I wrote most of this several months ago.  I had some problems with the
last third so I didn't finish until recently.  Any similarity to fics
within the last couple of months is purely coincidental.  Any similarity
to fics during the years previous to that is completely intentional,
however.  :)


                        "Time Wounds All Heels"
                             by Josh Green

                  a Ranma 1/2 and Sailor Moon spamfic

                                  ***

    Genma glanced at his son, who was crouched on the floor and
shivering slightly.  The manual page said nothing about huddling or
shivering so those actions apparently were not part of the dreaded cat
fist technique that he was trying to teach the boy.

    *Well then, once more I suppose.*

    He wrapped the boy in fish sausages and then lifted him over the
open trap door.  The boy was much more still this time, which Genma
thought was good.  But the overly wide eyes and small noises escaping
from his throat were worrisome.

    Genma scratched at his cheek as he thought about his actions again.
The technique's instructions were quite simple, not even filling a full
page.  There was no possible way he was doing the training incorrectly.
And now his son seemed to be gaining a fear of cats.  Once more, Genma
reached the decision that there had to be some way of getting his son
over his newly-formed fear of cats and he believed that the key lay in
the Neko-ken itself.

    "Make me proud, Son!" Genma yelled as he threw his son into the pit.
Scuffling sounds and meows echoed from the pit as the cats went after
the bait.  Then the sounds stopped and the room filled with a death-like
quiet.

    This had not occurred during the previous attempts, so Genma was
about to take a look into the pit when cats began flying out of the
small opening, obviously being assisted in their flight by something
else.

    After the brief flood of cats, a blur shot out and landed on all
fours.  "Hsss!" said the boy, adopting a strange stance.

    Genma nearly broke down in tears of joy at seeing his son in the
Neko-ken stance.  He tried to throw his arms around the young boy and
got his face clawed in response.

    "Aaa!  My face, my face, my beautiful face!" cried Genma as he
clutched his scratched face and rolled on the floor in agony.  He heard
the door of the house shatter and a few seconds later, he peeked between
his fingers to make sure his son was gone.  Finding the room empty, he
stood up calmly and went looking for a mirror.

    "I wonder if Nodoka would think I'm more manly with a scar or two?"
Genma rubbed his chin while considering the possibilities.

                                  ***

    Meanwhile, Ranma was bounding through the streets of the town on all
fours.  Occasionally, he would stop to take in an interesting smell or
send a small animal flying into the air.

    At the same time, a woman with long, dark green hair was returning
from her shopping and noticed Ranma and his odd actions.

    To Setsuna Meiou, the chaos around the boy was an almost tangible
force.  Her vision seemed to skew when she gazed at him; the future
splitting along a thousand different paths as the he moved.  In no way
did this alarm her.  While such strong chaos could indeed limit her
local perceptions, in the broader view of time even chaos played a
necessary role in the skeins with which she was so familiar.  For a
single individual to have so much around them was quite unusual,
however.  Her curiosity piqued, Setsuna angled toward him.

    It should be noted that cats have an excellent sixth sense.  Coupled
with Ranma's burgeoning danger sense from his training, what followed
should be of no surprise.

    Ranma skid to a stop as his hair began standing on end.  His senses
told him something _very_ powerful was approaching.  Running fearfully
away from the pit and on an adrenaline high of ridiculous proportions,
he was in no mood to be near a potential foe.  Ranma looked at the woman
and gave her a warning.  "Fffft!"

    Setsuna Meiou adjusted her suit minutely and bent down to put
herself in a more face-to-face position with Ranma.  Ranma backed up
slightly and hissed again.  Setsuna made a few soothing noises which
didn't cause any reaction, then she made a mistake and attempted to
smile at him.

    Ranma immediately swiped at the time guardian and then took off.

    "Aaa!  My face, my face, my beautiful face!" cried Setsuna as she
held her injured face and rolled on the ground in agony.

