Pretty much ditto here. You've definitely gotten my
interest, so I7d look forward to more of this, but I
agree that Asuka's metamorphosis is too abrupt. You
should spread it out...over several chapters if not
the whole fic.
Let's see some more!
J
--- Leif Johnson <leif_wj@yahoo.com> wrote:
I dunno about Asuka's quick turnaround. It seems
perhaps too abrupt. I mean, I'm
sure she could come to realize that her method of
interacting with others is a
bit harsh, and downright bitchy at times, but just
like (snaps fingers) that? At
the end of the series, she was hardly close to
thinking that, so I find it hard
to believe that one vague dream could do this: could
elevate herself to that
level of self-understanding. Maybe you should start
out slower, just have Asuka
apologize to Shinji, and maybe not go too far into
the "I'm used to being mean,
but I won't anymore" speech. It feels like your
character development is rushed.
I mean, this is something you could spread out over
the course of your entire
story, you know?
Leif Johnson
I have this strange aversion to extreme pain, okay?-
Ranma Saotome
Now you see that evil will always triumph, because
good is dumb.- Dark Helmet
----- Original Message -----
From: W*ING Higley <higley@cephiro.com>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>; <cactusnick@yahoo.com>
Sent: Wednesday, October 10, 2001 8:39 PM
Subject: [FFML] [EVA] Alive In The World
All characters TM & copyright 1997 by GAINAX.
W*ING Higley Presents:
Evangelion: Alive In The World
*****
The End Of Evangelion:
He was choking her, anger and hatred plain in his
eyes. He wanted her to die,
she had to die.
But she was already dead, wasn't she? She had felt
her eye explode, felt her
arm shred, felt a dozen spears pierce her body and
end her pathetic existence.
No, she had been dead. But he had willed her back
to life. He had been given
the choice to resurrect the one person whom he
needed more than anyone else, and
Shinji had chosen her.
Shinji had chosen Asuka Langley-Sohryu. Not Misato,
not Rei, not Kaworu. He
had chosen her. And now he was killing her again.
She stared at him. There was so much pain in his
eyes. Calmly, she placed her
hand on his cheek. It was time to end the pain.
He continued choking her, oblivious to this offer of
love. She slowly caressed
his face, not caring whether or not she died.
Finally, he took notice. He slowly released his
grasp on her neck and stared at
his hands in horror. And then, he began to cry.
"I feel sick..." And then everything went white....
*****
Asuka was floating now. Or at least it felt like
she was floating. Everything
was pitch black.
"Mama?"
"I am hear, my child." Came a disembodied voice
from beyond the darkness.
"Mama, you are here!" Asuka shouted in happiness.
"Of course, my daughter. I have always been here."
The younger girl swallowed. "What I just saw..."
"Was a vision of the future, yes. It is how things
will turn out if you
continue to follow your present course."
A feeling of horror began to creep down Asuka's
neck. "The mind rape, the third
impact, the murder of Misato....my treatment of
Shinji?"
"Yes, my child."
"Is...is there nothing I can do to prevent it?"
Asuka asked helplessly.
"I would not have shown you all of this if you did
not have the power to change
it. But to do so, you will have to change as well.
You cannot continue to be
the selfish child I have watched you become in the
years since my death."
Shame filled Asuka. "I'm sorry, mama. I...I miss
you so much..."
"I know, my daughter. It is my fault that things
have turned out this way. I
thought suicide was an escape, and in my own
selfishness failed to see what it
would do to you."
Asuka felt something begin to pull at her. "Mama,
what's happening?"
"Our time here is short. Soon you must return to
the real world, and this will
all seem like some strange dream."
"NO! Mama, I don't want to lose you again!"
"You will not lose me, child. Know that I will
always be with you, always
protecting you in Unit-02. That much you will carry
with you to the waking
world, along with the knowledge that you must change
if you are to set things
right."
Asuka felt herself begin to be fully pulled away,
back into consciousness. "I
will, mama. I promise, I will change!"
"Goodbye, my daughter. I love you so much...." the
voice said as it faded.
"I love you too, mama...."
*****
Episode 8: Asuka Strikes!
Asuka gasped as she awoke. She stared blurry-eyed
at her surroundings She was
sitting upright in a hospital gurney. Shinji was
there, as were Misato and a
nurse.
"Wh-where am I?" she managed to choke out.
"Oh, thank god you're alright," Misato said in
relief. "You're in the sick bay
of the aircraft carrier." She frowned. "You were
in a light coma for a few
hours."
"What happened?" Asuka breathed.
Shinji answered. "After the two battleships blew up
the Angel, there was some
kind of power surge. You blacked out and I couldn't
wake you." Asuka slowly
realized that there were tears in Shinji's eyes.
Asuka stared at Shinji and Misato in confusion.
Power surge? But she had been
with...who had she been with? Asuka tried to
remember the strange dream she had
had, but all that came to mind were a series of
images: a beach, pale-skinned
teenagers, her mother hanging from a closet coat
rack, kissing Shinji, Shinji
telling her she needed him.
Asuka Langley-Sohryu shook her head in frustration.
Try as she might, she could
not remember all the bits and pieces of her dream,
save for the fact that
something was terribly wrong with NERV and it's
hierarchy, and that her mother
was not truly dead.
"Asuka," Misato asked, "is everything alright?"
Asuka waved her off. "I'll be fine, Misato. I just
need some time."
*****
Shinji lay curled in a fetal position with his face
towards the wall, trying to
=== message truncated ===
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