Finally getting to these. Used most of the grammar comments.

Brian Randall wrote:

DB Sommer wrote:

This took me longer to finish that I thought. No prereaders this time, so
there should be plenty more mistakes to correct.

    That's like walking a tightrope without a net!

Everything's fine as long as you don't fall off. Unfortunately I did here
and there, but most people caught them and let me know.

The Cat That Danced With Death
A Rurouni Kenshin fanfic
by D.B. Sommer


Or R+C books at:
http://dbsommer.rcbooks.org

And also Angcobra is now storing all of my fics, at
http://s5.sexshare.com/~angcobra/dbsommer.html

    Too many... bad jokes... must restrain...

I applaud your restraint. I never use it. I like getting myself into
trouble.

slowly relinquish ground to the effects of the relentless twin banes of
humanity: age and gravity. Both had extracted their price. In all, her

form

showed the toll of leading an active life; such changes were an
inevitability.

    Is 'demure' the right word? Shy/modest? I might just not be familiar
with the usage...

Not really. Have since changed it to a more appropriate word..

He took a deep breath, and drank deeply in her scent; one that carried a
hint of jasmine and innocence. It always drowned out the metallic tang of
blood that remained buried beneath his skin, still rising to the surface

and

plaguing him when his mood was foul. She was as responsible for rescuing

him

>from his past as he was for finding he resolve to drag himself out and

abandoning it, forging a new life to make his ow-

    deeply in her scent -- in her scent deeply (?)

    Not sure about that one, but it reads a little awkwardly.

I like the flow to it as is. Left it in.

He could tell she tried to fight it -she wanted to keep being angry with
him- but the snort of laughter burst through resisting lips. Once the

first

made it out, she surrendered and laughed, yielding to the mood he was

trying

to set. Twenty years of marriage had taught him much, including how to

cheer

her up, though he still doubted he understood half the things about his
wife. Swordsmanship was easy compared to dealing with the opposite sex.

    'Half the things'? That sounds like something's missing...

Hmm. Not sure what I'd add. I know what you mean about it being awkward.
Couldn't come up with anything.

They approached a fish vendor, undoubtably to purchase tonight's meal

since

the fish wouldn't keep until next week. As they drew closer, Kenshin

watched

people walk by. It was as he scanned the crowd that his gaze fell upon

the

man. The instant he did, it was almost as though another force had gained
control of his eyes and forced them to follow the stranger.

    "Undoubtedly"? Is that right? I'd think they'd have a good idea of
what they were going to buy. :p

Switched to 'probably'. Remember that his is Kenshin's POV, and Kaoru's
calling the shots, so he's uncertain.

    The description of the clothing is a little awkward, too... but that
might just be me. Remember, I can be ignored freely. :)

Didn't concentrate much on it. Had difficutly visualizing it in my mind, and
it reads that way on the screen.

intruders in his home, one even managing to threaten his oldest son, had
changed his mind. While he had managed to incapacitate the intruders with

a

broom, it had been a near thing, so he had another sword forged. It was

one

that had yet to bathe itself in blood, and the gods above willing, never
would.

    Thought he gave the reversed blade to Yahiko at the end of the
manga? Not sure, just what I've heard, though...

Ditto, which is why I used the term 'gave up'.

things. Besides, Kaoru enjoyed the game of bringing the price of

something

down and getting a bargain. Over the years she had gotten quite good at

it,

though she would grouse for hours on end if she felt she ended up

receiving

a raw deal.

    Does he still think of himself as the Battousai? Or is it just
having once been the Battousai...

Having once been it, though in truth he knows it's a part of him that's
still in there, just never used.

Kaoru held a hand up to her face, gasped, then moved behind her husband,
shielding her eyes from the sight. Kenshin, having seen worse, dealt far
worse personally, merely looked on. Only a slight crinkle at the corner

of

his eyes and a grim frown on his brow served as his reaction to the

sight.

    dealt worse -- and having dealt (Not sure, but otherwise it sounds
as though he's thinking, "Yeah, that's bad, but I've had worse." And
that makes me think of Goku, for some reason...)

Odd, thought it was okay, and again I like the way it sounds, though someone
else said the same thing. Still really want to leave it in.

similar circumstances. With the crowd present, Kenshin hoped the stranger
would refrain from trying anything violent, though the presence of the
masses had not prevented the fat man's death. No one was saying the word
'murder,' but rather they used the term 'accident.' It seemed only

Kenshin

knew better, and he had witnessed nothing.

