Subject: [FFML] [FFML][SM/Orig/?] Reflections - Chapter 1 (part two)

    Hotaru bowed deeply while seven pairs of eyes watched her every
move. "Hajimemashide, mina-san. Kaiou Hotaru tomashimasu. Dozo
yoroshiku." She kept her body bowed for a full ten seconds and then
straightened herself to look cautiously at these inhuman teenagers.

There are one or two things to remember about using unnecessary
Japanese in a fanfic.
1. Don't
2. If you do, be _very_ sure you've got it right. ^_^

Or to put it another way,

"Hajimemashite, mina-san. Kaiou Hotaru to moushimasu. Douzo yoroshiku."

    Hotaru was beginning to get swamped under the force of all the
alien thoughts bombarding themselves on her consciousness. The power
of these teenager's telepathy was slightly more than she could cope

I think that should be "teenagers' telepathy"

    "Come on. Hotaru-san, give us a little credit please. We can find
out somethings for ourselvesDon't you think we can't find these things
out by ourselves," Arian huffed, giving Hotaru a slightly reproachful

Looks like you have a left-over sentence there.  That should also be
'some things' not 'somethings'.

    Rhian looked at the earnest expression on the small brunette's
face and sighed. "Pluto must have already told you something, Hotaru-
san. The seven of us are going to be the replacements for the current
senshi when it is time for them to pass on. There is no great mystery

I guess this is one of the versions where Senshi don't get a) human
replacements, b) offspring with Senshi powers or c) greatly extended
lives.  Even if it's only Neo Queen Serenity and Prince Endyminion (sp?)
if they live ~1000 years and the trait is dominant the world could be
hip deep in Senshi by the end of the millenium o_O;;

Doesn't Chibi-usa imply that offspring of Senshi _do_ get to use Senshi
powers?

    "Only my father knows the exact details," Rhian said perching
herself against a table. "But he did mention that the Time Gates had
shown the possibility of the emergence of an enemy that threatened not
just our solar system, but our entire galaxy." The girl shrugged, "I
know it sounds a bit cliche, but that's essentially all I know."

It does sound a bit cliche ^_^

surprise. However, the matters that Pluto bought to my attention soon

Wouldn't that be 'matter' singular?

Kaiou- san. The only thing that stands between us and the extinction

Spurious space before san.

is foremost in every ones mind."

"everyone's mind"

    "I'll take that as a no then," Arawn said looking around at the
blank faces. "Basically, the Time Gates work on the principle that
every event in the Universe is connected to every other event. I'm

See 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency'

    "So, the Time Gates work along the same lines. For any single
moment in time, they are able to calculate the events that led up to
that moment and the events that will follow it."

Heisenberg's uncertainty principle and Godel's theory of incompleteness
say not, but I'm in no position to argue the point. ^_^

    ::You are right, Hotaru-san:: Rhian's voice whispered in her mind.
::Father is being evasive - too evasive::

The problem with whispering to Hotaru-san is that her mind is a wide
open book to the bloke Rhian might not want to hear.

    ::Live with it:: a deep voice broke into the conversation, and all
eyes flew to look at Arawn who was staring at them with a cool
expression on his face.

Told you. ;-)

    Hotaru caught the earnest look on the girl's face and bit at her
lip. What could she say? Trust is a very precious gift. It is not
something you can just give away to someone you have only just met.
However, if she was honest with herself, Hotaru did want to try and at
least give Rhian and the others the benefit of the doubt. Ironically,
as the man Arawn had said, Rhian, Pwyll, Bran - they all did seem like
good kids. But still...

What's ironic about it?

What follows is a snapsnot from an UNCHECKED chapter 2. English errors
abound!

I'll wait for the checked version - or at least I have no time to finish
it tonight.

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