    When she recovered, her crimson eyes seemed to shine more brightly
and she wore a fierce frown in addition to a multitude of angry red
scratches.

    The boy's hand had not come anywhere near her skin, yet she had been
cut multiple times in less than a second.  The chaos, the power that the
boy had, his obvious fear of her; in her mind these added up to one
thing.

    Calling forth her transformation pen, she said her magic phrase and
prepared for battle.  "Prepare to die, demon spawn!" Sailor Pluto roared
as she raced after the fleeing boy.

                                  ***

    Some time later, Genma had left the small house that he and the boy
were staying in.  He was unsure where Ranma was now, but it probably
would not be too hard to find the boy.  Smoke drifted up in several
columns across the town and there seemed to be sirens loudly blaring
everywhere.

    In the end, he didn't have to go far at all to find his son.  The
old lady next door was kneeling on her porch and the boy was curled up
in her lap.

    As he approached the woman, she looked up from her petting and gave
Genma a smile.  This surprised him so much that he stumbled backward and
had to stop himself from using the 'Crouch of the Wild Tiger.'

    "So, training your son in the Cat Fist?" she began.  "And doing a
fine job of it, I might add."

    "Er... Yes?" replied Genma, uncertain how to respond.  She sounded
serious and he was not used to be praised for his training methods.

    "Oh, yes!" the old woman exclaimed.  "He was in a completely
cat-like state when he bounded up to me while I was washing my
sidewalk.  He purred and rubbed against my legs, even!  Why, he might
not even remember anything once he's back to normal!"

    Genma shifted from one foot to another while deciding how to deal
with her.  "And that's a good thing, is it?"

    The woman lifted a hand to wipe at her eyes.  "It brings a tear to
one's eye knowing that there are still martial artists willing to go to
any lengths for the sake of the Art.  Either that or allergies."

    "Hahaha!  Of course, the path of a martial artist is fraught with
peril," Genma proclaimed grandly.

    "Just one thing."

    "Eh?"  Genma had been waiting for the shoe to drop.  The old woman
obviously understood more than he had originally thought, but who knew
what weird ideas she had.  She might even be a weapons user, judging by
the ladle she was always carrying.

    "Next time, be prepared to handle him for goodness sake!  You can't
have him tearing up a town every time he sees a cat."

    Genma rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment.  "Of course, of
course."

    "I do declare!  I don't know what sort of fight he got himself into,
but look at this!"  Pointing to a few discolored patches of skin on
Ranma's arms she continued, "Magical burns!  Whoever did this obviously
has planetary-level power or my name is Ida Rose May!"  The old woman
looked Genma squarely in the eyes and added, "And it's not."

    The boy yawned widely and blinked his eyes sleepily.  After taking a
quick look around, he hopped off the elderly woman's lap.

    "Hey, Pop.  What's going on?"

    "Get some catnip.  That works well."  The woman's eyes glazed over
and she began to mumble to herself.

    Genma grabbed his son by the shoulder and began leading him away.
"Later, boy.  Later."  He did not know exactly what had happened while
his son was using the Neko-ken but the sirens indicated that officials
of some sort were involved.  Sooner or later they would get a
description of a young boy acting like a cat.  *Time to leave for a
while.*

    "A flashlight for when it's dark.  Drives the poor creatures mad
trying to catch the spot..."

    The boy was still looking at her in confusion when Genma picked him
up, jumped to the nearest roof, and began bounding away.

    "And grass!  Cats like playing with long grass!"

                                  ***

Author's Rant: I just couldn't take in anymore!  Bwahaha!  Sorry, sorry.
I just saw one too many fanfics beginning a certain way and I... I...
Mwuahaha!  This isn't to say that all fanfics being parodied here are
bad -- I won't mention names, but I read one such -- I just had to get
this out of my system.  Oh yes, "Time wounds all heels" is apparently a
quote by Jane Ace, but I think it was Groucho Marx that I heard it from.

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