And getting on to other messages:

DB Sommer wrote:

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    You know, I used to look at people mentioning e-mail/C&C backlogs,
and wonder what they were talking about.

    I long for the days of my innocent youth. ;)

As do I. Of course I used to primarily just write and did little in the way
of C+C in the beginning because I wasn't very good at reviewing things. I
got better at it with practice, though, which anyone feeling wary of sending
C+C should take note of.

disc, the jets were more compact, which the Fixer preferred since that

meant

more room for his weapons. A variety of multi-functional weapons were

laced

through the entirety of the battle pack, each one capable of dealing with
any aggressive situation in a wide variety of ways.

    arm pits -- armpits

    Mentallo: Do you have the martial artist de-agressor beam handy?

Ha! In this fic, that would have virtually no practical value as few of the
heroes rely on such abilities.

In the eventuality the pack proved insufficient, he had a wide leather
weapon's belt that held a variety of cylindrical objects that resembled
grenades. Also attached to the belt was a specially designed gun that was
linked up to the targeting computer in his helmet, as well as having its

own

independent tracking system. And those were merely his second line of
defense. He had the firepower of several army platoons draped on his

person.

He could take on a tank division single-handed and probably end up
victorious. Having such power at his command made his heart race.

    weapon's -- weapons (I think. You're trying to indicate what the
belt carries, right?)

It's meant to be an article of clothing. I think you might be right, though.

green with envy."

    JSDF: Yeah? We can't even spot Godzilla half the time -- an old
telescope and a CNN newsfeed would make us turn green with envy!

Heh.

Mentallo took note of his partner stopping a moment to do a close up on

one

of the people on the street that was staring off into space. Distracted,

he

continued hovering, turning the corner of a street, only to come
face-to-tiny face with an unexpected factor in their experiment.

    face-to-tiny face -- face-to-tiny-face (I think. It's normally just
'face-to-face', right?)

I think you're right. Extra hyphen should work fine.

"Oh my." Kasumi nearly collided with the flying man.

    'Oh my' or 'Oh, my'? If it were an exclamation, I could understand
the lack of a comma more easily.

Exclamation point now added.

Staring at the tiny girl with wings that hovered directly in front of

him,

Mentallo blinked once under his visor, then sighed. "I knew I never

should

have listened to Honaga, but noooo. He just had to go on and on about how
drugs would make me forget all about Madoka. Just try the brown acid

once,

he says, and now look at what I get: flashbacks a year later."

    Should Honaga's words o' wisdom be in quotation marks, since he's
quoting someone? :p

Yeah. Single quotes since it's within somone's dialogue.

The Fixer let out an irritated moan. "Are you still obsessing about
homosexuals? Didn't the Imperial Hydra warn you... Holy!" He activated

his

telescopic lenses on the tiny girl flying in front of Mentallo. "It is a
fairy!"

    Might want to reword that a bit? Looks as though the lenses are on
Kasumi, when I think you mean that they're trained on her, or oriented
on her, etc.

Done.

Embarrassed by the attention she was suddenly receiving, Kasumi blushed.

It

took her a moment to compose herself and remember the purpose of her

flight.

"Ah, excuse me, but would either of you happen to know who's responsible

for

making everyone just stand around? It's not you two, is it? It's really

rude

to do this to people, you know."

    Isn't she still naked? In part B she started to put on some
clothing, but got distracted by the wings, and then started trying to
fly, so...

Originally I had thought most people would assume she would take a second to
put it on (which is what I intended), but since this question has been
raised by multiple people, I have thrown in a line mentioning that she puts
something on before going out the window now. That should clear things up.

"Keep back!" Kasumi cried. As panic gripped her mind and her heart raced
like a triphammer, a tingling sensation built up in her forearms.
Instinctively, she pointed at Mentallo. There was a strange feeling

surged

>from her forearms and all the way down to her hand and fingers.

    Kasumi: Kame-ha-me-HA!

I swear I've seen someone do that in something. Kasumi opening a polite can
of whoops ass in some DBZ/Ranma fic.

A crimson blast of energy leaped from her hands, catching Mentallo with a
glancing blow to his shoulder. Despite the fact the shot barely struck

the

telepath, there was still enough force to send him spinning off his disc

and

to the ground five feet below, were he landed on his back. He tried

rising

to his feet, but fell back down, stunned by the combination of energy and
the fall.

