Subject: [FFML] [Ranma] Girl Days Part 18, teaser
From: "Robert Haynie Jr." <kenjiko2@knology.net>
Date: 10/4/2001, 9:45 PM
To: "ffml" <ffml@anifics.com>

After a period of partial writers block on this series, repreating bouts of
illness, and just plain stuff, here's a small taste ot the stupidity to
come.

Either enjoy or run in terrified fear and loathing.  Your choice...

 Girl Days

 A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction

 By Robert Haynie

 Part 18:  Revolutionary Girl Ryoga

 (If Rumiko Takahashi ever saw this she'd either kill me or buy
the story.  Me, I'm wearing a bulletproof vest.)

 ####

 Once upon a time Ryoga Hibiki had thought that Ranma Saotome was
conspiring against him, to make him a laughingstock.

 He knew better now.  The entire UNIVERSE was conspiring against
him, to make him a laughingstock.

 This was evinced by his latest complication.  His latest
complication was that he wasn't a he, but a she.

 And she wasn't very happy about it.

 Last night she'd slept next to Ranma on a spare futon in an
outfit that she'd quite frankly never envisioned herself wearing.
She'd always assumed that turning inro a girl instead of a pig would
be a great improvement.  She was rethinking that position.

 Now she was lying on her back in a powder blue negligee and
matching panties and listening to the sounds of chaos as Ranma and
her father began thier morning ritual of trying to beat the snot out
of each other.  And wondering how she'd gotten into a scrape like
this.  This was the sort of thing that happened to Ranma, not her.

 (At the moment, she was conveiently forgetting little things like
the Mark of the Battling God, the Tunnel of Love, Herb and the
Chiisuton, a little incident with a magic koi rod, and quite a few
other incidents that would suggest otherwise.)

 At least, that's what she told herself.  Then again, recently
things had been getting strange even by Neriman standards.  And that,
as they say, was saying a lot.

 She sat up, and sighed.  For the next few days she was going to
be a girl.  Well, if Ranma could handle it, she could.  Besides, so
far it didn't seem that bad-- except that she was wearing an outfit
out of a pin-up magazine.

 Ranma re-entered, having managed to send her father into a state
of pandaness, and shook the water from her hair.  "Old man managed to
get a good one in today.  Say, the furo is ok right now, and we made
sure the Soap isn't there-- just the ordinary stuff.  You want a
bath, while I get you some clothes?"

 "Uh... sure."

 "Okay.  Here's a bathrobe.  You'll need it."

 "Okay, but why do I need it?"

 "Well, if you WANT Nabiki taking snaps of you in that
peignoir..."

 "Gimme the bathrobe."

 ####

 On the outskirts of Nerima, a figure lurked.  Although he didn't
know it, the target of his eternal quest wasn't in town.  Then again,
he might not have cared.

 He once again had a plan.  The plan was not the one he'd used the
first time he'd come to Nerima-- find target, beat hell out of
target, and make target aquiesce to his desire.

 He knew now that would not have worked, really.  But the figure
in question could be rather elemental at times.

 THIS time, however, he had a plan that was truly brilliant-- and
would let him get finally even with the fiend who had cursed him--
not with what people tended to think of as his curse, but his real
one.

 He looked to the heavens, and repeated his vow of vengeance once
again.

 "Mooo."

 ####

 Soaking in the furo, Ryoga noted with a lot of nervousness that
hot water felt much different on a female body than a male one.  Part
of the reason she was noticing his was because she was so damn
focused on not looking at herself that the tactile sensations were
more obvious.  Somewhere in the back of her mind lurked the thought
that it would be far too humilating to contract a nosebleed at
looking at herself, pass out, and drown in the tub.

 It wasn't unpleasant-- it was just different.  The warmth was as
soothing as usual-- but it wasn't the same warmth.  Ryoga was a
person who was damn well used to disquieting sensations-- usually
having to do with sudden metamorphosis into a small kawaii porcine
animal of the cute pig variety-- but this was DISQUIETING.

