Hiya,

Again, trying to catch up on some C&C, and again, as usual, falling hopeless behind.  I should be studying now--C&C makes for great procrastination.  Also, nice to see another piece by one of my favourite fanfiction authors....

Greetings to all! This was my entry in the AnimeFEST! fanfiction
contest. Any and all comments and critiques are more than welcome.

How did your piece do?  I'll offer what C&C I can, but considering the source, I really don't expect to find anything....

     I laughed a little at myself as I wrote it - maudlin, I
thought to myself, and hardly worth the writing. But moved by
that same strange impulse. I folded the poem into a neat strip,

Yay!  A mistake! ;)  Should be a comma after impulse, I think.

his face hidden in shadows. I gasped despite myself, but could
not think what else to do, but he simply seated himself near the
door, and began to speak. He had a slow voice, but resonant and

The double repetition of 'but' in the above sentence reads a bit awkward, I think.

     I could not comprehend its words, not even as it minced
towards me, its paws delicate and terrible.

I'm sure you carefully considered the word before placing it, but 'minced' doesn't quite sound right, to me.  It conjures up a very odd mental image.

     "Of course," I said softly, admiring how our hair mingled
black and white upon the coverlet. He came to me in many forms
now, and I had grown to love them all, but most of all when his
hair was long and white and soft as down.

<grin>  Why, our nameless writer (nice touch, incidentally) has become somewhat hentai, hasn't she?

Author's Note:
This is modeled after the poetic diaries that were popular in
Heian Japan. Poems with numbers after them are taken from the
Kokinshu, an early imperial poetry anthology; the rest are
original.
(1) Poem by Ariwara Narihira no Ason, from the Kokinshu, #476
(2) Author unknown, Kokinshu #692
(3) Author unknown, Kokinshu #701

Well, I really didn't have much to offer.  An excellent story, and thanks for sharing it.  I've got Genji Monogatari waiting on my bookshelf; maybe much as your husband's story compelled me to go and buy Mechwarrior 4, this one will push me to finally begin reading the book.  Compliments on your original poetry as well--I say that with some envy, since writing poetry is something completely beyond me.

I wish I knew more about Inu-Yasha.  I've watched a fair bit of it, but sadly it's all been in Japanese... took me ages to even figure out Kagome's name.  In the available manga, has there been any references to either Inu-Yasha's mother, or his father's demonic wife?

Again, great story,
Mike Noakes

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