I'll write a response to both of your letters in this one.

Thermoyle wrote:

The only major thing I disliked about this story was Kenshi's assumption
that Death was coming to visit him, rather than Kaoru.  It just didn't at
all follow

I would disagree there. If Kenshini can see Death, I think it's perfectly
reasonable for him to assume that he's the target. Especially after the
early part of his life that he lived. He might see it as come kind of
retribution for his work as an assassin, even if he personally has come to
terms with it. Also I made mention of a point where Kenshin believed Death
was looking at him across in the crowd and sensed Death's intent. What
Kenshin didn't realize at the time was that Kaoru was behind him, and death
really was looking through him. Thought I made that one subtle enough,
though, unlike most of the others hints of foreshadowing.

What I will agree with wholeheartedly is that I went overboard on the
foreshadowing. It's a hard balance to manage when you're the writer, since
you automatically know everything that's going to happen, and you have to
question 'how much is too much?' If I do too little, then you get complaint
of throwing the reader a curve that they had no way of knowing and there
might be a feeling of betrayal there. Too much, and this happens. I think
that was one of the things I had doubts about. Looking it over, I've now cut
Kaoru complaining about her headache at the fat man's death scene, and
Kenshin's subsequent comments about it, as well as the whole bit of them
returning home and her taking medicine. There's still enough foreshadowing
there for the reader to suspect she might be the true one death's after. At
the very least I think it helps.

 What

you could do to get around this problem is downplay Kaoru's sickness quite

a

bit

Yep. Have done so. Might slash more if it feels right.

and have Kenshin wonder how exactly he would die if he was defeated.
Would his heart stop?  Would he have another accident such as the fat man
did?

Not sure about that. Feels like it would be a distraction more than anything
else. I would rather leave it ambiguous in his mind.

Coming up with lots of possible ways for himself to die if he let

Death touch him would draw the focus away from Kaoru somewhat,

Oh, I see. Still, not sure if it's too distracting. Will consider, at least.

to at least

instill the doubt in the reader that maybe Kaoru isn't the one who's going
to die after all. As it is, Kenshin's relief that he didn't die and the
belated realization of what was really going on was just annoying and made
me think less of him for decieving himself so easily without cause to.

Actually I've always thought it was human nature to assume the best instead
of the worst case scenario. Even for Kenshin at the point in his life, I
think he would automatically think it's him since he would be more
'deserving' of the fate.  I think he's justified in believing he is the
target, with what's presented here. Am curious as to what others think,
though, and if I'm off here.

There was one additional thing that seemed off, but it's more of a minor
issue.  Death didn't let Kenshin see him on purpose, it was just that
Kenshin had been in his presense for so long and then become desensitized

to

it through not being around anybody who died for years.  If this is right,
then it seems like an aweful big coincidence that Kenshin would run across
somebody who is about to die on the same day as Kaoru, giving him warning
and time to prepare for Death's coming.

Guilty here, but I think the contrivance is necessary. After all, look at
all the problems that came Kenshin's way during the series that only he
could solve. He's always in the right place at the right time. I don't think
using the contrivance is that much of a stretch here, compared to the rest
of the series.

Something that would avoid both of these issues would be to take the fat

man

out of the story completely, and have Kenshin just catch glimpses of Death
over the course of the day, with Death always looking at Kaoru.

Nah. Would rather try to keep it being her ambiguous if I'm able. That was
what I as going for. His misassumption is important.

Kenshin

could then figure out what's going on when he looks to Kaoru, asking if

she

knows the man who is watching her, and finds out that she can't see him.
This would raise the emotional stakes of the story a good deal, because he
isn't just fighting out of stubborness and a refusal to die without at

least

putting up the best resistance that he can, instead he would be fighting

for

his wife who he loves very much.

He is, though over what effect his death will have on them. I think I
mentioned several times in the fight that he's fighting for them, since his
absense would affect them so much. Otherwise he might not have resisted so
hard.

 This would add a lot to the story, I

think.  Doing it this way would allow the fight to be much more emotional,
you could add little flashbacks of times Kaoru and Kenshin had together

over

the course of thier marriage and the time covered in the manga to bring

the

struggle to a higher level and increase his will to win accordingly.

Hmm. No. Aside from the fact I've only seen up to volume 5 of the series on
tape, I think showing multiple scenes of them would be overdoing it, and the
story isn't intended to go on for that long. It's just not what I had in
mind, though I can see your idea working in a different fic with similar
ideas.

 It

would also make the loss all the more painful and would be far more
effective than Kenshin's realizing too late that he had fought for the

wrong

person, which doesn't come across as being as large an issue as it should
have been anyway.  As it is, Kaoru's death and the ending isn't as
satisfying as it could be, nor is the fight itself.

Well, the fight is hopeless, which is one of the reasons I didn't get too
heavy into describing it. Kenshin stands 0% chance of winning, and the fight
is meant to show that. Not really satisfying at all.

Other than that, the story is rather good.

Thanks. I was worried for a while there. :)

 I've never made the slightest

attempt to look for Kenshin fics that aren't crossed over with Ranma,

Actually, the truth is neither have I. I've only watched the first 20 or so
eps of the series (And the OVAs, which I loved) and learned about what
happened in the end from others, and this is what came to me. Don't have
plans to do anymore RK fics in the near future, I'm afraid.

the

only one I have read is Madamhydra's That Which Lingers and Nightwitch
Tales, and I only read those because I liked her(?) Tiger Claw story so
much.  So this was a rather nice surprise.

Well, glad I could pleasently surprise you, then.

BTW, I forgot to mention this in my previous mail, but when Kenshin first
realized who Death was and got ready to fight him I thought that the story
was going to take the approach that I mentioned, with him trying to keep
Kaoru from dying.  So that, too, was a disappointment, since it made me
think less of Kenshin for not realizing what was going on, and it is the
reason why the fight and the happenings afterwards were so dissatisfying

to

me.

I see. That does clarify things a bit.

After all, what was going on was certainly obvious to me,

Yes. Definitely a problem. I'm hoping I've addressed that enough with the
changes I've made in the revision.

Well, glad you liked it overall. Hope I didn't seem to rude in disagreeing
with some of your comments, just that there was a certain way I wanted the
fic to go, not that your recommendations were bad. And I did use some of
them. Thanks a lot. You've been very helpful.

D.B. Sommer

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