 There was a knock at the door, and the familar voice of a certain
aggravating redhead called, "Hey, you gonna be in there all day?"

 "Why not?  Maybe this soap will come off if I soak long enough."

 "Doesn't work that way when you use it in curse form.  I learned
that from Cologne.  She agrees-- you're stuck for about five to seven
days for sure-- something about magical aura interaction and idiots
who write labels in Coptic.  Look, what will happen is you'll get all
wrinkly, and then all the oils are gonna get lost from your skin, and
your complexion goes straight to hell--"

 "Like I care?"

 "And you're hogging the furo, anyhow.  There's others here who
want to take a bath, you know.  Unless you don't mind sharing."

 Ryoga for once found the door in a flash, terrified beyond reason
at the thought that she might find herself in a bath with an unclad
Ranma or Akane or ANYONE else-- never mind that it was technically
just us girls.  She started down the hall to Ranma's room, only to be
grabbed at the shoulder by the redhead.

 "Let go of me, you-"

 "Forgot your towel, Lady Godiva."

 "EEEEP!"

 Ranma decided the next week was likely to be very amusing
indeed...

 ####

 Ryoga felt a little better now that she was dressed.  True, Ranma
had stuck her in female undergarments again, but the t-shirt (with a
picture of a madly grinning Goku on it) and denim shorts were far
preferable to a skirt any day.  In her opinion anyhow.

 She looked over the breakfast table at Ranma in her school
uniform, eating breakfast (When not defending her breakfast from a
certain parental unit) and idly chatting with Akane about today's
projected volleyball game.  Idle chats between Ranma and Akane these
days could sound really strange.

 "You really think she will?"

 "After that thing with the demon?  Yup.  Said she'd try one just
to see why we wear them, and because she got a bit flustered when she
learned why Daisuke was sitting so damn close to the court recently."

 "He's a pervert."

 "Naw.  He's just a typical boy-- almost any of 'em wanna see
things like that."

 "You... usually don't."

 "I'm not typical."

 "What?"

  "Most guys are really just curious, and yeah, a bit over
interested... but that's just how guys are.  It ain't really
perverted, I don't think.  What's perverted is when they do something
really wrong, like peeping-- no matter what Mom thinks.  Or when they
grab you without your OK.  Or stealing your underwear.  It's not
wanting to do stuff like that that's perverted-- it's more the DOING
of it.  So, I'd say Kuno is a pervert, and sure, Happosai is, and
stuff like that... but Dai ain't actually peeping, he's more hoping
for a free shot-- and that ain't perverted, that's just... oh, yeah,
hormones."  Ranma had, for obvious reasons, been paying more
attention than usual in Family Planning.

 "Hmmph.  Well, I still call it perverted."

 "Suit yourself."

 "Anyhow, why aren't you typical?"

 Ranma sighed.  "Because I seen it all.  More than I ever wanted
to.  And also I think I don't have any hormones.  Well, not a lot."

 Akane rolled her eyes.  "I'm beginning to consider that a
possibility."

 Ranma grinned.  "Anyhow, I'm glad it's a half-day.  You know
what?  I think I might wanna hit the municipal pool and do a few laps
today."

 "What a nice idea, Ranma.  Perhaps I'll join you," said Kasumi,
cheerily.

 Akane sighed.  "I wish I could..."

 "Hey, you're doing a lot better in the Art, so maybe--"

 "No, Ranma.  Part of getting trained by you has... well, I
realise now that I just naturally sink.  Kasumi found out something
about it-- it's a medical condition called negative bouyancy.  I
really can't ever learn to swim.  But maybe lying in the shallow end
is ok for me."

 "Oh."  Ranma felt a bit guilty at bringing up the matter to her
fiancee.  "Well, sure, you can do that, and I guess it's a good place
for sunbathing too--"

 "You and sunbathing.  What IS it with you and sunbathing?" Nabiki
said, half smirking, half annoyed.

 "Hey-- girltype, sunbathing is GOOD."

