Disclaimer

   Let's do this all together now: These characters are all the
intellectual, legal, and moral property of Miss Rumiko Takahashi.
Credit for the creation of the Ranmaverse is very much hers, and I
would not dream of usurping it!

   Now shall we try it again in 3 part harmony? ^.^

   Dedication

   To Meeka Chan No Da - Akanist Extraordinaire, and Wedding Planner for 'Konatsu and Ukyo'. This one's for you kid! ^_~

   Double, Double
   by Small Pink Mouse

   This all began on a day when Ukyo was tired of eating her own
cooking and decided to spend some time at the Cat Cafe. As she walked
in the door dressed for battle, with a spatula across her shoulder
and blood in her eye, excited customers whispered nervously and
pointed.

   One Mongolian Beef later, Shampoo came over and sat down opposite
her. They traded loud barbs and tough talk for a few moments when
Shampoo suddenly grinned and announced, "Ok, we can talk for real now.
The last customer pay his check and leave."

   "Good!", said Ukyo as she breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm starting
to become a little uncomfortable with the charade."

   "Yeah, but it like you said, this do draw the thrillseekers and
keep the customers coming. So what been new with you?" and, for the
moment, the verbal exchange became one of light chitchat as they
gossiped about the day's events. Girls being girls, they were still
going at it quite strongly 2 hours later, but the conversation had
now taken a different turn as the two began their favorite probes of
each other's memories. Ukyo spent a few minutes indulging Shampoo's
curiosity concerning what chibi-Ranma had been like at the age of six
(The Amazon had developed some crackpot theory that if you knew what
both the father and mother had been like as kids you would be able to
predict about 80% of anything their children would do. Ukyo knew this
was nonsense because children would just did what they were told by
their elders, right?), before she turned the conversation to *her*
most burning curiosity, which was the fights Ranma had gotten into
recently. Ranma, she knew, respected Shampoo's strategic and tactical
sense more than he did Ukyo's or Akane's, and as a result would
confide more in the Amazon on these matters than he would in either
of the other two Fiancees, and Shampoo (Who *did* respect Ukyo's
strategic abilities) was glad enough to share anything that Ranma
did not consider classified as a form of courtesy between peers.

   "...So then," Shampoo continued, as she finally got on with the
story, "Taro got brainstorm and decide to douse Happosai with water
from the "Spring of Drowned Virtuous Man". Was not bad idea, but
execution flop since the ben dan bungled and got "Spring of Drowned
Twins" water instead. So what happened then is..."

   "Stop!", said Ukyo, "_What_ did you say???"

   "Ben dan", said Shampoo. "It mean 'idiot', or more literally,
'stupid egg'. Shampoo know what you say about 'gratuitous Chinese'
but Shampoo thought meaning obvious from context."

   "No, no, not that!" Ukyo said impatiently, "Well that too, but
that wasn't what I was concerned about. You said something about
"Spring of Drowned Twins?" As she spoke, a fire came into her eyes
that caused Shampoo to back away, "Hey whatever it is it not *that*
serious!" eek!

   "Oh yes it is-s-s-s!", sang Ukyo as she danced around with
happiness, "I've got it, I've got it, I've got it! I am such a
genius! Shampoo-honey, *I* am going to marry Ranma and when I do,
*you-u-u* and Akane are going to be glad to throw rice at the wedding.
I am so cool-l-l!" ^_^

   "Another grand scheme to make everybody happy, eh?", as she
spoke, Shampoo's expression went from alarm to one of affectionate
tolerance, "Well, if it no involve putting Shampoo with Mousse then
your teeth needn't go down the back of your throat. So what is it
this time?"

   "No, no, no-o-o!", Ukyo said as she grabbed Shampoo and spun her
around to a wild jitterbug dance tune that only she could hear, "Not
only am I going to marry Ranma *you* are too! Won't *that* be fun!"

   Shampoo visibly angry, brushed Ukyo's arms away, and slammed her
fist against the table. Ukyo froze and stared at her in shock.

   "Spatula-girl, Do you remember just what the second thing Shampoo
said to you at our first meeting was?", Shampoo asked with an ominous
gentleness.

   "'Shampoo kill any girl near Ranma!'" Ukyo repeated quietly.

   "Yeah! Now Shampoo's Japanese not as good as her Russian or
English, but Shampoo would still like to know what part of that sound
like, 'Shampoo think 'Trois a mens' is wonderful idea' to you?"

   Ukyo grinned and tapped Shampoo on the nose. "It's not that!"
Then she spun 3 somersaults in the air, "But we *all* get to marry
Ranma and *you* gave me the idea! This is so-o-o cool!"

   "Waitaminute, waitaminute! Let us back up. *What* idea?"

   "We are *each* going to get a Ranma all for our ver-r-ry own! To
have, and to hold, and to cuddle, and to hug, and...", chirped Ukyo as
she did a homemade ballet routine.

   "That *quite* enough!", growled Shampoo as she bestowed The Look
upon Ukyo, the one that made those she was truly angry with feel as
though they were naked in Hokaido in the middle of January with the
high winds beginning to rise. As she did so, Ukyo ceased her mad
little dance and stood before her like a little whipped puppy who'd
been disciplined without cause. "Shampoo no like it when you speak so
casual about playing around with someone else's curse like that. You
really not give a thought about what this do to Ranma?"

