Brian Randall wrote:
Adrian Tymes wrote:
Brian Randall wrote:
Adrian Tymes wrote:
Kiyone... Tenchi Universe?
Mixed continuities. Bad habit of mine, I know. ^_^;
Bad author, no biscut! ;)
Mya.
Eh? Angsting in the rain? And it's not Ranma?
Mind... struggling... ;)
RyokoxRanma has been done, in many ways. So have other crosses between
those series (like KasumixKiyone ^_^;). I'm waiting to see a good
AyekaxKuno...or maybe AyekaxKodachi. ^_^;;;
Sorry, sorry... was just joking about all the scenes with Ranma
angsting in the rain that spring to mind. :p
"I'm aaangsting in the rain, just aaaangsting in the rain.
What a miserable feeling, I'm aaaangsting a-gain."
The first sentence is quite convoluted... I have trouble parsing it.
"Her customer trudged forward in the shadows" is convoluted? Or did
you mean another sentence?
Second sentance, sorry. Was actually that boggled. ^_^;;
Remember, you know what it's supposed to look like, we don't always
have this benefit. :p
Hmm. I think I can shorten it a bit.
She would not be here forever, yet she knew of no one else who would
deliver this type of cargo this far away from mainstream interstellar
civilization. She wondered what the customer would do when that day
came...but that was her customer's problem, not hers. And perhaps the
customer had solved it: the doses she delivered only lasted a few
months, yet it had been almost a year since her last delivery. Nodding
in satisfaction as the familiar hand took the bag, tearing it slightly
as the bag hooked on the can's lid for a moment, and replaced it with a
bundle of fresh Juraian bank notes, she took the money and flew away.
Is that last sentence a run-on? I'm not a good judge of that. :p
Borderline. *Just* over three rows of text...
Reason I asked was because it had two instances of 'as', which I
think there's an obscure grammatical rule about, but all I can really
say is that it looks a little confusing to me. :p
Oh, ok. Second "as" can easily be replaced with "when". Will do so.
Must watch that movie.
<shrugs> Kain: big bad evil mega-powerful villain. Major trouble if
he shows up. Member of Wannabe Evil Overlords Local 4387 - in bad
standing, of course (difficult to pay union fees when your assets have
been seized). ^_-
Guess I don't need to see it now. Pity, it's sitting on my desk at
the moment, too. :p
I'm told I have amazing powers of spoilage. Mainly self-spoilage,
though. ^_-
This rings more of OAV Washuu than TU Washuu, I think... but I like
OAV Washuu better anyway. :p
'cept for the Washuu-bots. Gotta love the Washuu-bots.
Agreed on both counts.
What's life like without the echoing cries of, "You're the greatest!"
Is it even worth living?
Answer: yes. How else are you going to build the bots to begin with?
As a side note... why is Kiyone so broken up over this? If the GP
are corrupt as Ayeka's report says they are, wouldn't she prefer a
peace-enforcing role somewhere more respectable anyway?
Kiyone's devoted her life to the GP, and only now has she found out
how much evil she's been helping. If you just found out that your day
job, which you thought was as innocent as office work, was actually
manipulating the controls of machines that butchered and maimed
innocent millions, you'd feel a bit upset too, no?
Yeah, but she knew about a lot of the corruption from the TU
TVseries, didn't she?
I mean, she spent most of the series as a fugitive, after all...
One could assume the GP was duped, not corrupt. It looked like the
writers were trying to portray that.
part experiment -- part-experiment (?)
part mercy mission -- part-mercy-mission (?)
Umm, no. Long-drawn-out-hyphenated-words-just-don't-work-that-well-in-
normal-text,-or-so-they-read-to-me. More to the point, "part" is an
independent qualifier in both cases, while the hyphen indicates more
dependence...and "mercy mission" is definitely unhyphenated normally.
Well, I qualified them with question marks because I was unsure. I'm
still struggling with English, sorry. :/
Opposite problem: my mother was an English teacher. >_<
Hmm... Mihoshi as a PI. There's a thought.
A scary thought.
I should get a Sam Spade story and see about writing that thought
into a fic...
