Prologue's short enough to give some quick C&C...

I think I remember reading parts of this before.

*Six years,* I thought as I hopped off the train
car before it stopped at the Nerima station.

I don't think you need '*'s to show Ranma's thoughts, since this is 
from his viewpoint.

That's how long it 's been . Six long,
hard years, but the only good thing to come from

'it's' - spacing

'long,' - line break

it was I now know who I loved. Love more than anything
in the world. Akane Tendo.

This is not gonna be good...

*I wonder if her cooking has been declared a chemical
weapon yet?* Then I sighed. *Even her cooking would be
better than a year of 'bleah' prison food.*

Ranma was in prison?  Guess that'll be explained later.

A quick sprint takes me away from the tracks before anyone
can notice how I left the train. It would definitely be
a bad thing if I got thrown in jail on my first day
back. I smiled slightly as a vision of her filled my
mind.

My heart started to race and I decide that I have to
see her now. Hold her in my arms and tell her that I
love her before something else keeps us apart.

Maybe change one of the 'her's to 'Akane'?

So I begin to hop the roofs. Some people actually see
me and I hear snippets of their reaction.

"Who is that?!?"

"Aw man, I wish I could do that!"

Thought that would be an everyday occurrence in Nerima ^_^

"That sure looked like Ranma Saotome but that's impossible. I

'Saotome, but'

heard he's ..."

"I don't know who he is but he sure is cute!"

'is, but'

A part of me wants to shout out ' Sorry, I' m spoken for!' but

Unnecessary space before 'Sorry'

it dies when I see my destination.  The front gate of the dojo.
I land on the last roof and almost start down when the gate
opens and..I see her.

Ranma: Man, she's become ugly!

(Ranma gets hit in the head with a pan)

Ranma: (Smiling) It's great to be back!

Her hair is longer and she looks older but it's her. She's wearing

'older, but'

jeans and a T-shirt that fit her perfectly.

*God, she 's more beautiful than ever.*

Unnecessary space after 'she'

 I watch her as she looked back shouted:

Unnecessary space before 'I'

'back, and shouted:'

"You'd better hurry up! You're running late!"

"I know! I know!"

The male voice that called back took me by surprise. The man that
comes out a few seconds later I don't recognize at all.

'that came out a few seconds later was unrecognizable.'

* I wonder who that is? Must be Kasumi's husband or something.*

'*I'

He began to run down the street at full speed.

"Hey idiot! Aren't you forgetting something?"

'Hey, idiot'

Her yell brings him to an instant stop then he turned around and ran
back to her.

'stop, then'

"Sorry, " I heard him say, "Sigh. what would I ever do without you?"

'"Sorry," I heard him say, sighing, "What'

"What indeed?" Akane replied, cocking an eyebrow that reminded me
of Nabiki.

I assume it was the expression.

"Probably be a complete moron. Well, bye honey."

This is gonna hurt...

*What did he call her?!??!* I thought as they moved closer together.

Then they kissed........

and my world shattered.

'And' or '... and'

Why didn't you wait?

The two lines before it was done on purpose?

Disclaimer:Ranma 1/2 is owned by Rumiko Takahashi and Viz. All non
Ranma characters are mine. All rights reserved.

Coming soon.(hopefully)

Well, I see chapter 1 is on the list... Might actually one day get to 
that ^_^;

Seems interesting so far.  Will be waiting to see more.

Ginrai
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