   "Of course I have.", replied Ukyo indignantly. "It makes
mor-r-r-re of him!", she sang as she resumed her dance. Shampoo
abruptly grabbed her by the ponytail. "Yeah, it make more of him - and
he likes being unique!", Shampoo hissed, "More important what happen
when curses mix? Shampoo think that the only thing worse than having
Cursed Form is to be locked into Cursed Form forever, and it sound
like you may be doing just that if you no careful..."

   "But if the 'Drowned Male' Water is on hand wouldn't that point
be moot?", interjected Ukyo.

   "*Maybe*. Then again, Taro's alternate form show that Curses can
mix. And Shampoo pretty sure that's not the only problem. When
something like that happens what happens to the soul?"

   "About what happens with cloning or with twins!", Ukyo said with
an airy wave of her hand, "Twins are just Nature's way of making
clones, right? And *they* have souls! And since the twins who made up
the Spring had souls don't you think that whoever fell into it would
have souls whenever *they* were in 'Twin' form? For that matter
psychic qualities like souls must be passed on or else Taro wouldn't
have been trying to use "Virtuous Man" water on Happosai, would he?
If something in the way of mind altering components weren't part of
the water wouldn't it just have been another dose of "Drowned Man"
water?"

   "Oh? And when did Ox-boy ever become expert on magic? For all
any of us know maybe that all it do!"

   "Oh, you're just being an old fuddy-duddy!"

   Shampoo gasped. She'd been called a number of hard names in her
short albeit colorful past but not even her worst enemies had ever
called her *that* one and she didn't particularly care for it now.

   "That's as may be!", she said out loud, "But Shampoo still forbid
this! You really go ahead and push this without regard for whether or
not it hurt Airen and you stop being Shampoo's rival and become her
enemy instead. Harm to Ranma something Shampoo won't forgive!"

   "You jackass! Nobody's talking about hurting him! I'm just trying
to make more of him and make everybody happy!"

   "Fine! Dandy!", shouted Shampoo as she abruptly pointed her
finger at Ukyo, "But if you want Shampoo's support for this you are
going to have to present this one with direct, undeniable, pragmatic
and empirical proof that Twin Water no hurt the person who do it
before Shampoo give you her support."

   "Fine, I will!"

   "Fine!"

   "Fine!"

   The door slammed as Ukyo walked out.

   A few minutes later, as Shampoo was staring at a piece of paper
and swearing under her breath, Ukyo returned with twin spots of red
on her cheeks. "Uh, Sugar, I, eheh, kind of forgot something."

    "Yes you did!", Shampoo said as she handed Ukyo's check back to
her. Then, seeing through the red haze of her own anger just how
embarrassed Ukyo was, she reached out and patted her on the shoulder.
"Forget it," she said, "It's all right! Maybe Shampoo really is
fuddy-duddy. You come up with proof that this idea is safe for Ranma
and Shampoo really will support you all the way. Shampoo know that you
no more want Ranma hurt anymore than she would. Just make sure that
it's proof Shampoo really can believe, Ok?"

   "Ok!", said Ukyo, as she paid her check. The two girls bowed to
one another before Ukyo began her departure. Suddenly, when she was in
the doorway, she spun about and pointed her index finger at the sky as
she struck a heroic pose. "But just you wait Miss Shampoo!", she
proclaimed, "I'll have that proof you want within 7 days!"

   The waitress saluted her with a half-drunk glass of water. "Is
good! Give this one a call the moment you do."

   Ukyo nodded and did a faultless about face as she marched off
with a cute look of utter determination on her pretty face.

************************************************************

   Several days later...

   "Daughter, I do believe that this is for you." murmured
Shampoo's father as he handed a recently acquired object to Shampoo.
"The next time you talk to your friend you may want to let her know
that it's better to aim for the porch instead of the window the
next time she delivers one of these."

   The message okonomiyaki that was in his hands read, "Meet me at
UcChan's at 8. I've got it!"

   "Oooooo!", squealed Shampoo. "Arigotou, Daddy!", she added as
she glomped him a mighty glomp.

   "You're welcome I guess?", ventured her father whose own
knowledge of Japanese was completely nonexistent.

   "Oh. Sorry! Yeah, Arigotou means 'thank you' and I really am
quite grateful for this. Oh, this is so cool-l-l!" she added as she
ran out the door pellmell.

   "Feh!", more time wasted with *That* *Boy*", grumbled a father
who did not have that high an opinion of the younger Mr. Saotome.

   But Shampoo was already on her bike and peddling towards the
Uchan's with the speed of a salmon headed towards the sea.

************************************************************

   "Nihao!" Shampoo said as she burst through a wall, "You really
have proof?"

   "I've better than proof!", said Ukyo, "I've got a plane flight
to China for you, me, Akane, Konsatu and Ran-chan. And," she added
with a gesture that forestalled a suddenly scowling Shampoo, "I've
devised a means for proving whether it's safe, one way or another,
that should work conclusively in the sight of everyone. If it isn't
we've got two way tickets and if it is I've provision for a few extra
passengers on our return. But it really will be definite proof!"

   "Honor bright?", asked Shampoo.

   "You've the word of a Kuonji!", proclaimed Ukyo.

   "Shampoo not interested in the word of a Kuonji. If the word of
an Ukyo not good enough the word of a Kuonji not good enough either.
Shampoo trust individuals more than groups. Do Shampoo have *your*
word?"

   Ukyo nodded. "Yes you do!"

