Finally up to this.  Sorry for the huge delay.

[Ranma] [Fanfic] [Lemon] ranma.sosei

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic
Alt continuity: sosei (a deviating continuation, really)

Disclaimer: All Ranma-1/2 characters and plot elements used here
are in fact the property of Rumiko Takahashi and her assigns,
and are used without their knowledge or permission. This is
fan-fiction: an open fan letter in prose.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

                         Sosei

                 --siaru 11may01/17jun01

Her light voice was almost a whisper. "You didn't have to be so
gentle, you know."

Ranma (evil smile): Okay.

(Ranma takes out whip)

Girl (sighing): I knew I shouldn't have said that.

He lay beside her, now, slightly panting, though certainly not

Not really sure if 'now' is necessary.

with fatigue, one arm wrapped almost protectively around her
chest. She waited to see whether that hand would rise toward her
breast, signaling a resumption. When it didn't, she looked over,
taking in his nude form in a glance, and smiled as his gaze
caught hers. He smiled back, wordlessly sharing, obviously still
more in the moment than in the conversation.

Nice description of their feelings for one another.

She leaned in and kissed him, then rolled over and curled up a
little, sunning her fading afterglow in the light of the bedside
lamp, and fished around in the purse on the stand for a
cigarette. The lighter shook in her hand a little, making it
hard to put the flame where it belonged. This one she really
needed.

And we'll see just why in a bit ^_^

He found his words . "I... I don't like it rough. If that's how
you wanted it, well, I'm sorry."

"No, no, that's not how I wanted it. I just didn't expect that."

"I don't know why everybody thinks I'm like that. I'm a martial
artist..."

She cut him off, correcting, and looked over at him. "You're a
warrior. You've shed blood to protect those you love. You've
killed to preserve life; you told me so this evening."

That and she also felt she deserved any bad treatment from him for what 
happened in the past.

He grimaced. "Whatever... just don't make me out to be some
sadistic creep. Times like this... times when I can be gentle...
they're something to fight for. Not in. I get enough fighting in
the rest of my life."

Makes sense.

He rolled off the bed, trailing the moist towel, and headed for
the bathroom, to discard his used protection if nothing else.

She sat up and pulled up the sheet and blanket over her knees,

'and pulled the sheet' - Don't think 'up' is necessary

one arm hovering over the bedside ashtray, and thought back over
the evening.

Girl: I came.  I saw.  I had sex.  Yup, that describes it well.

They had met at a ladies-only bar, one with a discreetly ornate
Romanji 'J' calligraphed on a sho-card sitting in the far corner
of the front window, meaning that they accepted Jusenkyo girls
as long as they were discreet. The brunette had no such
concerns, but the redhead was courteous enough to wear a brooch

Meaning that the brunette was locked in her cursed form.

splashed tear. An ornament like that, some variation on a
splashed-water theme, was the unobtrusive sign that the wearer
was a hot or cold Jusenkyo girl, female at the moment but not
permanently so.

Most likely worn so that the full-time female customers don't get a 
shock if some of the others suddenly change.

Some had raised eyebrows at her entrance. Her attire, though
modestly cut, was just a bit too boldly-colored a multi-hued
earthy brown for an officelady to be wearing. Her unbound red

Not sure if 'officelady' is actually a word.

natural-colored piece of tooled leather. She was a tiny woman,

Other than for the chest ^_^

especially in the modest flats she wore, but her stance was
devoid of timidity and her gaze was unabashed as she stood at
the entry for a moment looking around for an empty seat.

'a moment, looking' - Comma might or might not be necessary.

The brooch explained it all: typical male
assertiveness-going-on-aggressiveness even in the act of being a

Spacing

The brunette had idly noticed her arrival. Then her eyes widened
as something clicked in her memory. She picked up her large

So she knows her from the past.

"I call myself Sosei."

And thus the title ^_^

"Ranko. Pleased to meetcha, Sosei."

We now know who the redhead is, if it wasn't obvious before.

The barkeep, an older woman in jeans and T-shirt, was peering at
them through the curtain of inverted wine-glasses, so Ranko
ordered, surreptitiously pushing the ashtray before her away
from her. The barkeep noted that and included removing it from

'ashtray before her away.' - 'from her' is not necessary.

view in her brief touch-up swabbing of Ranko's bar space. Sosei
noted it as well, tensed, and took one last drag on her
cigarette before snubbing it out. Ranko glanced over and
shrugged, smiling, as if to say, "okay for you, it's just not my

okay -> Okay (?)

thing". Sosei nodded and relaxed but made no immediate move to

'relaxed, but'

"Maybe; it's not exactly the kind of place I would've gone to,
before..."

