Subject: [FFML] [FIC] [Ranma] [SM] United Destinies

A nice enough story - if more than a touch out of character (IMO).

Disclaimer: don't own any of the characters related to either series used.

They belong to their respective authors. Have fun and enjoy the fic.

Double spaced so we can handwrite comments between the lines? ^_^
(Yeah, I know, some formatting problem - right?)
Seriously I suggest a single line between paragraphs or indent the
start of new paragraphs.

Dark Knight

United Destinies

Chapter 1

The beginning. . .

* Silver Millennium. Moon Palace *

Queen Serenity looked over the court yard at the small group of people
walking and talking together. It was Prince Endymion, his brother Prince
Kealon, their sister Anasha also known as Sailor Terra, and her daughter
Princess Serenity. The four of them looked happy togther. She left to talk

'The four of them looked happy togther.'

How's about showing us this? Or at least being a little more evocative in
your phrasing.

to King Endymion about cementing the engagement of their childern. Things

'childern' -> 'children'
Also 'She just knew things would ...' (suggestion)

would come to peace long before Queen Beryl would be able to get supporters
enough for a rebellion. Queen Serenity had no idea how wrong she was.

'supporters enough for a rebellion' -> 'supporters, enough for a rebellion'
or                                     'enough supporters for a rebellion'

[Paragraph]

Three days later, Beryl attacked and everyone was lost. Using the
last of her powers she sent all of her loved ones to Earth in the Future.

'Future' -> 'future'

The only one she couldn't send forward was Sailor Terra, She had died on
Earth just as the invasion of the moon palace had begun. Queen Serenity
wept bitter tears at not being able to send her forward and prayed to
whatever Kami would listen to her to make sure that when the time was

'to make sure that' -> 'that' (unless you think divine intervention is
guaranteed.

needed, Sailor Terra would be there for her brother and for the moon princess.

[Paragraph]

* Present day Juuban District *

Ranma had been having a REALLY bad day. First getting malleted by
Akane because he supposedly insluted her, followed by yet another malleting

'insluted' -> 'insulted' (although 'insluting' Akane would definately make an
interesting lemon ;-P

Also I think that's 'because he had supposedly'

when he was caught by Shampoo and not allowed to breath or explain when Akane
walked out to find Ranma nearly blue from lack of oxygen and malleted him
into LEO landing in the near by district of Juuban.

That last sentence is too long and confusing - throw in a full stop and a
sprinkling of commas ^_^.  Also 'not allowed to breathe'

[Paragraph]

Ranma was presently walking back to Nerima when he noticed that he was

Personally I'd use 'While Ranma was walking back to Nerima he noticed ...'

being followed by something that had just started to set off his danger
senses. He turned to the alley where the danger was coming from. Looking

'being followed by something - something that set of his sense of danger'
(suggestion)

into the alley, he saw a sight that would have had most people running in

'He turned to the alley' is rather similar to the 'looking into the alley',
I'd change the second.

fear. A monster, half crab, half female human. All evil as far as he knew
from the way it was looking at him.

'A monster.  Half crab, half woman and all evil - as far as he could tell
from the way it was looking at him.'

[Paragraph]

"You are the one I seek. After all this time you will be dealt with
before you can remember who you are. DIE!!!!!" The creature charged Ranma

A bit wordy for that sort of being isn't it?

at an incredible speed. Ranma's only saving grace was his super enhanced
reflexes and danger sense. He flipped over the demon right as it raked

*Ahem* I don't think it takes incredible martial arts training to put
'Demon shouts "Die!!"' + 'Demon charges you' and get 'Danger'

through the air where his chest had been less than a second ago. The two
of them danced around each other for several minutes, Ranma just barely

Demon: Can I have this dance?

Ranma: Certainly, Ma'am.

managing to keep out of the demon's range.

[Paragraph]

*This isn't good. If I don't find a way to put it down soon, I will
be in worse trouble.* Ranma was getting tired from all the dodges and

Hmm, I think 'I'll be in _real_ trouble' would work better.

trying to find a weakness in the demons defenses and style. It wasn't
looking good for Ranma. Right as he was about to dip for a strike his

'It wasn't looking good for Ranma' doesn't sound very evocative to me.

danger sense went off again and he jumped straight up just in time to see
what he was jumping from.

Ranma: *Spidey sense - tingling*

or to put it the other way I'd like it to be more specific.

e.g. "he sensed a massive build up of [chi/power] behind him and jumped
straight up, just in time to see what he was jumping from."