   "Then what can Shampoo do to help?"

   "The arrangements I made are for tonight. I've 2 hours to pack
everything and get us there. While I'm doing that I need you to get
hold of Ranma-honey and Akane and get them to the plane by 7 without
anyone knowing even if you have to kidnap them to do it."

   Shampoo's eyes went wide and she exchanged glances with Konatsu.
"Uh, in that case can Shampoo take Ninja-boy along with her?"

   Ukyo repressed a stab of jealousy and thought the matter over.
Shampoo did suffer from a certain amount of gungho overexuberance at
times, and she *was* occasionally prone towards taking a rhetorical
statement too literally. So sending someone with Konatsu's common
sense along to balance her *would* be a good way to keep things from getting out of hand...

   "Sure, why not?", she decided out loud with a smile, "Konatsu,
go ahead and go with her, and don't let her do anything that doesn't
make sense, k?"

   Konatsu nodded and followed Shampoo out.

************************************************************

   Two hours later...

   "What th-"

   "Shampoo no want to talk about it. Help me load bodies onto
plane and Shampoo explain things then."

   Ukyo scowled, but glanced at the clock on the wall and led
Shampoo and the three zombies onto the plane. Later, when everyone
was in their seats, she glanced at the way the other three were
breathing shallowly and glared at the Amazon, "Ok, talk!!!!"

   "Aheh! Nice weather we having. So how come we the only passengers
on this plane?"

   "Because, I rented it by the hour and...Ahem! That's _not_ what
I want you to talk about!"

   "Shampoo no think so.", then, a little more brightly, "So how
'bout them Tokyo Giants? How you think they do..."

   Ukyo bellowed a reply that drew a scandalized look from Shampoo
who said, "Uh, Shampoo pretty sure that Ranma no want to marry girl
who do *that* with entire baseball team!"

   Ukyo banged her head against the wall. It felt good when she
stopped so she did it again. Then, turning the full force of her "I
am the only sane woman in all of Nerima!" glare upon Shampoo, she
said, "No Sugar. That's not what I mean. What happened to Ran-chan,
Kon-chan, and Akane? Why do the four of you look like you've been in
a brawl, and why are the three of them acting like they were drugged?"

   Shampoo smiled in relief. "Oh that one easy! The four of us was
in a brawl, and then Shampoo drugged all three of them."

   Ukyo closed her eyes. "Thank you very much, Miss Reader's
Digest! Now could you please fill in a little more detail?"

   "Ok, Shampoo decide that, whatever you have in mind, you probably
prefer it on 'need to know' basis."

   Ukyo nodded. "That make's sense *so far*!", she said. She thought
about what things would be like should Tsubasa get hold of this and
shuddered. "That makes *very* good sense!"

   "Yeah, that's what Konatsu said when Shampoo mentioned the matter
to him. So what we do is to approach Ranma and Akane while they are at
dinner, and tell them Shampoo need to talk to them privately. They are
willing, so Shampoo take them aside."

   The Amazon gave a little disatisfied frown. "Shampoo still not
sure what part of 'Shampoo need to talk to Ranma and Akane in private'
sound like 'Shampoo would really like Akane's pesky sisters to try to
eavesdrop from hiding', but apparently that what Kasumi and Nabiki
hear because when Shampoo take Airen and Mallet-girl into living room
there they is! So Shampoo say out loud that this is something Shampoo
only want Ranma and Akane to hear. Then she take Ranma and Akane out
into garden and, when Shampoo look over their shoulders, it turn out
Brookstick-girl and Yakuza-girl still with us, leaning out of door
with hands to ear! At this point Shampoo still patient. She just
observe out loud that *nice* people no eavesdrop on other people's
conversations and take Airen and Idiot-girl out by koi pond. Kasumi
just give look that promise that Shampoo's next couple of nights
working at Dr. Tofu's clinic is going to be an exercise in misery,
but, when Shampoo look up after getting everybody to the koi pond,
male offspring of a female canine if Nabiki not still with us hiding
behind bush, while Akane just stand there and snicker!

   "Then Akane object when Shampoo pick up rock to throw at Nabiki
- nothing serious, just something that would knock her out for a
couple of minutes so Shampoo could explain everything and then get
everybody to airport real quick - and then Akane say that anything
Shampoo could say to Akane could be said in front of Nabiki as well.
So Shampoo say OK, but that if Nabiki really want to hear this then
Nabiki should come in close, because Shampoo really, really want this
kept quiet at any price, and that when Nabiki heard for self Shampoo
let her decide how many yen she want for keeping things quiet."

   "You jackass!", growled Ukyo, "It doesn't matter how much you
paid her. She'll still sell us out the moment a higher bidder comes
along, and she's always been the sort to go out of her way to find
the higher bidder. *I* might have enough to keep her honest, provided
I accompanied it with a believable death threat, but you - "

   "Yeah, that's what Shampoo thought too! So when Yakuza-girl come
close Shampoo give Ninja-boy the high sign, and while he take down
Ranma from concealment, Shampoo suckerpunch Akane and Nabiki in about
that order."

   Shampoo rubbed her bruised jaw thoughtfully. "Either Akane
getting tougher, or Shampoo spending too much time with medical
studies and is getting out of practice. She need a second punch and
she actually get a good blow in before she go down! Anyway, after that
Shampoo and Ninja-boy get in arguement over what to do with Nabiki
and - "

   "Stop!", said Ukyo coldly, how dare Shampoo mishandle *her*
Konatsu. "I think I'm going to want to hear the rest of this from
*my* agent for myself!", she added, although she shuddered at the
thought of what Shampoo had done without someone as levelheaded as
Konatsu to restrain her.