    Oh, so Karou's next?

Yeah. But that's going of be the last of the foreshadowing from this point
on.

jump to such an outrageous conclusion, yet still Kenshin was certain to

the

bottom of his soul that he was correct. It seemed right in some

inexplicable

way. Appropriate, might have been the word he was looking for. It fit.

    Especcially since they were drinking buddies in the war -- Kenshin
gave Death a lot of business, after all.

Which he mentions later.

Fear found itself replaced by determination. Just because something had

to

be a certain way, did not mean he would blithely accept it, not without a
struggle. It was unfair, but of the many lessons as he had learned
throughout his travels, one of the foremost was that life was most

assuredly

unfair.

    Heh.

It's true, though. About the only thing I remember from the 'Wolf' with
Nicholson and Pfeiffer was someone's comment to her about  life being fair
and her laugh and response of, 'Bad things happen to good people all the
time.'

"Yes, I think that would be for the best." And no doubt the gruesome

scene

had served to disturb her, especially on the eve on what was supposed to

be

a festive occasion. Kaoru was never one to be unmoved by the grisly sight

of

death, and had become even more sensitive to it since the birth of the
children. Besides, he wanted to return to their home as well and prepare.

    That last sentence seems awkward, but I'm not sure what to suggest.

Me either. Seems okay to me.

Kenshin marked the protest as weak. Between the headache and the man's
death, Kaoru had seemed to grow more faint the nearer they drew to their
home. Now she had a ghostly pallor, and was obviously straining to remain
standing. Did she sense what was to come too, on some similar level? Was
this her reaction for what was to come?

    I'm guessing this is more a subconcious denial on Kenshin's part
than any real failure to see the truth.

Heh. Yeah, it is bad. Cut it entirely.

There was a sense of urgency. Time was fleeting. The clothing he wore

would

have to suffice. It was loose enough to fight in; most of the clothing he
owned was. He despised tight and confining outfits; a holdover from his
former lifestyle where being unable to move freely often meant the
difference between life and death. In truth, all he really needed was a
sword.

    Ah, he's doing everything he can to avoid thinking about the truth.
Poor guy...

Well, hopefully it's not that bad in the revision.

meant that, for a change, his youngest son, Yoshi, had promptly done what

he

had been told. It was a good sign of him finally maturing and taking some

of

his responsibilities. It made Kenshin smile, a nearly impossible task

with

what awaited him.

    taking his responsiblities... ?

since added 'seriously' should be okay now.

least for a long time. Marriage, and the happiest moment of his life.

    The honeymoon.

Yep.

His hand gripped the hilt of his sword tighter. Perhaps there would still

be

more good times to come, more memories to create. It might have been a

good

day to die, but it would be a better one to live.

    A good maxim. I like it.

Heard it somewhere. It's not mine.

After a seeming eternity, which was less than a dozen minutes, the gaunt

man

finally appeared. It was as Kenshin suspected. The stranger approached
through the gate for challenges, not surprised in the slightest that

Kenshin

waited at the steps for him. The man walked casually onto the grounds of

the

house and home.

    Death: Saiyonji residence?

    Kenshin: ... uh, next door down the street.

    Death: D'oh!

Heh. That could be good.

"Yes, you did," the man corrected. "You merely did not recognize me. I

was

around you all the time, and you became so used to my existence that you

did

not bother to look closely. But I was always there. Much time has passed
since last we met, and you are no longer desensitized to what I am. My
reappearance after so long has opened your eyes. Now you see me before

you."

    Kenshin: And I see that you really need to get some new clothes.
Those are _so_ pre-Meiji!

Nah, Death is fashionable at any time.

illusion, of course, all the dirty things were still there, but it was an
illusion he had enjoyed throughout his life.

    Of course, it was snowing when Tomoe died. Rain, he decided. It
would be nice to see rain. And maybe some lightning. But not snow.

Good call, as you go on to see.

A brief memory of Tomoe assailed him, and for a moment his resolve almost
broke and he released his sword, prepared to meet his fate. But then
thoughts, memories, and dreams of Kaoru chased his doubts away, and he

was

determined to fight once again.

    Hehe... Sorry. :p

Nah. Twas a good call.

"I cannot be defeated," the man told him.

