Hi,


--- Gary Kleppe <kleppe@mediaone.net> wrote:

Been a while since I've edited one of Allyn's fics.
Time to earn the
combat pay.... :-)

@@You're getting _paid_???

Allyn Yonge <ayonge@yahoo.com> wrote:

     "I dunno Kasumi," Ukyou glanced over her

"I dunno, Kasumi." Ukyou

(As is, the appropriate response is "Of *course* you
know Kasumi!")

@@If you knew sushi like I know susui . . .@@

<SNIP>

     "They're from Berkely, "Ukyou reminded the
stunned Kasumi, thoughtfully handing her a pot of

hot

water.

Um... have you been to Berkeley? (Note the spelling,
BTW.) In my
experience, people you meet there will be more
likely to hand you a
pamphlet detailing American foriegn policy crimes.
(And nobody ever
notices the hair colors. ^_^)

@@I thought about doing something like that, but
decided it didn't work as well.

<SNIP>

With

a growl, Baikin reached into his pants----

     "I'd like two specials and some oolong tea,
please."

     ----and slapped a wad of Yen in front of

Ukyou.

Heh heh.

@@Thank you. ^_^

     "Ewwww, something splashed in my
okonomiyaki!" A salaryman complained.

<SNIP>

     "Really?" Ukyou moved quickly to the
customers side. "That will be an additional 2,000

Yen

for the Secret Sauce." She pointed to the back of

the

Heh.

@@It just seemed to fit. There's just something about
the "Secret Sauce" that cries out for parody.

     Nabiki  was next.  So greedy, putting money
before her family.

NABIKI: Hello, family. (Sets a wad down on the
table) Here's some money.

KASUMI: Not what I meant, actually....

@@<GROAN>
But if I'd thought of it, I'd have tried to work it
into the story.

<SNIP>

     Wearing nothing but boots and a mask, the
stocky dark-haired girl dropped from the sky.

UKYO: That's quite a strange outfit.

AKANE: Not really. You see this sort of thing fairly
often, actually.

UKYO: You don't think it's unusual?

AKANE: Not at all. It's Kekko common.

@@<GROAAAN> OH the humanity, the humanity!"
This one I _really_ wish I'd thought of. 
<SNIP>

     "LOOK, it's Barbara Streisand!"

     "What? Where!" Too late he realized he'd been
tricked.

He he he!

@@ She was passing on her way to "The Island of Misfit
Toys"

     "I've been so bad, Panda-san,"Kasumi wept.

                                   ^^
Missing space.

     "She looks so peaceful," Akane smiled down at

peaceful."

     "Don't wake her," Nabiki remarked. "we'll

remarked. "We'll

order out. My treat."

Aw, c'mon. Not only is this unlike her, but you're
blowing an
opportunity for a joke here.

@@This _was_ the joke. ^_^ Perhaps I was being too
subtle? 

NABIKI: I'll take you all out to a nice restaurant.

AKANE: Really? That's very generous of you.

NABIKI: Not at all. I only said I'd take you there.
Paying the bill is
up to you.

@@I thought that sort of thing would be too obvious. 
I was thinking that my "Nabiki" could be viewed in
several ways. For intstance, Kasumi has agonized so
much over everyone's "wild" ways, that she sleeps
through Nabiki taking everyone to dinner. AND, the
reader can also read this OOC Nabiki as a clue that
Kasumi is dreaming-about-dreaming. But, most
importantly, it just felt right when I wrote it. ^_*

     "Oh Ataru-san," Kasumi moaned in her sleep,

"what if Lum finds us?"

"Oh, Ataru-san,"

Now we only have to hope there isn't any of
Happosai's dream-incense
around.... :)

@@Hey, I've got to end the story _some_ time.

Funny and well-deserved parody. Though I don't
really disagree with what
the others said, I have to say that IMO, this was by
far the best and
most appropriate response to you-know-what-fic. :)

@@Gracias. Ooops, sorry. Gratutious languange insert.
Jammer wees. 

Actually everything I write is a reaction to something
or other. This was just a pretty straight forward
example. And this one just seemed to cry out for a
pretty blatant parody. 

Gary Kleppe
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html

@@As always, I appreciate your taking the time and
effort to C&C.

Glad you liked the story.

PS, Mongolia?


=====
"When I get a little money, I buy books;
 And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus

"A man is a small thing, and the night is large 
and full of wonders." -Lord Dunsany

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