PansutoTarou5925@aol.com wrote:

Yes, more..

  You'll get no complaints from me!

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Ranmazoku Chapter 9b - The Nightmare Of The Future
By PansutoTarou5925
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DISCLAIMER - I do not own the rights to Slayers nor do I
own the rights to Ranma �. Long live the rightful owners of
these two fine anime. This work is non-commercial and is done
only in imitation of Rumiko Takahashi and Hajime Kanzaka.
Imitation is the sincerest flattery, no? US rights owned by Viz
and Software Sculptors. If I mention the Senshi, Sailor Moon
belongs to Naoko Takeuchi(Sp, anyone?) and.. and.. I dunno
who has the US rights, but it's theirs not mine. (I'm drawing a
blank) Appleseed is the property of Masamune Shirow.

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Author's note - This story originated from an idea on
Nighthawk's page and is some guy named NesTea's fault. If
he's reading this, I'm curious to know what he thinks of all this.
Questioning me would be like questioning Xellos if you ask
when the next section comes out, because it's a secret.

ALTAVERSE WARNING - This is an ALTAVERSE. Events,
characters and the like may not resemble canon. People who are
rabid canon-thumpers beware! (and eat a Dragon Slave while
you're at it)

PREVIOUSLY - Ranma discovers he's not Genma's son, that
Xellos is his father, that he's not even human, studies black
magic under Phibrizzo, yadda yadda yadda, gets in a fight with
Ryouga and curses a decent sized crowd to act like Kuno. Then
he corrupts Hotaru into becoming a mazoku and put a world of
hurt on some poor Daimon and Eudial. Afterwards he spied on
the Inners, took Nabiki, and got Kasumi angry! Then they went
to the Slayers world and met Lina and Co under false identities.
After that they duked it out with Sherra and Ranma vanished
after touching a magic sword. Hotaru smacked around the
Senshi and now Ranma's back. Read the previous chapters,
really, I'm not good at rehashing stuff.

NOTE - [...] indicates telepathic communication between
Ranma and Hotaru in the Astral plane.

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Ranma groaned and grabbed his head. The last thing he
remembered was summoning every last bit of willpower he had
to grab the sword the statue had. He looked around. The sword
was nowhere to be seen. He sighed.

  The 'He sighed.' falls a little flat. :/

  I'm thinking it might go a little better with some inner dialogue to help liven it up -- or maybe something else. Remember, this is the first paragraph in the story.

Had all his planning come to this?

What or where was 'this', anyhow. Ranma looked around, this
time studying his surroundings instead of searching for his
blade. Inky black surrounded him, embraced him, lost him in its
infinite depths. He looked up, down, to the sides.

  First line should be a question?

  Heh. 'His' blade.

Ranma drifted through the void. If he could do it all again, well,
he'd just steal the Sword of Light rather than be pitched into
this oblivion, but he'd still be after the prize of power. He had
too many enemies to bury, too many hurts to let life get the last
laugh. Newfound anger rose within him, stirring his willpower
and sheer confidence. Even this formless void cannot hold
Ranma Saotome! After all, Ranma Saotome always wins in the
end. Ranma grunted, exerting his will

  Isn't he not really a Saotome?

Ranma slumped. He wouldn't get out that way. He yelled in
frustration, again with the words muted by the infinite darkness.
That's when he was struck by a large beach in the back.

  Chaotic Blue?

The sky still held that formless darkness, which could be a
hundred feet away or a hundred miles and no one could ever
tell. It was still the void,with not a breath of air, as sand drifted
straight down, without the gentle drifting it normally had.
Ranma looked around the sandy beach, noting an area of
vegetation. He walked off across the sand, deciding that if there
was anything to see, it would be there.

  Ooooh... Looks like the fallout from some bad Chronomancy.

Ranma stepped forward, suddenly cognizant of the fact that
whatever dread silence that permeated every part of the land -
including himself- had been revoked. An owl hooted
somewhere, and a strand of hair from the golden haired woman
moved lazily, as if caught by a stray breeze.

  himself- __ himself - (spacing)

Next to Ranma, a leaf dropped like a lead brick, without
fluttering. There was still no air. Then how did he hear the owl?
He began to say hello, but something stopped him. It was this
uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. It said the woman was
dreadfully dangerous. It said she was completely harmless.

  'this' -- 'an'?

  I'm not sure about the technical term for this, but 'this' scans awkwardly.

