[Ranma][spamfic] Natural Selection

I can�t claim credit for the initial concept which was set out in the 'Double,
Double' story.

Natural Selection

  Ukyo woke up, and looked at her husband sleeping peacefully next to her.
She would, she decided, leave him to get up on his own.  He looked so
peaceful like that.

  The bathroom had the 'In Use' sign up, so she headed down to start
breakfast.  "Morning Ran-chan," she greeted the figure sitting, smiling
hopefully, by the table.

  "Morning Ucchan!" He said brightly, "Any chance of an okonomikayi?"

  "Sure, honey," she replied, then some of the early morning dreaminess
slipped away.  "Ranchan," she said with a frown, "if YOU're at the
breakfast table - then WHO'S IN MY BED!"

  "Err, ah, I can explain!" He said, looking nervously at the giant combat
spatula in her hands.

  At that moment another figure joined the room, wearing a set of pyjamas
with a Chinese dragon embroidered on the shirt. "Morning Ucchan, Ranma,"
he said - then did a 'double' take.

  "Ranma!" (Looking to the doorway) "RANMA!" (looking at the table) "I want
some answers - now!"

  The Ranma-at-table replied first, "Not that I'm admiting anything, but
the Ranma who lives with Akane might have wanted to escape a 'breakfast'
in bed."

  Ranma-at-doorway reflexively mutters, "Uncute tomboy," and looked warily
for any incoming mallet.

  At that moment a third arrival with damp hair and a towel wrapped around
his waist bumped into the Ranma blocking the doorway. "Hey! What's all the
racket about?  Can't a guy get a shower in peace?"

  Silence fell over the room as everyone contemplated the latest
development.

  "Ehheheheh." The new arrival looks shamefaced around. "Morning Ucchan,
Ranma, Ranma."

  "RANMA!" (Three sets of very worried eyes look at Ukyo) "You - Ranma with
damp hair.  What are YOU doing here if YOU and YOU are already here?"

  "I'm no saying it's ME y'unnastand," Ranma muttered, "but Ranma with
Shampoo might have been trying to escape from repeated, exhausting,
dangerous, all-night, wild, Chinese-Amazon sex."  (All three Ranmas share
looks of mutual sympathy).

  "Right - Nobody move - I just want to know one thing.  Which Ranma was
I matched with at Jusenkyo?"

  Ranma-at-the-table put a hand to the side of his head and smiled
nervously. Ranma-with-damp-hair looked down and fidgeted with his feet.
Ranma-in-the-doorway gave a fake cough.

  "We ..."
         "Don't actually..."
                           "Know."

  "You don't know," Ukyo said, in an unnaturally calm voice. "You don't
KNOW?!" She repeated - in a _somewhat_ less calm voice.

  "Well, we celebrated a bit too much that first night after Jusenkyo."

  "Not used to da drink."

  "Couldn't remember afterwards ..."

  "They don't know," Ukyo said quietly to herself.

  "OK boys - here's an easy one.  Which one of you was by my side at the
wedding?" Ukyo asked.

  "Errm ... We all were," Ranma-with-damp-hair said.

  "You didn't think all those interruptions were genuine did you?" Ranma-
at-the-table asked.

  "We thought seeing as we weren't certain _who_ we should be married to,
we'd better be married to all of you - and vice versa," Ranma-in-the-
doorway explained.

  Ukyo banged her head repeatedly against the flat of the combat spatula
muttering, "What did I do to deserve this?" Under her breath.  "Right,
Ranma, Ranma and not forgetting Ranma," she said pointing at each in turn,
"For one million pounds - Who have I been sleeping with for the last
year?"

  "Err, Ranma?" Ranma-at-the-table answered truthfully, if not wisely.

  "Ow!" *Crash* "Ack!!" *Slam* "Arrgh!" *Crunch*

  "We've been taking turns..."

  "And then _some_ idiot has to oversleep."

  "Yeah? Well _who's_ bright idea was it to come on the wrong day?"

  "What sort of a moron would make a rota like _this_ anyway?" The final
speaker said - holding up a sheet of paper.  Down the rows were marked the
days of the week.  Across the columns were 'Ucchan, Shampoo and Akane'. In
each of the boxes beneath, without exception, was written "Ranma Saotome".

  "Yeah? Well you couldha changed your name," Ranma-lying-on-the-floor-in-
pain said.

  "Me? Why didn't you two change YOUR names?" Ranma-with-damp-hair
retorted.

  A tapping sound cause the 'terrible trio' to stop their argument and
notice Ukyo impatiently tapping her feet waiting to get a word in.

  "What do you intend to do about this?" She asked with a look that
specified very clearly 'This better be good'.

  "Well, the thing is ..."
                         "Akane's cooking ..."
                                             "Shampoo's 'energy' ..."

  They finished together - "Can't we all elope with you?"

...

  Three days later Ranmas returned from the hospital, each had a note
waiting for them signed by Ukyo, Shampoo and Akane. "Gone on honeymoon
with new wives - don't wait up."

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