'Maybe. It's' - I think it should be a period, not semicolon.

"Before" was an understood reference-point, the time before the
world changed, when, in the space of a year or so, Jusenkyo
water went from being something totally unknown to something so
pervasive and commonplace that now, over a decade later, parents
were making it part of their children's early education, and

Something like:

Father: (Holding vial of water) Daughter?

Girl: Yes?

Father: Today I'm going to make a man out of you.

(Before he could pour the water over her, he gets hit by a mallet)

Mother: (Removes mallet off of stunned husband) _Don't_ even think 
about it, dear.

there was talk of mandating single-gender classes in the schools

Maybe end the above sentence at 'early education' and have what's after 
that be a new sentence?

The change had propagated through customs and conventions,
dissolving hard edges there too. Where once people would gather
as walking untouchable islands of carefully conserved isolation,
compressing into honeycombs of beelike conformity, now they
flowed through each other's spaces, touching only as required
and as welcomed but unimpeded nonetheless.

Nice description of society before and after the change.

Here, for instance, where once only those who were born female
and preferred female company were allowed, but now anyone was

'allowed, now' - 'but' is not necessary

The brunette thought a moment, then ruefully smiled. "Perhaps...
but it's a benign obsession compared to some I've experienced."
Some darkness passed across her expression.

A bit of a hint there.  Though obsession describes everyone in Nerima 
^_^

The redhead raised her glass in appeasement and perhaps apology.
"Better this, then... to home."

then -> than

her the air of a modern saint. The effect was as deliberate as
it was a lie; under the austere appearance, she was starting to

Heh

"I copied it from someone when I had to make a change... perhaps
the same person. Do you not like it?"

So Sosei had some connection with Akane in the past.

"Your red hair reminds me of people I met in the States. You're
sure you're not really Irish..."

That's one way to explain the red hair ^_^

"..and then he asked me, 'How long have you been like this?',
and I said, 'Does it really matter? It's what I am now', and he
got up and left. The next time I called, I found that I'd been
disowned."

This is about where I realized who Sosei really was.

"Awww, man, that's worse than what I went through. Well, I had
my father going, 'my son, acting like a girl, ohhh, the
humiliation!' --and he was a panda half the time, if ya can
believe it."

' -- and'

"Somehow I've learned to doubt that impossibility exists."

Heh.  After Jusenkyo, she probably felt that anything's possible.

She suddenly knew that it would be tonight. A burden
long-carried would be delivered to its rightful owner tonight,

She would finally be able to make love with the pig-tailed goddess ^_^

In this age of Jusenkyo, one never knew what body features one's
neighbors had gone through puberty learning to fixate on, and in
the end it didn't matter, nothing did but the touch and the

Might want to have 'nothing' start a new sentence.

Once behind closed doors, their conversation had become mostly
nonverbal. Helping each other to undress had progressed smoothly
to helping each other to climax. The redhead had been so loving
with her hands and her wandering kiss, giving freely as if

giving -> given

grateful for the chance. She had returned the favor, but now she
was left somewhat satiated by the sustained caress, and her

'but now was'

her face. Allowing the fading drink to make things hazy in her
mind and thus her expression, she crookedly grinned up into his
eyes. "Take me... Do with me what you will. It's only fair."

She's changed a lot.  Definitely more than a bit of guilt because of 
the past.

What she expected... she wasn't sure. Ferocity, perhaps; or
simple quick use.

She doesn't really know Ranma then.

This wasn't ownership, this wasn't domination... this was a
sensual dance of equals, he leading by mutual consent and

he -> his (?)

consensus, with conjoint ecstacy as its mission. Her last
contemplative thought, as coherent thought dissolved into the
eternal now of the prolonged cascade of pleasure as soul touched
soul and internal discourse became not worth the effort, was
that this was indeed the punishment she had expected and sought,
but it was all the more retributive for being so sublime.

Hmm.. so she feels that this is a good form of punishment because now 
she's fallen for Ranma?

Also, nice description of the lemon scene and Sosei's reaction.

"We've met before, you know."

