Kris Stingray wrote:

  Ah, another fic, left un-C&Ced. This must not be!

Metastasis
A Ranma 1/2 fanfic by Kris Stingray

Prologue

The woman shivered, and pulled her coat closer around her body. Her eyes
were looking ahead but unfocused on the path before her. It was night,
but the street was illuminated by the bright signs on the buildings and
the street lights. A slight breeze ruffled her hair, and she smoothed it
back. It was perhaps too cool to walk, but she couldn't bring herself to
drive a car home. She was still recovering from a near fatal car
accident and was not anxious to get behind a steering wheel again.

  Commage? It works as is, though. Remember, all of my suggestions can be easily ignored, should you want to do so. :)

She groaned inwardly as she reflected on the day. It had not been as
successful as she hoped. She'd spent several hours of negotiating and it
had gotten her no closer to reclaiming what was once hers. She was well
aware that her life was slipping away from her.minute by minute.

  Commage?

  her.minute -- her, minute

"Can you feel it changing?." The voice jarred her from her thoughts and
she whipped her head in the direction of the disturbance. She looked at
the woman who was now keeping pace alongside her. The "woman" was
nothing but a teenage. A short,  thin girl with straight jet-black hair
and an soft round face that was unconventionally attractive. The girl
smiled at her and stuck her hands in the pockets of her faded jeans.

  changing?." -- changing?"

  teenage -- tenager

  short,   thin -- short, thin (extra space)

  Commage.

She turned to face the direction the girl was pointing. "Why, yes it
is...how did you...," she said trailing off once she noticed the girl
was no longer walking with her. Glancing around, she saw no sign of her.
She furrowed her brow, trying to make sense of what the girl had been
saying, but shook her confusion away. Kids nowadays, she thought and
approached her apartment building. She noticed a familiar figure manning
the door.

  you...," -- you..." (suggestion -- there's no solid convention on this one, though there is a 'correct' way to use them, I've yet to see it adhered to, and I know I don't know what it is anyway. :p)

  'she saw no sign of her,' sounds a little awkward.

Ryuu nodded as he opened the door for her. He tipped his hat slightly
with his free hand and smiled. "Switched shifts so I could have tomorrow
off. "It's my daughter's birthday."

  Kumon?

The glass door shut behind her with a resounding click and she paused to
look back at the doorman as he reassumed his position. He was whistling
happily, with not a care in the world. She shook her head and headed
toward the elevator. She wished that all she had to worry about was a
daughter's birthday.

  head/headed in close proximity. Might want to reword that?

She stood by the elevator's door and watched as the numbers slowly crept
closer to the lobby. She felt a presence next to her and frowned once
she saw who it was.

  This part sounds somewhat stilted. Maybe a little flavor text, like the elevators doors? Steel? Colored? Marked with a generic logo for the building? The lobby, maybe? Carpeting, theme, secretary, little details might help it flow a little more smoothly, and having both sentences start with, 'she' makes it feel a bit clipped.

"Not expecting to see me?" he asked, looking dashing as usual in his
tailored suit.

A lock of hair covered his right eye boyishly, and she desperately had
the urge to brush it away.Fighting the urge, she looked at him with
disdain. "It's not exactly a surprise. We do live in the same building."

  away.Fighting -- away. Fighting

The elevator opened. She walked in, and the man followed while closing
in on her personal space at the same time. She desperately wished
someone would join them in the elevator, but her wish went unfulfilled
as it closed. He moved in on her like a shark, pinning her against the
wall of the elevator. He stared into her eyes which were now narrowed
into slits.

  Repetition, second, third sentences both start with, 'she', third, fourth both start with 'he'.

  The bit about him moving like a shark helps, though.

The man seemed unperturbed and leaned in closer to her. Involuntarily,
she felt a pleasurable shudder shoot through her body. She grimaced,
hating the way her body betrayed her. She turned her head away and
stared at the elevator panel.

  The panel is a wall? Or the control panel?

She lay in bed, naked beneath the covers. The television combined with
Souji's soft snoring prevented her from drifting into the dreamless
sleep that she sought. She sat up, removing his arm around her in the
process and began to grope for the remote. Finding it, she paused before
turning the television off. Her eyes narrowed as she saw the images on
the screen and tuned into the  woman broadcaster's news report.

  the  woman -- the woman (extra space)

She felt herself snap back to the present as Souji moved restlessly next
to her. She returned her attention to the television which was now
playing a commercial and turned it off. Now, without the faint glow of
the television screen, the room was in total darkness. She leaned back
in her bed; thoughts racing through her mind.

  Commage.

  'her' bed? Isn't it Souji's?

When her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she carefully removed Souji's
arm from her for the second time that night and stood up. She gathered
her clothes that were strewn around the bedroom and began to dress,
making as little noise as possible. She then left the apartment without
so much of a glance behind her,  and took the elevator up to the
penthouse.

  Her eyes adjusted to total darkness?

  her,  and -- her, and

Once inside her safe haven, she slammed the door behind her and leaned
against it. She slid slowly down the door until she was sitting and
hugged her knees together against her body. Her face was stony, but the
rest of her body revealed her actual feelings as she trembled. Not for
the first time, Nabiki Tendou was feeling very much alone in this world.

  Commage.

To be continued......

  Hm. Well, normally go for the mythic/action stuff, and this isn't really my cup-of-tea, so to speak... but it managed to grab my attention. I'm curious to see where it goes.

C&C begged and pleaded for.

  And from the void, given.