"Of course. And you are quite the ambitious young mazoku. I
haven't seen your kind in thousands of years. Everyone is so
satisfied with the status quo. Everyone is so satisfied with
order, even those sworn to undermine it. Witness Xellos.
Witness Gaav. Witness even Phibrizzo, who sought to destroy
everything rather than destabilize it. Laziness and the slow
numbing of time take away their edge, take away their fire. The
mazoku have lost their fear of the dragons. None fear the fire in
their breaths because they have no fire in their souls. And that is
what is truly important." L-sama paused, picking up a small
stone by the pond. She glanced back at Ranma. "Already you
have changed more in the month you have knwon your heritage
than the mazoku have collectively changed in a thousand years.
Witness the future of your world." She threw the pebble in,
ripples flying away impossibly fast, leaving a reflection of the
future in the pond, instead of a reflection of the formless void.

  knwon -- known

Crystal towers rose above the harbor, bridges seemingly made
of smoke and glass crossed the harbor; it was impossibly dense
and built up. Enormous billboards dominated the view; neon
lights scintillated between the crystal skyscrapers. "Is this..
Crystal Tokyo?" Ranma asked, uncertain. "I thought the Senshi
wanted to rebuild their ancient kingdom."

  Repetition of 'harbor'.

L-sama smiled again. "That is indeed what they wished to do.
You have made that impossible. Consider what you have done.
Pluto is powerless, Saturn defected, Moon altered beyond
repair. Their three most powerful members neutralized- at least
as far as Crystal Tokyo goes. This, then, is Crystal Tokyo as
itshall be now: a city of clones, cyborgs, and bioroids, where,
bereft of magic, the Senshi make do with ingenuity and
technology.

  itshall -- it shall

"You killed the originals - or Saturn did, or one of your other
allies. Oh, it hardly matters who killed them. Die they will, since
they are the edge of the sword, and take all the damage. But
engineered to be tougher, to use more magic and faster - they'll
give you a run for your money." L-sama said, then wavved her
hand. The pond returned to blackness.


"Why did you show me this?" Ranma asked, still confused.

  Extra newline between those paragraphs?

"Because I wanted to reward you for giving me something new
to look at, instead of 'same old, same old'." She waved again,
stopping him from replying. "I'm not making you one of the
Mazoku Lords. You get to do that on your own. No, I was
giving you a little foreknowledge of the future for your own
benefit. I know of your plans for the world, and I know of the
Senshi's plans for it - and I approve more of the former than the
latter. These Senshi are more heavy handed than they would
have been otherwise, but" she shrugged, "they do not control
the world, either. They just want to." The owl swooped down,
landing on her finger. " I dislike visitors, and you shoudl not
tarry overlong her besides. You have things to do in your
world. Kind bird, return him to his world."

  otherwise, but" she -- otherwise, but," she (missing comma)

  shoudl -- should

Ranma slammed into the ground again. This time, the crater
was of a more normal size. He recognized he was in Juuban -
kane had whacked him this far plenty of times - although it was
burning and looters rushed out of a Sony store. Maybe another
quake had hit while he was gone? Ranma shrugged and idly
hacked a guy who struck out at him with a knife in two with his
impossibly sharp sword. Person and knife both seperated in two
and dropped noisily in the gutter.

  kane -- Akane (though, there's something interesting to that...)

The various looters gave Ranma a lot more room after that.

Ranma took about three seconds before recognizing Hotatu's
unique magical signature. Whistling happily, he ran off along
what remained of the rooftops of Juuban.

  They didn't have a chance to give him more room for very long. :p

Ranma recognized the various Senshi in a huddle, and Hotaru
leaning against a lamppost. He walked up behind her.


"It's the guy that saved me!" Green Skirt yelled, taking his
attention off Hotaru for a second. That was long enough for
Hotaur to turn, recognize him, and crush his ribs - if he had any,
that is. The look of sheer disbelieving joy on her face was one
of the few bright moment in his dark life.

  Extra newline between those paragraphs?

  Hotaur -- Hotaru

  is -- was (tenses)

For the first time in his life, Ranma hugged a girl back.

  Woohoo!

"Oh is right. Anyhow, there's maybe twenty demons running
around. Send them back. We've got to go to Jusendo - I've got
the sword now." Ranma said, pointing to the blade hanging at
his belt. "I want to get there beofre anyone realizes I've left."