Of course she decides to tell AFTER the sex ^_^

Surprised, he pulled back to look at her face, then shrugged and
gathered her closer. She put one arm around his neck; he pulled

Ranma: So you're really Kiima?
Sosei: (Shakes head): No.
Ranma: Ucchan, is that you?!
Sosei: Nope.
Ranma: Hmm... Kaori Diakoku?  Nah, that's anime... One of Konatsu's 
step-sisters?
Sosei: (Agitated) Ranma!
Ranma: Okay... his step-mother?
Sosei: ...
Ranma: I guess that means no...

(Ranma ponders this for a while)

Ranma: (Jumping up) I've got it!
Sosei: (Leaning in closer) Yes?
Ranma: It's someone I've known all along.  I can't believe I didn't 
realize it at the beginning.
Sosei: (In anticipation) Yes...
Ranma: (Pointing finger at her) You're... actually the Ladle Lady 
rejuvenated to be much younger!

(Sosei facefaults)

her in from her fold, closing his folded legs protectively about
her rear, allowing her legs to drape across his leg.

If possible, change one of the 'fold's (though I'm unable to think of 
what to change it with).

"I have to be honest, I don't recognize you from anywhere
before... I'm sorry." He buried his head in her near shoulder
for a moment. "If I never saw you as special before... I do now.
We would not be here otherwise. Please tell me."

Hehehehe... I doubt he would have seen her as special before ^_^

She smiled sadly. "You wouldn't be so loving if you knew who I
was."

A huge improvement from the past ^_^

She cut him off with a dismissive gesture. "Don't be apologetic.
We've changed, me particularly. I don't mind your not
recognizing me, I'm..." She smiled up at him. "...grateful,
really, it means that I was successful in mending my ways, in
changing those things about me that were so important back then
but that cause me nothing but humiliation to recall now. No,

Yup, there are some things in life that people try their best to forget 
about later on.

"Sometimes, with magic, what we most want for others is what
they least deserve... and we the most."

"I don't follow you."

Me neither - at least the end of what she said.

"Magic is sometimes our way of trying to give our delusions some
persistence. Oftentimes it's innocent, even when it succeeds...
but when our delusions involve others they become contentious
and are thrown open to debate. I was ...outvoted. What I sought

'was... outvoted.' (?)

for another was turned on myself... and now here I am."

She's starting to talk like she did in the past ^_^

>From this I'm guessing that Kunou finally realized that the pig-tailed 
girl was connected with Ranma somehow and so tried to have Ranma stuck 
in his cursed form.  Seems that the girls found out and splashed him 
with it instead.

He leaned back, propping himself on his arms, still anchored by
her weight within and upon his crossed legs. He eyed her
critically. "You're being vague."

Because she doesn't want to tell you that she tried to free the pig-
tailed goddess once and for all ^_^

She looked up, longing fading through old dull pain and then to
neutral clarity in her eyes as they met his, and momentarily
found words difficult. That openness in his male gaze... She had
never known how to interpret it before. Now she did, and it

Sosei: Well, other than just to attack him.

stunned her with just how much about him she had missed or
misinterpreted when he had been right there in front of her all
along. How much friendship had she spurned, how much had she
ruined on her way to becoming forced to be herself... She rubbed
her face with her hand. Her eyes ached from the effort to hold
back tears. They were tears of self-pity; they had no place in
this moment of developing honesty.

Hard to face the truth after so long.  Though it was for the best.

"It can't. When I tell you who I am, who I was, that will end
this... and I don't want it to end. You're the first man who

She still doesn't know much about Ranma then.

Though it could be that she's afraid of Ranma knowing that she was a 
man before (almost sure that she mentioned it in the conversation).

He nodded, visibly unsure of how to deal with this moment,
openly hurt by her painful effort to remain composed, pain he
couldn't help her with because she witheld its source; and that
look on his face broke her mood.

'source; and that' - Might want to end the sentence at 'source' and 
start a new one with 'The look on'.

She slumped, allowing her arm to slide down from its embrace of

'arm' or 'arms'?

"I ...was not female when I was born; this you know. I am a

So she did tell him before.  I guess she felt that what she did in the 
past was unforgivable, even for someone like Ranma.

woman, only a woman, now. This is my penance."

So people in this world have the opportunity to lock/unlock themselves 
without any problem.