    Kenshin: Fine. I challenge you to a drinking contest.

    Death: ... That's new.

Death: Now if it was a game of 'Battleship' I would have been really
screwed.

The Hitokiri Battousai. He had defeated everyone in the end. Not a boast,
but fact. And this time, maybe more than ever, he had to win. It was

going

to be the hardest contest ever- of that he had no doubt. There was no

sense

in holding back, not against this opponent; it was pointless. Accepting
that, Kenshin opened the fight by feinted with his shoulder to the left,
while bringing his sword up, then pivoting on his heel to abruptly change
direction and sweep in from a high arc to the right.

    I sense a reoccuring theme...

Oh?

out of his perceived helplessness, and he gathered his strength and

returned

to the offense. If not for himself, then for them he would continue his
struggle.

    It seems kinda out of his nature for him to fight the natural order,
as it were, but I can see this easily enough.

When desperate to defend what we love, we tend to act irrationally.

relinquishing his most sacred of vows, one that was just as strong as

what

he promised his wife on the day they were married, to love her and remain

at

her side until death parted them. Was compromising his integrity worth

the

price of survival? Against another opponent, probably not. He was willing

to

die for his ideals under those circumstances, but against the being that
stood before him now, could he even kill him with a sword at all?

    Well, this is a force of nature, not a person...

Yep. It was helpless from the beginning. This was not what you would call a
story of hope. :) On the other hand, it's realistic. Hopefully just not too
much realism to make people not want to read it.

was the pinnacle of his art, a move he had created on his own. An

unbeatable

technique when delivered correctly, and he could feel to the base of his
soul that he had never unleashed a more perfect blow in his life.

    Which means, obviously, that it's going to be deflected.

Yep. Or ineffectual.

It was odd how now, at the end, he was concerned only for his wife and

the

children, and how they would have to carry on without him. Especially

Kaoru,

who would bear the worst of the burden. She had already lost her parents

and

was forced to raise her two sisters with only Dr. Genzai to help  until

he

had come along.

    Extra space between help and until

And I have since been corrected on my erronious assumption that Ayama and
Suzume are Kaoru's sisters. It's just that they spent so much time around
her, I jumped to the wrong conclusion.

down. And there was Megumi, Sano, Yahiko, and other close friends and
acquaintances that would come together in their time of need. They had

made

many of each throughout the years, helping others whenever they were in
trouble with no desire of any form of recompense, although frequently

they

received it in the form of friendship. His wife and sons would be taken

care

of, if they let themselves.

    Gah. Is he _still_ deluding himself?

Well, he's the one fought death and ass is on the ground. I think it's a
logical assumption.

"Dad, you're squeezing a little hard."

Quick and painless.

    Well, it had to come to him eventually.

Yep. If not now, then when he tried to get in a romantic mood and she didn't
respond to anything he tried. :)

"Wow. If he's not here yet, he must be pretty slow."

    Kids are great.

I liked the dialogue I came up with her. Kenshin's being metaphysical;
Mitsune is being literal. It's a nice contrast.

She wrapped up the chocolate again, her appetite lost. Later, she would
share it with Tomo and Seiji. They were her brothers, after all, and she
should be nicer to them, just like their grandfather was. If he could be
patient with them, then she could too, no matter how irritating they

could

be.

She thought he would have approved.

    Subtle. I like it.

Thanks. First version had this ending with him realizing it was Karou and
ending there (original fight went longer too)  but looking it over, I
realized that wasn't going to work. So I minimised the fight, and not really
providing the illusion he would win, like in the first version, and added
this on. I'm much happier with the way it is now.

improvement (but isn't there always?). Definitely prefer this to the
original ending, so there is that. And if anything comes to me or someone
says something which rings true, I can probably incorporate that. Heck,

one

of the reasons we send these out to the list is for feedback and getting

a

different viewpoint from our own.

    I liked it. A well thought-out piece.

Thanks.

    Subtle, rich flavor, and a bouquet not unlike aged OAVs. ;)

Heh. It's not up to their snuff, but I am mostly happy with it, especially
after the feedback and recommendations I received.

    Seriously, though, it was very good, and much better than my own
attempts after watching the OAVs.

You went with surreal. Hard to do without a visual midium.

Thanks for the C+C. Off to work now, so won't get to other people's until
later. Ciao.

D.B. Sommer


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