  "Oh is -- "'Oh,' is (?) Preferential.

"I need to get my hooks in government and terrorist
organizations."


"What?" Hotaru asked, suprised.

  Extra newline?

Ranma shuffled about, then nodded. "All right. Let's go." Two
forms vanished from the still burning ruins of Juuban.

  Woah, he lets her push him around. He _must_ like her. :p

Across town, in the Nekohanten in the heart of Nerima,
Cologne and Herb agreed. In between the two was the Nanban
mirror. It was cracked, and they had already discovered that for
some reason they could not travel through time. The two
looked at each other gravely.

  Nekohanten in -- Nekohanten, in (otherwise, sounds like there are several Nekohantens)

Herb sat in silence for a while. "If Saffron isn't mature, he
probably won't be able to defeat Ranma either."


Cologne grinned nastily. "Even better then. We can finish off
Ranma and not worry about Saffron."

  Extra newline.

Herb frowned at that. It was perilously close to treachery... "Let
us do it. I see no other course. Hand me that onion." A single
tear fell on the mirror, and the two were whisked deep within
Pheoniz Mountain.

  Pheoniz -- Pheonix

  Treachery? Considering that in the manga, the Pheonix people and the Musk seem like little more than myths, is that right?

The two walked harmlessly among the pools, being strong
enough to resist the pull of the accursed waters. When they
emerged unscathed on the other side, the guide (Who was
currently about to dunk a rat in the Spring of Drowned Cow)
fainted in amazment - falling right into the spring. A strange
cow-flamingo-porcupine-alligator stuck its head out of the pond
and shook an appendage at the two travelers.

  Hmm... rat to cow... There's potential there...

The two continued along, following the underground stream of
magic. They avoided the Amazon village and blasted a path
through the currently unoccupied Musk Citadel. Without
stopping to rest or sleep or eat the two crossed river, mountain,
forest, swamp. Finally, on the second day they found the source
of the waters.

  second day they -- second day, they (?)(preferential)

"Then you're in luck - you're in plenty of hot water now." a
new voice boomed. Ranma and Hotaru turned around, looking
for the source of the voice. A man with golden wings and hair,
flanked by a white haired winged woman one one side and
Cologne and Herb on the other. The two non-winged people
started chuckling. The winged chick - obviously one of the
Pheonix People - was holding a gold staff with a ring on the
top. Herb was holding a silver one with a crescent on the top.

  'white haired winged woman' scans really awkwardly.

  It should be white-haired (I think), and perhaps some commage, or a little more description of Kiima and Saffron wouldn't hurt.

"What do you find so funny? I'm going to have you two well
done and these birdbrains rotisserie style." Ranma said,
annoyed. How the hell did these guys get here? And Saffron?
He didn't know if he were up to clobbering one of the Pheonix
Lords of this staff. If he wasn't a mazoku he wouldn't give
himself a prayer. Between his magic and his sword, though, he
felt he had a decent chance.

  'of this staff'? Is that what you meant it to be?

  It brings to mind Saffron holding a mop and scrubbing out the basin of Jusendo, for some reason. :p

"You're as insulting as they said you were." Saffron said with a
sneer. "I won't let you sully the sacred waters of Jusendo with
your filthy mazoku hands." He flicked a fireball at Ranma.

  As a child? I didn't know he could do that. I thought he could only find hot water, in the manga...

  Then again, they never really say he can't throw fireballs, either.

Ranma drew his sword and batted it back, blowing up part of
the wall and dropping dirt on the four there. "Filthy? Take a
look in the mirror, chumps."

  'there' is a weak delivery. Maybe strengthen it to 'four defenders', or some-such?

Ranma grinned and put his sword in a guard position. Getting
the power wouldn't have felt right unless he felt he earned it.
And he was certainly going to earn it now.

  Well, he forgot to take Hotaru into account, though. That should help him considerably... That and the fact that the sword's power is relatively unknown at the moment...

It's short, but it's only a teaser. This is the part of 9B that
explains where Ranma's gone (remember, he's only been
missing, what, a few hours?)

Now I added the second part. Ranma is at Jusendo. Chapter 10
is at hand.. Ranma vs Saffron! Ranma's

  Ranma's... ?

Yes, yes, I'm back. But I don't plan on writing too much right
now.

  Aw, drat.

and Crossover Corner
www.geocities.com/animecrossovers
and Tannim's http://tannim.anifics.com/index.html