her feet, and
began running again. Chame spoke to Nabiki, her voice somehow not being
'Chame spoke' -> 'She spoke' (?)
gone, and you will belong to them. I'm not talking about owing favors,
I'm talking about living the rest of your life chained to a bed,
running one of their spy outposts. They won't hesitate to sell you like
a pound of beef. Don't screw this up."
Which more than likely Nabiki will...
Nabiki had turned white as a sheet. Chame dropped her at a cafe a block
from the school, and tossed someone a few bills to see that she had
coffee and would be pushed towards school before the bell.
The thought of being someone's slave seems to have shook her up pretty
badly.
Chame idly wondered if the warning would work, but had to rush to her
next stop. She reached the school gates about a minute before Akane and
Ranma. She had waited for him, apparently. Chame smirked to herself.
That fast?
<Maybe things _aren't_ that hopeless.>
Fights like that are normal between them ^_^
A large man carrying a bokken slung over one shoulder spied her. "Oh,
it is my pigtailed goddess- But wait! Who are you? You are not my
goddess." The man seemed confused, and eyed her with a determining
gaze.
Saw this one coming ^_^
wonder...> Then he ran screaming, weeping, and wiping his face
furiously until he slammed into the side of school building. There, he
collapsed into a sitting position and wept, sobbing loudly about how
this new goddess despised him.
That was... different.
Ranma nodded slowly, turning to Akane. "Did you see that? That was
amazing!" He thought to himself, <Whatever she can teach me on this
training trip is going to be worth it!>
He's impressed because she was able to stop Kunou without fighting?
The businesswoman in Nabiki snapped to attention, and left the rest of
her to agonize over what she had been told before. Chame shook her
head. <This is going to get very ugly soon.>
Sooner than she thinks...
Chame sighed, <Nothing for it.> Gathering her will briefly, she
'sighed. <'
whispered, and faded from sight. She shook her head, as the teachers'
Something similar to the Umisen-ken?
***
The Nekohanten wasn't open yet. Chame considered, then decided that
this should be dealt with politely. She sighed, and banged on the door
a few times, loudly, resisting the urge to simply smash the door down.
Heh, probably polite for her with concern to the Joketsuzoku.
A myopic boy answered the door, and peered out at her from behind a
pair of giant lenses, "I'm sorry, we're not open yet."
'lenses.'
Chame nodded. "Thanks." She pushed past him into the restaurant's
So much for being polite...
The old woman hopped towards her on her staff, "I could ask the same.
'staff.'
Chame fought back the urge to attack the woman. Barely. If the younger
Is this because of Chame's own history with Cologne or because of what
happened to her people?
Chame sighed, "{Because if you don't, then Ranma will die.}"
'sighed.'
Cologne motioned to a seat at the table, forgetting the herbs and
trinkets littering the surface. "Let's talk about this, then. Mousse,
I've already warned you about eavesdropping. Make yourself useful and
make some ramen for us."
'make some' -> 'cook some'
Chame smiled, and took a seat. Shampoo sat to her right, and Cologne to
her left. "I'm not sure I can finish a whole bowl, but thanks. What I
know of so far, ah... Both of the younger Tendo sisters are a risk to
him right now. He's got someone in American organized crime after him,
though they don't know it yet, Kuno is becoming less stable day by day,
and Ryouga has been given something dangerous. The next time they
fight, Ranma will almost definitely die."
I remember when I first read through this (about a year ago ^_^;) I was
wondering how she knew all that. Though a few chapters later it was
explained how she realized this...
Shampoo glared. "Violent girl no good for airen."
'Airen' (?)
Cologne prompted Chame to continue, "And the rest?"
'continue.'
Shampoo handed Chame a glass of water, and she smiled gratefully,
'gracefully.'
women, then returned to the kitchen. Chame waited until he was gone to
continue, "I don't think Mousse is dangerous right now, since he
'continue.'
doesn't want Ranma dead, just out of the way."
Shampoo looked after the departing boy thoughtfully.
Guess she didn't expect that.