   "No time like present!", said Shampoo, happier now that the plane
was taxiing out of the runway. Leaning over to Konatsu's seat she said,
"Ninja-boy wakeup!" and snapped her fingers. Konatsu's eyes flew open.

   "Mistress, it was awful! Just awful!!!", exclaimed the gentle
ninja.

   Ukyo braced herself for the worst. "What happened?"

   "S-s-she..."

   Ukyo flagged a stewardess down and gave him a drink, "Spit it out
so I can figure out what kind of damage control we need to do. What
happened?"

   "There was nothing I could do and sh-she, SHE INSISTED ON LEAVING
A LIVING WITNESS BEHIND!"

   The accused shrugged defensively. "It just friendly kidnapping.
No need to get *violent*."

   "Wait a minute, you guys mean?..."

   "You told me not to let Miss Shampoo do anything stupid Mistress,
and the first thing my stepmother and stepsisters drilled into me
is that 'Dead men tell no tales. If for any reason you must act in
front of a witness don't leave them in a position to speak.'. But
when I explained all this to Miss Shampoo she just said that that
would be uncalled for, and when I opened my mouth to protest, she
tossed something down my throat so that I couldn't act of my own
volition."

   Shampoo gave him an apologetic look. "Well you prove yourself
tough customer in taking down Airen! No sense in taking chances.
After that, Shampoo decide that there no sense in trying to carry
three bodies when there enough Black Mushrooms on hand to make the
bodies carry themselves."

   "Yes, but now you left Miss Nabiki alive, and now she's going to
tell *everybody*!"

   "No she not!", denied Shampoo. She glanced down at her watch.
"It now 11 days, 21 hours, and 33 minutes before she lose the
compulsion to sing about being a little teapot short and stout whenever
she try to communicate about this to anyone."

   "But Miss Shampoo, what if she uses pencil and paper?"

   "Shampoo set it up so that she always do the hand motions and
dance while doing it." ^_^

   "Oh!", said Konatsu as he relaxed visibly, "And, of course, by
the time the compulsion wears off our lead time will have become too
great for interferance to be viable. That is...good. That is very
good! I would have...*disliked* the need to have implemented
professional procedure even though you all have my word that the
dislike would not have slowed my hand."

   The way he said that drew a hard look from Shampoo and sent a
shiver down Miss Kuonji's spine. It was only then that Ukyo remembered
once more the way his stepmother had mentioned that he was a ninja by
*instinct* as well as by training.

   "Common sense. Balance. Keep things from getting out of hand.
Right!", murmured Ukyo weakly. To the consternation of her companions
she began banging her head against the wall once more. Maybe if she did
it long enough, often enough, and hard enough Nerima would begin to
make sense!

   Interupting what would have been Ukyo's tenth repetition of "I
am the only sane person in all of Nerima", Konatsu asked, "Does this
mean you want the other two to stay like this for the entire trip?"

   Ukyo banged her head harder.

   Shampoo interposed by saying loudly, "Of course she no want
anything of the sort. So Shampoo snap them out of it *and then marry
Ranma for herself!*" ^_^

   "WHAT?????", screamed Ukyo, as she snapped into a battle stance.

   Shampoo snickered. "Just kidding, *this* time! Shampoo go snap
them out of it now."

   She leaned over to Ranma's seat and said, "Airen, when fingers
snapped, you wake up. You listen calmly to Shampoo's explanation, ask
the questions you think need be asked, and *then* decide if you mad at
her!"

   *Snap!*

   Ranma's eyes opened.

   "Ukyo have grand idea for making everyone happy by having you go
in 'Drowned Twin' spring twice and then use 'permanence water'. At
Shampoo's insistence this something that only be done *if* you think
it good idea, *if* Akane no come up with valid objections, and *if*
Spatula-girl can make good her promise of pragmatic proof that the
water no hurt Ranma. Shampoo think this idea a nonstarter, but it
*do* get two certain people to Juseynko to have their curses removed,
and Shampoo thought you'd like the notion of that!"

   Suddenly animation came into Ranma's face. "Juseynko? You sure?"

   "Do these eyes lie?"

   "Then I'm interested no matter what! Uh, could you wake Akane?"

   "That won't be necessary!", said a voice that startled Shampoo
into leaping a foot into the air and banging her head against the
ceiling. Akane smiled crookedly at Shampoo and added, "Your use of
Black Mushrooms seems to have become more sophisticated since the
time you field-tested them on me and Ranma."

   Shampoo rubbed her head. "Yeah, well, we all live and learn or
we no live long. Shampoo's technique obviously not sophisticated
enough or you no snap out of it so quick."

   Akane shrugged. "Like you said, 'we live and learn'. The last
time you did something like that I've been told, in rather embarassing
detail, that I was standing in front of an oncoming roller coaster
calling out Ryouga's name. The time before that, with the Black
Mushrooms, was even worse. To feel your body obeying a set of impulses
that has been programmed by someone who just doesn't have your best
interests at heart, while your mind is nothing but a hapless passenger
along for the ride, is not an experience I'd recommend for anyone. And
even before that, not being able to remember Ranma, no matter how much
I wanted to, was enough to give me dreams that would cause me to wake
up screaming at night. So after the 'dry soap' incident I began
looking for ways to build up my mental resistance. In this case, with
Dr. Tofu's help, I began taking a daily dose of the Black Mushrooms
as a way of building of my body's tolerance to their influence."

