Raja wrote:

...And here's the revised chapter 3 of yet another fanfic with "destiny"
in the title. ^_^

   Drat. I wonder if I chose a bad time to post FaD...

Nah, at least, I don't think so.  Oh, and by the way, I was saving up all of Fate and Destiny to read in one shot...until my hard drive died.  Could you send me those again?  Please?

C&C is always welcome...and on a related note, if anybody would be
interested in prereading for me, drop me a line.

   Right. C&C.

    Megumi caught movement in the corner of her eye, and turned to the
windows at the front of the bar.  There were many people milling about
in confusion in the streets, which at first glance looked relatively
normal -- it was a workday, after all.  However, the cars drifting
lazily through the air were definitely not normal.  As Megumi pressed
her hands to the glass, she saw a number of other things that were out
of the ordinary.  In addition to cars floating three meters above
ground, some seemed to be parallel parked on the sides of buildings.  In
the road itself, an irregular hole had opened wide, with an unearthly
light pouring up out of it.  Odd looking winged objects -- birds? --
were lazily flying from the hole into the sky, where they popped like
soap bubbles.

   Megumi: Damnit! They said it would only kick in ONCE, but I keep getting the darn flashbacks!

Urd hid a smile as she dropped another pill into Megumi's glass....

    "Well, it's just so...so...weird, to think of reality as a giant
computer program.  And operated by gods and goddesses?  It's
just...irrational."

   I have a sudden and irrational desire to write a Martix/A!MG fusion.

   I will resist.

Oh boy...I hadn't thought of that one.  I'm hoping I can resist too...

    Urd motioned to the hole in front of them, as if to say, and this is
rational?  Megumi took another look.  Clouds were drifting over a
distant surface.  She could see what appeared to be oddly shaped cities
far below, but not on the ground...

   Should the 'this is rational?' be in at least single quotes to difrentiate it from the rest of the prose?

Will do, thanks.

    Urd's eyes followed Megumi's to where the gap in reality had spread
onto the sidewalk.  One of the cars that had previously, impossibly,
been parked on a wall fell into the hole and contorted unimaginably,
breaking up into wreckage that disappeared into the depths.

   Looks like they need to restore from backup, honestly.

<shudder>  Don't say things like that to someone who just had to do that...
I wonder what would happen to reality in the A!MG universe if Yggdrasil had to undergo a low-level format and re-install of it's system software?  Probably, Nidheg (I _think_ that's what it's called, it's Hell's counterpart to Yggdrasil) would pick up the slack and things would get...REALLY interesting.

    A flash of power burst from Urd's upraised hands.  Megumi watched as
the light washed over the scene, coalescing around two spots at either
side of the chasm.  The lights resolved themselves into the now-familiar
fuzzy, long eared six legged shapes.  "There's two of them -- there they
are!"  She jumped forward, managing to bean one of the bugs before it
had realized that it had been found out.  Megumi spun around and ran
towards the other bug, only to see that it was running towards her.
Surprised, she managed to smash it in passing, only to overbalance
herself and fall forward.  Megumi screamed as she realized that she was
headed towards the hole in the ground, unable to stop herself.

   What's she trying to hit it with?

Um, that mallet in her hand which I forgot to mention... will fix.

    "Yeah, that's right.  I had promised to give it to...someone...."
Keiichi's head had begun to throb again.

   Second ellipse has one more period than it needs?

I was taught that if an ellipse happens at the end of a sentence, or if what is removed includes the end of a sentence, it needs a fourth period.  Of course, I had an anal-retentive English teacher in high school.

    Sayoko again noticed that with the change of subject, all signs of
discomfort disappeared.  *Very interesting...*

   Indeed. Im curious as to where this one is going!

Thanks for the comments!  I'm pretty sure I know where this is going to end up, but it's taking some interesting turns on the way....

Raja