DB Sommer wrote:

Just touching on a few points:

 But

far more people had suffered side effects, or gone too long without a
dose, and...well, more than once, she had let non-payers simply go
without, and took her rightful money from their corpses.

Nasty stuff, all right. What is it? Hallucinogenic?

Does it matter?

Nope. Merely idle curiosity.

Ah.  Well, hadn't really thought about it that much, besides what the
name suggests: stimulants.  As in, something that could turn someone
like Kiyone into someone like Mihoshi, especially if deliberately
abused.

"Yes, quite."  The princess looked at the table, off into space,
anywhere that would not meet Kiyone's gaze.  "Particularly the article
that says if over two thirds of those worlds served by the Galaxy

Police

no longer want their protection, the GP are to disband immediately?"

Heh. That could be bad.

I don't know.  Do you think the foreshadowing here was quite overdone
enough?  ^_^;;;

Not really at that point. It was only afterwards. However I've always been
more inclined Azusa would have done more dirty things than the GP to remain
in power, not that I think he's bad, just that it would be easier for him to
do.

Quite possibly.  But it was the GP that got caught in this case.  ^_-

found an empty field, grass covering gently rolling foothills as far

as

the eye could see.  Idly, she realized this must be one of the planets
in Washu's pocket dimension: far above, a bright spot among white,
fluffy clouds indicated the local sun's position.  The air was utterly
still, and the temperature perfectly balanced between warm and cool.

And what exactly is the 'perfectly balanced' temperature beetween warm

and

cool, since different people regard different temperatures as being warm

and

cool? :P

Adjusted for Kiyone's physiology, no da.

Her personal physiology then, but Washuu could have probably gained that
info at any time earlier.

Da, no da.  ^_^;

No offence, but this seems a bit of a cop out. People lose jobs, it's

true,

but I hardly think the need for mind altering devices to limit their

sorrow

over it is necessary. Now if Kiyone proved unable to deal with it for a
prolonged period of time, I could see resorting to this tactic. But as

it

stands, Washuu's meddling is over the line IMO.

Hmm.  I was trying to portray that Kiyone was not broken up over the
job loss per se, but rather the revelation that the GP, which she had
devoted all her energies to and hoped to someday reach the top of, was
the exact opposite of the bastion of law and justice she thought it
was.  Kind of like if Amelia learned that Sailoon was creating all the
mazoku on her planet, and her own magic had been helping.

Didn't think of it that way, but I'd still be more inclined to let her sort
this out on her own than using the machine as a crutch for dealing with her
feelings.

Hmm...possible.  Though Washu's lab is the closest place she can get a
good guarantee of being alone...and I can't quite see Washu not helping
in this case.  But maybe lose the machine.  Hmm...

"My mother?"  Ayeka blinked.  "Umm...begging your pardon, but would

not

Funaho be a better choice?  She is the head of Juraian Intelligence,
after all."

"Indeed.  But the mere fact of a royal shuttle will prevent any

inquiry

as to its contents, and speed is of greater importance."

Funaho doesn't use a royal shuttle? Or is the implication there are more
eyes watching the Minister of Intelligence than the somewhat ditzy

Captain

of the Royal Bodyguard. (I think that was Misaki's title)

The implication is that a royal shuttle, regardless of the pilot, will
be sufficient protection from snooping eyes.

But that still doesn't answer Ayeka's question as to why Funaho wouldn't be
doing it, since she probably is more suited for the job. I'd add some remark
from Azusa that Funaho is busy with more important matters, and Misaki will
more than suffice.

???  As he says, "speed is of greater importance" - and Misaki can get
there faster than Funaho.  Therefore, Misaki is more suited.

"..."  Misaki sighed in defeat.  "Well, ok,

okay (always spell it out)

"ok" *is* how I spell it out.  Like the difference between "color" and
"colour", or more precisely between "Kiyone" and "Kiyonne".

Never seen it spelled in lowercase letter, in that instance. Webster's seem
to think it should be either OK or okay. And I do believe that while you can
use OK, most of the people I know seem to think spelling it out as 'okay' is
the better way to do it. Less jarring to the reader's eyes, perhaps. It
could be I just lead a sheltered life and never heard of it done as just
'ok' before.

Perhaps.  I've done lots of wild and crazy things in my time, like
letting black cats cross my path (ooh! scary!...though it was *my*
black cat) and walking in the rain without raingear and such.  ^_^;

And here we go with the final analysis. Didn't like the whole 'Make

Earth

advanced and part of the Empire stuff.' Too forced, unncessary to the
integral plot of the stims, truth about the GP, and about Mihoshi.

And ironically, it was the whole inspiration for the fic to begin with.

Perhaps, but the idea that spawned from it ended up being the primary part
of the fic, and IMO, the better part. This felt rushed and tacked on to me.
But that might be just my reaction and everyone else thinks it's fine.

Oh, I'm not disagreeing with you: I feel the ending is among the
weakest parts, too.  Just commenting on the irony of that.
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