[paragraph]

"Jupiter Oak Evolution!"

Hmm, would Jupiter have been that careless about civillian casualties?
[NB - I'm not very knowledgeable on Sailor Moon]

[paragraph]

The mass of green lightning raining in on the demon and stunned it
for a couple of seconds. *That's it. If the thing responds like that to
energy blasts then I have the perfect thing for it.* While in mid air
Ranma started glowing a brilliant golden aura. The only one to notice
something amiss was Luna who was watching the individual who was fighting
and surviving one on one with a demon.

That last sentence looks a little confused to me.

She mentally told herself to look
into the matter when this was over.

Personally, I'd prefer 'She reminded herself to'

[paragraph]

"Mars Flame Sniper!"

"Venus Love and Beauty Shock!"

"Merucy Aqua Rhapsody!"

"Deep Submerge!"

"World Shaking!"

As all of the attacks, Everyone felt a new power in the skies above

'As they all attacked, everyone felt ...'

them and looked to the man floating up there in mid air with a bright
golden aura. The demon was hit by all of the attacks and was staggering
backwards. It never knew what hit it a minutes later.

Better make that 'a moment later', fights don't last that long.

Also I thought only Luna was noticing what was going on with the new
arrival?

[paragraph]

"MOKO TAKABISHA!!!!"

The golden energy flew from Ranma's hands and straight through the
demon which fell silent and then fell into nothing but lunar ash. Ranma
was just looking at what he had just done when he noticed the golden aura
around himself and that he was still floating in mid air with gravity not
affecting him. It was too much even for his brain to take. Ranma's mind

Ranma: 'Cuz, like, I n'vr see strange stuff like dat in Nerima.

came to a crashing halt and he proceeded to pass out and fall heavily to
the ground and land into the arms of Sailor Moon who for once never
tripped and even kept her balance after she caught the boy and laid him on

'for once didn't trip'

the ground. This startled most of the other Sailor Senshi since not only
had she not tripped but she had been fast enough to catch the boy and lay
him on the ground with full grace and dignity.

Mercury was the first one to return to her senses and ran over to
where Usagi and the boy were. Mercury activated her visor and used it
and the Mercury Computer to run life scans over the boy. She had just
finished the scans with the computer telling her that he was alive when
Sailor Moon asked her, "Is he going to be alright?"

"Yes, he is just unconscious right now. He is low on energy, that
is way he is sleeping. He has no injures and is much better shape then
any of us are right now."

The rest of the Sailor Senshi came up to their Princess and leader.
They heard what was going on and then the sound of a metallic rod falling
to the ground caught everyones attention. The scouts turned around to
see Sailor Pluto looking as if she had seen a ghost. They were all
surpirsed to also find that she was starting to cry.

'surpirsed' -> 'surprised'

[paragraph]

"Pluto, what's wrong?" asked Uranus as she walked up to the Guardian
of Time.

Pluto starting shaking her head, she couldn't believe what she was
seeing. Here he was, in the flesh, and she had thought him to be forever
lost. She had never been able to find him through the time stream and
yet, here he was in front of them. She dropped to her knees and then strated
weeping for joy.

Here was the man that brought so much happiness to her life as well as
the rest of the Senshi. And then again, he belonged to Serenity in truth.
She didn't think she could take losing him again, even if it was to her queen.

Everyone: Ranma's got another fiancee!

[paragraph]

"He is Prince Kealon, Prince Endymion's younger brother. He was at
the moon palace when Beryl attacked in the Silver Millennium. He was killed
along side the Sailor Scouts. I never picked him up from the Time Gates

'along side' -> 'alongside'

so I thought he hadn't been reincarnated. I had lost hope for him a long
time ago."

"Why didn't you tell us about him sooner?" Sailor Moon asked Pluto after
she finished her tale. Pluto stood up hesitantly, retrieved her Time Key from
Uranus and walked over to the sleeping form of Ranma. "Pluto, please tell me
why?"

"I loved him." was the only answer that was heard and then Pluto was
gone in the blink of an eye with a single tear striking the boy's cheeck and
rolling down it as if Ranma himself had cried the tear. The rest of the scouts
had received the third shock for the night. They were about to ask what they
were going to do with the boy when he woke up and looked around him.

"Uh. . . What happened?"