"I was splashed and I was locked... with the water I would have

Don't need the second 'I was'.

used to lock another. It was divine justice, given me by those

'given me' - Don't need 'me' here.

around me. I was so deranged by my obsession that, even when
others patiently explained it to me, I would not see the truth.
I sought to free another with it, refusing to see that my
actions would enslave her, she was already free..."

So Kunou still thought that the pig-tailed girl was trapped by Ranma, 
even with all the evidence around him showing that it wasn't true.

"She?"

She gulped back the lump in her throat, face averted, and
nodded. Her voice came in a harsh whisper, obviously closed down
on a sob. "She... my... my pig-tailed goddess."

That was a long time coming ^_^

And now that Ranma knows, she waits for his reaction...

She felt his embrace stiffen around her, then carefully relax

As a first reaction, that should have been expected - Ranma had to have 
been shocked a bit.

"I... I have shamed us further... I have something I must do,
then... to atone..."

Reacting a bit fast... then again, she was expecting the worst and his 
silence led her to believe it happened.

She reached into her handbag and pulled out a thin bundle
wrapped in paper, tied with string.

'tied with a string'

"I will use this, and then you will do what must be done, and
..no one knows who we are here, no one need know. This is for
you... only for you... and for my shame."

'done, and... no one knows we are here'

He seized her wrist, squeezing gently. "*NO*. You don't need
that... put it away. I don't want you dead... I never did, not
even back then. Please."

Not a surprising reaction from Ranma.

"What dishonor did you ever bring me? You had your problems, but
they were your problems. Other than when you got in my way
because of them, what should I be holding against you?"

Kunou didn't do much, if anything, to dishonor Ranma in any way.  The 
only incident would be when he tried to lock Ranma, but since that 
didn't happen, in Ranma's mind it doesn't matter.

"That I was obsessive?

Ranma: This is Nerima... Your point?

That I refused to see or acknowledge the
truth about you, even when Jusenkyo water was becoming common
here? When our friends were already living proof?"

Did anyone else cursed during that time?  I assume that the wedding 
(when Akane got cursed) was sometime after this.

"Now, is this the last of the obsession? Please? That's what it was,
y'know. I'd break that thing if I didn't think it'd do more harm
than good. If you try to use it again, I might yet."

Wouldn't Ranma break the tanto if he thought it would do more harm than 
good?

He pulled her into a tight embrace and simply held her there for
long moments. She numbly felt his breath on her scalp, unable to
do more than catalog sensations, evading thought.

'long moments' -> 'a long moment' (?)

"I gave it up... along with my name and my clan. I still have my
old bokken, if you want it... I never use it myself now."

She was afraid that praciticing would revert her back to her old 
personality?

He shook his head. "It shows. Not even the old name fits you
anymore, I just can't think of you that way. Funny... it's the

'anymore. I' - Have it start a new sentence.

ones who resist change the most, who change the most when it
comes."

Usually when they find out that so many of the things they held true 
are wrong.

He gently shook his head again, carefully against hers. "No, I
don't want you dead. You've ...already gone through so much,

'You've... already' - I think.

it's like the only part of the old you I see in there is the
memories. You're the woman I just met tonight, really, with just
a history in common."

First 'just' is not necessary and not sure if 'really' is either.

her gaze to meet his, separated by mere inches. "I am honored. I
want that. I... perhaps I need that... as long as that isn't
fresh obsession." Her gaze dropped into introspection.

Ranma: Of course not, my brown-haired goddess.
Sosei: ...

His momentarily tighter embrace shook her out of her dark
reverie. "Do you still practice the Art? You were pretty good,
all things considered. Sometimes I really had to work to take
you out."

Sosei: Really?!
Ranma: Actually, no.  I'm just saying that to make you feel better.

"Yeah, I'd like that. I can probably teach you some things; it's
what I do for a living, after all."

She giggled. "If I am to be a woman in your life, I may well
need it."

That she does.

He snorted. "Ya never know. Well, things like that kinda quieted
down after..." He fell silent into his own introspection.

Sounds like it wasn't a happy marriage.

She looked up again. "I was surprised to see you cruising... is
this something your other half needs? This openness?"

Ranma: Oh, of course.  I go around every night to find new people to 
have sex with while my wife is back at home with some of her friends.