   "In that case..." began Ukyo.

   "Because when Shampoo argued with Konatsu, the phrase 'We here
to help Tendo family not hurt them' intrigued me enough that I chose
to play along." Akane replied, while Shampoo smiled liked a sensei
who has seen a pupil develop a decent block. Seeing the dumbfounded
looks on the faces of Ukyo, Ranma, and Konatsu, Akane grinned at Ukyo
and said, "In any event no objections, valid or otherwise, from me! So
are there any bags of peanuts on this flight?"

   The rest of the plane ride passed uneventfully...

************************************************************

   ...Which was more than could be said for the rest of the
trip!

   "Are we ther-r-re yet?", asked Akane from the back seat of
the car.

   "I'm hungry-y-y!", said Ranma.

   "Mistress, Miss Akane hit me!", said Konatsu.

   "No make Shampoo go back there or all three of you be sorry!"

   "Are we ther-r-re yet?"

   As she drove, Ukyo groaned inwardly. This was all starting to
remind her of something, but she was trying hard to avoid knowing
just what it was.

   And then...

   "You jackass, why didn't you say that to get the permanence water
we'd have to steal it from the Beast Men?"

   "Because you no ask! Besides, most of them easy to distract. You
just have to let them know you female by showing them a bit of your
breast or something."

   "WHAT? No way!", said Ukyo as a blush came to her maiden cheeks.

   "That would be...*immodest!*, whispered Akane as matching spots
of red came to her own cheeks.

   "Oh well, if you two is too *flat-chested* to do the job for
Ranma then Shampoo suppose that..."

   "FLAT-CHESTED???", screamed the other two.

   "We'll show you flat-chested!", said Ukyo as she and Akane
whipped off shirt and bra alike. Akane however, hung onto hers and
gave it a dramatic little whirl. "Yoohoo, boy-y-ys!" she called as she
and Ukyo advanced towards the sentries that Ranma and Konatsu had not
been able to distract. Only later, very much later, did they notice
that Shampoo hadn't joined them. But by that time she'd come back with
the dipper, and all five of them were dodging arrows, so there was no
time for recriminations at all.

   After that, they returned to the peace and joy of the open road...

   "Are we ther-r-re yet?"

   "I'm hungry-y-y!"

   "Mistress, I need to go to the washroom!"

   "Blast it! Shampoo told and told you to make a right at that last
turnoff. Spatula-girl been spending too much time around Ryouga."

   ...Although Ukyo was starting to wish for a few more dangers!

   However, eventually...

   "Ooooo! We're here, we're finally here!" ^_^

   "I'll get some snacks from the Guide!" ^_^

   "Mistress, I understand these grounds are dangerous. I'll go make
certain the traps are all disarmed and no ambushes are in place!" ^_^

   "Shampoo go have a word with Guide as well. Make *darn* sure we
don't screw up the way Ox-boy did."

   ...They made it to the Cursed Springs.

   And there was much rejoicing!

   "Yayyyyyy!" ^_^

************************************************************

   Eventually, at the Spring of the Drowned Twins...

   "Airen, are you sure about this?"

   "I think so. I *like* martial arts, which is just as well when
you think of the life Dad and Mr. Tendo have in mind, but there are
other things, that have nothing to do with scientific playground
fighting, that I'd like to do with my life as well. So don't worry
about me," he added as he chucked her under the chin, "I reckon as
how any me is gonna be a bit unique no matter who he is! As for the
soul, well I'll just have to trust to Heaven on that one especially
if Ukyo's proposed proof is a convincing one.

   "There is one thing I'd like to add though!..."

   Shampoo's eyes went wide in enquiry.

   "I'm a ben dan, and no good with words, but before this happens,
I want you to know that the knowledge that there is a me who's become
your husband will be a source of profound happiness to me no matter
which me I am!"

   Shampoo kissed him.

   Miuntes later...

   "...And so, Akane, I'm a baka and bad with words, but while I'd
not admit it to our Dads, I guess I'd like to let you know that I'm
glad there's a me who's gonna marry you, so I guess our Dads knew what
they were doing after all. You're nobody I'd've planned on but you're
better then I'd've planned."

   Akane kissed him.

   And shortly after that...

   "...So Uc-Chan you needn't have these last minute qualms. I can
be a jackass, and lousy when it comes to finding the right thing to
say, but I want you to know that I'm grateful for the chance to take
back a ten year old mistake and,..."

   "That's always somethin' I'd sorta wanted to know, Ran-chan.
Why'd ya go and make a choice like *that*?"

   "Well-l-l, you have to remember that the Old Man had got us
to eating some pretty odd things even then, and we *were* eating
supper at the time he asked me that question. So when he asked me
which I liked better, you or okonomiyaki, I kinda thought - Well,
I kind of decided that I'd rather go and die of starvation than
do anything of the sort to *you*! Forgive me?"

   Ukyo hugged him. "Jackass! There's nothing to forgive!"

   "Anyway, I want you to know that knowin' there's one of me
who's gonna marry you makes me...", and anything else he was going
to say was destined to be lost for Ukyo was already kissing him.