"You were fighting a demon and then passed out right after it was
defeated with our help." answered the girl in blue. "I'm Sailor Mercury and
these are the rest of the Sailor Senshi. Mars, Jupiter, Venus, Neptune,
Uranus, Saturn, and our leader, Sailor Moon."

"Pops hasn't engaged me to any of you has he?"

The Sailor Senshi looked at each other, two with looks of disgust,
two with hearts in their eyes, one with a blush, one confused, one looking as
pissed as Akane had been, and one shaking her head.

"I take that as a no, *sigh* Good. Well I have to get going so . . .
BYE!" With that said, Ranma sprang up and out of sight before any of them
knew he had gone.

"Well, that was rather rude of him." Uranus said as she looked over to
where the boy had disappeared. "He didn't even tell us his name."

"I'm sure we will meet him again. If he is who Pluto said he is then
he will be part of us soon. We just have to have a little faith." Sailor

Moon said as she looked to her home in the skies.

* Nerima, Tendo Dojo *

"Where is Ranma?" asked Kasumi as she finished laying out the food for
dinner.

"I haven't seen him since Shampoo and Ukyo showed up a few hours ago,"
commented Akane as she started eating. Genma wasted no time inhaling the
food laid out before him. He could care less about the ingrate of a son he
had for the moment.

Isn't that 'couldn't care less' ?

[paragraph]

"That worthless son of mine, how could he do this to me?"

Genma: How could he leave me with all this extra food to eat *drools*

"Shut up you old panda." Ranma said while he kicked the old man out
into the koi pond and sat down to eat.

"So mind telling me where you have been Ranma?"

"You ought to know since you are the one who malleted me all the way
to Juuban!" Ranma said not even bothering to look in Akane's direction.

Akane went to grab her Mallet and lay into him again.

'and lay into him' -> 'and went to lay into him'

[paragraph]

"Ranma no BA. . . ." Ranma grabbed the mallet before it made contact,
riped it out of her hands and threw it into the koi pond right between the
panda's eyes knocking him out. Akane stood there in a state of shock.
Never in all of the times she had hit Ranma had she ever thought he would
have been able to do that.

"I have had enough of your insults and your beatings for no good reason."

Me: Hand's up everyone who thinks this is a 'Ranma sees sense and dumps the
tomboy fic'.

[paragraph]

Ranma finished his meal in two seconds and then left the room with everyone
just eyeing him.

* Juuban, Hino Shrine *

"We need to find out who he is and how to get in touch with him. If he
is who Setsuna says then his help will be greatly appreciated."

Sailor Barney said.

"I have managed to locate someone that looks like him from school
records. His name is Saotome Ranma. He goes to Furinken High School and is
in the same grade we are. According to several reports in his school files,
he is a fighter and a trouble maker. He has been known to have fights with
people on school ground causing more property damage then all of the senshi put
together."

Explained Super Sailor Multiverse

"So how are we going to get to him and talk to him?"

Questioned Sailor Insert Silly Name Here.

"We could always have someone transfer to that school and make contact
with him. I'm sure Setsuna could help us with this, if she shows up."

Decides Sailor Who Was I Anyway?

Setsuna stirdes out of the shadows, "I won't help you with this. I can't.

'stirdes' -> 'strides'

I lost him once and I can't lose him again. It will be safer if he doesn't
know anything about us." Setsuna then retreats back into the shadows crying.
Everyone is now a little more concerned about the Guardian of Time.

Last sentence: Don't say it - show it.

[paragraph]

* Gates of Time *

Setsuna looked through the gates not noticing what was happening. She was
lost in her own thoughts. *He is back. The one who can stop all of the fighting.
The one who brought us all together in the first place. He loved us all, but
her more tha anyone else. How can I tell them what I have kept from them for so
long. He belongs with her more than his brother, but I loved him more than life
itself. Now I have the opportunity to have him. I will make you mine. I won't
be lonely ever again.* Setsuna started crying all over again.

Shouldn't she be tracking his future impact on the timeline or some such?  I
thought she was the 'must do duty' type.

[paragraph]

* Furinken High School, one week later . . . *

Ranma finally made it to class on time for once. He and Akane no longer
were walking to school together so he got a earlier start and made it on time.

'He and Akane were no longer'

Ranma is still not sure how to feel about what he did, but it was done and
there was no turning back now.

~ Flashback ~

Ranma was meditating in the back yard when he felt Akane walk up to him.