Re a certain crystal treasure: "It's the stuff cabbits are made of."
Tenchi shook his head. "What he said was GAAH!"
Suggest a dash before the 'Gaah'.
That would imply Tenchi had at least a millisecond's warning in which
to pause his speech.
I thought that the dash implied that the speech was effectively
derailed?
<shrugs> To me, a dash, like a comma or a period, implies a slight
pause. Derailment doesn't allow for pauses.
Drat. Now I feel like an idiot. >_<
I'm sure Washu-chan has something for that. ^_^;;
But note this is not actually a lemon. ;P
*sigh*
Yeah, I did notice that.
... Um, I mean, well, I would _never_ read such a fic! Really!
Sure, right, we believe you. ^_-
And so the love I'm-not-sure-what-this-is-but-I-doubt-it's-a-regular-
polygon gains yet another side...
I thought you didn't like overly long hyphenated phrases. :p
They have their place.
Suggest: drop the 'in the fireplace'.
Thought of that, but it looked to me too much like the fire could be
elsewhere. Still, since you suggested it, I'll drop it.
Where else would you keep a fire? ;)
I don't know why, but reading it without "in the fireplace" suggested
they were burning the table or the couch or something, even though I
knew they weren't.
Sure enough, with a blast of wind, a hyperspace portal appeared just
above the lake's surface, disgorging a sleek shuttle that Tenchi swore
he had seen in some science fiction movie two weeks ago. The shuttle
gracefully but quickly hovered to dry land and set down...upside down.
A hatch on its side irised opened after a few minutes, out of which
tumbled Misaki, landing on her feet.
That bit deserves more exposition, I think.
How so? Any part in particular?
I'm not certain how -- it just feels a little rushed as it is. :/
Oh. That's ok, then: Misaki's not exactly the slowest pilot around.
mommy -- Mommy (?)
Not a proper noun.
I haven't seen that series, so it would explain why I'm having
trouble with the characterizations.
Mihoshi on the edge of drug withdrawal. Deliberate OO-normal-C to
illustrate the point.
It made much more sense later.
<nods> Just a hint that something's not right.
Who's PoV is this scene from?
Again, neutral omniscient observer.
I must learn to write in that style.
Neutral Omniscient Observer Fu isn't that hard to learn. Honest. ^_-
And I thought the Diet was a government body, not a building. But I
could be wrong. :p
There's also a "Diet Building" in which they meet, so it's effectively
both. Similarly, "Congress" refers both to the US's representatives,
senators, and their staffs, and to the building in which they meet.
I never knew that. They say you learn something new every day, though.
Actually, I didn't know for certain either until I looked it up in
response to your question. I was pretty sure, though.
Is 'addicted' the right word? 'Obsessed,' maybe?
Close enough. And 'addiction' further implies an inability to stop.
'addicted' sounds very organic, and somwhat jarring, though.
And more of a negative term, with the War On (some) Drugs.
Kiyone: ... Dang! Knew I missed that one.
Kiyone: Oh, well, I can still jam the satellite channels and broadcast
the file that way.
User: Don't want secrets of the universe! Want Quake! Egads, woman,
what you've _done_ to my ping!
Kiyone: Go frag yourself. Here, I've included designs for a real life
plasma rifle to do it with.
Don't sell yourself short. Humor wasn't as much of a purpose there as
characterization...even if the character trait itself is humorous in
that regard.
Well, I hope that the C&C is helpfull, then.
It was.
Hey, the Galactic Network uses IP v. 6?
Internet Protocol to Galactic Protocol bridge. Writing a program to
translate from one designed-for-computer format to another usually
isn't too hard, if you know both formats beforehand and they contain
similar data types.
Do you know Galactic Protocol? I could slap together some hardware,
if you can manage the software aspects. :p
Read it again. The person who made the bridge certainly had access to
both technical specs...and, if necessary, the Greatest Scientific
Genius In The Universe to help.
Intersting story, at least, though the characters felt very
unfamiliar to me. I hope this C&C is adequate apology for misspelling
your name. :p
Already forgiven. ^_^
Drat. Now I need a new excuse to C&C.
Does "just because" work? ^_-
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