    Repetition of 'feet'? One is a unit of distance, and the other is a
reference to, well... feet... Nah. I'm probably just being nitpicky.

    Feel free to ignore me!

I'll probably revise it anyway. They do sound a bit alike.

    And this guy probably worked for Daitokuji industries before. Biiko
would have loved it, I betcha! :p

Heh.

    Yeep. Uh... first sentence, I would recomend a comma between target
and heading.

    Second sentence, you say it's large, and then say that she thinks
that it's large... is that right?

*Sigh* Yes. I'm being redundant there. A bad tendency I seem to have picked
up. Axed one of the references.

She was very, very, angry.

    Kasumi: Please don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me, angry...

Kasumi: People tend to bleed excessively around me when that happens.

It took only a moment for Mentallo to reestablish control over the

populace

and returned them to their previous mindless state. Finished, he turned

to

his partner, still trying to get the nauseating fumes from out of his

nose.

"What was that? A super-reviver gas you designed? An un-unconsciousnator
device?"

    'un-unconsciousnator'?

    I think I just found a new favorite word!

I was rather fond of it myself.

"I am very upset with your behavior," Kasumi softly intoned, hands on her
hips.

    Kasumi: Kasumi SMASH!

Not quite. I did have a spamfic where Kasumi accidentily became the
Juggernaut. She suffered attacks from Herb and Saffron, then when it was
revealed she was unharmed in the slightest  by their most lethal moves and
still smiling pleasently at them, she offered them some tea. They wisely
accepted.

would anchor upon, she expanded her consciousness outward from there,
forcing the presence trying to affect her mind, out.

    I'm getting, 'Volunteers' flashbacks, here...

    "Fight fight fight, for Washington state!"

Couldn't get into that movie.

"Then we do it the old-fashioned way." The Fixer's hand was a blur as he
pulled one of the spheres from his belt and hurled it in Kasumi's

direction.

    Fixer: Pikachu!! I choose YOU!

Someone else had the same idea. Now if I had one of those balls, I'd try to
choose Jennifer Lopez, myself.

    > >surface, the only flaw in its texture were two strips of wires

embedded

under the sphere's glazed exterior. They circled completely around the
object, one towards the top and the other towards the bottom, each was

the

same distance away from the nearest end, giving perfect symmetry to the

odd

design.

    I'm drawing a blank on this one. The balls from phantasm? That one
Angel from EVA?

Nope. Similiar to a device the Fixer used against the Micronauts. His Jerico
Tube came from the same comic.

"It's a portable gravity well," the Fixer informed her. "Its area of

effect

is limited, but it's particularly useful for making bullets, grenades,

and

even small rockets veer off course. And as you can tell, it's also useful
for taking care of pesky insects."

    Bullets? You do realize that... comic book physics... comic book
physics...

Ignore them. Tell yourself this is a world where teenagers change into girls
and pigs with cold water, and you should really just relax. ^_^

The Fixer held out his hand for the bottle. "Let me. I'm good at getting
those childproof caps off. It comes from having skilled hands in

designing

all of these complex weapon systems."

    Hehe...

They vex me all the time.

"What?! You think people would pay that much for something that has only

one

purpose, and a simple one at that?"

    In America? They'd pay ever so much more.

True.

"Oh, I think so, if they want what's inside the bottle, " The Fixer waved
the container temptingly at Mentallo. The tablets made a hollow noise as
they rolled around in the half empty container.

    half empty -- half-empty (?)

Or half-full, depending on your mentality. :)

"Why you little!" The Fixer shouted at the bottle as he proceeded to beat

it

against the ground, his anger against his flying foe temporarily

forgotten

as a much more insidious opponent was presented before him.

    Heh. Thought it would fail, somehow. He should have used a laser
cutting torch.

Nah. Blasting gel. :)

"Dr. Tofu! Dr. Tofu!" Kasumi cried out as she flew up to his face and

looked

past his glasses and into distant eyes. Now that she thought about it,

aside

>from the slight bit of drool from his open mouth, and the fact he tended

to

make a lot more noise, the look wasn't all that different from the one he
sported most of the time.

    Ouch...

Well, I'm trying to mix obliviousness with enough smarts to have survival
instincts. :)

to prod him onward once again. Eventually, the duo ended up in the lab
behind the clinic, next to the equipment that had turned Kasumi's world
upside down.

