"Ummmm," Chibiusa voiced aloud, looking up and trying to
figure out who was speaking, "who

Who

Actually, isn't it right as it is?  The dialogue should read as "Ummmm,
who...", right?  There is no period in the dialogue tag, so the 'who' isn't
the beginning of a new sentance but a continuation of the original one, and
as such should be lower-case.

Heh, glad you did this c&c, I never read it when the chapter was originally
sent to the list, thought it was yet another stupid SI, but the parts you
commented on got me interested.  It's funny and if done well the story could
poke a lot of fun at the SM series in a more interesting way than usual,
especially when Chibi-Usa's personality starts to change through being
exposed to such, um, colorful characters. :)

For some reason the image of Chibi-Usa kicking Tux-boy in the nuts and
calling him a pedophile just appeals to me.  Especially if the other senshi
are about, since it would raise the question of how Chibi-Usa would KNOW
that he's a pedophile.  Once they started wondering about that, well, even
Usagi would be beating on him at that point.  "How could you?!?  Your own
daughter!", etc.

But... it's been two months since the first chapter was sent to the list.
Will we ever see another? *prods BoredCollective with a sharp spoon*

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