   But unbeknownst to him there had been another conversation Ukyo
had taken part in at the same time Ranma had been talking to Shampoo.

   "Hey Sugar, why so glum?"

   "I-I'm not glum, Mistress. I'm very happy that your dream is
finally being fulfilled and I'm honored to have played a role in
helping you towards it but I...I hope he's good to you!"

   Ukyo patted his shoulder. "I'm sure he will. Ran-chan's a good
man even if'n he's a little rough around the edges. But I want ya to
know that I've not forgotten you. I kinda got used to havin' you
around and I reckon I'd take it right kindly if you stuck around me
when all this here is over and done."

   Konatsu stared at her with woebegone eyes, "O Mistress Mine,
I'd walk through fire for you, but to live with you under the same
roof while you were another man's wife is something that would tear
the very heart from my breast and grind it to a thousand pieces.
Ask me for my life but do not ask me for this."

   "But Sugar, this is something that I am going to have to ask you.
Thanks to your family I'd ended up knowing now you felt about me when
they thought that knowing would cause me to reject you and I sorta
made my choice even then. I'm marrying Ranma and that's set in stone,
but I've gotten kind of used to havin' you at my restaurant and I'll
allow as how I'd miss ya if you were gone. So will you trust me now?
I can't rightly speak all my hopes until I know for sure whether my
plan's gonna work, but I promise you this - If everything goes off
then I'ma gonna make sure that you get taken care of. I've already
got my eyes on a certain gal for you. Same interests as you and
everything! And I reckon as how you'll love her as every bit much as
ever you loved me. So please stay! Because I kinda want you around me
for as long as the both of us live. Trust me?"

   "Always, Mistress!"

   "O thank you, thank you, thank you!", said Ukyo as she embraced
Konsatu fervantly. "You just wait Honey! You won't be sorry!", she
added over her shoulder as she ran off to make her preparations.

   Konatsu looked after her and sighed. The Mistress had proved
herself to be everything any ninja could wish for in a clan head in
terms of wisdom and kindness of course, but he thought he knew the
woman she spoke of and did not see how he could love that one anywhere
near as much as he loved the Mistress. Konatsu sighed a second time
and wondered what marriage to Miss Kodachi would be like.

   And, while Ranma was talking to Ukyo,...

   "Miss Shampoo may I have a word with you?"

   Shampoo smiled. "Ninja-boy you already have nine but speak on!"

   Konsatu blinked and then went on mildly, "You've the look of
someone who is planning something extraciricular."

   "Yes?"

   "I would appreciate it were it not an interference with Mistress
Ukyo's plan."

   Shampoo turned her eyes toward him and inwardly recoiled at
what she saw in his. But nothing of that showed in the enigmatic sorceress's gaze that she turned upon him as she replied, "Shampoo
already give her word to support Ukyo's plan for as long as it no
hurt Ranma. Is that all?"

   "No, there is one other matter."

   "And that is?"

   "I just want to remind you that I was present when Miss Akane
mentioned all the things that you had done to her and that my eye is
on you. I wish you to know that if you attempt anything of the sort
on Mistress Ukyo I would feel compelled to take certain steps."

   Shampoo considered those mild words, delivered by that mild
voice, and the very harsh things they represented that were presented
in the same way he would present a cup of tea. "Shampoo understand.",
she said, and before he could react, she leaned over and gave him a
friendly peck on the cheek in a manner that struck him as oddly ritualistic. Then, as she looked him in the eye, he inwardly recoiled
from the fires of primal barbarism that blazed within her eyes.

   "Shampoo see enough of you in action to respect what you say,
so Shampoo tell you this in her own turn - If ever you think to use
'professional procedure' on Ranma, or even one such as Yakuza-girl
whom Ranma care about, then best you kill Shampoo first. Otherwise
no place within the ends of the Earth or The Fields Beyond will be
far enough for you to hide."

   Konatsu nodded.

   From a distance Akane, who had been trying to eavesdrop on
Ranma's and Ukyo's conversation, chanced to look their way in time
to see Konatsu and Shampoo smile at one another with the perfect
understanding that comes from true friendship, and wondered if
Shampoo was being faithful to Ranma.

   But eventually the time came when the last of the conversations
had died and it was time for Ukyo to present her proof, which she did
with her typical flair. She got up on the land end of the two foot
wide by four foot long piece of wood that she had placed over the
Drowned Twin Spring, doffed her blouse and trousers with two swift
gestures, and tossed them into the hamper she'd placed directly upon
the edge of the pool.

   "OK, everyone!", she called out, "I want you all to watch and
observe!"

   "Hey, I only like guys so why would I want to watch?", jeered
Akane.

   "The guys both getting nosebleeds. Was that what you want Shampoo
to observe?"

   Shampoo was out of arm's reach, so it was Akane whose head Ukyo
whapped. "No you doubting jennyasses! I just want you to note that
there ain't any tricks up my sleeve!"

   "That's cause there aren't any sleeves. Does that mean we should
check your cups?", said Akane, who had prudently ducked away from
arm's reach this time.

   "No hat either. So Shampoo want to know just where you conceal
rabbit!"

   Ukyo extended her middle finger towards both of them and went on,
"*Anyway*, I bring this up so that, when my demonstration that this
here pool is safe is concluded, there ain't no one gonna be able to
say that any trickery was involved. And that demonstration begins
*Now*!"