"No, your wife. I know you; I know who and what you married,

'what'?  Is she referring to Akane's cursed form?

remember. I could hardly forget." She snorted. "I remember how
outraged I was, the first time I saw her change. 'Foul sorcery',
I called it... I blamed you for it... like everything else that
displeased me."

Heh, so Akane got married and cursed before Kunou did.

"Fehh... she's the one who wanted this separation, not me. I
already got all the adventure I could use, just growing up. I

So Akane wanted to have adventures as a guy; like what Ranma once did?

guess she needed more, on the guy side. I can almost understand
it... almost."

Or did she just want to have a relationship with a girl?

"After you two fought for so long to be together in your own
way? Against me and everyone else?"

"It wasn't quite that easy, really. She had to come to terms
with how she felt about my girl side... and about then, when we

This meant that Akane had to understand loving Ranma meant loving both 
sides?

were finally ready to get married, somebody started importing
the J-water, and then everybody _else_ had a girl side or a guy

Jusenkyo wouldn't allow Ranma to have an easy life ^_^

side, seemed like... She got splashed with Nanniichuan three

So the other girls were also cursed?  Or did they curse themselves 
after Ranma married Akane that weekend? ^_^

times, d'y'know that? Three people thought I'd drop her if she

Hehehehe... They should have seen that one coming ^_^

had a guy side. So we got married over the weekend. Hell, I

Ranma: My dreams of making love with a man finally came true!
Sosei: I _didn't_ need to hear that!

woulda married her even if she'd been locked... like she is
now." He shook his head wearily. "Not that she wants to see my
face, either of 'em, right now. After all the obsessives around
us... I guess she needed to see for herself if the grass really
was greener. I never wanted it, but I'm ...coping. I just wish

'I'm... coping.'

So Akane wanted to see if living as a guy was better?  It never was 
really explained why she locked herself.

it would end soon and she'd ask me to come home, but that's not
how it's headed. Sorry, I hope you can understand that."

Yeah, sounds like it didn't end up happily ever after...

She nodded, blinking. "I... I am sorry for that. Despite my
position now, I would wish you two the best."

Sosei: (Points behind Ranma) Hey, look over there!
Ranma: (Turns around) Huh?
Sosei: (Runs as fast as she can outside) Akane, my love, I'm coming!

"Well, the kids have it the hardest... they never agreed to have

Usually they have it the hardest.

their family torn up like this, it wasn't what we were offering
when we brought them into this world. They had to have known
they'd get weird parents, but this wasn't in the plan. They're
the ones I worry about. They can't do anything about it when the
loneliness gets to be too much. I can only sneak around there
just so much before I get driven off. I even had to move the
school."

Akane's not allowing him to see the kids or teach at the dojo?

"Will you quit that? I don't want to punish you. If it helps, I
forgive you. Actually I knew, and I forgot about it a long time

The other girls probably told Ranma that Kunou was cursed.

"If you still need kinky, well, I don't wanna do that. That was
your sister's thing, and I hated it."

Ranma: By the way, has Kodachi been trapped as a man and underwent any 
sort of change into sanity?
Sosei: No.
Ranma Damn!

His nod was both acknowledgement and dismissal. "Time to trade in
Dick for Jane and Sally again." He leaned over the bathroom
sink, scooped cold tap water into his hand and sprinkled it down
onto his head, and that was enough to trigger the change. She

'his head, enough to' - Don't need 'and that was'

watched in fascination as he seemed to lean further over the
sink as he shrank into she, then realized that the lean was

'shrank into a she' - I think.

constant, that the apparent increase was due to the emerging
breasts. She shook her head; it was the first time she'd seen it
clearly and been unable to deny the sight as it was seen. So
little for so grandiose a delusion.

She never saw anyone else transform this close by?

tossing Sosei's to land on the bed next to her. No matter the
gender, even in undignified moments she moved with automatic
feline grace. It turned every activity into dance, even the

'into a dance'

current act of pulling on a garter belt over bikini brief
panties.

Ranma: All part of Happosai's training.

time, but both sides are always there. These days I wear the
form that suits my mood or my business; mainly female. I usedta
be mainly male, back before the separation."

This is because Akane's locked as a male and so Ranma feels that he 
should be female more of the time for the children?

"I doubt it. She usedta yell at me whenever I stayed girlside
for too long. Hell, she'd yell at me when she got wet and went
guyside. I dunno what she wanted... I dunno if she did, even.
Wish I did, maybe we wouldn'ta split up."