Chame swirled the water around in the glass idly, then picked up her
thread of speech again, "Kodachi is a slight danger. If she gets to
'again.'
Cologne was quiet for a moment, then suggested, "His father?"
Chame frowned. "He's stupid, but he's not a huge danger to Ranma."
Heh.
Shampoo nodded. "Spatula girl."
Chame sighed. "I should have started sooner. I know I can trust you
somewhat, because you want him alive and able to breed. Ukyou's
Breed or as Shampoo's husband? Or is this something from Chame's PoV
(and considering she doesn't like the tribe)?
trustworthy, too; but she's not nearly as powerful as you are, right
'are right' - Don't think that comma was necessary.
now. Look, I want to meet you here later, with Ukyou and tell you what
'later, with Ukyou,'
I've managed so far. I want to get back and keep an eye on Ranma. I've
done what I can, so far. Dr. Tofu should no longer be a danger to Ranma
after this afternoon. I'll have Kasumi take care of that. Nabiki's
Danger in what way? Accidently injuring Ranma when Kasumi's in the
same room?
Shampoo spoke after Chame finally gave in, and started eating the
ramen, "What you want with Airen?"
'ramen.' - And who's eating it, Shampoo or Chame?
Chame just shrugged. "He's too important to lose. I don't have any
involvement or attachment to which of you he chooses. All I can say for
certain is that I don't think Akane is good for him right now, and
Kodachi's dangerous. You or Ukyou would probably be the best choices."
Have no objections on that ^_^;
Cologne spoke while Shampoo was quiet, "How do you know so much about
'quiet.'
Chame sighed, and pushed her bowl away. "You may not remember, but
we've fought before, earlier this century. More importantly, is the
'More important is the'
fact that your tribe, in its younger days, attacked a land rich with
magic."
Cologne narrowed her eyes, suspicion in her gaze. "And what do you know
about our history?"
Chame glared, then snapped out, "That your people wiped mine out. I've
Chame probably wanted to shout this earlier on.
struggled for all that time, one of the last survivors of an
unrighteous massacre, and now that I've found someone with enough blood
to continue the line, I don't intend to let him die." <There's more to
it than that, but _you_ don't need to know about it.>
Hmm... and what would that be?
Shampoo just looked confused, while Cologne stared. Collecting herself,
the old woman asked, "You mean, you are of the Machin?"
First time we hear the name...
Chame nodded. "Yes. The few that survived the massacre swore someday
we'd see you humbled, but time has done that better than we ever could
This probably makes it even stranger as to why she's asking them for
help. Probably didn't have many available choices.
Shampoo boggled, and Cologne bowed her head. "I was not proud of all of
our ancestor's actions."
So Cologne feels remorse because of the past.
The Machin woman shook her head. "It doesn't matter any more. My people
are three thousand years gone and more. I'm not the only survivor.
There were a few others. Of course, none ever tried to reestablish our
land, but now, I've found someone who does have that potential. Ranma
can bring the strength of our blood back. I don't care who he chooses,
as long as he lives. And I intend to train him in our ways. Now, if
you'll excuse me, I need to remove his existence from certain records,
and make sure nothing happens to him."
So one of her needs in Ranma is to reestablish the Machin?
Cologne sighed, and began putting the collection of herbs and trinkets
away. "Something more dangerous than you might think. And someone we
owe a lot to."
Shampoo narrowed her eyes, calculating. "How much? Owe Airen?"
Cologne nodded. "If she asked, then we would have to give him. She's
older than any of our laws, and we owe her people everything. Without
them..." The old woman sighed once more. "Never mind about that now.
Let's get this put away, and prepare for the meeting later."
This part sort of confused me as to Cologne's opinion on this,
especially with her later on actions. So if it was any other Machin
asking Cologne, she wouldn't have minded?
As Shampoo worked, Cologne turned to look at the empty doorway. <Let
you have him, perhaps. Keeping him is another matter entirely. I
remember you now, you called yourself a different name then... I'll not
let you win this match.>
Seems to be a different reaction from Cologne than earlier. Was it
because she suddenly realized who Chame was and the old grudge (from
the previous fight) reappeared?