   Ranma, seeing her spin about with a 'Tada!' gesture, guessed
finally just what she was about and ran forward to restrain her.
Doubtless he would have been able to stop her in time, but it was in
that moment Konatsu made his move. It *had* been Miss Shampoo rather
than Mr. Ranma that he'd expected trouble from, but a true ninja
assumes untrustworthiness in everyone, and so it was that he was able
to place himself between Mr. Ranma and the Mistress in order to
prevent the hindering of her plan. But because this had taken him,
well not by surprise, for no ninja is ever *surprised*, but rather as
an unanticipated event, and because the fight was in the open rather
than in the manner that ninjas prefer, and because Ranma upon seeing
a woman in danger always became an almost unstoppable force, it really
was a credit to his fighting skills that it took a third blow,
delivered with a curse, to put him out of Ranma's way. But by that
time, Ukyo had already run to the end of the board and taken a
graceful swan dive into the pool.

   Konatsu got up with a groan. Mistress had surfaced and would
still need him! But it was too late! Just as he had feared, the Amazon
had indeed been planning something a trifle extraciricular and was
already throwing an unknown object at the Mistress even as he looked.
He *tried* to leap forward to prevent it, but the 2nd blow that Ranma
had landed had left him unable to move and he could do was watch
helplessly as it wended it's way towards his unsuspecting Mistress.

   In the meantime Ukyo felt a moment's brief pain as her bra and
panties snapped apart. This wasn't *entirely* unanticipated of course,
since the pool *had* been called 'The Spring of the Drowned Twins'
rather than 'The Spring of the Drowned Twins With Matching Ensemble'.
That was why she had made shootin' sure that her blouse and pants had
been placed where she could retrieve them without leaving the pool.
She'd no objections to giving the future father of her children a
*small* preview of Things To Come, but there was no way any man was
going to get the whole shooting show before the Wedding Night! It
bothered her a little though, that she'd swum all the way to the
bottom of the spring without feeling any different at all. Perhaps
this pool was a fraud? She spun about and braced her feet against
something that felt like pipe before she shot back up towards the
surface. Oh well, at least Ran-chan would be able to get his cure
from the 'Drowned Male' Spring! Kicking her legs rapidly, she soon
obtained the portion of the surface where *her* clothes lay waiting,
and reached her hand towards them, so that she could pull them down
towards her and resume her modesty in the privacy provided by the
Pool...

   ...Except that some selfish *tramp* had grabbed *her* clothes
from the opposite direction first, and was pulling them *her* way!
Well, Ukyo wasn't going to let any grabby hussy get away with *that*
so she gave them a tug *her* way instead. No way was anybody going to
steal *her* clothes!

   As she struggled she heard background noises that her brain
recorded but was too busy to process...

   "U-Chan are you OK?"

   "Mistress, look out!"

   "Shampoo, what are you throw-"

   "Hey! Leggo *my* stuff!" ^_^;

  ...and most ominous of all, were the soft and gentle beginnings
of 'r-r-rip' that were starting to come from the fabric.

   But the one sound that stood out from all those was the shout
of "Hey ben dan, catch!", because of the ominous shadow that fell
over her head! Not wanting to take a missle attack from behind she
let go of *her* clothing to shoot out of the waters, only to be
obscured from everybody's view as Shampoo's second favorite dress
fell about her, with her head poking from it's proper opening, even
as the arm she'd poked up to it went perfectly through the appropriate
sleeve a split second later, while she whirled about to deal with the
gal who'd stolen *her* clothing only to find that the *reproducing
female canine* had already put them on! Wrathful animus blazed from
the eyes of a face that she finally recognized from her mirror before
it suddenly eased into a joyous grin as the other female returned her
high five.

  "HOT DOG, WE DID IT!" ^_^

  "YOU SAID IT, SUGAR!" ^_^

   And then the two of them played a rapid little game of 'Scissors,
rock, paper' that was too quick for anyone's eyes to follow before
they linked hands and helped one another out of the water.

************************************************************

   After that Ranma's own dive into the spring, the general
consternation that arose when she was now permanently a female
who became twins upon receiving cold water, the subsequent relief
when it did turn out that 'male water' and 'permanance water'
were enough to restore his manhood, Shampoo's odd insistance
on a dive into the "Spring of the Drowned Female'(and the
inexplicable support for it that she'd got for that from both
Ran-chan and Akane), and the march back to the "Drowned Twin"
Spring to create a third Ranma, almost seemed like an anti-climax
in comparison.

*************************************************************

   And when, after that, everybody paired off hand in hand, and
were ready to go about the very important business of living Happily
Ever After, the trouser clad Ukyo hooked her arm through Konatsu's
and said, "Hope you ain't gonna have any trouble wearin' men's stuff
from now on, because now that my vow's done been fulfilled I've got
ten years of wanting to wear soft and frilly dresses to make up for,
and I kinda intend to indulge it to the full."

   But the thoughtful gaze that Konatsu turned upon Ukyo was sad.
"Mistress Mine, -", he began.

   "It's Ukyo now Honey, or else Mrs. Kuonji if you want to be
formal. Now that we're a couple, you better not let me catch you with
any mistresses when *I'm* around!"

  There was a future day when sufficient exposure to her sense of
humor would have prompted him to ask, "Does that mean that it's Ok
if you catch me with a mistress when you're *not* around?", but that
day had not yet come. Instead he just shook his head and said, "I
appreciate the effort to maintain a brave front but I love you more
then I lust for you and I will not be a party to your self-immolation!"