Hmm... sounds like Akane wanted to be the mother in the family.

"You really think it's permanent."

'permanent?'

She sighed. "Looks that way. She hasn't filed yet, but she's
talking about it. He is, I guess I should say."

Sounds like Akane's having a few doubts of her own if it's taking this 
long.

from her handbag. Somehow the skirt, despite its treatment, had
emerged unwrinkled; even her nylons were straight.

'her' or 'its'?

The other looked back at her levelly. "It's not cross-dressing
when I'm a girl. Woman. Female."

Should 'girl, 'woman' and 'female' be separated by periods?

fulfilled them to herself. Then she realized that, after all,
that had been the goal all along, the one worthy goal left for

Second 'that' is unnecessary.

"Is that what had you so rattled? I wondered."

'wondered' -> 'wonder' (?)

"Of course. Just leave the tanto at home. And don't bring your
bokken, I don't think the girls at the bar could handle that."

Heh

The smaller woman came over, drew her once more into her embrace

'embrace,' - I think.

and gently kissed her. "We all gotta grow up sometime... I'm
kinda sad it had to be this way for you. You coulda been more,
if you got through your obsessions..."

That's true with a lot of people.

"You could change back now, y'know. The kettle's been found. We
found it. With all the J-Water around, we had to..."

Should have been obvious.  Since I doubt Akane would have locked 
herself if there was no way of unlocking the curse.

"I heard." She slowly shook her still-averted head. "I am very
ashamed of who I was... and frightened. If I should go back..."
A quick, decisive shake. "No, I'm better this way." She looked
up earnestly. "You can understand that, can't you?"

She lived cursed for so long that her original form would feel 
different.  And she wouldn't be able to handle looking at herself if 
she changed back.

The redhead shrugged. "Well, I gotta teach classes tomorrow,
otherwise I'd invite you home with me right now." She opened her
handbag again and pulled out a business card and a pencil, and
began awkwardly writing something on it, across her raised knee.

'handbag again, pulled out'

"Just as well; I have obligations too," said the other as she
fumbled with her purse.

'obligations, too,' (?)

"This is in Nerima; you didn't move your school very far, then."

Would have been an inconvenience to the students if he did.

"Yeah, it's where Ucchan's usedta be, before she took over the
old Nekohanten. I expanded it and turned it into a dojo, I teach

Ranma also lives there?

"I teach one class of Anything-Goes a week, out in a park; it's
too destructive to teach indoors. I teach masters; they teach

Is it?  Soun did once teach it in his dojo.  Maybe you mean the 
advanced levels?

others. Oh, and once a year they toss a cat on me, and then I
teach a class on the Cat-Fist, just to keep some damn fool from
trying to do what my Pop did to me."

Ranma: Unfortunately that doesn't prevent them from trying another 
technique.

steel, and that cat just plain doesn't care. You get in its way,
it cuts you up, it's that simple, nobody can make it settle down
anymore. You saw it, don't you remember that part?"

Not even someone Ranma likes?  Or does he mean it's not possible now 
because of the separation?

"I do, barely. I don't think I was conscious for long... if I
was conscious at all in those days."

Heh

Propping the door open with her foot, with the room key tucked

Don't need the second 'with'.

into the fingers of the hand that held her handbag, the redhead
reached back offering a hand. The taller woman gratefully took
it; they emerged together from the dim room into the hallway's
brighter light.

Nice start to their relationship.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

FFMLR note:
I'm using Jeffrey Friedl's online dictionary,
http://enterprise.dsi.crc.ca/cgi-bin/j-e/dict, for researching
names such as Sosei. If you're familiar with the language
and are aware of inappropriate connotations to the name,
I'd appreciate hearing about it. I'm vaguely aware of
Takahashi's trilingual punning, but I'm just trying to select
names to be meaningful without inadvertently embarrassing
myself.

Might want to include the definition of Sosei here for those that are 
too lazy to search for it (like me ^_^;).

Overall an interesting fic.  Very different from other fics (I think 
you said before that it was 'Iris' twisted around).  The scenes were 
well written and was enjoyable to read.  If you do end up writing 
another fic based on this, would be interesting to see how this 
relationship goes on and how the situation with Akane gets resolved.

Lately I've been very slow with writing and C&C'ing.  Hopefully I can 
be faster with that now.

Hope the C&C's of some use.

Ginrai
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