He felt her wait a few steps behind him. He could tell that she was waiting for
him to stop so that she could talk to him. It was then that he felt two other
presenses coming into the area and decided that is was now or never. Shampoo
made a dive for Ranma at the same time as Ukyo. Ranma lept straight up in the air
dodging the both of them as they collided into each other. Akane started getting
angry and pulled out her mallet to exact revenge on the people who were intruding
in her home. Ranma landed lightly on the ground a few feet away, and turned
to see all three of them. He saw Akane with her mallet heading his direction
bypassing the two other girls. Ranma sidestepped the mallet when Akane swung and
removed it from her hands.

"I have had ENOUGH of this. I am a human being, a person, not a trophy.
If that is all you think I am then I never want to see any of you again.
As far as I'm concerned, all engagements are off." With that, Ranma sent his
Ki into Akane's mallet and disintegrated it in a second. He dusted off his hands
and lept out of the yard leaving three very confused people.

Me: (Raises hand) Make that four very confused people. ;-P

[paragraph]

Ranma went to the police department in Nerima and had a long chat with
the officers from narcotics. He also got the Japanese Ministry of Foreign Affairs
and the Ministry of Economy, Trade, and Industry involved. They had enough with
his testimony to take care of one of his problems. Three days later, the
Nekohaten was condemned, and Cologne, Shampoo, and Moose where all sent back to
China and would be shot on site if they ever returned to Japan.

'on site' -> 'on sight'

Anouncer: Next on Killroy - How to destroy the lives of everyone you know without
even trying.

(Background music): It's the end of the world as we know it ...

[paragraph]

~ End Flashback ~

No one had seen Ukyo after that,

Ranma was sure no-one would be able to recognize the mutilated corpse if it ever
floated up from the canal bed.

Ucchan's was closed and sold the next
day after the incident at the Tendo Dojo.

Nabiki: (Pocket's cash from the sale) Hey, girl's gotta make a living.

Everyone assumed she left for parts
unknown. Being roused from his memories by the teacher, Ranma looked forward

'forward' -> 'forwards'

to he new girl in the front of the classroom.

"Class, this is a new transfer student form Juuban High School, her name
is Kino Makoto. Ms. Kino, please introduce yourself to the rest of the class."
"Hello. I'm Kino Makoto, I have been transferred here form Juuban. I am
a martail artist from there but when I heard that the best martial artist in

'martail' -> 'martial'

the world was here I decided to transfer over here in hopes of being trained
by the best."

Kino Makoto: My favorite colour is blue, and my specialist subject is sucking up.

[paragraph]

"Thank you Ms. Kino, Saotome Ranma, raise your hand please, you may take
the empty seat to Mr. Saotome's right."

Ranma raised his hand to let Makoto know where he was, and Makoto walked
over there. She took her seat and got out her books for class. She looked
around the room to get a feel of the students. She took note that she was
lucky to get seated next to her target. Unfortunately, she found herself to
be in the usual situation that accompanies being in the near proximity of a
really cute guy. She didn't pay attention in class and spent the better
part of class looking at Ranma who was paying attention to the class without
any problems.

For those who know Saotome Ranma, this was a very different person.

In fact - it was Copycat Ken.

He was paying complete attention to class and then answered all of the
questions the teachers posed to him. The other students also took note
that Ranma and Akane had not walked to school together and Ranma had not
so much as looked at Akane. To everyone there, it looked as if the two
had broken up and the rumor mills had that spread around the entire school
before Nabiki could do anything about it. Not even make a profit on the
information.

* Lunch *

Ranma took his usual place under his tree and started eating. Akane
was the target of several people's questions. Such questons where, "What
happened between you two," "Is Ranma available," "Do you know what happened
to the Nekohaten and the Amazons." All of these questions and more Akane
answered as best she could. She got several dirty looks from the girls in
class that started getting the hungry boy eyes and setting their sights at
the young martial artist.

Ranma on the other hand was eating quietly when someone entered his
chi range and got his attention.

"May I sit with you?"

"I don't mind, its a public area anyway."

"My name is Makoto."

"Ranma."

"The same Ranma that is the famous martail artist I have heard so
much about?"

Ranma: No, I'm a famous _martial_ artist.

[paragraph]

"Depends, what have you heard?"

"You are unbeaten in the martail arts."

Ranma: And I'm pretty good at 'martial' arts as well.  As for Marital arts ...

[Ooops, got to get ready for work.  No more C&C today :-/

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