   "Whoa there, Konatsu! Whatever do you mean?"

   "Mistr-, uh, Miss Umyo, I can see now what you meant by 'a
suitable wife' when you were one, and I must say that, content as I
was to worship you from close at hand, what you offer me is beyond
both my dreams and my deserts. But this isn't fair to you! I am not
a Mousse or a Kuno that I would ever want to possess a woman whose
heart I know to be with another man. I know that your heart is with
Ranma.

   "His was a divided heart but, even when it was divided, it was a
faithful and steadfast one that cared for you as well. I know him to
be a good man who is worthy of you, or else he would have experienced
an unfortunate accident long before this day had come. And I cannot
believe that he, or someone as kind as the other you, would begrudge
you the same share of happiness as hers when it can be made yours
without a loss to her. Can we not hasten and persuade the two of them
to have him take just one more dive into the pool on your behalf as
well?

   "I know that I said that I would not wish to live under the
same roof as you when you were another man's wife, but I see now
how selfish that truly was. Worse, far worse, would be to live with
the knowledge that the woman I loved about Heaven and Earth had
sacrificed herself for the likes of me. You deserve better than
that. Let us hasten and catch the others while we may!"

   The ninja's forward progress was halted by a firm grip upon his
blouse. "Sugar, before we go'n do a thing like *that* we need to get
a few things staight!", Ukyo said. "To start with, let's go ahead and
talk a little about divided hearts *and* self-immolation!", she added
as she observed the octopus-like way Ukyo Saotome was wrapped around
a happily bemused looking Ranma while planting kisses upon his already
lipstick covered face.

   "You're right about Ranma bein' a good man. It was a love for
which I'd discard my sex, my property, my pride, my identity and my
scruples without a second thought. It was a flame that made me happy
to be a moth. It was a love for which I would give up *okonomiyaki*!
And that's why I know the other me, or rather my new twin sister, is
gonna be a very happy woman indeed.

   "But y'know, just cuz I would be happy to do all these things
doesn't mean that it would be a good idea! And you don't become the
kind of woman who build a good business from scratch unless you've got
a streak in you that likes being the flame a lot better'n being the
moth so I got to admit that there's a bit of that inside me as well. I
like being the world's best ononomyaki chef, I like being the sole
proprietor of a restaurant that's making good enough money that I can
afford trips like this on 3 hours notice, and I like being queen
inside my own domain.

   "And I'm not sure that Ranma would!"

   Ukyo smiled with rueful fondness as she continued, "He's got a
streak of pride in him, that one! He could live right well with being
the brains of a couple, he'd be happiest with a woman who was his
peer, but I'm willing to bet dollars to donuts that he'd hate like
poison to be inside a marriage where a woman was calling the shots.
And, sooner or later, that's the way he'd feel if he went back with me
to the Uchan's. But, even as a flame, I love the moth so, even if he
would *and* could, I'd not want him to do that for *me*!

   "So, back when I was one, I made a deal with myself. The one me
would step into his life with nothing save the clothes upon her back,
the wits she'd been born with, and the skills that we'd learned so
that that particular Ran-chan and that particular me could start their
life on even terms together. And, because of the way I'd loved Ranma,
I would, were I she, count that the finest of bargains and embrace it
without a backward glance!

   "But the other me, though she lacked Ranma, would have the
restaurant, the revenue, the name I'd built up in the days when I
was one (with the reputation and commercial value that that name
holds), and the continued pleasure of being Queen within her own
domain. And, because I've always enjoyed (and still enjoy) these
things, that me would be happy too. Even if she'd lost her first
love there would still be contentment as well as pride that the
happiness of that first love had been assured and that the family
honor had been fulfilled. And which me I would be would depend completely on who it was who won a game of 'Scissors, Rock, Paper'"

   "Now let's talk of divided hearts! One reason I could sympathize
with Ranma was that I knew his situation from the inside. I loved him
with a fire in which I would happily have been consumed but I found,
to my surprise, that there was another man I'd come to love with the
steadiness of the Earth that merges happily with compatible ground.
He was a quiet man, a gentle man, the kind of man you'd want as a
knight anytime you were a queen. He was a bit unworldly and a tad
quirky on the subject of clothing, but that was alright because the
first just meant his pride wouldn't be under threat if his woman
called the shots and that he wouldn't mind if she decided that *she*
was the one to wear the dress in this here family."

   Ukyo looked at the ground, and added shyly, "And he was such a
hottie that when a straight gal thought him a lesbian in love with
her she *thought* about *trying* to be a girl who liked girls for his
sake!"

   Then she looked up into his eyes and embraced him swiftly before
she added fiercely, "So don't you *ever* feel like you're #2 because
when we played our game my other self presented a fist while I
presented an open hand."

   She looked up into his startled eyes and smiled, "Don't you get
it Darlin'? I'm not the Ukyo Kuonji who lost. *I'm the Ukyo Kuonji who
won!*"

   Then she kissed him as though she would begin the consummation
of their union within the moment upon that very spot.

The End

Afterword

Never thought I'd do a "everyone's major problems get solved" story
but I guess once in a while these can fun to write too! ^_^

C&C can be sent to either mangaddict@hotmail.com or else to
laboratorycage@netscape.net

_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp

         .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
           | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
           | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
           |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
           `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'