    Or just made it a lot larger.

Heh. True.

"Can you make me grow again?" Kasumi asked, constantly repeating the word
Tofu seemed fixated on.

    I could say something here, but... I won't.

    I'll be good and resist temptation.

I don't know why. I never do and look at how I turned out. :)

"Grow," he said, moving over to a dial marked, 'Mass Increase,' at one

end,

and 'Mass Decrease,' at the other. It was currently on the latter, so he
spun it to the left, almost to the maximum of the increase side.

    Must... resist...

Come on. Give into the darkside. Or write a lemon if it will make you feel
better.

gave out then as his head, then shoulders and chest burst through the top
and destroying it. He gave no sign of feeling the effects of driving

through

the plaster and brick of his addition. And still he grew, expanding to

the

size of forty feet before at last his growth stopped. Dr. Tofu stood

alone

in the rubble, the slack-jawed expression at last disappearing as his

senses

slowly returned.

    Commage?

    And, dare I ask, what about his clothing? ;)

Shredded. I make a point of this later. :)

have were present. It wasn't the first time she has seen that particular

part. Back in high school a friend had talked her into being naughty once
and they had peeked in the boys' showers after baseball practice. But it

had

been nothing like this. But what was before her eyes now was inhuman, and

>from her smaller perspective, downright disturbing.

    Heh!

There is such a thing as too much, you know. :)

The voice sounded as though it was right in front of him, but still no

one

was present. It made no sense, and he was about to say so, when the

reality

of the situation hit him full force. The answer was obvious; he could

hear

Kasumi's disembodied voice next to his ear because Kasumi didn't have a

body

anymore. The building had crushed her and it was

    Something's missing here, I think.

Actually too much. Should have ended it as 'her.'

"No, I suspect I'm too big," Tofu admitted while being overjoyed at the
reports of Kasumi's death being greatly exaggerated.

    Oww...

Had to give a nod to Twain somewhere in there.

Kasumi looked to the sky while pointing downward.

    I thought he couldn't see her?

Oops. Quite right. I now have her tell him to look down while she pointedly
looks up.

in certain departments, which had always bothered his ego, especially

when

it came to courting women, but now he was beyond a doubt the 'manliest'

man

of them all, even if it was simply because all of his overall dimensions

had

increased.

    Oh... that's _so_ bad. Hehe...

I'm go against the lemon grain by having a protagonist below average instead
of tree trunk size. :)

Mentallo finally managed to say said, "I don't know about you, but I
suddenly feel very inadequate."

    ...

    Well, at least he doesn't get mad about it. ;)

Kind of hard to. It's like getting jealous of a horse or something. :)

While the duo formulated their battle plan, Kasumi acted. Seeing Tofu

sway

under the telepathic assault, she flew closer to him. "Are you all

right?"

    Great plan.

Works for me.

    I find myself actually liking the Fixer and Mentallo bits a good
deal, though.

I did too. Probably going to have the reappear at some point. They make a
good team.

"I think I prefer being called Wasp. Fly Girl has all sorts of

connotation I

don't want associated with me."

    ...

    I never even saw it coming.

Heh.

stand on at least semi-even ground with him. Once he had drawn closer to

the

forty foot Goliath, the genius began to have second thoughts. The man was
even larger than the statue in front of 'Big Boy's.'

    forty foot -- forty-foot (? Not sure about that one.)

    I will refrain from making a Doctor Evil joke.

Why? I chose it for that very reason. Someone mentioned using a statue of
Col Sanders (if you've seen the Compiler anime, you'll understand why it's
very appropriate) but since KFC has done away with the col as their symbol,
I opted to keep this.

The impacts did cause him pain, and struck with enough power to cause
bruises to form immediately upon abused flesh, but after teetering for

only

a moment, he quickly righted himself. In retaliation, he brought his hand

up

and snatched his surprised opponent out of mid-air in unknowing parity to
what the Fixer had done to Kasumi less than half an hour earlier.

    Aahhh... comic-book physics.

    Otherwise I'd mention the whole 'cube:square law' thing... you know.

Ah, but do you apply this to Ranma fics since they tend to have super powers
and defy the laws of physics on a regular basis? That might help. :)

"This isn't good." The Fixer backed away in caution.

    Observant, isn't he?

Heh.