***
Chame stormed off across the street, breathing hard and barely
containing her anger. She needed an outlet. She sighed, and sank to her
Obvious that she can't stand them because of the past.
knees, frantically searching her mind, <Where can I go now?> She
'her mind.'
concentrated, trying to remember something close by, and then she
recalled, <Kasumi! If I catch her before lunch, then I can talk to her.
Yes.>
'recalled.'
Chame froze, calculating. When he got closer he would realize his
mistake. <If I hide, for a moment, I can disguise myself...> She darted
into an alley, and quickly re-braided her hair into a single tail. She
So Chame wanted Ryouga to think she was onna-Ranma?
focused herself for a moment, drawing on her resources, to appear a tad
taller, and as an afterthought, reached... _somewhere_... and pulled
her staff out of it.
Something else that I guess will be explained as the fic goes on.
She nodded grimly, searching the carefully collected memories. "Yeah,
pig-boy? What's it to ya? You wish your other form was human, too?"
That's crueler than what Ranma usually says, and considering the
situation, not the best thing to say.
Ryouga's face contorted with rage, but he restrained himself. "Ranma.
You will die today."
Chame blinked. "Why?"
I'd assume it's because of the weapon he's got...
He glowered at her, his voice quavering with barely restrained
violence, "For your crimes against Akane!"
'violence.'
Ryouga stared for a moment, confusion and anger warring for control
before settling on the familiar anger. "You're stalling. No more!" He
pulled something from his belt, resembling the handle for a Spanish
sword, with no blade. A small steel basket covered his hand, and he
gestured menacingly.
Chame studied him and the weapon. <What the hell is this? I can't tell
I thought she'd know.
He charged, swinging a haymaker with the fist holding the artifact. She
dove underneath him, sliding between his legs, and spinning over onto
her back. She raised her staff for a vicious strike to his groin, then
pulled her staff against her and rolled back, using the staff to vault
to a standing position behind him. Or at least, that was her intent.
After the strike to his groin, Ryouga had doubled over, and drove his
fist into the ground. The explosion knocked both of them flying.
Not going according to plan...
Chame raised herself to her feet, unbalanced and wary. <What the hell
_is_ that?> She cursed her sources for not being able to tell her more.
She doesn't know about the Breaking Point?
<Whatever it is, it's making him much, _much_ more dangerous than
Ranma's memories of him. Faster, too.> Well, there were a few options.
She hadn't been hit yet, though she suspected her blow didn't do much
aside from angering him.
And cause a huge amount of pain.
She charged him as he was recovering, and spun the staff around in a
wicked arc. There was a brief crack, as it struck his head and knocked
him across the street into a construction site. The workers milled
around, shouting, and Chame decided that would be a good time to leave.
Saotome School Final Attack ^_^
------
Author's notes:
01/24/2001
C&C'd: 10/20/2001
As always, thanks to Druid and Chris for their excelent C&C, and thanks
especcially to Carlos, since without him, the fic would not exist in
the first place. I don't want to get too long winded with my notes, but
a few explanations might be needed at this point. The title for this
chapter is Fukanshou / Kanshou, which should translate literaly to
'Nonintervention / Intervention.' I will keep the use of Japanese words
to a minmum, since this is intended for a western audience, and is
written from a western viewpoint. The few exceptions to this rule are
the names of the attacks and such that the character use, since they
are intended to be somewhat exotic. I also use 'furo', instead of
bathtub, but that's because a furo is substantially larger than a
bathtub, so there's a difference.
Nothing big there. Furo works better.
Finally done! ^_^;
As I've told you before, like this fic a lot and do hope you continue
it. There are a few instances this chapter where it can be seen that
this was your first fic written, but nevertheless it's much better than
anything I've written early on and those instances lessen as the fic
goes on.
Hope you find this C&C useful.
Ginrai
- Who now goes to do some writing.
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