 Ryoga simply looked from speaker to speaker feeling somewhat out
of the loop.  (Which, after all, was the case.)

 "It can't be THAT much better than sunbathing when a boy," Nabiki
said.

 "Yes, it can."

 "Prove it."

 Ranma paused.  "Look.  How the HECK am I supposed to do THAT?"

 Nabiki smirked.  "You figure out a way."

 Ranma thought furiously.  "Well, I can get some Instant
Nannichuan from Cologne and you can see for yourself--"

 "No way, Ranma.  NOT an option."

 "Besides, Ranma, we don't have much in the way of male swimwear
in this house anyhow," Akane added.  "So-- Oh, I know!"

 For some reason, Ryoga felt a severe sense of dread.  Something
was about to happen to her that would truly cause new and untold
humiliation to decend on her, something that would haunt her
nightmares for the rest of her life.

 "Ryoga can tell us!"

 "If it wasn't for the fact that this is all Mousses' fault, it
would be yours," the blue-haired girl scarled.

 Ranma sighed.  SUCH an idiot.

 ####

 "I REFUSE."

 Ranma sighed.  Ryoga had managed not to get lost during the
morning, but was being pigheaded (heh) about this.  "Look, you can't
sunbathe properly in regular clothes."

 "I don't want to sunbathe at ALL!"

 "Trust me-- you'll change your tune after you feel the sun.
Besides, I seem to remember back in Junior High you used to LOVE to
swim.  Almost made swimming team captain, except that you kept
getting turned around and never actually finished a lap."

 "So?" Ryoga growled, embarrassed at that memory.

 "So for the first time in over a year-- you CAN."

 Ryoga froze.  It was true-- he had loved swimming.  Until
Jyusenkyo.

 "Well... but why that thing?"

 "Because you also need to try sunbathing... and that don't work
in a onepiece, really.  You need to feel the sun on as much bare skin
as possible."

 "But what will people think of me if when they SEE me?"

 Ranma grinned.  "They'll think, Hey, cute girl in a bikini.  They
won't KNOW it's you, you know."

 Now, there are many styles of bikini.  String, thong, tankini,
boy-cut, etc.  But the technical definition of a bikini is a two
piece swimsuit for female humans that reveals the navel.

 Ignoring styles, cuts, and the almost infinite variants that have
been created in that most popular of swimwear, you can realistically
break bikinis down into two types.

 Those you can swim in and those you can't.

 Those you can't are held together by things that should not, upon
examination, be able to.  They are basically meant for sunbathing and
catching the eyes of boys.  If you actually try to swim in one,
especially at a place like a beach, they are unnervingly likely to
decide to allow the currents to carry them off to the land of
liberated bikinis.

 The other type is a bit more substantial, and DOES stay put in
water and current.  It can be every bit as sexy as the other kind,
but it also can be practical.

 What Ranma was offering Ryoga was the latter.  A tiger patterned
bandeau top and french cut bottom, it was simply sexy as hell-- as
all Ranma's swimsuits were-- and swimmable, as Ranma's teal and gold
chain bikini was not.

 "Um.  Well, I guess... And Akane did ask me to help answer the
question.  But... why that suit?"

 Ranma sighed.  "Because you need, I repeat, a bikini to sunbathe
properly... and because it matches your bandanna."

 ####

 There were in that part of Nerima two major high schools.  One
was Furinkan, where the pervasive oddness of the area seemed to be
doubled.  The other was St. Herbereke, which actually tended to have
a somewhat lower stangeness index-- but what there was was mostly
named Kodachi Kuno.

 However, that had taken a sudden upswing as said gymnast walked
into the changing room to meet a group of girls united in shock, the
various lockers torn apart, items of clothing strewn about.  "What
happened HERE?"  she demanded.

 And one girl raised her hand, and replied, "A monster stole our
underwear."