Mentallo fell. Fortunately for him, he had been staying close to the

ground,

and only fell a single meter and landing on his bottom once again.

    Sheesh. How hard do those bolts hit?

Hard enough to do what they did. (You see, I have experience answering such
questions. ^_^)

"And there's more on the way," the Fixer moaned as Tofu approached him,
obviously intent on punting him even further away, most likely somewhere
around China. With no time to consider which weapon might come close to
enabling him to survive the blow, Hiroshi Karigiri did the first thing

that

came to mind and prayed.

    Which is a lot closer than America, thankfully. :p

Yep.

"Then where's the other, oh." Tofu squeezed slightly and discovered what

his

hand was resting on. "Uh, I didn't accidentally crush him, did I?"

    Suggest a dash or elipse instead of a comma. But then, I abuse
those, so my advice is suspect. ;)

Nah. Don't think I need it here. I use plenty of elipses as is.

trapped at her small height, Kasumi willed herself to shrink again. It
worked as she returned to her 'wasp' form, and was delighted to discover

the

wings had returned as well. Once again she willed herself to her original
height. "Oh, Dr. Tofu. It's wonderful. My wings only appear when I'm

small,

and I can make myself tiny and big as much as I want..."

    bade -- bidden (?)

I think bade is okay.

    What about clothing?

Gone, as we learn in a moment.

moment, she feared it was a delayed reaction from an injury that had gone
unnoticed, but then she heard him mumble, "So beautiful. Like a pale,
newborn angel."

    Ah. Of course.

Yep.

she could possibly be hurt, but someone had to do it. It might not have

been

the same sort of responsibility cooking meals for her family was, but it

was

an obligation nonetheless, one to society. With great powers came great
responsibility. At least that was how she felt about the matter.

    Which reminded her. Dinner was burnt.

One of the prereaders said much the same thing, so I added the line later.
It was good.

    'Captain Japan'? Captain America spoof? I have _got_ to read the
previous chapters...

Indeed. You really ought to know the events that led up to this. 1st
chapter's a bit dry, but the others flowed well, I think.

television and such. The clothing was going to be tricky, all right, but

she

had time. All the time in the world, or at least until the next super
villain tried to take over the minds of the population of Nerima.

    Super-Villains local 105: Nerima is off limits. Severely off limits.

Heh. That might be coming, but the area is only now suffering from a
superhero infestation. It'll take time for the word to spread.

And then an errant thought occurred to her which ruined her mood.

"Oh no! The meat!"

    She _had_ to use that word.

Hadn't thought of that,but you're right. It's the only word to use.

real source of income. A door-to-door mattress salesman her foot, he had
actually been the leader of one of the world's most reviled terrorist
organizations. She knew she should have suspected things were odd when he
kept bringing in nearly sixty million yen a year; no mattress salesman in
the world made that, even as smooth a talker as her husband could be when
the situation demanded it.

    ...

You got to have charisma to lead those folks, you know. :)

like getting married and providing her with grandchildren to dote upon.

It

was time the useless layabout did something important with his life, like
try to take over a large portion of the world.

    God, I wish my grandmother were that cool.

Ditto.

But Mentallo and the Fixer were far from the most important thing on her
mind. No, that honor belonged to another. The old woman closed the secret
panel on her portable shrine and hefted it once more upon her back. What

was

of far more concern than even the loss of the prototype and the loss of

two

operatives was the identity of the giant man, and the questions

surrounding

him, one first and foremost on the Imperial Hydra's mind.

    It's the ladle-lady, isn't it?

No. Close. That would have been only slightly less evil.

How on Earth did her son, Tofu Ono, get involved in the super-hero

business?

And more importantly, what was she going to do about it?

    Ack! Kin Ono? Hmm...

Not sure if that's her name, but yep, it's Ma Ono.

    I came into this fic C&Cing something I expected to be good, and was
simply floored by hor great it really was

You make me blush with your flattery. You have also guarenteed me finishing
C+Cing Fate and Destiny at some point, and maybe even Process of
Elimination. Congratulations. ^_^

    _EXCELENT_ work, Mr. Sommer. I am _very_ impressed, and eagerly
awaiting more. :)

Might be a while. There are several fics I'm doing first. Probably at least
three one shots, but only one of them promises to be long. Hopefully will
get to work on one of them tomorrow.

Thanks a lot for the C+C once again.

D.B. Sommer


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