Wasyuu cackled semi-maniacally. Finally, a project could be finished
without interference from that wretched Mihoshi. Tiny robotic Wasyuulings
appeared on her shoulders, waving miniature victory fans.
"Wasyuu, you're the greatest!"
"Wasyuu, you are a genius!"
"Heh. I know, I know," the petite scientist chuckled, making a token
display of modesty, before breaking into quasi-maniacal laughter once more.
Before her stood two translucent tubes that resembled nothing so much as
a pair of lava lamps with doors. Once, the tube closest to her, lay empty.
The other contained a blank, vaguely feminine humanoid figure no taller than
Wasyuu herself, composed entirely of Mass.
"Tell us, oh Great Wasyuu, tell us!" chimed the Wasyuuling on her right
shoulder.
"Yes, explain your brilliant experiment one last time!" chorused the
other.
Wasyuu, never one to miss a cue, struck a pose, one hand grasping
upwards at the heavens, the other a shaking fist. Behind her, electricity
arced along a Jacob's Ladder she'd installed for just such a dramatic
moment.
"At last, I shall create the perfect lab assistant! The ultimate
helpmate! Ryouko and Mecha-Wasyuu were mere warm-ups for _this_ magnificent
creation! Behold, the Self-Aware Ultimate User-Interface!"
Artificial lightning crashed in the background as Wasyuu cackled.
"The Self-Aware Ultimate User-Interface, based solely on my own genetic
material, will revolutionize science! Possessing my incomperable genius and
good looks, it will be the perfect partner! Mwa-hahahahahaa! All I need do
is press this Large Red Button, step into the Programming Tube," she
gestured towards the empty vessel, "And my Clone-O-Lator 3000 will download
my complete genetic, astral and mental patterns into the blank Mass!"
"But Wasyuu! What about... Her?" Wasyuuling "A" pondered aloud in a
hushed whisper.
"Yes! Yes! What about the Evil One?" "B" demanded.
"Never fear, my chibi minions!" Wasyuu chortled. "The lab is well and
truly sealed, and the Chaos-Bringer is safely out of the solar system,
running an 'errand' for me! This _won't_ be a repeat of the Mecha-Wasyuu
incident! Now, let us begin!"
Wasyuu depressed the Large Red Button and performed a perfect about-face
and prepared to march into the Tube.
"Umm, Miss Wasyuu?" a horribly familiar voice called from within the
previously-empty Programming Tube. "Can you let me out? I thought this was a
telephone booth... I wanted to call you to let you know that GalaxyMart was
out of Mandaloran E-Z-Lube, but, um, ah..." the curvy blonde tapped the
translucent tube wall hesitantly. "I think I stepped into a long-distance
teleporter instead..."
"ACK!" Wasyuu exclaimed. "Mihoshi! How..? HOW..?" the Clone-O-Lator 3000
began to hum and tremble, energy fulminating across its surface. "Never mind
that now! Get out of there!! NOW!"
"Oh! Sure, just let me find the door..." Mihoshi began to turn around in
circles, looking for all the world like she was chasing her own powderpuff
'tail', somehow missing the exit latch with each pass.
"AARGH! Never mind! I'll do it!" Wasyuu cried, diving for the hatch and
swinging it open, stepping inside and grapping the Galaxy Policewoman by the
tie. "Now, get out of here before the-" The hatch swung shut in her face,
trapping her inside the tube with her nemesis.
A synthetic voice began to cheerfully count down the seconds. "Five...
Four... Three... Two... One... "
Wasyuu began to swear colorfully in several dozen languages.
"Pattern duplication complete. Now resequencing Mass," the computer
voice cheerfully explained.
The Greatest Genius in the Universe began to slam her head against the
tube wall.
"Why? WHY?!"
"Umm... Because we love you?"
"Shut UP, Mihoshi!!!"
***
The Programming Tube was set to open automatically when the operation
was over, and open it did. With an ever-growing sense of horror, Wasyuu
dashed across the lab and threw open the hatch of the tube containing her
latest experiment.
The Self-aware Ultimate User-interface opened startlingly-blue eyes and
blinked twice, before breaking out into a broad, slightly-manaical grin. She
was Wasyuu's height and approximate dimensions, with tawny skin and a shock
of spiky, platinum-blonde hair.
"Wai! Wai! S.U.U.-chan is happy to meet you!" she cried, springing
forward and enveloping Wasyuu's head in an enthusiatic glomp.
"Murfle!" Wasyuu replied.
"Oooh! She's so cute!" Mihoshi enthused.
S.U.U.-chan turned her wide grin on the ditzy policewoman. "Are you
S.U.U.-chan's Mommy?"
"Oh my!" Mihoshi giggled. "I suppose we BOTH are!"
"Wai!" S.U.U. cried, relinquishing Wasyuu's head and cartwheeling across
the room, giggling madly.
"Oh, dear gods, no..." Wasyuu muttered from her prone position on the
floor.
***
"Ne ne ne, Ryouko-oneechan! Wanna play with S.U.U.-chan?"
"Err, sure, kiddo..."
"Wai! Mecha-Tama 01, Go!!"
***
"She's like the unholy love-child of Wasyuu and Mihoshi!"
-Catherine Menard to her husband, while watching the first episode of
Love Hina
Sorry, couldn't resist. Having seen the full series now, I know Kaolla
Suu's proper origin, but it's still a frightening image...
Tenchi Muyo and all associated characters copyright Pioneer/AIC and
Masaki Kajishima. Love Hina and all associated characters copyright TV Tokyo
and Ken Akamatsu
Dave J. Menard
Fanfics and other stuff'ns at http://spghome.tripod.com/
"All outward forms of religion are almost useless, and are the causes of
endless strife...
Believe there is a great power silently working all things for good, behave
yourself and
never mind the rest." -- Beatrix Potter
"Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn't permanent."
--Jean Kerr
"Still crazy after all these years..."
--Paul Simon
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