 Kodahchi paused.  It was a matter of giri, as the school's
leading student, for her to avenge their collecive honor.
Unfortunately she knew little about monsters, and in fact, she didn't
know of anyone who did except--

 (There is no hope for it.  Like it or not, I shall have to ask
the aid of that peasant Akane Tendo and the red headed strumpet who
shares my Ranma-sama's name.)

 ####

 Walking back from the school half day, Ranma and Akane chatted
idly about fun at the pool.  "I just hope that Ryoga can relax enough
to appreciate the sun," Ranma said.

 "Is it really that much nicer as a girl?"

 "Yeah.  I can't explain it... but it is.  Weird, I know, but it's
the way it is.  Pity Nabiki chickened out of trying it boy-type.
Wonder what he'd of looked like..."

 "Who knows?  I don't think we ever saw anyone with a boy curse."
Akane giggled softly.  "But I suppose it would have been turnabout."

 "Yeah.  Hmm... I'm half tempted to get a packet and a disposable
camera... who knows, I might make a few bucks of beefcake photos."

 "Ranma..."

 "Just kidding.  Well, sort of.  I mean, she does--"

 "Can you get that?"

 Ranma stared at Akane in shock.  "Wait, you don't mean--"

 "I was just wondering... she can be so... well... Nabiki at
times."

 Ranma paused for a moment, and replied, "You know, I can't think
of a better way to phrase it."

 The two were silent for a while, and then Ranma added, "Naw, it'd
never work out.  She's enough trouble always borrowing your clothes
without her startin' to borrow mine."

 At which Akane fell off the fence, laughing.

 ####

 Ryoga knew how to cook.  Rather well, in fact.  When you live on
the road as she did, well, cooking was something you had to learn.

 That is, cooking on a camp stove or a fire.  A kitchen was not
something she was used to... and it was not helpful.  You see,
kitchens have something that backpacks do not have.

 Geography.

 Where if merely challenged with finding things in her backpack
there would have been no problem-- even SHE couldn't get lost in a
backpack-- her attempts to help Kasumi in the kitchen ( mostly out of
boredom) were creating disasters that rivaled Akanes' worst-- almost.
Kasumi managed to defer any such disaster from long experience with
Akane, but... it was different this time.

 "Ryoga-san, could you get me some miso from the refrigerator?"

 "Sure-- Um, I think it's broken, it's not cold, and there's no
food in here anyway."

 A sigh.  "That's the cleaning closet, Ryoga-san."

 "Oh?  Heh.  I meant this door-- you refrigerate linens?"

 A somewhat deeper sigh.  "That's the linen closet, Ryoga-san, and
I'm here in the kitchen."

 "Ah, he-he-heh.  Is THIS it?"

 The sigh took on a somewhat higher tone than normal.  "Yes.  More
or less.  But it's actually the freezer portion, so the next door..."

 "Okay.  Um... I only cooked campfire style, so... Um... what's
miso?"

 If it hadn't have been Kasumi, one might have detected a
strangely groaning note in the next sigh.

 Kasumi began to feel-- for once-- slightly flustered.

 ####

 "Oi, Kasumi, where's your swimsuit?" Ranma asked her as she came
out with a set of packed lunches for the day trip to the pool.

 "Um.  I don't think I'll be going after all, Ranma-chan.  I feel
a little under the weather..."

 Ranma examined Kasumi, whose expression didn't look ill after
all.  Rather, it looked slightly nervous.  For Kasumi, this was the
equivalent in anyone else of a sheer full blown anxiety attack.

 "Oh.  Um... anything we can help with?"

 Kasumi twitched imperceptably at the mention of the word "Help".
"Oh, no!  I certainly don't need any help!  But it's very kind of you
to ASK, Ranma!" she replied, in a voice that was not strictly
strained, but had a faint tone of relaxed tension.

 Something bothered Ranma slightly for a moment-- but if Kasumi
said she was all right, and wasn't visibly ill, then who was she to
argue?

 ####


Robert Haynie, who really really wants to find
a working technique for making beer out
of cheese.  Why?  Why ask why?  I just want
to...

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